It's been a week and I keep avoiding Jaewon ever since he stayed over at Hyebin's place. He also didn't contact me after that night which made me so mad and irritated.

"Still no message from him?" Yuta said while reading a book in front of me. I stayed silent.

"I take that as a yes."

I heard a notification from my phone. I feel so giddy and excited to open it hoping it will be from someone I anticipate to message me.

New Message
07:38 pm

crystal:
I know you've been
avoiding using Facebook

but you need to see something
like right now

—†—

After I saw Crystal's message I immediately opened the app and the first thing I saw was his post.

Jung Jaewon posted a new picture.

girl friend  — with Hyebin Kim

I froze. I stared at my phone screen for the longest time. All I could think about was I shouldn't let any of the oldies see this because they will cut his head off.

And then it started to sink in. My heart shattered as I can't take my eyes off the picture until my vision gets so blurry. My throat starts to suffocate. It felt like I am drowning and helpless.  I couldn't say a word or think of what I should do. 

"What are you looking at?" Yuta noticed I wasn't moving for a minute and he decided to get my phone to see what I was staring at the whole time. My hands were shaking and I was hesitant to let go of my phone.

I compose myself as I see Yuta's mood change darkly when he looked at my phone which is evident on his face. He started to roll his eyes.

"What the fuck is wrong with your boyfriend? Oh wait, is he even deserving to be called by that? He wasn't even sorry about what he did and now he's posting this?" He was controlling his anger and tried to calm down. I couldn't see clearly because I started to cry.

Yuta gave me a tissue and a glass of water.

"You know what, he loves being loved by you that's why when it's convenient for him, he'll come to you. And ignore you if his friends are there." He said and took a sip on his iced latte. I wiped my tears and just let Yuta talk.

"The boys and I are keeping you distracted from thinking about him the whole week. If he really truly cares about you, he would reach out the day after their hang out, and wouldn't post such a thing with his girl best friend, girl space friend, or whatever. If he truly loves you, he wouldn't let you overthink these things and reassures you. Do you get that?" He continued and I nod. He patted my head to comfort me.

My phone then rings.

Simon olD
calling...

Accept                    Decline

I immediately clear my throat before answering the call so he wouldn't notice I was crying.

"You called? What's up?"

"I saw that picture. What's happening? Have you two broken up? Why are you not telling me?" He sounded so agitated.

"No, we're still together. It's just that we're having some issues and I... I mean, we haven't talked for a week. " I hesitated.

"He's insane. I'm picking you up by 5. You'll be staying at our place for a while." He angrily said and hang up the call before I could say anything.

I looked at Yuta and he just finished his iced latte.

"We better leave so you can have more time to pack your things. After that, I'll buy you ice cream so it'll help you feel better." He said as he put the book in his bag. He smiled.

"You're pretty even if you're crying. No wonder John likes you." I think he said his thoughts out loud. I was confused and shocked by that.

"No way. John likes me?" I asked again to make sure I heard it right and not just some noise.

"I'm just kidding." He laughed at me. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I thought it was true because I am sure I am not John's type, I know him well. Too well.

"See, you look prettier when you laugh."

—†—

Yuta handed me my toiletries and I shoved it in my backpack. I double checked my things, thinking what I'm missing. I hope not my undies because that would be a disaster.

"Everything packed already? How about some things to entertain you? You'll probably be bored there since they're working." Yuta suggested which is a good idea.

For sure I'll be on my own since the oldies are always busy. Yuta and the boys can't come hang out with me till the next weekend because it's their monthly evaluation. I can't make Crystal come over too because she's out on a family trip for a while.

"I'll be fine, I guess. Classes will start soon, that might be something keeping me entertain." I shrugged, knowing the fact that it's lame. But he sighed and grabbed his back pack, rummaging through it and got his book. There's no way he's gonna let me borrow it. He's notorious for not letting anyone borrow things from him.

"Here, a book. Read it."

"Why are you letting me borrow your things?"

"Simply because I trust you."

I stood there like a fool, not knowing what should I do about it. The fact that he's lending his book is unbelievable. Johnny once said, Yuta used to let his former best friend borrow things from him. His so called best friend didn't return the things he borrowed. Later on, Yuta found out that his best friend sold his things. That's the story why he's untrusting.

“Come on, it's not a big deal. This is just a book. Take it.” He said snapping me out from my own thoughts.

“It's a big deal. I promise I won't sell your things.” That slipped out from my mouth. He chuckled as he pats on my head.

“Let's hurry, they might be waiting.”

—†—

We were ready to go but I heard the door creaked open. Yuta and I exchanged glances, trying to find out who it was. Then the ever-so-handsome man came, stood there in front of me.

“Jilin, we need to talk.” The first words I heard from him, after ditching me for a week.

“There's nothing to talk about, Jaewon.” I brought my stuff and about to head out along with Yuta.

“Can you please listen to me first?” He grabbed my hand and stop me. Yuta offered me to that he'll bring my stuff for me. He then head out to give me and Jaewon privacy to talk.

“It took you a week to come and talk to me. And now you want me to listen to you?" I faced him. He's making me upset.

"You know that I love you so much, right?" He said reaching out for my hand and kisses it.

"No. I don't know, Jaewon."

I don't know what you're doing to me. Why are you making me feel that way? It's like a spell, I fell for you everytime. But it's hurting me.

“Please, I love you so much. I'm afraid to lose you. That's why I am here, in front of you, begging and apologizing for the things I did. I promise not to do it again.” He said all lovingly, pulling me close to hug me. I couldn't say a thing. I melt on his arms, feeling the warmth I've missed for the longest time. I smiled weakly.

“I love you too.”

..and it's hurting me.

But I guess it's not love if there's no pain.

"I can't explain what happened. But all I know is I missed you, my love." He pressed his lips on mine.

There's a lot of things I want to say; questions that needed to be answered. Was it that hard? To assure me that nothing else is going on with that girl. Was it that hard to apologize? To communicate? To have time with me?

Was it that hard to love me?

Was it that easy to not care about me?

—†—

“I heard something happened between you and your boyfriend.” My brother sat on the chair with handful of chips. He was so serious, I can feel his eyes were darting out of those dark sunglasses.

“I don't know where you got that information but we are now good. No need to worry.”

“I came home for that. And I am worried.” He took of his sunglasses and he was dead serious. Jaewon better pray for his soul because it's a dragon coming for him.

“Everything is fine. I promise.”

“I care so much about you. I don't want you to get hurt.”

“If I do get hurt, I'll be fine. It's normal when you love someone.”

“No. Love shouldn't bring you pain. It was called love for a reason. The feeling of floating in endless sea of clouds or warm breeze of air. Anything that feels good.”

Love shouldn't bring you pain.

But what if that pain is what makes me feel loved?