My head went wild. What the fuck is happening to my life?

I got shocked at the news. The light aircraft papa was flying got struck by lightning after he violated his own rules. Papa was not suppose to be flying the plane knowing the sky was turbulent. But he was too stubborn. Nakipag-away pa raw siya sa boss niya at hindi na siya napigilan. He was so persistent to go home after hearing what happened to me...

I couldn't see clearly. I was crying intensely for hours. My friends are also here with me, waiting outside the operating room. Kuya Jivian was also crying beside me. We've been waiting here for hours now but the door won't open.

It was back... I felt so empty again. All this time I thought it already faded.. I.. I thought I was already happy and safe within. But, I was wrong. I was inside me all the time. I just forgot about it because I was surrounded with laughter and noises. It was, yet again, suffocating me.

Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ganito ang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Bakit isa-isang nawawala ang mahal ko sa buhay.. Bakit nila ako sinasaktan?

"Ms. Zolina?" We all stood up, when we heard the doctor speak. The doctor went to me and gave me a small smile. I tried to wipe the tears away from my sight to see her clearly. I couldn't study her face... Bakit ganoon? Bakit ngumingiti pero malungkot?

"What happened? Is papa okay? It's not that critical right?" Kuya asked, sobbing. "Please tell me it's not that critical..."

The doctor slowly shook his head. I look away, wanting to scream. Fuck, I don't know what to feel. Everything inside me just hurts so bad. What do I do next? Everyone that are important to my life are slowly leaving me and I'm barely even starting my life. Senior High palang ako, oh. Can someone spare me sympathy... please?

I shook my head, denying everything I heard. My father is a strong man. Mabubuhay siya. Kailangan ko pa siya putangina huwag niyo naman ikuha muna. Hindi pa ako kompleto. Hindi pa ako gaano kaahon sa mga nakaraang nangyari. Bakit may isa nanaman?

"He will be suffering brain injury due to the debris that hit his head. His left fibula, cervical spine and upper abdomen afe all suffering critical fractures. We can't assure a fast treatment yet because we will be focusing on his brain injury. If his nerves defects constantly... his survival rate may decrease."

I shut my eyes and closed my ears with the palms of my hands. I don't want to hear it. Everything... Everything is just falling apart.

I don't know how to convince myself to fight again. Halos mawalan na ako ng pag-asa kahit ito palang ang nangyayari kay papa.. He's still in ICU but I'm almost dying. I couldn't find any light in my life. Where did they all go? My support system, my home, my adviser— where did they all went?

I was happy. I was so excited to see him. Gusto ko nang lumaban kanina dahil sa sinabi ni kuya. Ayaw ko nang sumuko payo ni Hailes... Pero ano 'to? Bakit hindi ko makaya? I'm being a hypocrite. I was ready but when I wanted to face the battle, I couldn't help myself. I'm being fucking weak again.

"Kumain ka, Mau." Umiling ako kay Stella. Nandito kami sa cafeteria ng ospital. Hindi pumasok si Stella kasi nasaktan rin siya sa nangyari. "Maurie, kahit isang subo lang please? Gusto mo bang mamatay nang maaga kesa sa papa mo?"

I didn't flinched at her remarks. It didn't hurt me. I just stared at the food infront. Hindi pa ito nagalaw. I was too tired to think... I was too tired to hear their voices. Pagod na pagod nanaman ako.

"I-Im sorry, nadulas... I'm sorry, Mau." I didn't reply. I felt my throat soar. "Kumain ka na please? Hindi 'to magugustuhan ni papa."

I sighed. Gusto ko namang kumain pero.. wala akong gana. Hindi ito ang ulam na niluto ni papa. Mas lalo akong hindi gaganahan.

"Hev- Tangina mo!" Stella suddenly took my foods and threw it behind me. It made me flinched because the girl was making a scene. Doctors, nurses, and patients inside looked to our direction.

"Bakit ka nandito, ha?! Ang kapal naman ng mukha mo para pumunta dito!" Stella started to walk towards the person behind me.

I looked back to see she was already grabbing her hair and pulling it furiously. My mouth parted. It was a middle-aged woman wearing a white coat. "Hayop ka sinaktan mo si Hevrea!"

"Oh my goodness, Stella!" I froze when I recognized the voice. My heart started to beat fast and my hands trembled. I couldn't look back. It.. It was my mom. "Stella tama na!"

I backed away from my seat and take a look of them. I stood up, looking speechless at the sight. Stella was tackling my mom on the floor and grabbing her hair. My mom couldn't fight back because Stella kept on pushing her by her legs.

I immediately backed away and bumped into the metal table. People started to gather. I heard murmurs but none of them interfere the fight.

When my mom and my eyes locked, Stella was pushed aside. I shook my head intensely and walk backwards. My mom stood up and walked towards me. She tried to grab my wrist  before I completely fell on the floor. Her eyes.. It was screaming anger and frustration. Fuck. I'm not letting this happen. No. No. Not today.

"N-No.. Don't touch me!" I screamed, crying. I tried to stand up but my feet was trembling. I kicked her when she tried to reach a hand. "Don't fucking go near me you monster!"

"H-Hevrea.. This is your mom." She smiled sweetly and hugged me. "Shush... Please don't cause a scene."

I immediately felt disgusted by her touch. I pulled her arms but her grip on my body was too strong. I cried and screamed for help but none of them interfere. I cried and cried, kicking my mom.

No.. Everything is coming back to my mind. I heard sirens, breaking vases, and screams. My ears started to feel random sounds. I shut my eyes and cried even more intense. She's hurting me. Helena is hurting my heart. I couldn't breathe... Her grip was too tight.  

"Hevrea!" I heard a shout and my mom's grip immediately left my body. I fell at the floor and my vision suddenly went blur. My specs were no where hanging on my nose.

All I can see are blurred feet. There were tons. But none of them tried to help me. I'm hurt. Why aren't they helping me? How can they not feel empathy?    

"M-Mau, can you hear me? Naririnig mo ba ako?" Someone cupped my cheek and shook it. "I-Im sorry I'm late... Shit, I'm so sorry.."

I was just.. staring at nowhere. My heart throb fast and my body felt cold due to the floor. The person started to lift my body to hug me but I didn't budge. The touch... his touch.

"Hailes..." I softly spoke. I recognized his touch. It was warm and safe. It was just what I need. He was what I need at this moment.

My arms wrapped around his waist and my head is buried within his chest. I felt my heart calmed down and my eyes stopped forming tears. 

Ang pahinga ko.. Nandito na.

"I'm sorry, Mau. I'm sorry I was late." He kept on apologizing. "Everything is okay now. Everything is fine. Nandito na ako. Hindi kita iiwan."

"Hailes.." I sighed in relief. "Hailes, I love you..."

"I love you more, my love. I love you more than 8 letters," He replied kissing my head. "Let's go. Let's leave first, okay?"

He carried me out of the scene and we went out of the cafeteria. We took an elevator and then went inside an office. I immediately recognize the interior. He slowly placed me on the sofa before closing the door of the office.

I look at him. He was wearing a uniform and his bag was on the table. May klase silang ngayon. "H-Hailes... Bakit ka nandito?"

"I told you I'll be here whatever happens." He sat on the table infront and took the blazer of our uniform. He placed it on my shoulders. Hailes then smiled. "I was suppose to visit your father but I heard a fight inside the cafeteria. My mom was also there and she's the one who took care of your mo- of Helena."

I nodded. Hailes started to fix my hair and comb it with his hands. I look down and played with my fingers.

He's always here... Palagi niya akong naaabutan na umiiyak at nakakaawa. Hindi ba siya napapagod? Ako kasi, nakokonsensya ako.. Hindi ba mahirap alagaan ang mga babaeng kagaya ko?

Wala nang maganda sa buhay ko. Hindi ulit ako ngumingiti at tumatawa. Ito pa naman ang gusto ni Hailes sa akin.. He loves to hear my laughs and smiles because it calms his heart. It was also the reason why he fell for me. Paano na'to? Paano ko maibigay sa kanya kung pagod na ako sa buhay?

"Please, don't think like that.." I look up at him. I was confused... I tilted my head and raised a brow. Shit I nakalimutan ko!

"Do you really think I will stay this long just because I am in love with your laugh and smiles? Of course no, Mau. There's more about you that my mouth can't explain... Something that completes my heart whenever I see you. My mouth can't give the right words but my heart understands." Hailes leaned to give me a short kiss. "If only hearts can speak... It will definitely say the right words how much I love the woman infront of me."

I sighed before smiling. I was left speechless again. This man really knows to reassure me.

He leaned over give me a short kiss again. "Now baby let's not count about our love for each other, okay?" He softly spoke. "Because I don't think I would be here standing if I never loved you deeply. And, you won't be here opening up about your problems and feeling safe withing my presence if you don't love me much."

I smiled and nod. Just like that. In the middle of chaos, there was him. Hailes knows how to take care of me. He knows how to reassure me even if I don't seek for his help. He just suddenly appear infront of me and now all my worries are gone. All the things that happened earlier are now out of my mind and he would be filling my mind with tender and sane. If this isn't love, then I don't know what it is.

Hailes opened his bag and lift a Tupperware. "Here, I bought you...." He then opened the tupperware. "Your favorite! Strawberry Sponge Cake."

A smile rose when I saw the cake. "Actually, I bought this kailan pa for Sky's birthday. Pero hindi ka kasi pinayagan ni kuya mo so I just brought it with me here," Hailes told while he went to a cabinet and took a plate. He then placed it where he was sitting earlier. "I didn't ate it yet kaya sabay nalang tayo. I tried my best to buy the exact one so judge, chef..." He shrugged before chuckling. 

He sat beside me and gave me a fork. "Do you want me to be honest?" I nodded before taking the fork and took a bite of the cake. "I tried my best to find the exact cake your father made in the town. Seven cakes. I bought seven cakes from different stores here in Manila pero none of them were like you father's. Tapos all this time it was brought all the way from France!"

I chuckled while my mouth was full of cake. Hailes looks cute as he face palmed and fell on the couch dramatically. He laughed and that made my heart feel calmness. He was able to make me feel better... Atleast, it was something better than sadness.

"Goodness, buti nalang Zea also like to eat cakes so she brought the three home." Hailes huff. He then opened his mouth and pointed at it. "Subo, please."

I chuckled before placing a cake inside his mouth using my fork. "How's school? Are you doing fine with the works? Nagsisimula na yung second sem, ah."

He munched the cake and gulp. "Yes, babe. I passed the assignments you did and the ones inside the locker as well. The others are not finished pero ako nalang ang sumagot. It was pretty easy so no need to complain." He opened his mouth again and pointed at it. I shook my head in amusement before putting a cake inside again.

"How about ngayon? More requirements pa ba?" He shook his head.

"No need to worry, babe. Wala na halos because second semester is still starting. The lessons got harder but that's an easy case. Sabi nila palagi kang tulog dati pero nakakasagot naman. So, I think you'll do great with this one," He smiled before hugging my waist.

I playfully rolled my eyes. Totoo naman. But that's not the case. The thing is... I need motivation. I can't let my brain work when my head feels empty.

"Don't worry... We will study and help each other once you're doing fine na. Kung pwede lang, gagawin ko rin ang ginawa ni Stella-" I immediately placed a cake inside his mouth before he can even continue his words. Hailes's laughed and munched the cake.

"Kapag gagawin mo 'yun, mauna na akong itakwil ka!" I threatened.

Hailes just laughed. "Joking! I know hindi ko na kailangang gawin 'yun kapag tayo ang mag-r-review. I'll promise you'll learn something when you're with me. Teacher-boyfriend mo ako." Hailes smiled cutely and flattering his eyelashes. I laughed softly. Parang timang, nagmumukhang bata.

Me and Hailes talked for more than an hour inside the office. Tapos na ang lunch time pero hindi pa rin siya bumabalik sa school. Agad ko namang naalala si Stella.

I suddenly stood up. "Si Stella pala? Nasaan pumunta siya?"

"Sumama kay mommy sa police station. Nandoon daw ang kuya mo at si Kesior.. I think they're working on filing a case against Helena," Hailes answered and smiled. "I'm here to take care of you.. Si mommy rin ang kumuha para maging doctor ni papa mo. Tomorrow na rin ang charity event... If you want to come."

I smiled before shaking my head. "No na..."

"Ah.. right, speaking of which," Hailes said and took something from his pocket. It was his wallet. "I think you need to see this.."

"Here." He gave me the picture that was torn in half. The other half was missing. In the picture, it shows a little boy grinning with a medal. There was also an unknown arms wrapped around his neck and waist  but since half of the picture is missing, you can't identify whose hands were those.

I gasped when I recognized the background. I looked at him before looking back at the picture. "San Isidro Home for The Children?!"

Hailes chuckled at my reaction. He pulled me close to him by my waist and took something from his wallet again. It was the other piece. He then connects it together with the other piece. My jaw dropped when I saw the other piece.

"Hi, Riri.." He giggled.

It was a picture of a little girl. She has wavy hair like mine, plump lips like mine, light skin like mine, and her forehead was wide like mine. It was me.

How? Paano napadpad sa kanya ang picture na ito? Bakit may picture siya na ganito? Wala naman akong kalarong lalaking kamukha niya tuwing bumibisita kami sa bahay ng ampunan na ito. Unless the boy here is.... Siya si Raf?!

"Ikaw si Raf?!" I exclaimed, looking at him with my eyes bulged. Hailes just giggled like a kid as he nods. "Wha- wait, how? Hindi kayo–" I raised the picture of the little boy beside his face and compares the both. I covered my mouth when all of the features matched well.

"Hm.. Told you I already saw you somewhere. I didn't realize you were the beautiful little girl I've been looking for." Hailes cupped my cheeks with the other hand that holds the other half of the picture. "The jolly Riri I met years ago.. My playmate and my first crush is now my girlfriend without me even knowing."

I blinked rapidly. I can't process what's happening. Pati ba ito surprise rin? Ano pa ang sunod? Magkapatid kami ni Stella?

Hailes was smiling crazy while I still couldn't process what just happened. My eyes corrupted. "I-Ito ba... Ito ba ang picture sa wallet mo kaya gustong gusto mo talaga mahanap iyon?" He nodded, smiling.

"I cherished you eversince. Gusto kitang makita ulit because I found happiness within the Riri I knew before." He spoke softly, caressing my cheek. I stared at his eyes.. Goodness does eyes— does eyes spoke love. "And that's what I felt when I first met you... You made me believe you were my Riri. From the moment I heard your voice and your laugh, I thought you were Riri... and you were, baby."

I blinked and stared at his eyes. Raf... Siya si Raf. The conyo boy I met. The only boy that understands my alien language. The boy that protected me from the kids. The boy that is patient with everything I want to learn. He was... just like Hailes.

"I love you talaga. Talaga, talaga." He scrunched his nose and rubs it to mine, giggling.

"I love you talaga. totoo, talaga." I replied the way he scrunched his nose and wiggles it as well. We both laughed.