*sensitive topics coming up in this chapter such as mentions of suicide attempt & overdose*

Chapter twenty two
Goodbye letter

Nobody had heard from Ivy since what happened to Hayley, she told everyone that she needed space to deal with her thought's on her own, nobody wanted her to leave but she made it clear that this was the best thing for her at the moment. Spencer tried to call her multiple times as well as Hotch and the rest of the team but she never replied to anyones messages. A couple of days had past and still no one heard anything from her, everyone was getting more and more worried about her mental state as the days went on but one morning Spencer woke up and found a letter addressed to him in his mailbox.

"Hey Spence I'm sure by the time you're reading this letter you'll already be worried about me and I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. I used to think about how our relationship would be if we ever got together and this wasn't what I pictured... I wanted us to enjoy each other's company without so much grief surrounding us... it's suffocating. I've had so much time to think over the past few days and the more i think the darker my thoughts become and I've tried Spence I've really tried to push them aside but everything is getting on top of me. You know what the funny thing is... I signed up for this I actually thought I'd be capable of doing the job that my dad does and now I don't even know if I want that anymore, my whole life I wanted to be one of you but now I honestly couldn't think of anything I'd hate more. This wasn't the way our relationship should have started and I'm so sorry for that... you've helped me more then anyone has these past few months and I'm forever grateful for that Spence I really am, you're my favorite person... you're my person and I'm sorry that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me. I'm selfish and I'm so sick of putting peoples life in danger because no matter what I do Austin will come back and he'll continue to hurt people I love to get to me and I can't let that happen again, I can't let him take anyone else from me. I should have died that day not Olivia... Emily should still have her little sister in her life and it's my fault that she doesn't and you can say that nothing that happened is my fault but I brought him into her life... I trusted him and look how that ended up. Hayley died right in front of me and I done absolutely nothing to help her... her blood is on my hands as well and I can't carry on like this anymore Spencer. I don't want to live like this, i constantly feel like I'm drowning and if I die then Austin has no reason to return. Spencer I'm so sorry for what I've done and I hope that some day you'll find it in yourself to forgive me but right now the pain I'm feeling overwhelms the love I feel for you and I'm sorry that my love for you isn't enough for me to stay but i can't see a way out of this Spencer I really can't... this is the only thing that will make it stop, it'll make everything just stop. I want you to know that I won't be in any pain I'm going to take some pills, I remember after everything that happened to us you said that the pills helped you for a little while so I've decided that that's the way I would like to go... peacefully. Spencer I'm so sorry I never meant to cause anyone any pain or suffering but this is too much for me to bare. I love you more then anything always remember that.

Lots of love, Ivy"

Spencer read that letter over and over again until he memorized every word on that page, he didn't know what to do except to call Hotch.

"Spencer have you heard from Ivy" Hotch asked as answered the phone.

"Hotch did you get a letter in you're mailbox today" Spencer asked as Hotch began to make his way downstairs.

"I'll check now why what's going on Reid" he asked as Spencer waited to see if he had gotten a letter.

"Em yeah there's a letter here... Reid what the hell is going on" Hotch spoke sternly.

"Read the letter and call me back I'm going to get Penelope to track her phone" Spencer answered as he hung up the phone.

Hotch had a gut feeling when he saw the letter what was going on but he hoped that he was wrong. Spencer didn't seem like himself at all and the handwriting on the page was Ivy's.

"Hey dad I just want to start of by saying I love you more then anything you gave me everything I could have ever asked for... you gave me a loving family even when it was just the two of us you made it feel like that was all I ever needed and you were right all I ever really need was my dad. I'm sorry for everything I didn't mean to burden you like I have the past few years... you'll never admit it but you worry about me so much to the point where you can't even think straight until you hear my voice and that's Austin's fault but it's also mine. I have to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made but I'm so scared that if I face up to them then I'll be just as bad as Austin... how was I stupid enough to fall for him because there was one point where I loved him so much and then everything came crashing down and ever since then you've done nothing but worry about me. I need you to worry about yourself and Jack... you do know I love him more then anything right because it kills me to leave you both, I don't want to go but I can't live with this weight on my shoulders anymore I'm sick of it. I miss when we used to go on road-trips and go to the movies... I miss the way everything used to be, I miss Olivia and Hayley, I even miss Lauren even though she left when I was a baby but honestly she done the right thing getting away from me, she must've had a feeling I'd be a nightmare so she done what was best for her... thinking about it now you probably should have left me as well. Jack is safer without me here I love him to pieces but I don't want to let him get hurt like Olivia and Hayley did, I need Jack to be safe and this is the only way that that's possible so I'm so so sorry for what I've done but you know I wouldn't do something this drastic if I had any other choice. I love you dad always.

Love, Ivy"

~~~

*Authors note*

Hey everyone hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!!
If there's any grammar mistakes feel free to correct me because I know my grammar isn't always the best!!
How is everyone's day/ night :)
I really enjoyed writing Ivy's letters even though they were so sad :(
Poor Spencer and Hotchner <3