|🌟|Neteyam POV:

- It didn't take me long enough to fall asleep as soon as I got home, yet when I woke up I felt like shit so my first intuition when I did wake up was to go straight to take a bath,

I let my heavy mind relax as the semi-warm water went around me letting the water get to my neck, I was worried. and hella scared i was shocked by everything that happened last night, with what I saw or just the whole situation overall.

Seeing him like this, like that makes me feel weird in a way that I can't actually help him if it weren't for me to get this random feeling, to act impulsive and go to his cabin to see him, he would just-

I let my head under water and got up my hair went wet in a blink. I started breathing heavily picking some water into my palms and cleaning my face.

I don't want to see him like that ever again, it's like I can say anything to him, anything at all as long as he will end up self-hurting in the end, what's the matter anymore,

It's not like I can supervise him anywhere he goes and be careful at any sign he might show of self-harm, he's not my kid, and I can't do the job his parents should do, mostly at this fragile age.

I wish I could help him, I wish I could understand why is he doing this kind of stuff when he's troubled, how can he be so different from the Aonung I see every day, a flirty and amusing guy full of joy and sarcasm, to going into a silent state full of self-harm thoughts,

constantly looking for ways he could feel pain, why does he want to feel pain what is so pleasured in pain so much that he needs this feeling more than oxygen sometimes,

I know for a fact that I like him, I love him maybe more than I could ever love myself because I don't treat myself as well as I do treat him, I love everything about this guy, I love what we have and I hope this, will never end,

But at the same time, I still don't get why we should hide, both Rotxo and Kiri are an open relationship and some people are being extremely rude and racist towards them yet I saw them don't give a shit about it, while I and Aonung have to hide.

Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by his issues, his mental issues, I feel like I don't have time to think about mine, or maybe even if they are there or not when I have to constantly deal with Aonung's and for a fact, I can't tell him this, it's a selfish feeling I never liked to say out loud like well any of my other feelings, I am feeling.

Feelings need to be private and for a fact, people should do this thing I am doing more often, be more private about their feelings mostly towards other people. mostly towards people we love, and for me mostly towards Aonung,

I want to help him, I wish I could give him my whole heart in a planner, I wish we could stop hiding yet I am so fucking terrified, I know we're hiding because of me and I am not ready or be ever soon to come out when I don't even know what I like or have the time to think about this sort of things when I have to deal with Aonung all the time, not that it bothers me, not too much at least. but it is another person I have to be gentle with and take care of as I do with my siblings and sometimes I do find it annoying, I wish I could be more selfish but then again I won't ever say that out loud.

What me and Aonung have it's difficult we have to hide because the doubt of anyone in my life knowing about my relationship scares me to death, I am scared, our relationship is scary and I have never been so scared before,

Love shouldn't be this scary(hard).

Relationships at my age shouldn't be this scary(hard) at all, loving him shouldn't be this difficult and so fucking scary. I have to help him but how can I help the boy I love if he doesn't want to be helped? how can I try and help someone at all when I can't help myself first?

" Neteyam! Come on already, breakfast is ready! " I heard Kiri through the door as I groaned, " Coming! " I yelled back getting out of the water, whipping myself with a towel, and start getting dressed,

" Oo cereals! " I added as soon as I sat down, eating my small bowl fast enough until Tuk woke up, " Neteyam can you get Tuk a hair tie? her hair is getting everywhere in the bowl " Kiri added as I nodded soon, Tuk yawned and sat down as I got up to go to the bathroom looking into a small basket where we usually keep all hair ties,

I got a pink one, small enough to hold her hair from the food as I tried pulling it from the hoards of other ones pulling the whole basket with me, my ears pinned back annoyed, " Really- " I added dropping down to pick the basket and the hair ties that fell on the floor as my eyes wander to a yellow elastic band from the basket that stood up to me because of the color, when did we get new elastic bands anyway?

I picked the yellow one, maybe she'd like this one better even though it was way larger than the pink one so I decided to also take that one with me.

" There you go, " I gave my hand to Tuk where both of the hair ties were, she grabbed the pink one and yawned back at me, " Thank! you- " She added before getting her hair together, i smiled back at her and let the elastic band on the chair she was sitting on,

We finished eating as soon as Kiri left with Tuk to leave her at the daycare, I also put my empty plate in the sink, going to pick up my bag from my room.

I wanted to go see Aonung, I had to see him and see that he was fine, I thought so when I finally picked up the bag and went back into the kitchen to go to the door, I felt something stuck to my feet, and looked at it as the elastic band stood there, I picked it up and looked at the yellow rubber in my hand,

My mind flew free, as I pulled on the elastic band, stretching it and letting it hit my hand as I jumped and dropped it, " HOLY- " I almost swear, I didn't expect it to sting so much, I rubbed my hand to my chest skin in pain, as I picked it up and went to drop it back in the bathroom.

But before I could place it down, it clicked for me. Since it stings this hard when you pull it, maybe Aonung could use it, right?

I picked it up again and tossed it in my bag, finally went to the door and got outside, I began to feel more energetic and happy by the second, I didn't even know if it could help me, but maybe just maybe it might help.

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- JUST FINISHED YOUNG ROYALS(S3) I COULDN'T HELP IT I HAD TO ADD SOME DRAMA ON THIS CHAPTER HERE, and if ya let me give you a spoiler! They both will die at the end of this story- （；'д｀）ゞ

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