Couldn't resist putting this content in this book so here you go..

Me: Papa, I want to become an actor

Dad: Beta, usse doctor pronounce karte hai.

In other nation when one gets sick: Get well soon

In india, my friends: Mere chacha bhi iss he beemaari se tadap tadap kar mar gaye the

Me: Chal samosa khaate hai

Friend: nahi upvaas hai

Me: Arre mere taraf se treat hai

Friend: Arree, mein hari chutney lunga uske saath

Me: Mom do you need help?

Mom: No it's ok

*10 Minutes later*

Mom: Nobody in this house cares for me. Nobody helps at all.

Types of chashmaas in India:

1. Chashmish chashma

2. Kaala chashma

3. Taarak Mehta ka Ooltah Chashmaa

If roasting was an olympic sport, here are the results:

Third position: Indian mother

Second position: Indian mother]

First position: Indian mother

Me: Mom, I cleaned my room, arranged my books, completed homework. I'm gonna take a break.

Mom: Ha ha kyu nahi.. toppers toh har chhota sa kaam karke break lete hai na.. tumhe padhne ki kya zarurat.. sirf maze karo, padhai mat karna!

Me: Chhodo, galti ho gai.

Most hated person on Earth: Sharma ji ka beta/beti

3 types of people:

1. Aapko humse

2. Tujhe mujhe

3. Tereko mereko

Which one are you?

Me: I'm mature

Also me: Chal dominoes mei phone karke pizza hut ka number maangte hai

Mercedes: We have 12 airbags, safety controls, parking assist and sensors. We are very safe-

Maruti 800: We have ganeshji on our dashboard.

Wannabe

Ultra wannabe

India emi halloween celebrate karne ki koshish karne wale

Unlucky

Bohot unlucky

Phir aate hai voh jinke Sunday ko full day classes and tests hote hai

How to thank Riya:

Thank you Riya WRONG

ShukRIYA CORRECT

How to bade good bye to Akash:

Bye Akash WRONG

Tata sky CORRECT

Mom: Khana lau?

Me: Abi nahi. Bhookh nahi hai

*I nano second later*

Mom: Kahan lau?

*Just about to put the bite in my mouth*

Mom: Kaisa hai?

Me: Mom, aaj mei khana pakaungi
Mom: Arre waah beta! Shabaash
Me: Mummy paani kitna daalu?
Me: Bada bartan kaha hai?
Me: Namak kitna daalu?
Me: Pata kaise chalega paani ubal gaya hai?
Me: Achha bubbles aayenge! Bade bubbles ya chhote bubbles?
Me: Kounsa chamach istemaal karna hai?
Me: Iss masale ka kya kaam hai?

Mom: Beta, chhod do.. mein khud karti hu

Friends in USA: Hey, happy birthday! I got you a gift from my pocket money!
My friends in India: Patties khila na. Party kab hai?

Indian kid talking to relatives over the phone:
Hello
Mein theek. Aap kaise ho
Achha ok
Haa
Heheheh
Thank you
Theeke pakka
Hehe
Ye lo mummy se baat karo

Indian mom's at restaurants: Ye toh mei ghar pe bhi bana sakti hu. Yaha itna paisa kharachne ki kya zarurat thi

Indian's remedy for all disease: Crocin
Fever: Crocin
Throat infection: Crocin
Cancer: Crocin
My pet fish is ill: Mis Crocin in the water
Cause for every disease: Phone -_-

Americans try their best to invite the least amount of people for their weddings. Indians try their best to have a big, fat, heavily populated wedding. They will invite everyone, even the newspaper and milk guy and all those people they've met hardly once in life.

More money is spent on weddings, than on education. Sad reality.

Mom when angry: Wash the dishes
I donot quietly cause I fear her wrath.
Mom: Clean your room
Me: Ok
Mom: Fill the bottles and keep it in the fridge.
Me: Ugh fin-
Mom: WHAT? YOU DARE NOT TALK BACK

When you google your symptoms..
Google: mar jaayenga tu

Remote nahi chal raha. Usko peeto.
Bachcha nahi padh raha. Usko bhi peeto.

When your parents turn your joke into an unnecessary, unrelated life lesson.

Me: I got 99%
Parents: where's the 1 mark?

When you tell mom you lost Tupperware dabba or Milton bottle.

When we get free advice from autowallahs in our country about our lives and the country's future.

When crucial political problems are solved by our senior citizens in their morning walks.

When all the problems of the world can be sorted over a cup of tea.

Loving street food even though it's unhealthy but bragging about going to high-end restaurants.

Maintaining a fine balance between shopping for clothes on streets and malls.

The way we travel- There's always space for one more person!

We cross the road without caring for the signal. All colors look green to us.

We honk all the time senselessly, especially 10 secs before light's to go green. We'll honk at cars, people, cows and even traffic police. Traffic rules are for the rest of the world.

Parking is the most fun part of indian roads. Parking spot is not a piece of land, it's a state of mind. You can turn any spot into parkin spot if you feel like so!

Getting our money's worth. 'Paisaa vasool' is a unit of currency for us, which unites us all.

Bargaining like a boss. 'Chalo na aapka na mera' are the golden words without which a transaction cannot be decalred over. Paying at market price is the crime of a customer. Even after fighting tooth and nail over the price and buying the product, if someone tells you you could've bought for cheaper if you would've tried harder, you believe them.

Jumping on and off of moving trains and buses- single largest reason why we were fed Chyawanpraash by our mothers- so we could jum on and off of moving vehicles like boss (or Kajol, whichever you'd prefer). Such a skill aquired can't be easily lost once learnt.

Beleiving in the most number of Gods in the world- and naming and praying to each one of them.

Calling everyone uncle/aunty, regardless of the fact that you are not related to them and you are probably meeting them for first time in your life.

Aquiring a foreign accent after an international trip.

The magnificent art of getting by (a.k.a Jugaad )

Ask for an extra panipuri / golgappa from vendor after he has served you the number you actually paid for. Ask for free corriander or green chillies after buying vegetables from vendors is like a human right.

Mothers will always ask for extra shopping bags whenever you go for shopping and hoards them at home , saying " it will come in use some day " as a result there are polybags inside polybags in some corner of the house.

You are used to getting all sorts of candies and chocolates instead of change from the shopkeeper.

Buying clothes or shoes one size larger than your actual size. No explaination needed for this.

If the clothes doesn't fit the older sibling the younger sibling has to wear it. That's the rule.

If the clothes doesn't fit the younger sibling it has to be used to mop floor.

There's a special set of crockery for our guest.

Snacks appear out of nowhere when the guests arrive.

Whenever anyone is going out of town its a ritual to eat a spoonful of SUGAR and then go. So when Dad is going for a business trip or I'm going for my exams, right before we are leaving Mother India is all ready with a bowl of sugar!

Another practise is that wee CANNOT say "I am going" "Mei jaa raha/rahi hu"
That's completely a NO NO. "Mein Jaake Aati Hu!" pr "Mein aatu hu"is the norm which is to be adhered by.

Toothpaste is squeezed unless it looks shapeless and until the last atom has been used.

Buying pochas is too mainstream. (Iska koi purana kapda lelo).

Parents sneaking into kid's room and phones because there's nothing like privacy for Indian kids.

National dance form of the country: Naagin dance XD

Putting a god's/idol in our car.

Respecting books as Goddess Saraswati. You have to apologise if you touch a book by your feet.

Playing gully cricket and using anything and eerything as stumps.

Now finally done! For more such fun content, check out my other book as well!

Bye! Have fun reading!!:)