ƇӇƛƤƬЄƦ 66

Ʀey opened her eyes as she heard a knock on the door. She and Ben had fallen asleep at some point while they were talking. She wasn't sure how long they had been sleeping. It must have been a few hours because the sky outside their window was now painted with the vibrant colors of dusk, and the sun was low on the horizon.

She sat up, trying not to wake Ben who was still sleeping next to her. It wasn't easy as he was laying very close to her, so close that they were sharing the same pillow.

"Come in," she said softly.

The door opened and Rose came in with a tray of food.

"Nice to see that you're awake." She looked over at Ben who was still sleeping. "Well that one of you are anyway. I came to check on you earlier and you were both sound asleep."

"The doctor gave us something to help with the pain," Rey explained. "It made us a little sleepy."

Rose nodded. "Well, you needed your rest. None of us got any sleep last night," she smiled. "And when I was taking care of Ben for you, he said that he couldn't sleep well because he missed you."

Awe, my poor baby, Rey thought looking down where he was sleeping on her pillow, his arm was still wrapped around her waist. "I missed him too," she combed back his black mass of hair so that she could get a glimpse of his face.

Rose smiled at Rey's tender gesture. "That's so sweet."

Rey blushed.

"I brought you some supper," Rose continued.

"Thank you, Rose," Rey touched Ben's shoulder gently to wake him up.

He sat up, groggy. He looked at Rey, blinking several times to get the sleep out of his eyes.

"Rose brought us some supper," Rey explained.

"Oh, thank you, Rose," he said sleepily.

Rose smiled and passed them the tray of food.

When Rose left, they blessed the food and then they began to eat.

They were silent for a few moments, before Rey spoke. "Rose said that you had trouble sleeping because you missed me?"

Ben nodded. "I was worried about you, worried that Snoke would harm you." He paused and blushed slightly. "And I'm used to holding you while I sleep."

"Me too," she answered, shyly. "On the night we were apart, I had a dream that I awoke in your arms. We were laying in a forest, it felt so real. I was heartbroken when I realized that it was a dream."

"I dreamt that too," Ben answered.

"You did?" she asked, surprised.

He nodded. "I missed you, but the dream made me feel close to you."

"Me too," Rey smiled. "It was wonderful, one of the most wonderful dreams I've ever had."

He smiled at her. "One of? What were the others?"

He'd said it lightheadedly, as if he was only teasing her, but she replied seriously. "Do you remember when I woke up the night before we kissed and you thought that I had a nightmare?"

He nodded. "You said that you couldn't tell me because if you did it might not come true."

"Well I can tell you now, because it has already come true...I dreamt that you kissed me."

He smiled. "That's one dream that I can make come true." He leaned over to kiss her tenderly. After a moment he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers. "Tell me another one of your dreams."

Rey smiled shyly, he wanted them to share everything with each other and that made her feel wonderful. It was nice to have someone to share life with. She thought for a moment. "When were locked up, I dreamt that we had a good life together. The war was over, we were finally at peace...we were raising a family together."

He looked at her. "Would you want to have children?" It was one thing they had never talked about and he had always been afraid to ask. He knew that they needed to talk about it, but he could never find a way to bring up the subject; thankfully she had.

"Yes...would you?" she replied, softly.

"Yes...but I'm afraid that I wouldn't be a good enough father."

"Ben, you wouldn't be 'a good enough father' you would be a wonderful father, I know you would." She kissed his cheek.

"But Snoke said that I shouldn't get married because I wouldn't be a good enough husband and that I shouldn't have children because I would be a terrible father. My children would turn out just as broken as me. I'm just so afraid that he's right," Ben answered.

"Ben, nothing he ever said was right. Besides, you've already proven him wrong, you're a wonderful husband. Please don't listen to the things he said about you, try to see yourself through God's eyes not his."

He laid his head on her shoulder. "Thank you Rey, you always know how to encourage me."

Rey stroked his hair, tenderly in response. She smiled shyly. "Besides, I want my children to be just like you. You're kind, and you've always loved and respected me even when I didn't do so in return. You gave up years of your life to save your family. I know that you've made mistakes, but everyone does."

Ben smiled. "Thank you Rey, but I hope our children are like you. I know that you didn't forgive me right away, but you did forgive me and you don't hold the things I've done against me, that took a lot of strength."

She looked at him for a moment, tears threatened to enter her eyes but she pushed them back. She knew that he still hadn't forgiven himself and she was afraid that he never would. But it wasn't just his own deeds that weighed on him, Snoke had abused him for many years and he believed everything that Snoke had ever said to him.

She touched his cheek. "But you still haven't forgiven yourself, have you?" She spoke gently, she didn't want to hurt him but she needed to help him overcome his guilt. He needed to face it and let it go.

"I tried Rey, but I can't." A tear slipped from his eye and landed on her thumb where it rested on his cheekbone. "How can I forgive myself for killing my wife's father? I hurt you, the woman I love and I don't think that I could ever forgive myself for that. I wish I could go back and undo it, but I can't."

His voice broke as he spoke and Rey felt like her heart was breaking with it. She pulled him into a hug.

"Ben will you forgive yourself for everything you've done? I've forgiven you, God has forgiven you. There's no reason for you bear the burden of guilt for the rest of your life when Jesus has already paid for it. The part of you that did those things is gone."

Ben sighed against her shoulder. "It's harder to forgive yourself than others."

"I know how you feel. It might sound strange to you, but I'm still angry with myself for the way I treated you in the beginning. Sometimes the memories of the things I said still haunts me. I would never say those things to you now. I'm sorry, Ben."

"I've already forgiven you, those memories never even come to my mind anymore. When I think of you I think of all of the special memories that we have together. Dancing with you, our first kiss. The adventure we shared, though it may have been perilous."

"That's how I think of you too. I don't think of you as Kylo Ren, I think of you as Ben. As my husband...as the man I love," she replied, stroking his hair again. "It hurts me to see you bear this guilt. I've been praying for you, that you will one day be able to let go of what God has already taken care of."

He sat up to look at her. "I'm trying Rey, but it's not easy. I can't do it alone."

"You don't have to, I'll help you. We can pray about it together if you want."

Ben nodded, slipping his hand into hers. "That sounds good."

꧁❀꧂

Rey and Ben spent the next three days, resting and talking about everything from their favorite food to their first kiss. Ben didn't think that he could love her anymore than he already did. He would gladly die for her if need be; but the more he learned about her the more things he had to love about her. He loved that they had so much in common, but he also appreciated their differences too.

They had shared their deepest secrets, their most embarrassing moments, the saddest and happiest moments of their lives. They had shared their fears and their regrets, their dreams and their secret wishes. They had shared laughter and tears.

And they had shared their hopes and dreams for their life together. It was something Ben had wanted to talk to her about, but he hadn't really had the chance. She wanted the same things that he wanted; to spend the rest of their lives with each other, to raise a family together.

Now he laughed as she described a time when she had played a prank on Finn and made him believe that the castle was haunted.

"It was only a few weeks before you came, I wish you could have seen it," she said between giggles.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Rey groaned hoping that they hadn't been summoned for some annoying meeting or something.

Ben sat up from where he was laying on the couch with his head in Rey's lap. He stood up and walked slowly over to the door, opening it. His eyes lit up as he saw Christopher standing there, he hadn't gotten to speak to him for the past few days because he and the other knights had been searching the perimeter of the castle.

Ben hugged him. Then he looked at him. "Did you get them all?"

Christopher nodded. "The war's finally over."

"I would have gone with you if I could, brother," Ben said.

"I know, but you needed to regain your strength and more importantly you needed to take care of Rey," Christopher replied.

Ben nodded and offered him a smile.

"Speaking of Rey, can I speak to her? I have something for her," Christopher said.

"Oh, of course," Ben replied stepping aside so that he could come in. Inwardly he scolded himself for not asking him inside, he had just been so relieved to see him.

Christopher came into the room and Rey stood up to greet him. He bowed slightly. "How are you, my lady?"

She smiled at him. "Good, how are you?"

"Good," he hugged her. "I'm sorry about your grandfather. I didn't have any love for him, but I know it's not easy to lose part of your family."

She nodded understandingly. "Thank you, Christopher."

"How are you doing with it?" he asked, awkwardly.

"Okay, I'm lucky to have Ben to comfort me." She reached over to grab her husband's hand.

Christopher nodded, smiling at Ben. "He never wanted to get married, he was always afraid that he wouldn't be a good enough husband or a good enough father, but I knew that wasn't true. He's a great big brother, he always took care of me and the others, so I knew that he would take care of his family if he ever had one. I always hoped that he would find love one day."

Rey smiled at him, stealing a glance at Ben. He was looking down at his feet as if he still thought that it was true, that he wasn't good enough. She was already planning what she would say to him once they were alone.

"Oh speaking of..." Christopher turned to look at Ben. "Adren, Darius, Elijah, Fredrick and Greggory wanted me to send their regards. They're going to come by to see you later."

Ben nodded. "Why do I suddenly feel like they all think I'm on my death bed or something?"

"You were a few days ago," Christopher replied.

Rey looked between them. While they were speaking in serious tones, she could detect a joking undertone in their conversation.

Ben looked at Christopher, trying to come up with a response to that. Finally, all he could say was: "true."

Christopher turned to look at Rey again. "I have something for you," he reached into his pocket. Then took her hand and placed a small object in it.

Rey looked down to see her wedding ring. Her brow furrowed. "My wedding ring? How did you find this?"

"It was with Snoke's belongings," Christopher answered quietly.

Rey put the ring on her finger, then she hugged him. "Thank you."

Christopher nodded, then patted Ben on the back. "I'll see you later," he said turning to leave.

Ben sat back down on the couch next to Rey.

"It was very sweet of him to return my ring," she said.

Ben nodded. "He's a good kid."

Rey smiled. "He is. He's lucky to have you for a brother." She looked down at her wedding ring, and played with it slightly. "Ben in a few days we will be married for a month, and I want to do something special."

Ben nodded, pushing back a lock of hair that he had missed when he had put her hair up in a bun. "What do you have in mind?"

She swallowed hard. "Well I want to re-say my wedding vows to you, from my heart this time." She looked down at her hands again. "I don't want anything fancy... just you and I."

"That sounds nice," he replied.

"And after that I have a surprise for you," she said shyly.

Ben nodded, then became distracted trying to think of a gift for her. He would feel really bad if she gave him something and he showed up empty handed. Most men bought jewelry for their wives, and he had plenty of money to spend on something nice. But it seemed the fancier the jewelry, the less she liked it. She only wore jewelry that was special to her...her wedding ring, the necklace he'd made for her. Whatever he gave her, he wanted it to be something special; something she would cherish.

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