They place me in their familiar car, both of them in the front seats and me laying across the middle row.

the short drive is completely silent just listening to the rain fall outside, until they park in the familiar driveway in front of the familiar condo apartment area.

They open the back door and drag my out by my ankles, my body is limp and I don't have the energy to stop them.

Rushing indoors in fear of the rain, they take me into one of the condos, which is stupidly brightened up with their stupid lamps and light bulbs.

The loud talking of all the boys in the living room ceased immediately. Probably at the sight of my scratched up arms and legs and smeared mascara, and messy hair.

The only reason I'm standing upright is because of chanhee and kevin as they hold me up taking their shoes off at the front door.

"What happened to her?" hyunjae asks from the couch.

"we don't exactly... know" Kevin responds.

"Yah, I said get off me," I stagger forward and they let go of my waist and arms. I make a weak attempt to get out the front door again but kevin immediately takes my arm in his again.

"We need to get her somewhere safe, she can't go outside, who knows what will happen," kevin tells the rest of the boys. they all stand up to go prepare who knows what.

"Let's bring her to your room," kevin tells chanhee. "We hung out there once, maybe... maybe she'll remember or something"

chanhee nods and they drag me up the stairs to a room on the far left.

They gently place me on the floor (chanhee insisted to stay off the bed since I sat in the street) and I lean against the bookshelf.

They both kneel down to meet my eyes, and I break eye contact with them because good memories flood back to me. I kick over a nearby lamp and it unplugs, a small smile appears on my face.

"Um, we need to talk," Chanhee says to kevin and stands up and heads out of his bed room.

"We'll be right back babe, we'll talk when you're ready" He pats my head.

"Good luck with that" I wave to him and start untying my shoes. Kevin gives me an extremely worried look before he closes the door. See, you're stressing already- I told you I'd ruin your lives. you should've just left me out there.

I turn off the bedroom lights as soon as he closes the door, but unfortunately Chanhee has those stupid fairy lights strung all around his room ceiling.

I lay on the floor on my back, air tracing the lights I want to rip from the walls.

The talking is muffled but I can still hear all of the boys discussing.

"It's scaring me"
"she's never been like this before. It looks like she's being too strong right now... but really she's at her weakest"
"How do you know?"
"Just talk to her for five minutes- then you'll agree with me"
"She was always so bright, and resilient, I wonder what happened"
"Only sunhee could tell us"
"I have a feeling it'll be hard for her to talk"
"You know what the scariest part is?"
"What"
"She's smiling. when we saw her in the streets she was laughing, spinning around in the pouring rain"

"woah"
"something big must've happened"
"Is your room safe?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like, windows, glass,sharp objects...?"
"fudge,"
"Well go check!"
"I feel like she needs time to herself though, that's what I want when I'm upset"
"This isn't about what she wants, this is about her safety"

"I'll go check on her"

I sigh of disappointment as footsteps come closer and the bedroom door opens- light from the hallway pours into the room. My arm drops on the floor that was tracing the lights and I sit up.

Kevin kneels down on the floor with me.
"You good babe?"

"Don't call me that" I say back, fiddling with my hairband on my wrist.
"Why not?" he asks. it reminds me of good memories in high school. but I can't say that. I won't say that. I won't open up- no matter how hard you try.

"or else" I say
"Or else what," Kevin says, surpressing a smile.
"You don't want to know," I say, trying to sound intimidating.

"Okay," he sits down, resting his head in his hands.
"Don't look at me,"
"Why not?" he asks.
"you're eyes are too bright for this room" I mutter.
"Pfft"
"Go away" I turn my body away from kevin, who is smiling too much.

He scoots over and hugs me from behind. "We're here for you babe, do you want to be alone?"
"Yes. Isn't that obvious" I say. I feel like these words are coming out involuntarily.

my heart wants to say no, stay with me, I need your help.
But a new part of my brain brings out these dark words.
I have no idea what's wrong with me.

"Okay, but this isn't that last you've heard from kevin," Kevin stands up, offering me a small smile. He looks around the room briefly and then closes the door softly behind him.

kevin turns back to the boys gathering in the hallway. "Okay, I think she's safe in there"
"You sure?"
"Pretty sure"
"what was she doing?"
"Nothing. Like actually nothing, just laying on the floor"
"Did she knock over any of my stuff??"
"No, chill dude"

"There is something unsettling though. Like, from the outside, besides her hair and clothes, she looks completely fine. But its so obvious somethings wrong"
"changmin maybe you should talk to her"
"Gladly! I will! Can I?"
"No, not now."

"Okay..."
"Well you two know her best. What do we do?"
"I think... I think she needs more time"
"Yeah, I think so too. We can't make any assumptions for now"
"I picked up her suitcase that was on the sidewalk, we should just have her prep for sleep and she can sleep in my room"
"Yeah, then we'll pick it up from the morning tomorrow"

"Okay, Chanhee where will. you go?"
"someone should stay with her in the night don't you think? We've never seen her like this, she seems a bit unpredictable right now"

"yeah, Chanhee and I can stay in his room with her, then at least one of us will wake up if something happens."
"Good idea,"
"Okay then, everybody just go to sleep now, we'll reconvene in the morning"
"Good night"
"Bye"
"Good night"
"Good luck"

Many pairs of feet shuffle in different directions, and I turn to lay facing the wall when two people open the bedroom door.

"Sunhee..."
"I'll get her suitcase" kevin's voice says as he trails downstairs.

Chanhee steps towards me slowly, he rests is hand on my arm very gently, as if I'd break if he didn't. My clothes and hair are slowly drying, but the rain can still be heard against the windows.

"Sit up" he says, a suddden sternness in his voice.

I sit up boredly and lean on the wall. He sits crisscross applesauce facing me.
"H-how are you?" he asks softly. His voice makes me melt inside involuntarily.

"good," I respond.

He sighs and sits next to me agains the wall. Sometimes I forget how much taller he is because he seems so small and delicate.
Chanhee gently taps my head to his shoulder, making me lean on him.

"I almost cried because of you," he says, patting my head repeatedly. I am slightly surprised by this because he didn't seem like the type to comfort by skinship.

"I told you, I'd mess up your lives" I say back.

"You won't. No matter how hard you try, you never could." Chanhee says calmly, though his heart is beating fast.
"are you scared" I ask bluntly.

"No. You're not scary," he says.
"You don't know that" I say.
"But I know you, and I know that you aren't scary" Chanhee adds.
"You don't know me now" I say.
"No, I certainly don't," He almost chuckles. "But I do know the real you"

Before I can protest, the door opens and closes again and Kevin stands in the bedroom, a suitcase in hand.
"Oh, what're you guys doing?" He asks.

"Nothing" I say
"Talking" Chanhee says. They exchange a look that reads, I haven't gotten anything out of her though.

"I see, well Sunhee, here's your suitcase. You can get ready for bed in that bathroom and sleep on chanhee's bed" Kevin says, rolling the suitcase towards us at the wall.

Chanhee mouths something to him, probably along the lines of My bed?!

Kevin ignores him as I lean off of chanhee and unzip the suitcase. As soon as I look inside my heart stops.

It's filled with pictures, polaroids, printed, digital cameras, you name it. No Clothes, just my toiletry bag. Sujin knew just how to torture me, not by leaving me on the streets with nothing. But something worse, the guilt that eats away from inside.

I shuffle through all of the pictures, and to my greatest fear, tears blur my eyes. The pictures contain memories, so many memories.

Me with everyone in Neon, group pictures, at the company, trainee pictures, we were there for each other through it all. So young and hopeful. And I ruined all of that.

before I even know it, tears are streaming down my face, and kevin rushes over immediately, glancing in the suitcase filled with the captured memories.
Neither of the boys really seem to understand exactly why I'm bawling, but they take me in their arms anyways.

I broke down, to my greatest disappointment, I wasn't able to keep my scary, cold exterior for long. It's just not possible with these two by my side.