{ADVISED TO READ CHAPTER 65 FIRST FOR A GOOD RECAP BECAUSE THIS DUMB AUTHOR TOOK YEARS TO UPDATE...}

Namjoon's intense gaze bore into you, his frustration palpable. He clenched his fists and jaw, demanding an explanation. Without uttering a word, you grasped the gravity of the situation.

He had forcefully pulled you out of the club, and now you both stood in the club's car park. The thumping music reverberated like a distant hum, and the clock signaled the early hours, around 4:00 AM, as dawn approached. 

"Do you even have an idea what the fuck happened with us?!" Namjoon seethed, something dangerous was flickering in his eyes. His bleeding forehead and bruised cheek were already not doing any justice with the current situation. 

You also wanted to know what happened to him, why he was beaten up like this, but his uncalled attitude and uncalled anger was angering you at this point. 

You were doing what 'they' planned, were you really to be blamed? 

"What happened" you gritted your teeth and composed your anger, not wanted to lash out on his already bruised self. but Namjoon was being a brat today. 

He scoffed loudly and looked away for a second "right .... here we are with you unbothered self...." 

His statement was usually referred to as mean at this point Kim Namjoon was really acting like you were at fault. clenching your jaw and you looked dead in his eyes "stop being a bitch and tell me what happened" 

You saw his face shifting with emotions, your statement has made him angrier, but do you care? absolutely not...

He slowly eliminated the distance between you and him and crouched to your eye level. "Don't call me that" he muttered coldly; his statement made you laugh suddenly. 

"Really?" You crossed your arms across your chest and leaned closer, so much that your whiskey breath was mixing with his. 

"Then maybe stop being a bitch then..."  you spat and turned around "You're drunk Namjoon-shi come back later when you're sober enough to talk" you spoke casually on your way back inside the club. 

Your current agenda was to find Jungkook to know what happened to Namjoon's face and to ensure if Jungkook was safe, Considering Namjoon was heavily drunk you slid off the chances that he could answer you, though his unwanted anger and harshness was tempting you to punch him in his face. Who was he to drag you like that? 

Namjoon on the other hand couldn't shake off that burning feeling from his chest, The feeling he got when he saw you dancing in his arms. That feeling, which was still unknown to him, but he recognized it. 

It was Jealously

Namjoon had already claimed you without you knowing, which was a sign of obsessiveness but who terms their sweet innocent infatuation that, Namjoon named it crush

 Crushing and jealously are twins. They can't work without each other. If you got a crush on somebody and you don't get jealous, then please understand that's not a crush...

Jealousy: The bitchiest feeling of all. It tends to stop the thinking capacity of a human, so much that they blurt anything out of jealously. 

"Going back in his arms again Y/N?" 

without thinking of the consequences or even considering your reaction or feelings, Namjoon blurted out these words with his muted brain. as mentioned earlier Jealously bargains with the peace of mind. 

You halted your walk completely bamboozled. The buzzing glass door from the club was still resonating in the background, the music was a humming melody. the night got a little chilly, slow breeze caressed Namjoon's hair. your wavy locks swayed with breeze. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" without turning to face him you muttered coldly, anger was seething in your tone. Slowly, your furious eyes met his, startling him. 

Since it has come out of the mouth, it must be said because once this thing called our mouth blurts something it can't be taken back, no matter what destruction it may cause. but...we always have an option, an option of apologizing or editing your words without delay.

but since Namjoon had his mind on mute because of jealously, he did what that even the dumb person wouldn't do.

"I said going back in his arms, are you?" He repeated the same words he blurted again but this time, with more elaboration and enhances.

Your eyes widened in shock hearing his crude comment was he drunk on his injuries or what?  

"You were quite enjoying dancing, weren't you?" now, your anger was evident, and Namjoon was aware of it. you caught something from his tone, something made you laugh inwardly. 

"Yes, I was...what's with you anyway" you riled him up using his tone back at him

"Knowing, we would be in danger alone with Kim Taehyung, you still dance with that chicken doesn't sit well with me" he walked closer to you

"If you don't remember Namjoon-shi , that's what the fucking plan was" you spat with disgust, he was openly calling you out without recognizing your efforts. 

You danced with Ji Chang-Wook because it was the best way to draw attention, and that was the main step of your plan. and that was also the reason they succeeded or.... maybe not. 

"Our plan for you was to 'Draw attention' where does it mention that could grind with that asshole!" 

"Watch you tone" you threatened coldly 

In a charged moment, Namjoon's voice sliced through the air. "You're talking about Ji Chang Wook as if he's a revered figure, not some common bystander," he scoffed, his strides purposeful as he closed the distance, seizing your waist—a jolt that left you stunned.

"Already leaping to his defense? What role does he play in your life?" His inquiry cut the air, edged with a tinge of possessiveness.

"He's not someone relevant to you," you asserted, wriggling out of his grasp, and pushing him away, a glacial chill underlying your words. "And refrain from touching me again," you uttered, your tone biting.

Namjoon's mind was a whirlwind. It was an unfamiliar sensation, feeling threatened for the first time in his life. The notion of losing you after years of patient anticipation was unbearable.

"Why should it matter? Because his hands on you bothered me," Namjoon advanced, his approach deliberate. "Your laughter, that smile meant for him—it bothered me," he confessed, his proximity suddenly apparent.

"Why?" The question slipped from your lips as his face drew closer.

"Because, my dear," Namjoon's voice lowered, laden with sincerity, "you...are someone incredibly special to me."

"Ha!" A scoff escaped you, jaw clenched tight. "Someone special? I highly doubt it... because I'm merely your opposing lawyer, Kim Namjoon. And truthfully, I'm content with just that..." Your attempt to break free from his hold only resulted in it tightening.

"You were, and always have been, my special someone, Y/N," his voice resonated with unwavering conviction. "My special muse..."

"The muse that you've humiliated?" Your voice wavered with raw emotion.

The words sliced through the air, cutting deep into his soul. It amazed him how the realization, even after all these years, could still possess such haunting power. Namjoon knew. He knew the weight of his actions, the consequences that followed, and the relentless ache of regret that had settled in his heart, a constant companion for years on end.

The recognition of his past deeds, especially what he had done to you, haunted him relentlessly. Ever since he caught sight of you in that courtroom, his mind had become a battleground of memories and regrets. 

Sleep left him, as his thoughts relentlessly replayed scenes he wished he could undo. If only he could reach back in time and shake some sense into his younger, reckless self.

Tears blurred Namjoon's vision, a floodgate of regret crashing down upon him like an unstoppable force. The weight of remorse pressed down, unyielding.

Without uttering a word, an internal storm raged within him. He glanced fleetingly into your eyes, finding nothing but vulnerability there.

The same vulnerability he had once glimpsed years ago. The distinction between then and now was stark—back then, he didn't care. But now... He wished he could somehow punish his past self.

Apologies hold a unique power in easing regret. While they can't erase it entirely, they possess the strength to diminish its weight, offering a chance to lighten the burden it carries.

apology 

His hand shook uncontrollably on your waist, it was his anxiety which was doing wonders on him, a boulder of realization attacked him, he never apologized 

Once, his arms had encircled your waist, but that was long past. Now, you both stood frozen, ensnared in your individual thoughts. The palpable silence stretched between you.

Namjoon was fighting with his anxiety while you were fighting with yours...

Namjoon battled his anxiety while you grappled with your own turmoil. Memories struck you unexpectedly, shaking you to the core. 

Amid this unexpected rush, as you should have been focusing on finding Jungkook, you found yourself grappling once more with the menacing laughter of that day. they were again roaming inside your head, making you feel that familiar emotion again

Taking a shaky breath, you pivoted on your heels, a silent gesture that spoke volumes, conveying a sense of disgust toward his presence. 

He snapped out his trance when he saw your turned back, he gasped shakily before grasping your hand softly "Please..." he whispered solemnly

"People often claim regret stings deeper than a wound. I brushed it off until I walked the path of sin" He took a deep breath before grasping your hand tightly and tuned you around facing him, his heart pained more when he saw your .... venerability in your eyes. 

 "Now, I see the truth in their words. Regret's ache lingers longer, a pain I never understood until I experienced it firsthand." he sniffed and dragged you closer to him. 

"The thing I did that night is still not justifiable in words, I did what even a worst enemy won't think about it" he watched your movement carefully which was next to zero, you stood still in front of him 

"The only thing I can do is to apologies, and I know I shouldn't expect any forgiveness...Y/N... please forgive me, I'm sorry-"

"Namjoon-shi" you interrupted him almost immediately; you were not ready for those two words coming out his mouth. 

 Years 

You spent years repenting that night, crying every day at his insults and humiliation. Your self-respect was tattered that night, your best friend was made the token of laughter ...that night. 

six years, you spent loathing that night, loathing your foolishness, your innocence, yourself....

But when you were finally gathering yourself, trying to accept the reality. how come out of nowhere, he comes up to you with regret and apologies with just some ...mere words?

Is your self-respect worth only two words--I'm sorry?

He stripped down your self-respect by calling you names, and then one day he felt bad and spat those words 'I'm sorry' like you were a pity case?

It was fake...It must be fake...

 The silence was deafening. Namjoon's heart sank; uncertainty clawed at his insides. Had he destroyed any chance of reconciliation? The emptiness around him mirrored the void he felt in his chest... Yet, the quiet street remained unchanged. Time seemed to stand still, the minutes dragging on as he waited, his hope flickering like a dying flame.

The world around him seemed to hold its breath, caught in a suspended moment where the gravity of his confession hung heavy in the air. The darkness of the night slowly gave way to the faint hues of dawn, marking the passage of time that felt endless.

In that solitary moment, amidst the quiet streets and the weight of his confession, Namjoon's heart brimmed with a mix of regret, hope, and an overwhelming longing for forgiveness. The morning held its breath, waiting for Your reply, while Namjoon stood, silently pleading for a sliver of hope to grace his world once more.

"I... have ...to go..." almost breathless, like a coward you decided to avoid this too, your anxiety was not helping you, you were suddenly not in a state to dug up your never healed wounds. 

Anxiety can be brain scratching sometimes, years of crying and loathing something can't be cured in span of minutes, you needed to think.

panickily, Namjoon handheld yours "D-Don't leave me like, say something ...please..."

Those emotions, that hope, that softness in his eyes were the ones which were edging your emotions. emotions which were so ready to burst down now.

Change in your venerability, he saw his it all. How your eyes which were weighted with emotion were now replaced with a sheer coldness, the coldness which slashed his hopes.

"What do you want me to say......hell, what can I even say" you stared directedly in his eyes with your raging anger. 

Sudden anger from a wave of calmness is always dangerous, but Kim Namjoon forgot, he was so lost in your answer. 

"Six years ago, Kim Namjoon-shi you spoke, humiliated me, I said nothing, six years later, you are apologizing I will not say anything. Again" 

His dying hopes for your forgiveness died after hearing that, he took a shaky breath and held your hand tighter.

In your running anger, you jerked away your hand and pushed him from his chest, holding his collar so that he could listen his answer carefully

"Do you find this amusing?!" your glare seared with intense fury, your whole-body trembling with anger.

"You trample over me, break me into pieces, then suddenly decide to utter your apologies, expecting me to weep tears of joy?!"

Namjoon's heart shattered, never daring to hope for acceptance; forgiveness felt like a distant dream now, lost in a haze of uncertainty.

"That night, Kim Namjoon, you revealed your true self..." You released his collar, shaking your head. "No—" he tried to interject, choked with emotion, and struggling to speak.

"T-That night, I couldn't even recognize who I was, Y-Y/N, it was my immaturity," he pleaded, moving closer. "P-Please, grant me a chance. I Lo—"

"This isn't a sincere apology, Namjoon-shi. It's your jealousy speaking."

Exposed.

Under your unwavering gaze, he felt exposed. Exposed because what you said held a grain of truth - jealousy lingered within him. However, his apology, his emotions—they weren't forced. They were the penance of six years, a fruit of genuine sentiment.

"Chance, I also asked for a chance to prove my Lo-stupid feelings for you that night should I remind you how did you replied?" 

"I was humiliated for god's sake Kim Namjoon-shi!, years of my reputation in my college you stripped that down completely that night!" 

His heart hammered with horror; people easily call their deeds immaturity never caring about the consequences of their immaturity.

"Every second, every minute, every hour, every day! I loathed you for that Kim Namjoon!" you suddenly came closer to his ear and whispered menacingly "And I still do...." 

His entire being went numb.

"I was labeled a pathetic nerd, all because my foolish self-tried something new. I loathe that night, and I loathe you for it..."

"You, Kim Namjoon, don't even deserve to stand before me. How can you expect me to forgive you?!"

Your heart burned with the memories of that night; your hands shook with anxiety, yet today, you decided to unleash the anger you've harbored for years.

Staring into his glossy eyes, you erupted, "You didn't even spare my best friend! What was it again?"

"Do YOU have feelings for her, Jacksy?"

"You can have her... after I rejected her."

"Not even the worst enemies spew venom like this, Namjoon. You... You called me a use n' throw!" Tears streamed down your cheeks as you pounded his chest.

Something shattered inside Namjoon. He couldn't breathe. The club around him faded, distant. All that mattered were your bloodshot eyes and your words.

"Not even the worst enemies spit venom like this Namjoon....you, Y-You called me a fucking use n' throw!" your own eyes turned glossy with rage. you punched his chest repeatedly, tears finally freed from your eyes

something shattered inside him at that moment, Namjoon couldn't breathe. Everything got heavy around him, your cries resonated in the distance, the club around him was seemingly distant. 

all he could focus on was...your bloodshot eyes and your words

A use n' throw

"Y-You can't Namjoon, you can't just throw me away first then proceed to apologize.... this is unfair THIS IS UNFAIR!" 

"You can't do this, Namjoon. You can't discard me and then seek forgiveness. This is unfair! THIS IS UNFAIR!"

As dawn approached, the club grew quieter, or perhaps it was because Namjoon could only hear your voice.

He was hyperventilating.

Taking control of your emotional breakdown, you inhaled deeply and seized his collar in rage.

"Forgiveness, Namjoon-shi... erase that hopes from your lifetime. I will never forgive you... never."

"So, for the last time, stay within your limits, just be an advocate to an advocate... don't expect anything more from me."

"Because I. Hate. You."

His face morphed with pain, his lower lip quivered, tears bundled in his eyes finally got a release, his left eyes dropped a painful tear.

his large shaky hands caught yours, which were holding his collar, he sniffed and cleared his tear clogged throat "P-Please Y-Y/N... don't do this to me"

"D-Don't let me live with this guilt.... please.... please love..." 

Your own eyes were filled with unushered tears, you refuse to release them "I can't Namjoon......my self-respect won't allow it..." 

Releasing his collar, you turned away. This time, he didn't stop you.

Thoughts.

They're manipulative. Good thoughts manipulate the day positively, but the dark ones cast a shadow over everything, halting the world for you to grapple with that depression, that anxiety.

Everything turned hazy; it was just the two of you and your thoughts.

just like here......

Nothing waits for anyone, not even nature. But for these two souls, everything froze.

You hugged yourself tightly, vision blurred, and walked aimlessly... anywhere but here.

The club, the camera, Jeon Jungkook—all your least priority now. You just needed to escape.

Enough of the breakdown; your chest felt lighter, but your emotions suffocated you.

Suddenly, you found yourself in a vast hall, surrounded by laughter and taunting eyes.

"I will never forgive you," you whispered to yourself, walking dazedly, embracing yourself.

He watched you leave in the early morning light, his knees weak, throat filled with guilt.

He wanted to follow, but he stumbled. not able to support himself his knees met with the concert ground 

The six years of guilt, the six years of his Love  collectively attacked him , he cried 

loudly, painfully, regrettably 

"F-Forgive me ...." 

But you didn't stop, you continued walking away....beacuse you never heard his cries, you were lost in yourself....

The birds started chirping alarming the world about the timing, everything was.... slow

 Regret weighed heavily on him, each tear a testament to the pain etched deep within. Meanwhile, you walked away, tears streaming down her face, lost in your own sorrow.

Amidst the surreal tranquility, time seemed to slow. The world muted its bustling sounds, enveloping them in an eerie stillness. Y/N was lost in her thoughts until a sudden jolt shattered the tranquility.

A black car careened in front of you, halting your steps abruptly.

Before you could gather her senses, hands grabbed you, pulling you into the vehicle without a moment to catch your breath. The forcefulness left you stunned and bewildered, trapped within the confines of the van. Fear clawed at your chest, you wanted to scream but a gruff hand was clawing your mouth. 

tears of panic streamed down your cheeks.

In the quiet of dawn, the screeching of tires ripped through the air, yanking Namjoon's head in that direction. His eyes blurred with tears, but he saw it—the sight that shook him to the core.

He witnessed you being forcefully grabbed, a jolt that sent a surge of fear and desperation coursing through his veins. "H-Hey...HEY?!" His legs stumbled, nearly tripping as he hurried to reach you.

"Y/N!!"

Panic fueled him; adrenaline pushed his speed, but a moving car was still a formidable obstacle.

"Y/N!!"

"Y/N!!"

He ran, pushing his limits, but his breath grew ragged. He had to stop, his frantic gaze darting around.

"HELP!"

"SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!"

His face flushed with panic; he dashed around the dim morning like a man possessed.

"HELP—"

A sudden, searing pain erupted at the back of his head. His breath hitched, attempting to turn and identify who struck him. But his mind began to dim.

Confusion swirled around him, a whirlwind of chaos and terror. His heart raced, terror clawing at his chest. The world blurred, sounds muted, and his legs felt like jelly.

The desperate cries for aid echoed in the pre-dawn silence, but no savior emerged. The throbbing ache in his head intensified, dizziness clouding his vision. Panic surged, his mind a maze of terror and unanswered questions.

As the dawn slowly painted the sky, he fought against the encroaching oblivion, attempting to summon help, to follow, to find you. But the world blurred, edges fading, consciousness slipping away.

In the grip of anguish and chaos, Namjoon battled to stay upright, to cling to consciousness. But the collision of emotions and pain finally overwhelmed him, dragging him into the abyss of unconsciousness, leaving him sprawled on the ground, lost and defeated.

"Enough of this emotional shit...." 

He closed his eyes, not mistaking those eyes 

those eyes of his cousin...

He woke with a gasp 

Sweat tricked down his forehand, the quilt suddenly felt like it was on fire. 

He abruptly removed the heavy quilt from him, he was still gasping from the nightmare or maybe.... the reality

"You knew it didn't you?" 

A hoarse voice suddenly spoke but he didn't waver, he knew that voice

"The least you could have stopped it!" that voice roared with anger 

"Nothing is in my hands......" 

"It was meant to happen...." 

_______________________________________

TBC 

Eh...I lob you ❤️