If despair could be measured by the moments, then I was drowning in a tide, that had me trapped in a time warp.

My tears had dried but I knew the fresh wound that threatened my life, my entire existence was far from drying or dying.

The wound, which was a consequence of my own action, the one which landed Avni in the same place, I dreaded to ever see her in.

Each second that passed panged my heart as I fervently prayed and hoped that the doctors would give me something good, something better. Anything that was enough to restore my sanity, which I was conspicuously losing frame by frame, minute by minute..

My heart skipped a beat as the horrific sight of an unconscious Avni from hours ago flashed before my eyes yet again, enveloping me in a blanket of guilt, which was hard to evade.

The atmosphere felt palpable, but what was more heart-wrenching was the fact that I knew she was in the ward, unconscious, doctors running too many tests on her after they told me she was in trauma, and here I was, afraid to even face her, for I knew as a matter of fact that today, perhaps I had almost killed her....''You know, every time, every f***ing time that I have spent with Avni, I have always taunted her about one trait of hers that has pissed me off, time and again! And that's her impulsiveness, and look? Look what I did today! I couldn't practice what I preached! In my impulsiveness, I have almost lost my Avni!''

His words were received by an equally distressed Neela, who held his hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze, knowing very well that her son-in-law, who was more like a son to her, wasn't at fault here. But then he needed to pour his heart out. Because the more he kept things bottled up, the more they were going to hurt him.

''Neela Maa. I failed. I failed Avni!''

''No, Neil! Don't you dare say that! If there's anyone who has never failed Avni, that's you!''

She tried to tell him, but Neil was stringent about his stance on what according to him was a mistake of his, for which his Avni had to face dire consequences.

''No, Neela Maa. This is the truth! I failed her. When I was supposed to be patient with her and handle her with care, I let my guard down and ego win, as I weighed my hurt at her words with more vigor, and revealed the truth to her, when I shouldn't have!''

''This truth was something we all were keeping from her, only to let her heal first and know all of it when she was ready, but look what I did! I ruined it all with my own bare hands! Avni was right! I am worse than Ashish Mehta!''

''NO! Don't you dare compare yourself to Ashish, Neil! You will never be like Ashish! You can never be!''

This time Neela was stringent too, as she saw a broken Neil break down all the more, both of them sitting in the hospital lobby, as she hugged him, caressing his hair, praying incessantly in her own mind to make everything all right. She couldn't see her daughter and Neil like this, hurt, broken, distant.

''Nobody can ever love Avni, the way you have Neil. Have some faith in God, have some faith in love, in your love. Trust me. Our Avni would be back to us. She's not going anywhere.''

She whispered to him softly.

But on not getting any reply from him in return she furrowed her brows in confusion, only to see that the fatigue from the last 4 hours had finally taken its toll on him, and he had seeped into a slumber.

She carefully made him sit with his back against the trestle where they sat, and wished to God that he could sleep at least for sometime peacefully, since he needed it the most right now, to regain his composure as well as calm, for if he wasn't calm, it was impossible to bring back Avni...

She saw the time, it was 2.30 a.m.

The doctors had told them that they needed to observe Avni till the morning and if she gains consciousness by then, it's well and good, and if not..

Neela didn't even want to go there.

Her insides churned to even think of a situation where it could be the second option that greets them, which would mean the possibility of Avni slipping into a comatose condition once again, only this time it would be impossible to revive her.

''No! My Avni would be all right! Nothing will happen to her!''

She muttered to herself, more as a resolve to convince herself that her daughter would be fine, and decided to head towards the prayer room at the end of the corridor, to have a talk with the one entity who had always granted her wishes when it came to her Avni: The Almighty....''Neil! Stop it! Ye kya kar rahe ho?''

Avni slapped Neil's hand, as a playful smirk dawned on his face, while he snuggled close to Avni on the bed.

''Kya kar raha hun? Bas, apni wifey ko pyaar!''

He said casually, but the crimson hue that already surfaced on Avni's cheeks was enough to tempt him more, as he pulled her closer.

''Neil! I think we need to wake up! We already overslept! It's 8'o clock in the morning! Don't you need to go to work? Besides, I got to make some breakfast for Mishti! She will get up by 9!''

Avni said, trying to get away from her husband's strong grip, but her efforts remained futile as Neil only tightened his hold on her, possessively, not in a mood to let her go anywhere.

''Wifey, we have been caught up in things for far too long! Even our first anniversary, we had to spend apart! I think both of us deserve to be cut some slack now!''

''But-''

When Avni tried to reason, Neil kept a finger on her lips, barring her from saying anything further, as he whispered, ''Sssshhh.. Kuch mat bolo. Just lie here with me. Just like this.''This time Avni didn't argue with him.

Instead, even she snuggled closer to him, wrapping an arm around his torso, while he breathed in her scent, the faint rays of the sun peeking through the windows, adding a golden tinge to her morning visage.

For five minutes they spoke nothing, but reeled in the effect of the feeling that they got from the warmth of each other's arms, their breaths audible to each other, just like the tick of the clock was, and unknowingly, in their minds they were thanking their stars, their fate, for making them worthy of the other, for giving them the privilege of having each other, lying in each other's arms.

When the silence got only a little too deafening, Avni glanced at the clock once again, and this time, she didn't move away from him but said softly, ''Neil, I really need to go now. Bebe and Mummy Ji would need me in the kitchen, and Mishti too would wake up in a while.''

Neil kept staring at her without blinking his eyes, making Avni think if he even heard her or not, but before she could register anything further, he said,

''Can I make a confession to you, without the fear of being judged?''

Avni quirked her brows at that.

Had she ever judged him?

When she didn't judge him even after knowing that he had a child with his ex-girlfriend, why did he think she could judge him for anything.

''Okay, that was a redundant question. I am sorry, I know you won't judge me. But I need to make a confession to you.''He said.

As Avni nodded, indicating him to go on, Neil pulled her as close as humanly possible, and whispered to her in a voice barely audible,

''I.. I know Mishti is my child, but to be honest, there's a part of me that still finds it hard to register it. I mean, my instincts always keep bailing out on me you know. Ideally, I should be thinking about bonding with her, but instead, what I keep thinking about is, when will we have our baby? I can't wait to hold a tiny little Avni in my hands. She will be a tiny Junior Lady Don, just like you are!''

Avni was rendered speechless for a moment, or a little longer than that.

She knew that the storm that had greeted their lives in the form of Juhi and Mishti hadn't settled in yet, and she was well aware of Neil's struggle with coming to terms with the fact that he had a child with his ex.

She held pride in the fact that he didn't back away from his responsibilities, but she also knew how hard it was for him to accept something like, a 5-year-old child, when all this while he had believed Juhi was dead.

She had connected with Mishti on a different level, for she shared the stigma of ''illegitimacy'' common with her. Other than that, the little girl loved her Angel way too much, perhaps more than she loved her own biological mom.

But could she even blame Neil?

This was all unwarranted.

And according to Avni, it was nobody's fault.

However, when she registered how Neil spoke of their own kids, she couldn't help the smile that curved on her lips.

Deep down, innately, every time Neela Maa had mentioned about her wish of becoming a ''Naani'' for their kids, she had blushed and felt happy at the thought of having kids with Neil.

Though she had never verbally expressed it to anyone, but the thought itself was too heart-warming that she didn't know when it turned into a living reality, what would she feel like.

She was also aware that she had told Neil that for the time-being, they needed to focus on Mishti, since she needed them the most, after they had rescued her from Vidyut's clutches, but at present, she couldn't humanly stop herself from gushing at the idea of becoming a mother of Neil's child.

And with these thoughts she looked into his eyes, which were still waiting for her reply.

And so she answered, ''Bonding takes time Neil. You need to give it some time, and I am sure you will feel the connection with Mishti! She is a sweet, adorable kid. Warm up to her and she'll warm up to you.''

''..And as for our own child, what makes you think you will hold a little girl? Because I totally want a little boy! And that's what it will be!''

Neil's face lit up at her words and he hugged her closer, as a mischievious smirk broke on his face, and he said,''Who said I want just one little girl? I am all game for 10! Girls and boys both! 5 and 5 would be good! Equal ratio!''

Avni's eyes grew wide in shock as she slapped him for his bizarre wishes, and Neil couldn't stop breaking into a chuckle.

Avni pushed him away taking advantage of his distracted stance as he was busy laughing, and rushed towards the washroom before saying it aloud to him, ''Keep on dreaming, Neil Khanna! 10 bacho ki team! HUH!''

''Arey! Avni! Avni!''

Neil called out to her, but by then she had already slammed the door of the bathroom.

''Avni!''.

''AVNI!''

And that's how his slumber ended, as he woke up with a jolt, only to realize he was not in his bedroom but was in the same hospital lobby where he had been all that.

His heart thudded as he tried to calm his labored breaths, that was still reeling in the effect of the flashback that he saw in his dream, from months ago, when hi Avni was in his arms.

He ran his fingers through his hair, as he recalled his dream yet again, something he never wanted to be woken up from.

And as his senses began to return more into the present, he could only smile in pity as everything made sense now.

Why he never felt the connection with Mishti.

Because the truth was, she was never his child.

And it was all because of her and Juhi, that such a destructive storm unfurled in his and Avni's life.

As an ACP, he was the protector of the law, but if he could have one cheat day allotted to him, he swore he could murder Vidyut and Juhi both, for the damage they had caused in his life.It was because of her, him and Avni had to forget their own anniversary and personal life.

It was because of her, Avni had to put her life at risk and go in search of Mishti to Goa, all of which resulted in her coming in front of Vidyut, from where it all started.

If Neil could turn back time, Neil would do anything, anything to have stopped himself as well as Avni from visiting that Dargah, where he had realized Juhi was still alive.

But who was he kidding?

If only we could change time.

He stood up on his feet and saw Neela Maa approaching him, looking sleep-deprived herself, and he looked at his wristwatch.

It was still wee hours of the morning, 5.15 a.m. to be precise.

His eyes and heart, both were aching to catch a glimpse of Avni, and though the doctors had asked them to not visit her till the observational period is over, currently, he just had to see her, else he felt like his life would be sucked out of him.

So, without wasting another second, he took strides towards the special ward that she was in, Neela following him behind, his mind praying endlessly, ''Come back to me, Avni!''

But the sight that greeted his eyes the moment he halted his steps at the doorstep of that ward, was enough to give him a whiplash, as he whispered a silent, ''Avni?'' and all that he saw was emptiness.

**