// 945 words //

// inspired by flares by the script //

"YOU ARE NOT ALONE"

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F I N N

i see my phone light up in the corner of my eye and i resist the temptation to check the text, even though i already know the sender and the content of the message. it's been going on for almost a week, and i haven't told millie yet. i know it would hurt her, i know her emotions would take ahold of her and she would do things she will regret.

every time i look at millies face i feel guilty for keeping this from her.

on top of these messages, another thing is haunting me, something i've kept from everyone except for iris. my mother. if you asked noah or gaten or caleb, they would just say my mom died from a car accident when i was little, that was the story i told anyone who asked.

but that story is far from the truth. ella wolfhard had not passed away from a car crash, but from cancer. i used to remember every detail about the day she told six year old iris and i, but as the years pass i feel as if i'm holding onto nothing. the memory of that one day, just comes and goes in little bits and pieces and sometimes i just wrap myself in her knitted blanket to try and revive more memories. it does nothing. even the scent of her jasmine perfume has disappeared from her clothes, now the only reminder that she used to be a big part of mine, iris', and iris' dads life are the pictures and memories.

sometimes i can feel the touch of her gentle fingers in my hair, combing through my messy curls like she used to do so many years ago. sometimes just before i sleep i can hear her laugh, beautiful and faint.

a few months ago i stumbled home drunk, calling out for her, searching the entire house for her, and then collapsing on iris when i realized that she was gone for good. mom wasn't iris' biological mother, but might as well had been. she cared for iris like she cared for me, and i know that iris misses her just as much as i do.

today is the day she died, 11 years ago.

i wouldn't get out of bed this morning. i couldn't. david, iris' father and my step dad, tried comforting me and talking to me, but to be honest it didn't help. i love david, i really do, but we never connect. we have nothing in common and conversations between always seem awkward and forced ever since she died. i will be forever grateful for him basically being my father, but he isn't my actual father. my actual father i know nothing about, except he was a coward. he left my mom when he found out she was pregnant with me, and i never heard from him in my entire life.

the only reason i'm dressed and out of bed is because of iris. she's experiencing just as much pain as i am today, and i see her tearstained cheeks and slightly red eyes.

"finn." i hear iris, and i turn my head to see her beside me. "lets go to school today."

i look down and turn my head towards the window, showcasing the wet and gloomy weather. i don't answer her.

i hear iris sigh. "finn, we have to tell everyone some day. caleb, noah, gaten, millie, sadie and everyone."

i still don't say anything.

"please, finn." iris says after a moment and my eyebrows furrow together, as i slowly turn to see iris' face. iris never says please. after years i just thought it wasn't part of her vocabulary. but she just said it.

i wordlessly stand, and toss my car keys into her hands, not in the mood to drive. i see the tiniest smile on iris' face as she grabs our backpacks and we leave the house. i feel raindrops hitting my arms and face and i look up to see a dark cloudy sky, spilling its tears upon us. the wet ground is littered with leaves and puddles, and i don't even make a conscious effort to avoid the water, letting it soak into my clothes and shoes.

i sit in shotgun as iris starts up the engine and i see her look at me every few seconds, her mouth opening in an attempt to make conversation, but closing again. i try to dispel the thoughts of what happened eleven years ago as i look out the window. the weather describes my mood exactly. i suck in a breath when i realize what building we are passing.

the hawkins general hospital.

where she died.

where we said goodbye to her, as the cancer took over her, wrenching her away from us. i remember crying when they brought us in to say goodbye to her. the chemotherapy had taken away all her hair, and her face was indescribably pale with sickness. her arms and body were attached to dozens of wires and machines, those possibly the only thing keeping her alive. i remember her smiling at me and grabbing my hand as tears flowed shamelessly from my eyes, caressing my cheeks and leaving salty streaks on my face. iris was beside me holding my other hand and david was behind us, crying himself. i can say without doubt that october 11th, 2007 was the worst day of life.

i couldn't look as they pulled her plugs.

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school starts tomorrow:(

a really really short chapter because i have to slowly get into my writing game again.

- ROSE