A/N

Hi!

Just had my heart broken by another guy.

If you're seeing this, don't ever be fwb with someone. You do not have the heart. 

Anyways . . . 

Hot girl summer.

"So, your episodes are getting bad again?" Soul asked as the two set off on their journey to the counseling center. His hands were jammed in his pockets with his thumbs sticking out. It was a beautiful day in Death City. The breeze was refreshing, and it was warm enough that Kid was able to leave the blazer at home. Instead, he was wearing a white t-shirt with Lord Death's logo on the chest and black skinny jeans. He couldn't decide between black or white shoes, so he went to Liz for proper fashion advice. She told him to stick to the black for good measure. "Are you going to get a med check with Stein?"

Kid nodded, feeling an odd sense of ease. It wasn't like he and Soul weren't close; it was just that since he came back, he felt more at ease speaking to the weapon than he did before. Soul offered to walk him to the counseling center when he heard about the meltdown, which was something Kid appreciated. The walk was long, so it was nice to have company, sometimes. BlackStar would walk him whenever he had sessions to ensure he went, but the assassin wasn't around today. What was he doing? "Yes, I do plan on getting a dosage check on my medication. It did not seem to help the panic attack I had last night."

"Cool," Soul responded, and awkward silence filled the air. He wasn't the best person to talk to about mental health, but Kid felt compelled. It was like an energy was coercing him to get it off his chest, forcing him to tell the truth. Although it was liberating, the vulnerability was something he dreaded.

The walk was silent from then on, but Soul's presence was still there. Once they made it to the plain-looking building, Kid faced the weapon and decided to speak up.

"You didn't need to walk me here, you know," he stated nobly, looking at the ground, then back up at the crimson-eyed weapon. Their hair danced with the breeze, Kid's bangs mixing. Your friends knowing you had an issue was enough, but them stepping up and trying to help was something else. Soul was someone who usually stayed in the background for something like this, so Kid wanted to show gratitude. "I appreciated the company, though."

Soul waved him off. "Yeah, I did," he responded.

"Did you find out through BlackStar?" Kid questioned, not knowing how Liz or Patty would have known. When he and BlackStar heard the weapons come home, they went into Kid's bedroom. Perhaps it was because he stormed away from the group. Did BlackStar even care enough to walk him here anymore?

Soul made a face of disconcertment before nodding. "Yeah, he called me about it. He wanted to make sure you got here."

Soul's tone sounded stiff, almost like he didn't want to talk about it. Nonetheless, a small smile spread across the reaper's face and his heart skipped a beat. Kid never expected it, but BlackStar was an affectionate lover. Whenever he would do small things like walking him to counseling, kiss his cheek, or hug him from behind, it made Kid feel warm inside. It was a feeling he couldn't explain, but he was sure it had something to do with bonding. When he turned around to head into the building, Soul put his hand on his shoulder.

"Oh, and," he said, "BlackStar wanted me to tell you that just because he can't walk you here, sometimes, doesn't mean he doesn't care. He's just," Soul paused, almost as if he was trying to come up with the right words, an excuse, maybe. "He's just busy right now."

"Is that why my calls go to voicemail?" Kid asked, his tone laced with slight irritation. BlackStar usually called him all the time, and now he wasn't calling at all. It worried him.

Soul scoffed, rolling his eyes and a playful smirk pulling against his lips. "Tsubaki took his phone away because he threw it across the room again. What a dumbass."

Kid mirrored the scoff, a smirk pulling at his lips, too. He remembered faint memories of BlackStar becoming vexed with his phone and either slamming it on something or throwing it when it wouldn't load fast enough. "Alright. I should get going."

"An hour, right?"

"Yes."

Soul nodded, giving Kid a thumbs up. "I'll be here."

Personally, Kid has come to love counseling. The counselor he had was the perfect fit for his needs. Her name was Demeter, and she provided a motherly vibe the reaper has never felt before. She was always soft-spoken and never let Kid feel insecure about his issues. Lord Death was the one who sought out this counselor for him, and even though Kid was reluctant at first, it was a great decision. His father always knew what was best for him, even when Kid himself didn't know.

When he walked into the general office, the reaper nodded to acknowledge the receptionist before making his way down the hallway to Demeter's office. "If my door is open, I am ready for you," she'd say. Whenever it wasn't, Kid would wait patiently in the waiting room like a child at the doctor.

Today, the door was wide open, as was the window. "Come in, come in," Demeter sang, closing the door behind him. Kid sat in his assigned seat and waited for Demeter to also sit down before letting the meeting commence.

"I heard you're having episodes again," she began, sitting down with her clipboard. "Tell me about those."

Kid laced his fingers together, and it became challenging to look his counselor in the eye. When it came to these appointments, the reaper was an open book. He wasn't at first, but over time, it became easier to say what was bothering him. That's what the meetings were for, right? You can't make progress without acknowledging the things that were wrong.

"Well, I had just returned home from a horrific mission. It is all I see at night when I sleep. Before I went on the mission, I got into a horrific argument with my boyfriend. He was begging me to stay, but I couldn't. Now, he still calls me his boyfriend, but it seems like the physical part of the relationship is no longer there."

Demeter nodded, taking notes on her clipboard. "That's a lot to take in, isn't it?" she asked. When Kid nodded, she asked a follow-up question: "Which one is bothering you more?"

Kid sighed, closing his eyes. "My boyfriend," he blurted, shaking his head. "I know how selfish that answer is, but I am worried about him."

Demeter shook her head, mirroring Kid's body language to make him more comfortable. "Why do you think it's selfish?"

"I watched girls die," Kid replied, shivering at the memories. "I watched them get tortured and die by a Kishin pretending to be a queen. After witnessing that, he's the one thing on my mind."

"You're not selfish," Demeter responded, lightly tapping her foot, "you're human. You're going through a tough period, and you want your boyfriend to be there for you. How long have you two been together?"

"A year and a half," Kid responded, Demeter's answer giving him the confidence to look up at her once again. What he witnessed would make anyone want to break down and cry. Demeter was right; he did want BlackStar to be there for him. After he came home, it was almost like the Warrior God was only around when he felt like it. Kid had to admit, it was lonely without the blue-haired dumbass around to irritate him. Was he still that angry?

Demeter nodded in understanding, writing that down. "Is it serious? You have mentioned before how you thought same-sex relationships were more symmetrically satisfying--"

Kid smiled, his hands finally being able to become unglued to each other. "I know I love him," he dully stated, reminiscing on his favorite memories of the relationship. "I was unsure at first-- everyone was-- but he makes me feel alive. He's the epitome of the sun. His presence radiates ebullience."

"You say 'everyone'," Demeter points out, cocking her head to the side. "Do you let other people's opinions get in the way of the relationship?"

The reaper shook his head. "Not usually," he answered honestly. Kid could care less about who approved or disapproved of the relationship, especially at this point. He was dating BlackStar, not them. "My father is disapproving of the relationship, though. It isn't the fact that it's with a male. He tells me BlackStar isn't a good 'fit' for my needs," the Shinigami explained using finger quotes. "It has certainly created conflict, but I wouldn't say it has gotten in the way of my connection with him."

Demeter wrote something down. "Parents do that, sometimes. He's just doing his job," she replied. "Now, this fight. Can you tell me about that?"

Kid dreaded the question, but he knew he needed to talk about it. This was his first relationship, his first real one at that. He had no idea how to go about making things right. Talking would help, but he didn't know if he was ready to face BlackStar about the subject, yet. His actions that night were unacceptable. He sunk in his seat in shame, his gaze once again hitting the ground.

"He was upset about the mission I took on," he began. "I guess some of it was my fault since I waited to tell him until the night before, which was our anniversary. I wanted to make our last night special. I even told my father I wasn't going to leave until the day after to ensure I had the day to spend with him. He was angry about me leaving and begged me to stay. I kept telling him I had to go, and that only made him angrier. In the heat of the moment, things became physical. Things haven't been the same since then."

Kid could hear Demeter taking notes. "How physical?" she lightly questioned, holding her breath out of concern.

"It wouldn't call it a fight," the reaper quickly clarified, not wanting his counselor to believe he was in an abusive relationship. It wasn't, it never was. "He pushed me, and I was aggravated enough to push back. I reflect on it every day because I know it was wrong. I knew I hurt him when he didn't come back."

Kid could feel himself become sick with guilt. The overwhelming pressure in his chest made it hard to breathe. He felt that pain in his throat he would get right before he'd cry. His teeth nipped at his inner cheek as he tried to compose himself.

"I just want to apologize."

Demeter clasped her hands together; Kid didn't realize he was slouching until she slouched with him. "All relationships go through growing pains," she courteously explains, trying to indirectly encourage him to look up to her. "I can tell this relationship with this boy is important to you. I think this distance was well needed by the both of you, but now that it's time to come back together, it's painful, isn't it?"

Kid nodded, her words seeping into his skull. Demeter always knew just how he felt, it was almost scary. "Yes, it is."

"You should treat a broken heart like a broken bone and put a cast on it," she says. "Do you think that's what he's doing right now, so that's why he can't be there for you the way you need him to be?"

"A cast?" Kid questioned, not understanding the analogy.

Demeter nodded, tapping her foot on the ground. "Creating firm boundaries is one way to harden the cast on your heart. Distance is another way that cast is created, as well. It's putting protection on your heart so you do not get hurt again. It sounds like your boyfriend is still hurting, so even though you're home, he's creating that distance to protect himself. Our minds are programmed to assume the worst."

The realization hit Kid like a bus. Even though he's been talking to the assassin, it's been very surface-level. Perhaps BlackStar was more emotionally intelligent than he thought. He looked up at her, nodding his head.

"The heart grows just as much as our bones do; it just grows a little differently. That ache in your heart indicates that it can grow and shape for what you need. Just like your bones, your heart goes through growing pains. Maybe, it's time to put a cast on your heart and open up to your boyfriend when you're ready to. When you decide on that time, it would be wise to create stern boundaries about how the issue would be communicated. Do you think your relationship can handle these growing pains?"

Kid nodded eagerly, his heart and head filling with brand new confidence. "Yes, I think we can handle anything."

"And Kid," she said, giving him a look of disconcertment. "This relationship isn't normally violent, is it? Love should never be violent, and if you need resources to find a way--"

Kid cut her off. "No," he said immediately, his heart racing in anticipation. He was now facing the fear of others thinking he was in a violent relationship. He knew in his soul BlackStar wouldn't hurt him, at least not intentionally. "He was trying to catch my attention, and BlackStar is a very physical person. He kept begging me to stay, but would not give me an explanation as to why."

"Did he ever tell you?" Demeter questioned, her voice still oozing with worry for the reaper.

Kid shook his head. "No, and he hasn't brought it up, either."

Demeter nodded, sighing deeply. "We could go back and forth all day asking what it was, but we might never know the answer," she tells Kid. It was an indirect way of advising him to not worry about the what-ifs. "He might not have been emotionally ready to tell you, and it would be shrewd to wait until he is. Do you think this is adding stress to your meltdowns?"

Kid unconsciously nodded, trying to process everything Demeter was telling him. As comfortable as he became with counseling, it was still an adventure. Some days, he felt like the greatest person alive. Others, he walked home exhausted. Even though it was difficult at times, he needed to be the best Death God known. If he can't even keep his mind in line, how is he supposed to oversee the entire world? Stressing over irrelevant things such as BlackStar's thoughts wasn't smart, but he cared about the assassin. He wanted to know what he was thinking, even if it hurt him. Even if he had to wait for it, Kid would know what was on his mind that night. That was a promise.

"It looks like our time is up, Kid," Demeter said, snapping Kid back into reality. The hour went by fast, especially when it was an emotional one. The reaper was normally stoic when it came to emotions, so when he felt things, he often didn't know what he was feeling. The counseling helped, but he still struggled quite a bit.

"Hm, I guess it is," Kid responded listlessly, getting up from his seat. "Thank you," he said with a small bow of respect before exiting the room, keeping the door open for the next client. When he exited the building, he saw Soul leaned up against the wall scrolling on his phone.

"Finally," the scythe breathed in relief, shoving his phone in his pocket. "You ready to go?"

"I told you you didn't have to come with me."

"Yeah, I did," he responded cooly, starting the walk in the direction of Kid's house. The sun was now beginning to set, the stars beginning to dance their way into Kid's sight. It made the reaper smile. He reached down to grab Soul's hand, quickly retracting it when he remembered who he was.

"Uh, sorry."

Soul jumped, almost tripping in the process.

"Uh, it's cool. Just forget about it. Let's walk around for a little bit before you get home."

"Hm, okay."

"What the fuck is ADHD?" I yelled stomping with Death God as we walked towards his house. Death God glared at me, motioning me to lower my voice. How could I lower my voice when Professor Stein was telling me shit that didn't make sense? All the students had to go in for mental evaluations, whatever the hell that means, and he told me he suspected I suffered from ADHD. That's amusing for an assassin, the asshole said. He's lucky I didn't kill him right there.

"Lower your voice," Death God scolded, slapping me in the back of the head. It was dark outside, but it was still early. Only old people were trying to sleep right now, and I didn't mind waking them up. They can sleep when they're dead. "ADHD is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It means your hyperactivity and inattention are more noticeable than the average person. It can help explain why it is hard for you to stay in your seat when I'm trying to tutor you."

I rolled my eyes, my head bouncing forward with the slap. "Oh, so that asshole is trying to say something's wrong with a big guy like me?"

"Essentially."

I scoffed, turning around. "Well, I'll show him! There's nothing hyperactive about--"

Death God pulled me back by the collar of my shirt and forced me to turn back in his direction. "What the hell did I just tell you about your voice? I'm surprised he didn't diagnose you with narcissism, too."

"Hey, don't use words I don't understand!"

"It means you're selfish," Death God clarified, still pulling me in his direction.

I let out a 'tch' sound from my lips. "Why did you even invite me over if you're just going to be an asshole to me the entire time? My time is precious, and you're wasting--"

"What's in the bag?" Death God asked, cutting me off. I smirked, opening it to reveal a bottle of Jack's. Kid's eyes widened in horror, pushing it away from him. "That is not going in my home!"

"Come on, Death God. Loosen up a little," I tease, purposely messing up his hair. It was funny watching him try to rearrange it like it was the end of the world. "You're scared of a little drink? Live a little."

Kid rolled his eyes in irritation, flicking my forehead. "It's staying outside."

"It's nice out."

Death God sighed in defeat. We were too close to his house to turn around, now. "Did you at least bring glasses?"

"Why the hell would I bring glasses if I'm going to someone else's house?"

Kid gave me a look of disdain before turning his gaze forward again. The moonlight made his skin glow. He was a little taller than me, bastard, so I had to look up to see his face. His features were defined, his cheekbones being the most prominent thing I could see at the angle. It was a sight a big guy like me couldn't help but stare at. When I realized I was staring, I quickly turned my gaze forward. I was here for a good time, and I was going to have it.

When we made it to Death God's mansion, he motioned me to the backyard while he went inside. How dare he treat me like a dog! I'll show him when he gets back out here! I walked to the backyard, which was a lot nicer than I thought it was. It was mostly flat, and it had a perfect view of the sky. It was Saturday night, and Death God asked me to hang out with him. It wasn't like I was surprised-- who wouldn't ask a star like me to hang out with them? It was a little weird he didn't invite Soul, though. Anyway, I've never seen Kid drunk before, so this was going to be great.

When Death God returned, he held two glasses, two bottles of water, and a large blanket. He set the blanket out, sitting on it and motioning for me to do the same. I scoffed at him.

"What is this, some kind of romantic date?"

Kid rolled his eyes. "Get your clothes dirty, if you would like. The alcohol is not going into my home."

"You're such a prude," I respond, sitting next to him. "You know, you're lucky I made the time to hang out with you. I could've made other plans."

"With who?" Death God questioned.

"Anyone else," I said while pouring a shot amount into both cups. "Bottoms up," I grinned before taking the shot, my face scrunching up after. When I looked back at Death God, his glass was still full, a frown on his face.

"Am I that undesirable to hang out with?"

I shook my head, pouring another shot. "It was a joke, Death God."

"Oh," he responded vapidly, taking the glass that was in front of him. He inspected it before taking a drink. As soon as the cup came up, Kid was coughing and gagging. The poor guy managed to swallow it, but he looked traumatized after.

"You aren't supposed to taste it," I tell him, taking my shot, my face scrunching again.

I had to admit. It was cute watching you gasp for air after your first shot, Death God.

"Don't drink too quickly," he scolded before motioning his cup over to me. He had an embarrassed blush on his face. It must've been pretty dark if I could see it in the moonlight. My heart jumped before I poured him his second shot. "This time, just down it."

He took my advice, this time going better than his first. Death God's face scrunched in disgust before he gagged, almost throwing it up. Man, I knew this was his first time, but I didn't think he would be this much of a pussy about it. I pat him on the back, a smirk covering my lips. "It gets better," I tell him.

"My throat burns."

"That's because you're a little bitch."

Kid nudged my side, which turned into me hitting him back, which turned into a war of who could get who on the ground first. "Knock it off," he growled when I grabbed on his shirt collar. "Rip this, and I will personally send you to hell."

The asshole managed to twist my arm the wrong way, getting me onto the ground. When I looked up at him, he was grinning. The shit-stain was fucking grinning. As pissed as I was about being on the ground, Death God grinning like that was something I'd never seen before. It looked like he was actually having fun. Sure, he'd talk some shit on the basketball court or maybe slightly laugh at something someone said, but I don't think I've ever seen the guy genuinely grin before. It was refreshing and made my heart jump. I wanted to make him smile like that more often. It's better when it comes from me.

It was like time stopped. We were looking at each other, and the moonlight was glistening on his pale skin. His golden eyes were glowing even though they were lulled. He was undeservingly pretty. Can a dude be pretty?

That's gay, I thought before witnessing Death God's smile slowly fade. It wasn't into his normal, stoic, look, though. He was hyperfocused on me, and fuck, I loved the attention.

Time stopped for me that night, Death God. I like to think it stopped for you, too. Were you thinking what I was thinking?

It was a long few moments of staring at each other, and I couldn't help but admire Kid's features. Everything was so defined. His eyes were angled, and his cheekbones prominent and high. My eyes trailed to his lips. They didn't look as dead as the rest of him did; they were light pink with life. I could feel myself moving closer to him, propping myself up on my elbow, but I suddenly stopped myself.

The stars in the sky only complimented him more. The way they danced behind him only made me feel more compelled to look, which I fucking hated. You should never let an opponent know your weaknesses, but fuck, what if he was one?

My head was light from the alcohol, and I wasn't thinking straight. All I could think about was how bad I wanted to kiss him-- how bad I wanted him to kiss me. I pointed to the sky behind him.

"If I'm the sun in the sky, then you're all the stars that shine."

A small smile returned to Death God's face, making my heart jump again.

"Every single one?"

"Every. Single. One."

A faint blush appeared on his face before he turned away from me, getting up from his previous position to face the sky I pointed to. I couldn't tell if he was turning away because he was starting to become intimidated by my appearance or because he wanted to look and see what I was talking about. I heard him sigh, and I couldn't tell if it was out of relief, sadness, or because he was starting to feel sick from the alcohol. If he felt sick after two shots, I would call him pathetic.

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me," he responded, his head leaning to the side.

I should've kissed you that night, Death God. Every time I look back, I look back with regret. I should've proved to you how much of a star you were to me.

"Well, I mean it," I said before getting up and sitting a little too close to him. Our knees were touching, and it was the first time he didn't seem to mind. I grabbed a bottle of water next to me, handing it to him. "Drink up."

Death God shook his head. "I like how this feels."

I scoff at him, opening the cap. "You say that until you're throwing up. Drink the fuck up before I shove it down your throat."

Kid rolled his eyes before taking the bottle, a gentle smile making another appearance. "Thank you for looking out for me," he expressed before bringing the bottle up to his lips. He drank more than I thought he would before putting it down again. "You're a great friend."

I felt a part of myself die.

"I know," I responded before struggling to stand up. "I should get going home before Tsubaki freaks out."

Death God shook his head, pulling me back down. "No, I will not let you walk home like this. You'll stay tonight."

"Here?"

"Well, yes."

"In the house?"

"Where else?" he asked before leaning his head on my shoulder. "You shouldn't walk home intoxicated. This can be our secret."

Man, Jack's put him the fuck out.

I felt my heart jolt when Death God leaned his head on my shoulder; it made my face heat up, too. I looked down to see his eyes were shut and he was starting to doze off. Ya know, he looked peaceful when he was sleeping. The guy worries about everything, and it was nice to see him content about something-- content laying on me.

I broke my gaze to look up at the stars again, my head leaning against Death God's. This was wrong, right? Two guys weren't supposed to be romantically involved, at least I didn't think they were supposed to be. I've heard both sides of it, but I don't know which side is right. I can't let my light be dimmed by the hatred coming from the extras around the school. If someone saw us, it would be everywhere.

But then again, how could anyone hate a star like me?

And it didn't have to be romantic unless I wanted it to be, right? Plus, he just called me a friend. It wasn't like that.

"Yeah, our secret. Let's go inside, Drunky."

"I am not drunk!"

You know who would know the answer to this? Soul! He knows everything about things like this. Yeah, I'll talk to him tomorrow.