Castiel's P.O.V. 

I storm into my house, or chucks house, i'm still new to this

i throw the letter unto the kitchen table

pacing back and forth deciding whether or not i should open it

of course i'm going to open it

that's a stupid question

...but

what if he wrote this to tell me how much he hates me

that he remembers the torture i put him through

i thought i was saving him

but i hurt him 

i hurt him because i was selfish 

i don't think i could handle reading dean's hateful words

"what's that?" i hear chuck saying from right next to me

i jump back a little bit 

"god! i didn't even see you!!" i tell him clutching my heart 

he chuckles and smiles at me 

"i'm flattered that you called me god, but i prefer chuck" he says patting my back 

walking past me towards the coffee machine

that guy drinks so much coffee 

i asked him why he drinks so much coffee once and he says that now he's a teacher he can't drink liquor anymore

because he used to be an alcoholic 

so coffee is his substitute 

"it's a letter from dean" i say without thinking much about it

i feel comfortable around chuck

like he was my actual father

i already told him the whole ordeal between dean and i 

and he didn't care at all that dean was a boy and so was i 

he even gave me some advice about it

that was until i got this letter

then everything changed

"well, why are you not reading it yet?" he asks

i give him a worried look 

"what if he says he hates me, i mean i have been avoiding him.." i tell him 

"castiel, you can create a billion 'what ifs' but your never going to feel better by thinking of more of them, but you will if you just stop letting those 'what ifs' control your life" he says looking at me sincerely  taking a sip of his coffee

i look back at the letter holding it in my hand now

i look back up at chuck and he just shakes his head chuckling slightly 

"would you stop being so dramatic, and just read the damn letter!" he says pointing to the letter 

"fine" i say opening the letter like it was a life or death situation 

soon enough i was reading it 

...

Dear Cas,

i'm so sorry that this happened, none of this was your fault. 

i ruined everything, like i did back when we were friends,

 when you...kissed me on the cheek

i wasn't mad at you cas, i was mad at myself, for liking you, for making you my weakness. 

i saw all those kids laughing at us and i couldn't let them hurt you, so i pushed you away to protect you

it broke my heart cas

but you kept coming back...

you begged and begged me to stop

you apologized a million times

and it broke me every time i pushed you away 

so we moved away, sammy saw what i was doing to myself

how much i was breaking

so we ran

and i felt almost better

i wasn't hurting you anymore

or anyone else

but i still always had that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach that never came back

i tried to distract myself by dating lots of girls

which ironically i was good at 

but it never worked

i became known as 'the player'

i guessed that was better then 'the bully' so i kept it

that was until i almost forgot about you

i started forgetting your face and your personality 

even your beautiful crystal blue eyes

but i never forgot "you" 

so when i saw you it took me a while to figure out it was "you" 

the one i hurt so badly all those years ago 

you looked so grown up 

and so damn sexy 

i realized that i had missed you so much

after you told me who you are, that feeling in the pit of my stomach came striking back 

it left me speechless 

i thought i could start from where we left off 

which i was kind of confused where that was

so i tried to date you

i guess i was used to doing so, as i was 'the player' 

but then all those bad things i did 

the things i thought were completely gone

caught up to me

and i went into a coma

i relived the moment where i screwed up our lives

the day i pushed you away 

but that wasn't the worst part...

i saw you cas

i heard all the things you said 

and i first i was so heart-broken 

i know now that you don't love me

and i had to accept the fact that you just wanted to be friends

but then you started to avoid me

and at first i didn't get it

i thought you wanted this?

for us to be friends

but then it hit me

you're avoiding me because you never loved me

you we're my friend back then because we were just stupid kids

but now...

i understand what you want, 

and i'm sorry i couldn't tell you this in person

i'm sure you're mad about it

i know i would be, ha

anyways, i am truly sorry castiel 

for everything.

I still love you

~ Dean Winchester

i close the letter and look up completely shocked 

this can't be real

"so?" i hear chuck asked 

was he here the whole time?

"i have to go" i say quickly grabbing my trench coat and running out the door 

i ran and ran as much as i could 

until i reached dean's house 

i quickly ran up to the door and rang the doorbell

i bent over holding myself up to catch my breathe

i have no idea what i was going to say to dean 

but i couldn't let him leave 

because he was wrong 

i do love him 

i always have...

i hear the door open and stand up straight quickly 

it was bobby 

he looks at me surprised but then smiles 

"hey castiel!" he says smiling down at me

"hi bobby, is dean home?" i ask him 

bobby's smile then fades quickly 

he looks behind him and rubs the back of his neck nervously 

"h-he didn't tell you?" he asks

"tell me what?" i ask worryingly 

what happened to dean?

is he hurt again?

he looks at me sadly

"they uh...they moved" 

"their dad found a job in another state, and sam decided to go with him, and you know dean, can't leave his little brother alone, plus he's done with school so..." 

my heart completely shattered at this news 

i didn't know what to do so i just stared at the ground 

trying my hardest not to cry

"i'm just packing up the rest of their stuff, so i can mail it to them" he says trying to not make this more awkward

i look back up at him trying my hardest not to cry 

"thank you bobby..i-i'm going to go now"  say turning away and walking towards my house 

"good luck kid" i hear bobby say before closing the door 

well then i guess this is it

Dean Winchester is gone 

i walk faster and sit on the bench in the park i was by 

nobody was there

so i let the tears fall from my face 

crying so hard into my hands

just with the words repeating over and over in my mind 

"Dean Winchester is gone, Dean Winchester is gone, Dean Winchester is gone" 

"again..."

.

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AUTHORS NOTE: 

hey guys!! 

i'm sorry it's been so long 

a lot has happened lately and i just wasn't in the writing mood

but i'm back and i'll write more frequently 

sorry this chapter has some hardcore feels 

anyways...

COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK!!!

ok bye :)