Chapter 33

I must have looked at Xavier for minutes without talking. My mouth felt like it was opening and closing waiting for the words to form, but they couldn't. 

I didn't know what to do, what to say. Obviously, I loved Xavier and I wanted to be with him for as long as I lived, but we were still teenagers and I was never brought up in a way where I ever thought of getting married so young.

That and the fact we hadn't even been together a year.

"Xav, are you being serious?" I asked. Xavier looked to me, the spark from his eyes slowly diming. He put his face back into his two hands.

"Jesus, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it here, you deserve chocolates and flowers and a fucking Eiffel Tower." His voice was muffled by the fact he had his hands over his face. "Every girl deserves their man on one knee, especially you. I'm sorry Angel."

I came forward and grabbed one of Xavier's hands and pulled it from his face. I kissed the back of his hand.

"Xav, I'm not bothered about the romance, you've never been romantic before."

"I want to be romantic for you. Girls like romance, or so I've heard. I want you to be happy, that's all." His big brown eyes were looking at me and I felt my heart melt as I looked at him. He looked like a little child.

"I am happy." I stated. My heart was still skipping about the fact he asked me to marry him. "You're probably still high from the drugs."

"I've done enough drugs in my life to know I'm not making any of this up. Jesus Em, I didn't think I'd even be talking to a girl, being in the same space as anyone else. I wanted to be alone, but now I just want to be alone with you."

"I was pushy."

"I'm glad you were pushy. I wanted you as soon as I saw you, I just needed to get my stupid head in check to realise that. You're everything I've ever needed. I'd be damned to ever let you go." Xavier squeezed my hand. I smiled his way.

"My mum, she's always told me that I needed to marry someone rich. I was taught I was only allowed to marry when I was older. My mum would flip shit." I said. She had always tried to brainwash me, but it seemed I was doing everything she didn't want me to do.

"Bollocks to your mum, Em." He let out. "No offence." He said sheepishly. "To be honest, I've had enough of mothers getting in the way of my life, so yes, bollocks to your mum, I want you to marry me, it's plain and simple."

"You're so demanding." I replied.

"And you're so beautiful." I blushed under his gaze. He left me speechless.

He was nothing like he was before, he was so much more foregoing, out going and sociable. I knew he was trying for me and he wasn't perfect, but who was? He was Xavier, and I was pulled to him the day I met him.

"Aren't you meant to be telling me all them secrets?" I asked lightly, but by the look of Xavier's face and the fall of his smile, I knew he didn't take this as lightly as I'd hoped.

He looked stone faced and ashen. He looked nervous and petrified.

"Right." He clipped. He turned his face away from me and I leaned over the bed and grabbed his chin, I pulled it lightly until he was looking at me.

"Don't be so nervous. I'm here for you, you know that." I said, my breath fanning across his face. His eyes were looking down at my lips, not in my eyes. Never in my eyes.

"Just shut up and kiss me." He groaned. Before I had the chance to reply his lips were against mine. I breathed a sigh of relief that he was still here and I could still do this. I wanted to savour this moment for the rest of my life. I needed him just like he needed me.

His lips were still so soft and I cherished this moment. Things could have turned out much worse, yet here he was.

Finally, he pulled away, his eyelids were heavy and we were both breathing fast.

"I needed you." Xavier stated. "I needed your kiss."

"Me too." I breathed. I was so full of love for this boy it hurt.

It felt like my heart was growing and growing until it was ready to burst. I had no more love left to give.

Suddenly, Xavier let out a deep breath.

"Okay, I'll tell you everything." He said. He patted to the space beside him and I sat there. He shook his head. "Lie down with me."

"Xav, I can't." He had too many wires coming from him. I didn't want to hurt him. I told him this.

"Baby, you won't hurt me. Lie down with me." He demanded. I sighed but I did as I was told. He laid a hand behind my head. "I'm not a piece of glass, Em. I may be a dick but I would love a cuddle." I looked to him and he smiled my way, his eyes twinkling. I smiled back and cuddled up close beside him. He sighed with content.

"Better?"

"You have no idea." He didn't speak after that. I waited for a few minutes, I didn't want to push him. I knew he would tell me in his own time. Maybe he just wanted to savour the moment the way I did. I wasn't too bothered, I loved being beside him.

I snuggled up closer, happy his wound was the other side of his body. I made sure I didn't hurt him. I never wanted to hurt him, he'd been hurt way too much.

I was so angry about the way his mother treated him. I was so angry about the fact she could ever do that. Why couldn't she Xavier for who he was? He was so loving, at least to me he was. He had so much to give and she ruined him. He ruined a perfect boy.

"My mother, she's a shitty person, she's literally on another level." Xavier began to speak. "I lied to you Em, I lied to you about the way things happened. My mother wasn't killed, she was the killer."

My heart stopped. His mother? The killer?

"A killer?" I questioned. I could feel his heart beating fast underneath my cheek.

"She killed my father." I sat up to look at him. I got up a little too fast and he flinched in pain.

"Sorry, babe." I gasped. He shook his head as if it was no big deal.

"I was only little, old enough to know but still a little kid. She wanted his money, she wanted me all to herself, so she killed him."

"How?" I had to ask.

"She drugged him. I don't know how, I never found out, I just remember him unconscious and dead in front of me." I looked to him, my eyes wanting to well up.

I was devastated for him. Who could ever do that? No wonder why Xavier was so ruined and so scared and lonely.

"My mother, well, I think she has some type of disorder, I don't know what but she's not right in the head. She obsessed over me, I was young but I knew what she did, I wanted to hate her. I did. And when I got older I ended up hating her more than anything and I had no care in the world. If I stepped out of line she beat me up, I felt so weak, I couldn't hurt her back, it wasn't in me, but I felt so weak, I felt like everything was my fault."

No wonder Xavier fought so much. He fought to feel strong again, to feel human. He grew up with his mother hurting him, so he thought it was okay to hurt others. He had a hot head, and I wasn't surprised why. You don't realise how a childhood effects people, especially when it was as shitty as Xavier's.

"When I was 18, I ran away. She didn't want me to leave her side, I was older, I should have been with girls and when I could I would go out and have sex with them, but I didn't have a social life or a girlfriend. I didn't have friends because she wouldn't let me out of her sight. She didn't want me to love anyone else but her so I ran away. I ran to where I am now, I ran and I found you." He stated. "It was hard, I was scared about getting close to you, I was nervous, angry and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to be alone but you wouldn't let me. I'm happy now, but at the time I was so on edge, so lonely."

"I'm so sorry." I let out. The tears escaped my eyes and I hadn't meant them to. I just felt so bad. If I had have known I wouldn't have tried to force him.

"Don't cry for me, Angel. You're honestly my saving grace. My saving Emily." He breathed. "If it wasn't for you, I would have been lumbering around the place like I was before. I wasn't human, you made me human."

"I love you." I said through my tears. He pulled me to him.

"I want you to be happy. I'm going to fuck up, Em, that's how I function, I'm a walking fuck up. I wish I could change the way I was brought up, only so I could be better for you. I want to be everything you've ever wanted and needed."

"You are." I let out. I gripped him tight. "You are, I promise."

"You know, it feels really good to be needed, to be wanted. I didn't know how to do any of this, Em and you stayed. You stayed and I'm forever grateful."

"Of course I did, I loved you."

"You honestly don't know what you've done for me." He sighed. He hugged me tighter. "I don't deserve you, yet here you are."

He pulled my head up, grabbed my cheeks and for the first time he looked into my eyes, not just look but searched. He looked into my eyes without a single word. My heart skipped many beats and I looked back into his. His eyes were so brown and full of love just for me.

"I. Love. You." He let out harshly. "And your eyes are so beautiful."

"So are yours."

"Why did I ever deny myself this fucking pleasure?" He groaned. He wouldn't stop looking, he didn't even blink, he couldn't.

I felt now was the right time to tell him. I wanted to be with him forever. My heart clenched for him and I wanted to be everything he ever needed and wanted. He was a fuck up, he was going to fuck up, but I didn't care. We both would. He's learning, he's trying so hard and all for me.

Right now, I didn't care about how long we had been together, or how old we were. I didn't care about my mother or his mother or anyone around us. I didn't care about anything but us and now. I loved him.

And when you love someone you shouldn't ever let them go.

"I'll marry you." I stated. "I'll marry you." I repeated. This caused Xavier to blink, his eyes looked as if they were going to well up.

"You'll marry me?" He almost gasped. I nodded my head and he squeezed his eyes shut. "Even when I didn't get down on one knee or get you a ring?"

"Of course." Tears ran down my cheeks again. "Even when you didn't get down on one knee or get me a ring. I want to be your wife."

"Say that again."

"Say what?" I asked.

"That you're going to be my fucking God damn wife."

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I haven't checked for grammar mistakes because I wanted to upload asap!

Hope you enjoyed:) x

PS regards to CHAPTER 28, I wrote an overview for now if you'd like to check it out, it's just until I'm able to fix the issue, sorry everyone x