Harry was in a bit of a daze and he did not realise that he was not being led back to Gryffindor tower or the headmaster's office until they were in an entirely different part of the castle all together. Poppy had fussed over him for nearly an hour before she would let him go, despite what she had told Dumbledore before, so he had had plenty of time to tie his mind in knots. By the time he looked up and took notice of where the headmaster was taking him, he was somewhere he didn't even recognise.

"Where are we, Professor?" he asked, somewhat confused.

Several nasty possibilities about consequences and the like popped into his head, but when Dumbledore turned, the headmaster gave him a reassuring smile.

"These are the guest quarters, My Boy" Dumbledore told him in his usually light tone; "there is someone who wishes to see you."

That sent Harry's thoughts into a thousand more questioning spirals, but the way the headmaster was acting he did not think this was anything bad. Dumbledore knocked on one of the doors and was greeted by a familiar 'come in'. Harry was at once incredibly pleased and horribly nervous and it was with trepidation that he walked into the room behind the headmaster, knowing that Remus Lupin was inside.

Remus would never be Sirius, but since his godfather's death, Harry and the werewolf had become close, exchanging letters often, the last one being only a few days before the latest debacle in Harry's life. Harry had also spent a large part of the summer holidays in Remus' company as the ex-Professor helped him catch up on his schoolwork.

The guest room was quite large with a double four poster, a writing desk and two large armchairs by the fireplace. Remus was standing beside one of the chairs as if he had just climbed out of it. When Sirius had died, he had left Remus a substantial amount of money; the werewolf had not touched it until after the war ended, but these days, he looked anything but the poor teacher Harry had known back in his third year.

Since Voldemort's defeat, the issue of creature rights had been at the front of Ministry policy, and Remus was now head of a special committee dealing with changing the laws. They didn't pay him, but these days he didn't need the money and Harry knew Remus was doing what he was passionate about.

"Harry," the werewolf said as soon as he laid eyes on him, "I've been so worried. How are you feeling?"

Remus crossed the room in a couple of strides and gently placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. Harry found it very difficult to look at his friend.

"Tired and hungry," Harry admitted quietly, although he really felt like running for the door, so he didn't have to face this now.

He wanted to confide in Remus, he wanted to talk, but he felt so confused that he did not know how.

"Well, having delivered Harry safe and sound, I'll leave you two to yourselves," Dumbledore said brightly. "If you need anything do not hesitate to call."

And with that the headmaster was gone, leaving Harry in a quandary as to what he could possible say to Remus. What were they supposed to talk about? Last time he had seem Remus, Harry had been 5'6'', skinny boy with no wings and definitely no sex life to speak of; now he was over six foot tall and his sexual exploits were undoubtedly being published all over the school. It was all so embarrassing and difficult to deal with.

"Harry," Remus said gently and pulled his chin up so that Harry could no longer stare at the floor and had to look the werewolf in the eye.

It was with a start that Harry realised he was now taller than his companion.

"Whatever you are thinking, you have nothing to be ashamed of," Remus told him firmly.

It was what Harry needed to hear, but part of him did not believe it. This was all his fault after all. If he had not touched Malfoy none of this would have happened and the whole school wouldn't know he had slept with his worst enemy and enjoyed it. That was probably the thing that confused him the most; he was aghast at what they had done, but he couldn't say that he had hated it. Every time he let his mind wander back over his time with Malfoy part of him was filled with such joy that it was breathtaking.

"I couldn't stop it," he said quietly, not knowing how else to begin.

Remus did not hesitate, and Harry found himself pulled into a warm hug.

"I know, Harry," the older wizard told him as he embraced him, "I understand."

It was only then that Harry realised Remus was one of the few people who probably did truly understand, after all, before the Wolfsbane potion Remus had been at the mercy of wolf instincts every full moon. Harry still didn't know how to express what he was feeling, but he no longer felt alone.

"Let's go and sit down," Remus said with a small smile as they separated. "The house elves will be bringing some food soon and you look as if you're about to fall down."

Harry even managed a rather wan smile back.

Fifteen minutes later he had a large mug of hot chocolate and a plate full of sandwiches in front of him, and he was so hungry that however his mind was churning, his stomach was quite ready to eat. His life just before Voldemort had died had given him the ability to fill his stomach no matter what dreadful thoughts his brain was focussing on, and he tucked into the food now.

"Before we talk about anything else," Remus said gently but firmly, "I want to make one thing very clear; you have done nothing wrong. No matter what Snape would like you to believe this is not your fault."

"But..." Harry tried to protest.

"You saved Draco Malfoy's life," Remus was not having and of it; "that you managed to kick start a perfectly natural metabolic process in both of you has more to do with the fact that wizards and witches seem completely unable to keep their hands off humanoid magical creatures, than anything wrong anyone might think you have done."

The werewolf paused and looked Harry straight in the eye.

"It's alright to be angry," Remus told him earnestly, "it's alright to be unhappy, it's alright to be confused, but the one thing I will not let you do is blame this all on yourself. Look what happened last time when you did that."

That managed to bring a small smile to Harry's face. The fact that there had been no big final battle for the war and that Harry had gone off on his own and done exactly what the prophecy said had miffed some people and scared the hell out of others. That Remus could now joke about it showed how far they had both come. Suddenly Harry felt as though he was going to burst and the need to talk became unstoppable.

"It's so bizarre," he said honestly, "I mean before ... I'd never ... it's not like I ever..."

Words were still a little difficult to find even if he wanted to find them now.

"Malfoy was your first?" Remus enquired tactfully.

Harry nodded.

"I never even thought about boys at all until I was suddenly fixated on one," he admitted, "and the furthest I got with any girl was a kiss. In sixth year, I was so mixed up that most people stayed well away from me, and this year, until the whole growth spurt thing, I know for a fact that I was relegated to brother by every single Gryffindor female. Then suddenly almost the whole school is looking at me like I'm lunch and I fixate on the one person least likely to want anything to do with me."

By this time, he was gesticulating so much with his hands that a piece of tomato from his sandwich went flying across the room and landed with a splat next to the fireplace. That rather stopped him mid flow and that took his mixed-up thoughts that one step further into absurdity and he was helpless to stop the snort of laughter that escaped him. Remus had also seen the humour in the event since he was wearing a rather understated smile when Harry looked at him.

"It must all have been incredibly confusing," the werewolf said sympathetically.

"Well I've thrown a couple of tantrums which helped," Harry replied causing another smile from his friend. "Hermione helped out with one and Professor McGonagall spent two hours trying to talk me out of the seventh year boy's dorm after the other. That one was the most satisfying."

"Minerva told me about that one," Remus acknowledged, "I believe her exacts words were, 'and if that boy ever decided to do anything truly bad, we'd all be in very deep trouble'; she's very worried about you."

"I doubt she's very pleased that I managed to shag a Slytherin," the words sounded far more bitter than Harry had intended, and he found himself staring at the fire, all good humour gone.

In the hospital wing with Slytherins present his head of House had been virtually unreadable, but Harry was almost sure she would be disappointed in him.

"Harry," Remus said patiently, "Professor McGonagall, like everyone else, is not worried about anything like that. She's worried about you and how this will affect you. You've been through so much already, and this on top must be very hard."

Harry sat back in his chair contemplating his hot chocolate for a while, and his companion let him think in silence. It was difficult to explain anything when he really didn't know how he felt himself.

"He was so matter of fact about it," he found himself saying eventually, "as if it wasn't important at all. Did they tell you what happened, how we made him like me?"

Remus nodded, which Harry found a blessing.

"Professor McGonagall told me when she came to tell me you were awake," his friend explained. "It seems Albus thought I should be briefed."

For that Harry was very grateful because he knew he could not keep this secret from Remus.

"He said that what we'd done didn't change anything," he continued, "that it was great sex, but that was all. I can't think of it like that and I definitely can't feel about it like that. I know he's going to go back to Slytherin and make fun of the whole thing."

"I'm sorry, Harry," Remus said kindly, "I really am. You shouldn't have had to find out like this, but some people just see sex as a game, a way to find temporary pleasure. I know you, Harry, and you're just like your mum; you should have heard your father swear when she made him wait. You had the choice taken away from you, and it must be terribly hard, but there will be others..."

At those words Harry could not help but grimace and Remus stopped mid-sentence. The shudder that ran through him at the idea of others was indescribable.

"Harry, these feelings won't last forever," Remus tried again. "I know that now you probably can't believe it, but Malfoy is not the beginning and end of the relationships you will have."

"But I can't even think about anyone else," Harry protested desperately. "The desire to pin him to the nearest available surface is gone, but I can't get him out of my head. It's like he's sitting behind my eyes."

"You feel everything deeply, Harry," Remus said supportively, "but these feelings will fade. You have overloaded Seraphim hormones to deal with as well, but eventually it will get better."

Harry wanted to believe his friend, and he realised when looking into Remus' earnest gaze that the werewolf was sure of what he was saying, but he also knew in that instant that no matter what other ways Remus might be able to empathise with him, in this the werewolf did not truly understand. Part of Harry knew that he was lost, and no matter the words or platitudes, he was lost forever. Taking another sandwich, he smiled weakly at Remus and nodded slightly even though he did not agree.