Requested!

Characters:

Wilbur: He/they

Techno: he/him

Phil: he/him

Tommy: he/him

Niki Nihachu: she/her

TWs//: bullying, self-deprecation/hatred, depression, censored trans slurs, suicidal thoughts, mental abuse/manipulation

WE'RE BACK TO THE ANGST BABEYYYY

——— E N J O Y ———

Wil hated himself. He hated every inch of their body, hated the way his hair fell to his shoulders, hated the way their chest moved, hated the way he bled every month. They hated it. They knew he was a burden. He knew this. They knew no one actually cared about him- everyone else only felt pity for him. He normally wanted to be someone- anyone else.

But especially in that moment did he want to be different. Hell, they didn't even want to be alive.

——

Wil was at the pool, in a swim shirt and shorts. Their curves were painfully visible in the tight swimwear, but he didn't mind as much when he was underwater. He was practically weightless. He couldn't feel anything, and it felt good. They swam and laughed with his twin, Techno, and their younger brother Tommy. 

Eventually, of course,  nature called. Wil had to use the bathroom. So they got out of the pool and walked, shivering, hiding his chest with his crossed arms, to the locker rooms. They winced as he walked right by the men's locker room and into the women's. There was a yellowed florescent light at the end of a hallway that lit the channel of water in the middle of the hall. The tiles were blue, and every other tile there was the word "women" painted in tall, bold letters. Reminding him that they were not where he was supposed to be.

He slouched, digging their nails into their arms, shivering. He made it into the main locker room and saw a couple of women washing their bodies. Everywhere, long hair, curves, dresses, bikinis. Wil froze up and then sprinted into one of the bathroom stalls and slammed the door shut. 

This was wrong, so utterly wrong.

They were supposed to be surrounded by men, by bare, flat chests and swim trunks and-

He finished as fast as he could, then left. They jumped back into the pool, holding his breath. What if they never took another...?

The pool floor was rough. Wil dragged their fingers against the surface gently, then pressed down hard enough to draw blood. A hand darted under the water and grabbed Wil's wrist. He broke the surface and looked up to see Techno. His dark brown eyes calmed Wil.

  "You okay?" Techno's voice was monotone, but if you knew him long enough you could tell- he was worried.

Wil glanced down at their hand. His fingertips and his knuckles were dark with blood, the skin underneath jagged and shredded.

  "I don't want to anymore, Techie. I can't-" Wil's voice shook. It was feminine. He sounded like a girl. Tears flowed from their eyes. "I don't want to be alive if I have to live in this body." Their voice cracked. "I'm scared."

He was scared they would hurt himself, scared they would hurt others.

He hugged their brother tightly, biting back tears.

  "It's gonna be okay."

Stereotypical, but it helped.

——

Wil walked themself down to the bus, behind his bickering brothers. A hushed fluttering noise soared over his head, and they looked up to see a flock of black birds. The sounds of the wings getting quieter as the birds flew off.

He was wearing their big black sweatshirt, the one they always wore when he was dysphoric.

Techno turned to check if Wil was still following, and noticed the sweatshirt.

  "Gimme a second, These." 'These' was one of Tommy's many nicknames, having been named Theseus. Their father had adopted them all and asked their names. They all introduced themselves with their given names.

  "You know, you can choose a different name if you want," Phil had said. They all thought for a moment.

  "Technoblade. Techno for short." Tech had said. 

  "Um. Well, I guess- since my name is Willow, I'll just go by Wil."

  "Theseus." Tommy introduced, puffing up his chest proudly.

And then, they had gone by those names since they were adopted.

  "You alright, Wil?" Tech asked quietly. Wil picked at the bandages on his hand. 

  "Yeah, I'm okay." Wil looked up and smiled. They were always okay. Always fine, always alright, always doing good. 

Always.

——

  Wil stepped out of the bus, covering his shoulder-length, curly brown hair. They walked alongside Techno while Toms ran off to find his best friend, Toby. Techno reached over and grabbed Wil's hand. A very, very rare gesture, as Tech practically never showed physical affection. Wil stared down at his hand, intertwined with Tech's, and tried to hold back their tears. The brothers walked into the crowd, pushing through to get to the other side. One of Wil's best friends, Niki, appeared out of the blue.

  "Hay, girl!" She said, swinging her hip playfully and smiling at Wil. Wil smiled back, pained internally.

  "Hi, Niki." He croaked.

  "You alright, Willow?" Niki asked in response. Wil squeezed Techno's hand. Tech was the only person who knew that Wil wasn't a girl. Wil opened their mouth and then closed it.

  "Who's Willow?" Wil asked in a hoarse whisper. Niki's face furrowed in concern and confusion.

  "Techno, what is she talking about?" Niki asked Techno in a whisper.

  "I'm right here." Wil spoke louder, taking his hood off and standing taller. "Why don't you ask me?" They squeezed his brother's hand.

  "Willow, what...?"

  "Niki, there's something I have to tell you." Wil paused.

  "Well, what is it?"

  "I-I'm trans." He blurted out, louder than they intended. Niki stopped and opened her mouth.

  "What- what do you mean." 

  "I'm not a girl, Nikita. I'm a boy. A demiboy, actually. My pronouns are he/they." Niki stared silently. Her mouth closed, and her eyebrows lowered as she stared Wil down. "My name is Wilbur."

  "No, it's not."

Wilbur stopped.

  "Yes... it is? My name-"

  "Your name is Willow, and you're a girl." Niki said quietly. "You're just confused."

Tears pricked at Wilbur's eyes. Did she not believe them?

  "Hey, bitch." Techno growled, stepping in front of Wil. "You're not allowed to speak to my brother that way." Wilbur's back tingled at the word 'brother' spoken aloud.

  "Why are you indulging in her selfish ways to get attention??" Niki asked loudly. Tommy suddenly appeared, grabbing Niki's arm.

  "Niki, what's wrong?" He asked

  "Theseus." Techno growled. Tommy looked scared.

  "This pig," Niki motioned to Techno passively, "is pretending Willow is a boy, just because she says. She's clearly looking for attention."

Tommy looked up, his eyes wide, but flooding with understanding.

  "Wil?" He asked in a whisper.

  "Toms." Wilbur croaked. "Tommy, I'm not a girl, please don't believe Niki. I'm a boy. My name is Wilbur." Tears dripped down his face. They felt betrayed. Tommy looked with shocked eyes upon Niki, then scowled. 

  "Is this some sort of joke, Nikita?" He growled.

  "So you're siding with her. Great. I thought you were different." Tommy look struck. His hand raised and at the last second Toby grabbed him before he slapped Niki.

  "YOU FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC BITCH-" Tommy shouted. Heads were turning. Theseus struggled against Toby's grasp.

  "THESEUS, CALM DOWN." Toby shouted. A teacher rushed over and stopped Tommy.

  "What in lord's name is going on here?" The teacher asked.

  "It's not important." Wilbur mumbled.

  "Shut the fuck up, Wilbur, you shouldn't have to deal with shitheads like this bitch." Tommy said. Wil tried his best to suppress it, but a strangled sob slipped out of his mouth. Everyone tensed. "Sorry, Wil..." Toms said quietly.

  "It's not your fault." Wilbur sobbed. The teacher escorted everyone involved into the office, where Techno took Wil into a side room to help them calm down. He wet a towel and pressed it gently to Wilbur's face, wiping away the tears from Wil's amber eyes.

  "Hey, Wilbur. Do you want to go home, or can you stay at school?" Tech asked. Wilbur sniffed and placed his bandaged hand over Techno's.

  "I can stay at school." They spoke. Their hand throbbed. He held in another sob, and Techno probably saw their face wrinkle.

  "If you need to cry, cry." He said softly. Wilbur sobbed.

  "What if I'm faking it? What if I am just really looking for attention?" Wilbur cried.

  "You're not."

  "But-"

  "Shut up. I've watched you. Your eyes light up when I call you handsome, you smile slightly when I call you brother, and you're confident in masculine clothes. When someone calls you a girl, or she, or miss, or Willow, you cringe and pull back. You're not a girl, Wilbur Soot. You're a boy, just like me, just like Theseus." Techno said, holding Wil's hands away from his eyes. Wilbur stayed silent, tears dripping down their face. Then they nodded.

  "Okay."

Okay.

———

OH MY FUCKING GOD

THAT TOOK FOREVER

I AM 

SO

SORRY

IM SORRY ITS NOT EVEN FULLY COMPLETE I CAN MAKE A PART TWO

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED

SORRY AGAIN

DRINK SOME WATER

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