"You really let him go?" I asked my dad, after he came back from his trip in the woods.

"Yeah." He muttered.

"You alright?"

"You think Rick did the right thing about savin' his life?" He suddenly asks.

"In a sense, yes. Carl wanted it, and I want to honour Carl as much as I can." I replied. "But then again, Maggie and a bunch of other people wanted him dead."

"Rick shoulda talked about it first." He muttered. "C'mon."

"Where do we go now?"

"Wherever you want."

"Home." I said. "Alexandria."

"That place even standing?" He grunted.

"Yes it is." I nudged him with a grin. "Everything will be back to normal."

"Whatever you say kid, I gotta go talk to Maggie." He gave me a quick hug. "I'll find ya'."

"Okay, I'm gonna go find Michonne."

In fact, I didn't find go find Michonne.

Instead I went to the back of Barrington House, and sat down where it was quiet. Quiet enough to think.

I had Carl's hat with me too, staring at the sheriff badge.

I had a little bit of time to spare, I had to go see Siddiq in the infirmary. He also knew about the..pregnancy, and he said he would kindly give me daily checkups until I fully made my decision. Which I hoped to make today.

I didn't want to hide it, I don't want to feel any pain or guilt or frustration because I have to bottle it up. But for now, me, Michonne and Siddiq only knew.

I stared at the hat, as if it was Carl himself. He said he would watch over me, maybe if I try..he might be listening.

"Hey..I hope you're listening, otherwise I'll look very damn stupid." I started off with a chuckled. "I don't know if you've heard, you probably would've if you're watching but... I'm pregnant." I sighed shakily before speaking again.

"I know we talked about it a few times, and how we would do it, when we would do it. But now..I don't know what to do, you're not here.. I-I don't.." My speach got slower and more shaky. "Is this selfish of me? Do you hate me?"

"If I didn't have such a messed-up life, would this be easier?" I sniffled and caught my breath. "I've been thinking about it alone, I've got mixed feelings and..I could really use your help."

"Is this right? Do I keep it? Should I not keep it? Just..give me a sign, Carl. No matter what, I'll never stop loving you. Maybe in another time, another world, I'll love you all over again in the ways we did before. I miss you."

I breathed slowly, wiping my eyes so no tears came out. I'm going to be strong, for Carl. I leaned my head back onto the wall, looking up at the clouds. Until I noticed something..

A cloud, that was shaped like a bird. Flying over me.

I chuckled and looked at the hat with a smile.

"Carl or Lilia Junior?" I grinned.

I wish he was here, so I could see his face at when he found out he was gonna be a dad. His happy face when he found out we could start a family. Live in a new world together, peacefully. Just us. Together.

I guess that can only be something I'll visit in my dreams.

•

I made my way over to Siddiq in the infirmary. Rick and Michonne were just coming out of it, I hoped that he didn't see me but he did. I don't want him knowing just yet.

"Hey Lils." He greeted. "What are you doin'?"

"Just seeing Siddiq, Maggie wanted me to tell him something." I quickly lied, hoping he would leave.

"Oh right, what is it? I can te-" He began but Michonne interrupted.

"It's fine, I know what this is about." Michonne nodded at me to go inside and she was about to follow. "Its no big deal. I'll find you later."

She waved him off and shut the door.

"Thanks." I breathed. "I thought I was gonna melt."

"No worries Lils."

"Lilia, you're right on time." Siddiq came out of the other room and shutting the door behind him.

Shutting the door to the room where Negan was confined. Handcuffed to the bed.

I ignored the fact he was there and smiled. I placed Carl's hat on the side.

"Hey Dr Siddiq." I chuckled.

"I told you not to call me that." He said as I sat on a stool.

"It has a nice ring to it." I shrugged.

Michonne chuckled. "I agree. I'll leave you guys to it." She went to go over to the door.

"Wait!" She turned around. "Do you mind staying. I wanna tell you guys..something."

"What is it?" Michonne asked and Siddiq folded his arms.

"I..uhm.." I fidget with my hands to start with. How are you suppose to say this? I calmed my breathing down and looked at them both in the eyes. I inhaled sharply and prepared myself.

"I've decided that.. I wanna keep it.." I announce, at first they were silent. It worried me a little. "Please sa-"

Michonne interrupted me with a big squeeze and Siddiq chuckled. "Michonne! Can't-.. breathe!"

She laughed and pulled away. "What made you decide?"

"I saw a bird." I shrugged and she shook her head with a smile and said "I have no idea what that means."

"It means, Carl approves." I say looking at his hat and picking it up. "This baby..it gives me a change to honour and value him all over again." I speak. "I don't wanna miss that chance."

"I'm glad you made a decision." She smiled.

"Well, congratulations to you, Lilia." Siddiq said and placed a hand on my shoulder. "If you need anything, or have any questions, you know where I'll be."

"Thank you. Both of you, for being there for me and for not telling anyone." I reply.

Michonne sighs happily. "I can't wait until your dad and Rick finds out."

"Oh god, I have to tell my dad and Rick." I realise and Michonne chuckles.

"Yep. I better find him before he thinks something is up." She says and gives me one last hug. "You'll be a great mother. Can't wait to meet the little peanut already."

"Same here." Siddiq says. "I have to go collect some things I left back in my room and I'll be right back to check you up, okay Lils?"

I nodded as they both left, a relief washed over me thankfully. I sat down in the corner of the room and sighed happily.

"Well..another one's got a bun in the oven?" A voice echoed from the room across.

Shit.

Negan was in the other room..

"Thought I wouldn't hear?" He asked.

I stepped into his room instantly.

"How much of that did you hear?" I pointed a finger at him.

"I heard enough." A grin was plastered on his face, bandages were wrapped around his neck. If it wasn't for his stitches I would've cracked his jaw then and there.

"So that's why you're hear? A baby checkup with the grandmother. No grandpas?" His voise was hoarse. I looked at him silently but angrily.

"Ohh, the grandpas don't know." He chuckles lowly.

"You don't know shit." I replied.

"I know that you've got no idea what you're gonna do that's for sure little Dixon." He said. "But I will happily be the godfather thanks for asking."

"You're not gonna be anywhere near me by the time I start showing." I threatened. "You'll be rotting in a cell by the time I am. If you are then I'll dig deep down your throat and rip them stitches out."

"I'm gonna assume your mood swings have settled in already."

"Don't tempt me Negan. Bad things are going to happen to you very soon, you won't even see a slight change in me." I mention.

His eyes widened. "What's gonna happen to me? Little Dixon gonna pop out a littler one to attack me?"

I scoffed. "Scared? Don't worry, I won't string you up just yet. You're done Negan, you have no power anymore."

"What about you?" Negan asked. "You gonna help take charge or gonna settle down in a cottage with your Dixon-Grimes baby?"

"I'll do whatever it takes." I replied. "Rick said your men will be under new leadership, they'll join us in our trade. It'll be fair and civilised, without you. Have a nice life Negan."

I went to walk away but heard him speak again. "I am sorry about Carl."

I grabbed my knife and pressed it against his bandages. He inhaled a breath but remained eye contact.

"Don't say his name." I hissed. "He wasn't your boy, he wasn't your friend, he was nobody to you. I'm not blaming you for his death but I'll sure as hell blame you for the reason I re-slit your throat."

"I liked that boy." Negan said. "I get why you liked him, you're still one badass kid little Dixon."

"Stop. Talking. Now."

"Why?" He asked. "Because you both together were the most badass fuckers I've seen for your ages. Gunning my men down together like some power couple? Having more balls than your parents?"

"I said stop it!" I snapped and pressed the knife down.

His eyes searched my face, looking for the pain I was holding back. "You gotta let it out kid, don't let it kill you like it did for Carl." I slapped him round the face. "He made his choice, now he wants you to make yours little Dixon."

I turned around and took a breath, wiping away a tear that spilled out. "Shit. I'm sorry kid."

"Don't." I turned to face him again. "He was a good guy, who was took away from me too soon. I'll be dammed if I let his memory go down like you will too in a fucking cell!"

"I'm not a liar darlin'." He said. "When you showed up with the gun in your hand with Rick, you looked like him. You had the same look in your eyes like he did when he took them men out with you."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I.."

"Your future kid is gonna be like his daddy, don't let this guilt eat you up inside before you have the chance to appreciate Carl." Negan said. "He's proud of you."

I tried to speak but my words failed me, I tilted my head and put my knife away, stepping back.

"We're done here." I said.

"I'll see you soon, Little Dixon."

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

I CANT WAIT TO WRITE LILIA WITH HER KID 🕺

next chapter is the last chapter before act three, season 9 :o

we have come so far my little Dixons :)

i am very tempted to write a new fic with a new oc, maybe Rick Grimes daughter?? ideas!!