It was sleepless night every night. I can't sleep well. My anxiety is coming back and I feel like dying every moment. Is this even possible? Did I do something bad in my past life? Is this life even worth it if the person I love feels hurt because I'm scared?

After the news came out, Sooyeong-ah keeps on calling but after a week she stopped calling and messaging me. I guess she realized that I am a coward to face her. I haven't seen her since then, I kept myself hidden from her because I have no face to show her. I know for sure that once I saw her I will be weak in front of her and ruin everything for our members.

*ring ring* 

*Changsub-hyung*

"Hyung, what is it?"

"Yah! I keep on calling you yesterday"

"Mianhe, I was just busy"

"Busy? You don't even got out of your apartment for a week"

"Hyung"

"Don't give out excuses now. Get ready now. I'll be picking you up"

"Mwo? I'm not in the mood hyung"

"I don't care. You need to get your senses up now"

"Mianhe hyung"

"Come on Maknae, You're gonna love where we are going"

"Arraso."

"Finally. I'll be there soon."

*end call*

"Great! He hanged up without saying goodbye" I murmured to myself

I started preparing myself and cleaned my apartment a little bit because it became a mess just like me and ...

"Oppa, you should start cleaning up your apartment. You are alone but this place is a mess. How can Sami-ah survive here?" she said while getting my used clothes

I silently walked closer and I snaked my arms on her waist to give her back hug and I just rested my chin on her shoulders

"I imagined doing this since back then and know I'm doing it with the girl I truly love" I said whispering to her ears

"What a smooth talker you are." She said and faced me and gave me a peck on the lips

"Just that?" I said teasing her and laughed when I saw her pouting face

"Byuntae. I'll clean now so that this place could be livable" she said

"Can we just stay like for a moment" I said hugging her tightly and without a doubt she hugged me also.

We were swaying like there is a music playing and I guess true love is really magical even at the simple moments when we are together.

Here I am again remembering her. Every corner of my apartment just reminds me of her. Even Sami, Agh! Why does my life became a mess like this? Can't I just be happy for a moment?

After showering and dressing up, I heard my doorbell rang and knew it was Changsub hyung.

"Wait a minute hyung!" I shouted while getting my phone and wallet

I could hear the doorbell rang continuously and I just laughed because I remembered something again

I came home after my packed schedules overseas and I heard my doorbell rang

"Who is it?" I shouted back but whoever it is keeps ringing the doorbell

"Yah! Stop doing—" I said while opening the door and saw her laughing

"So, you are annoyed now?" she asked still ringing the doorbell and giggling

"Oh, it's just you. I thought a murderer was ringing the bell" I said teasing her

"Yah! How dare you" she shouted and I ran inside my room when I heard the angry tone she had

Aigoo. I'm thinking about her again. Stupid brain, this is all your fault. You have no right to be sad.

"Are you deaf or what Yook Sungjae?" Changsub hyung said the moment I opened the door.

"I was getting my phone hyung. Calm down" I said showing him my phone

"Do you wanna come in hyung?" I asked him

"Aniya. Your room is a mess." He said pointing to the scattered bottles in the room

"Mianhe. I haven't cleaned my room yet." I said looking down

"Gwenchana." He said while taping my back

"So, where are we going hyung?" I asked him

"Can't tell you yet. When we get there I'll tell you. Let's go" He said pulling me out of my apartment

"Jinjja" I said while laughing at him

We were going far than I expected. But the view is so relaxing. I could see the ocean and the sky meeting. The air is so fresh and I could feel the sunlight in my skin. It's a refreshing feeling. I could something good will happen today! I need some of this feeling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stopped calling him for a while. I know that I will get nothing from him. He might really forgot about me, and enjoyed her time with her girlfriend now.

I was getting ready to take a shower because we are going somewhere that they don't want me to know where we are going when I heard Irene-unnie talking to someone on the phone

"Unnie, who are you talking to?" I asked her surprising her and she immediately hanged up her phone.

"Oh. No one." She said with a panicking and nervous voice.

"Oh really unnie?" I teased her while laughing at her face

"Yah! Stop asking questions. Just take a shower now, we are gonna be late." She said pushing me out of her room.

"Arrasso unnie. Yeri-ah! Irene-unnie is dating someone" I shouted while running inside the shower room

People might see that I am okay but it was just an act. I don't want them to feel burdened on what I am going through. I act okay in front of my managers, fans and in the public but only my members know what mess I am and I feel like a burden to them so I act okay even to them.

I just finished dressing up and heard my unnies and yeri calling me already.

"I'm coming now. Wait up" I said running out our dorm

"So where are we going?" I asked my unnies

"To the beach. Let's enjoy the sea and our day off" Seulgi-unnie said getting hyped up

"Jinjja? Daebak! Did our company know this? Our managers?" I asked them getting worried

"Of course. So let's enjoy now and by the way, it is a private place so no one could see us there" Wendy-unnie said

"Oh. Daebak" I said

"I searched it up. So let's go now" Wendy-unnie said while getting in our car.

During the ride, I fell asleep a little and when I woke up I saw the ocean like there are crystals in it because it was shining. This place definitely far from Seoul because of the refreshing air and sunlight. This is gonna be great. I think I might enjoy what's gonna happen today.

●●●
Hello! How are you doing guys? Sorry for being inactive for so long. I got busy but here I am again trying to us my time to be productive. Hahaha

I hope you would like this update. Sorry for the the typos and grammatical errors. I did not proof read this.

Please leave out comments, theories and insights on what you want to happen next. Thank youuuu for the support for this story.

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