𝐅𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐩 8

Always accessorise

"Hi..." said the man at the door staring at me with confusion. Then suddenly he seemed to realise who I was at about the same time I realised he was Aunt Rhonda's husband, Uncle Andre.

"You must be Ayanna," he continued, "I'm your uncle Andre but you can call me Dre," he finished with a friendly smile. He lifted a hand for me to shake. Something about his firm grasp and warm smile was reassuring.

"Who is it?" Aunt Rhonda shouted just as I entered and the door shut. Dre told her it was me and she came rushing out of the kitchen with my mum. She was in her apron.

"Honey, where have you been?" my mum asked looking worried.

"Out," I snapped instinctively with an immediate twinge of guilt. 

"You better have a better explanation than that," Aunt Rhonda said looking more annoyed by the second. "You've been gone all day," she said her voice rising. Dre put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. My mum, whose eyes hadn't left mine, seemed to have retreated from the conversation. Though she hadn't moved.

"I lost track of time," I replied walking towards the kitchen, I needed to get away... And I suddenly felt famished. I was not sure why she was freaking out so much. The lady needed to take a few pills.

"Lost track of time?" aunt Rhonda questioned sounding astonished. She moved out of Dre's embrace and followed me to the kitchen where I now stood in the centre. "Sweetheart, we've all been worried sick," she said.

"Wow, I didn't realise any of you actually cared," I said coldly.

"We do care about you," my mum finally said, looking me straight in the eyes.

"Shocking as it may sound," Aunt Rhonda added. Reese's words flashed into my head. Maybe I am selfish. I looked down at the green tiles of the kitchen until it blurred in my vision.

"Sorry," I finally said looking up at them all. From the look on their faces they weren't expecting an apology. 

"It's okay, honey," Aunt Rhonda said giving me a hug. My mum stayed behind but I could see the relief wash over her. 

"We're all watching a movie in the living room, if you want to join us," Dre said after a while with a small smile. Aunt Rhonda grabbed popcorn from the microwave. It looked so golden and buttery, my mouth watered in response. My body suddenly felt the hunger from all those skipped meals.

"Can I get something to eat first?" I said quietly.

"Oh of course," Aunt Rhonda said quickly. Dre put a hand around her hips and they walked out of the kitchen, my mum trailed behind, then she stopped.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said. I didn't respond. I wasn't sure if I was ready for mother-daughter bonding. 

I made myself a sandwich quickly and gobbled it up, the silence filled only by the distant noise of the TV. I savored every bite, letting it fill me up. When I finished I washed my plate. Then went back and washed all the plates in the sink too. I guess it was the least I could do.

Then I walked down the corridor to the living room, I cracked the door open slightly. The light from the TV was all that lit up the living room. I saw them all seated on the couch laughter in the air. Nia was on her dad's lap and Cady sat next to Dre putting her leg on top of his, the twins sat at Dre's feet and Aunt Rhonda rested her head on his shoulder. They seemed to be tied together by an invisible string, or bond – family.

Even when things were good in our house, I couldn't remember a time like this. My heart ached with longing for something I never knew I was missing until now. Daddy liked to joke that I was spoilt, and I always got what I wanted but I doubted I would ever in all my lifetimes have this. And I wanted it, I realised, so badly.

I backed away slowly, making sure I didn't make a sound. I would hate to interrupt something that was clearly a special family moment, I stumbled and slid down onto the floor.

The cold of the hardwood floor leaked into me and I soon found my face streaming with tears. It was ridiculous and dumb but I cried anyway. Silent sobs that racked my whole body. I needed to cry, I found release in being sad. I had a right to be sad, I thought. Yes, I understood that it was a hard situation all around but I had a right to be sad about leaving everything I had ever known.

I don't know how long I stayed like that  before one of the twins came out into the corridor. I didn't know which. I braced myself for the mockery or teasing, the twins evidently hated me. Either that or they threw all their friends' toothbrushes in the toilet.  

He didn't laugh or tease me but instead offered me one of the cookies he was holding. When I shook my head he just shrugged and went back inside. Though I didn't eat the cookie, the small act of him offering me it made me feel better, a warm feeling spread through my chest.

I wiped my tears, I must've looked like a mess with my mascara running and red, blotchy eyes but the part of me that would've cared was gone.

I went upstairs and I was going to climb into bed when I decided I should talk to my mum. It'd been weeks of ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder and it was time to forgive. Or at least try to.

I went to her room and burst open the door. It was dark but I could still make out her silhouette on the bed. She was curled up in blankets and was sobbing silently. She looked up at me, wiped her eyes and attempted to give me a small smile.

I flashed back to that moment I saw her in the broom closet crying and I realised what I should've done then, when I first saw her crying over dad. I should have hugged her tight and told her it'd all be okay. I should've listened to her rant and babble all night, then gotten her a glass of chocolate milk.

That was when I realised I'd been a horrible daughter, a horrible person. I was the worst, truly. I was selfish and self-absorbed and I had no idea how not to be anymore but I decided to start by getting her that glass of chocolate milk. I left but came right back with a glass, she seemed surprised at my return. I sat down on the bed beside her, placing the glass on the window sill.

"I just- I don't understand," she said grabbing a tissue from the box of tissues beside her and blowing her nose. "Why can't we be like them, why can't we be a family?" she said and her voice broke. It was scratchy and raw from all the crying.

My brain was telling me to retreat and normally this was the moment I would. Even though everything in me was telling me to retreat, I didn't leave. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly.

"It'll okay, we'll be okay mum," I said softly stroking her hair. I didn't know what else to say.  

"Ughh look at me. I'm despicable. I'm jealous of my younger sister," she said with a small sound that sounded somewhere between a sob and a laugh. "I'm pathetic," she said blowing her noise again.

I felt comfort in the fact that in this moment we were on the same page. For the first time, I realised that this was as hard for her as it was for me. We were in this together, in a ranch in Colorado, but together.

"No. Mum you're not," I said, "You're strong and independent and you'll get through this mum, we don't need Dad. We're family enough," I finished giving her a tight squeeze. I don't know where the words came from but they seemed to have been the right ones. She sighed into my arms.

"Oh baby, I'm sorry... if I ruined your life. Trust me, that was not at all my intention," she apologised. I cringed, remembering how childish and immature I'd been. She had no reason to apologise, I should have been apologising. However, the apology got stuck in my throat so I just nodded and hoped she somehow knew I was no longer angry, 

"It's okay, mum," I said. "Plus, trust me, there was nothing left for me in Westerfield," I said with a sigh. She looked at me with confusion and I remembered that she didn't know about the max and Charlotte debacle. She still thought me, and Charlotte were best friends and that Max and I were together and completely irrevocably in love. I decided not to tell her, tonight was about her.

We stayed like that all night until we eventually dozed off. With each passing hour holding her, the guilt crept in.  She still didn't know I had know about the affair the entire summer. 

I still couldn't  bring myself to confess, a part of me  still felt this annoying sense of loyalty to my dad. Deep down I knew that the minute he asked for my forgiveness, I would give it to him. I hated it, but it was true. I was Daddy's girl.  

Well that's chapter 8. I know it was incredibly short and I've been gone so long :(  However, I'll be regularly updating now so, am I forgiven? 

𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙪𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧  NINE
𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚, 𝘼𝘾𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙣𝙛𝙪𝙡

**this chapter is a very ROUGH draft and it's likely to be re-edited, for now just enjoy :)