"And what sort of lives do these people, who pose as being moral, lead themselves? My dear fellow, you forget that we are in the native land of the hypocrite." 

- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

A crunch in the darkness made their heads turn towards Aliya who was creeping in. She stopped in her tracks and looked around their faces, arching her brow in challenge. "I'm here now, aren't I?" she sneered at the disapproving gaze of older Alexandrians. Deanna caught her gaze and nodded at her, "Thank you for joining us, Aliya." she smiled, nodding at the other Alexandrians to accept it. Aliya nodded and stuffed her hands in her pocket before making her way beside Maggie. 

Maggie wordlessly rubbed Aliya's arm to comfort her. Everybody could see how agitated she is about Aaron and Daryl still outside. Aliya smiled slightly before squeezing Maggie's hand in reciprocated comfort. Aliya could see that Glenn still wasn't here so she wanted to assure Maggie that Glenn will be back.

Aliya doesn't know how long the meeting has started but she couldn't help but be worried about the fact that Rick wasn't present. Where was he? 

They were going to talk about Rick, how he had the gun, how he pointed it at the others, and what he said while he was doing so. These people had coloured lenses and it was time to snatch it off. There was no right or wrong anymore. That's a luxury they can't afford. There's only life or death now. Michonne was speaking from her heart, tugging at the heartstrings of the others. 

Aliya watched with hawk-eyes as Michonne looked straight at Deanna, "If you're lucky." she stated. If they were lucky and smart, they'd keep them here, let them do the dirty work while the Alexandrians go about their routine of acting like everything is normal. If they're lucky, they'd live one enough to be in Rick's wavelength. 

It was Carol's turn to talk and open up. Aliya is admittedly impressed by the acting that Carol was putting up. If she didn't know any better, she would believe that Carol only cooked casseroles and hid behind people when shit goes down. The way she was hunched over, her arms crossed in front of her like she feels uncomfortable about all of the eyes on her, she had the act on the nail. 

But Aliya knows Carol, the way she delivered her words were soft and sweet but anybody with a braincell could taste the underlying threat in it. She willed her lips to stay still as she looked around the faces of the others, seeing the way they ate up everything sweet Carol said. 

Then it was her turn to speak, and her face immediately hardened under their gazes. 

Aliya

I moved my eyes around and saw that everyone was looking at me expectedly. I could feel the nervous bile rise up my throat and I coughed to force it down. I would rather be surrounded by walkers than speak in public if I could choose. My eyes connected with Maggie's who nodded at me, smiling at me in support. 

After a few moments of hesitation, I sucked up a nervous breath and cleared my throat, "You have to understand that for MONTHS, we had to sleep with one eye open. We had to sleep with a loaded gun next to us. We trusted a group and we almost didn't make it out of their compound alive. You cannot - and frankly it's unfair for you people to expect us to suddenly be rainbows and sunshine. We are still in transition." They started blinking quickly, trying to digest my words. 

I could only sigh in disdain, "That man has sacrificed more than his life for us. He is willing to do the things you cannot swallow down. He sacrificed his comfort because we wanted to give this place a chance." I shook my head and clenched my fist, "Everybody breaks. I did. And even though they technically didn't know who the fuck I was, they took me in, helped me through it, and never gave up on me." 

"That man is a father who is on edge because his baby is being passed around, his kid is wandering the streets and his people are scattered everywhere. The very same thing that would've gotten us all killed outside. So pardon him for being traumatised." 

My chest heaved up and down as I got worked up. I didn't realise that I was leering towards Deanna who looked at me with an impressed twinkle in her eyes. I hid my clenched fists at my side as I breathed in and out of my nose, trying to calm my erratic heart. Deanna nodded at me before gesturing towards Abraham who offered me a comforting nod. I cleared my throat and stepped backward, wanting the shadows to swallow me. 

We all fell silent as Abraham dropped some wisdom via colourful words. I completely agree with what he said, Rick Grimes is a man that knows every grain of said shit, and then some. Hearing Maggie mention her father made me shut my eye and bow my head in respect. A familiar ache in my heart as the memory of his death resurfaced in my head. He would always go out of his way to make sure we were alright, just like a father would to his kids. 

Deanna stepped forward and clasped her hands before looking around all of us, waiting for us to settle before speaking. "Father Gabriel came to see me the day before yesterday and said our new arrivals can't be trusted, that they were dangerous, that they would put themselves before this community." she announced. 

That two-faced cowardly bitch. 

I couldn't help but scoff, "Classic pot calling the kettle black." I didn't care how spiteful I sounded anymore. That asshole was endangering us. The kids. "We're talking about the same priest whose own congregation was condemning him to hell?" Reg gave me a disapproving look so I shook my head. "The man who went behind the back of the group that saved him, fed him, shielded him? Shit." I scoffed a laugh and wiped my mouth roughly. "At least we show you people who we really are." I spat, angry about the revelation of Gabriel's betrayal. 

I couldn't help but look at Jessie when she cleared her throat. She nodded at me and gave me a consoling smile before turning to Deanna, "I don't see him here, Deanna. So you're just saying what someone said." she scolded. She sighed and shook her head, leaning towards Deanna, "Did you tape him?" she asked pointedly. Deanna remained silent which was already an answer itself. Maggie blinked before turning towards Deanna, "He's not here." she repeated. 

"So is Rick." Deanna responded. Maggie shook her head in resignation, "Excuse me." 

----

"I just want to keep my family safe." Tobin's voice carried, making me whip my head towards his direction. He has now stood up and rung his head low, "You know, I don't even know what that means anymore-" he looked around his peers who nodded sympathetically. "But if it means that we've got to get rid of-" he was abruptly stopped by a bloody Rick emerging from the shadows. 

Rick's face was dirty with dark blood, a walker slung on his shoulder. People gasped and backed away, repulsed by the display. I sighed and weaned my way between them, watching Rick carefully. He dropped the walker like it was a sack of potato, his face void of any emotion. He was breathing erratically as he looked around all of us. Almost like he just realised where he really was. 

They were at a stand still, mouths agape and wide-eyed as they took in Rick's figure. "There wasn't a guard at the gate." he rasped, still catching his breath. "It was open." 

Deanna turned to Spencer, looking for some answer. The gates were never to be left open and Spencer was in charge of that. "I asked Gabriel to close it." he answered quickly, clearly agitated. Deanna briefly glanced at me before nodding to her son, "Go!" her tone was angry and brief. Who knows how long the gates were left open? They would've been ambushed so easily, congregating like this. 

Rick immediately stepped to explain himself, "I didn't bring it in. It got inside on its own." He paced back and forth while looking at each of us in our faces. They would always get in, no matter how tall the walls are. No matter how thick those panels are. Nothing will come in between those who wants to hurt us. Nothing but death. I'd kill people to protect the people that I care about before and I won't hesitate to do it again. 

I wouldn't endanger our people just to please the pretentious moral blanket that Alexandrians sleep with. We kill to live. That's the way it works now. That's the way it has come to be. There's no other way around it. Rick looked at Deanna and Reg, "You know I was thinking." he turned to look at all of us, "I was thinking how many of you do I need to kill to save your lives?" I saw some of them wince at his words. They exchanged nervous and worried glances amongst themselves. 

Rick shook his head, "But I'm not gonna do that." he shook his head slightly. After a moment of silence, Rick's eyes lit up in determination, "You're gonna change." he nodded. It wasn't a question. It's wasn't a demand. It was a prediction. They were gonna change. Rick is sure of it. We all are sure of it. They might have to be waken up roughly in order to face the harsh reality but they'd have to wake up anyway. 

Rick isn't sorry about what he said last night and he has no reason to be. He's sorry that he didn't say it sooner, that the Alexandrians weren't ready but they'd have to be. If we have to make them ready, we will. Deanna and Reg stared at Rick silently, letting his words sink in. 

"Luck runs out." 

And it's true. They've been lucky to have a fully-functioning and self-sustaining community in this day and age. But as Rick says, everything has an end. Luck isn't sufficient to survive. The sound of footsteps made us all whip our heads towards the gate. Pete's seething face was illuminated by the fire, his eyes zoomed in on Rick with raw hatred in his eyes. He was carrying Michonne's katana in his hand, "You're not one of us!" he screamed. 

My eyes widened in fear as Reg approached him, "Reg! Back down!" I screamed but Reg kept trying to talk to Pete. I took a step forward, knowing that Pete was too angry to listen and be reasoned with. I had my arms out in front of me when Reg's blood splattered on my face. My arms flailed to my side as Reg stumbled backwards, blood spewing out of his sliced neck. Deanna caught his fall, her arms tight around his shoulders, "No!" she kept screaming. 

I tore my eyes away from them and stared Pete down. Abraham had him on the floor while he chanted the blame towards Rick. Rick wasn't the one who put the katana in your hands, Pete. Rick wasn't the one who sliced Reg's neck, Pete. This is all you, Pete. I looked around and saw horrified faces. But none more horrified than the asshole's wife, Jessie. Her hands were shaking against her lips as her eyes depicted horror. 

I tried so hard to tune out Deanna's hauntingly broken cries for her husband but I couldn't. She doesn't deserve this. I stayed standing, watching over Deanna, knowing that Reg could turn in any time. She looked up at Rick and called for him, her eyes puffy with despair. It took her a minute before she gave Rick the go signal, thinking about what it meant. But she nodded not a second later and uttered, "Do it." 

And Rick pulled the trigger.