~Eleanor~

Ben stayed at the hotel. No matter how many times I told him he could come back until he found his own place, he refused. We didn't talk much either. He was still recuperating from his training camp and had a few practices to be ready for his pre-season games, and I went back to my apartment to take care of Ophelia. The only contact I had with him was when I texted him I had decided to attend his first game. After giving it a lot of thought, I came to the conclusion that it was the least I could do after not being there for him when he signed his contract. Plus, I really don't want us to start on the wrong foot again. We keep from going to an awkward place to a semi-good one, and I would like to stay in the latter for more than a few days. And I kind of want to attend. Ben has been dreaming of the NHL since he was a child, and he kept talking about his first official game since I met him. I would hate that no one he knows be present for this huge accomplishment. I invited Hannah to come with me, and she said yes. I'm glad I won't have to sit in the bleachers by myself for once. It'll be good to have someone to talk to during the intermissions between periods. I also decided to bring Ophelia, mostly because I didn't want to ask Matthew to babysit again, but also because it will make Ben happy. I need to make up for shutting him out after Will's wedding, and taking his daughter see him play is a good start.

Even if we're only in the middle of September, I dress Ophelia in a sweater and a pair of leggings. I also bring a hat in case it gets really cold in the arena. A taxi picks us up at my place at a quarter to six. We make a stop at the publishing house to pick up Hannah who is only wearing a navy-blue dress with thin straps.

"I think you should bring a sweater," I tell her as she sits beside me. "It can get quite cold in arenas." She only looks at me and, with a shrug of her shoulders, she dismisses me. I shrug too, thinking that I could always lend her mine if she gets too cold. I brought blankets for Ophelia and a sweater for myself, just in case. This is my new favorite expression since becoming a mother. I bring everything "just in case." Food just in case she gets hungry. Toys just in case she gets bored. More clothes just in case it gets too cold or too warm. I end up carrying her entire wardrobe and the whole pantry "just in case."

We start talking about our week since we haven't seen each other at all since I went to Ben's hotel, and more quickly than I had thought, the taxi pulls up in front of the Nassau Coliseum at six-thirty, thirty minutes until the game begins. I pull out our VIP badges and our tickets from my purse and hand one to Hannah. Our names are printed on the badges. I can't help but think that this is a lot fancier than Major Junior where we only had a sticker on our clothes that said we were allowed to go in the changing rooms. The arena is also much bigger than what I am used to. It can sit almost thirteen thousand people whereas the arena where the Spitfires were playing could welcome about two-thousand. The coliseum is also a lot more beautiful than the arena in Windsor. With its wavy metal outdoor look and fancy entrance gates, it's obvious this place holds some high-level sports games and concerts. Just seeing the size of this place makes me nervous, I can't imagine how Ben is feeling. As soon as we show our tickets to the lady at the entrance, she asks a security guard to take us to our seats. Fancy. We didn't have that in MJ.

"Would you like to head backstage before the game or after?" the security guard asks us while we make our way through the hundreds of people waiting to enter the arena. I usually go after, but I think that saying hello before the game would be a good idea. I answer the guard and he nods, changing his direction slightly. I hand my phone to Hannah and ask her to text Ben since it would be difficult for me to do so while holding Ophelia. I gave Ben his phone back the day I visited him after his training camp. I told him I would need to contact him, and he agreed to take it back even if it seemed like a tough decision for him. I would have never thought that Ben would willingly give his phone up. He was so obsessed about carrying it everywhere and using it all the time when we lived in Ontario.

We show our badges to a few security guards as we walk towards the restricted area of the arena. We pass by the food court, a few bars, and go down a few staircases, and, suddenly a colder air envelops us. Concrete walls surround us, accompanied by a faint smell of sweat and hot-dogs. I see Hannah scrunching her nose from the corner of my eye which makes me laugh.

"You're not used to the smell of cold hot-dogs, I see," I chuckle. She shakes her head as she wraps her arms around her. She's cold. I want to say that I told her to bring a sweater, but refrain as we pass by a few guys wearing Islanders jerseys.

"Ladies," one of them says with a wink. Hannah wiggles her hand at them before looking back at me with a huge smile on her face. I roll my eyes. I didn't think Hannah would fall for the stereotypical hockey player who flirts with everything and everyone.

The security guard stops in front of a solid metal door with the Islanders logo painted on it. The words: "Players Changing Room," are written on a plasticized sheet right under the logo. I thank him. He nods again before taking a step back. I ask Hannah for my phone to see if Ben answered. She hands it to me as I hand her Ophelia. I unlock my phone only to see that I have zero text notifications. I open the app. Written beside Ben's name are the first few words of the last text I sent him: "Hannah and I will come..." and it's dated from yesterday.

"Hannah?" She hums. "You didn't text Ben?" I ask. She looks surprised.

"Yeah, I did. Maybe it didn't work, but I did text him," she answers with a small voice. I click on the conversation, and, written in the typing area are the words Hannah wrote without sending them.

"You didn't hit send." I can't help but find it funny. It's not that big of a deal. I just press send and wait for Ben's reply.

But I don't get any. The text says it was delivered but not read, and, at ten before seven, the security guard warns us that we should take our seats if we don't want to miss the beginning of the game. I have to admit I am a little disappointed. I would have loved to wish Ben good luck before his big moment. Those pre-season games are important. They help the head coach determine where the players stand in the team and how much ice time each player gets. Ben must be nervous as hell.

"I'm sorry," Hannah says to me as we sit down in our reserved seats. The seats reserved for the players' families is right behind the opposite team's bench. The seats are really well located. I look for the nearest exit and for the fastest way to head to the restrooms, just in case.

"It's fine. I would have liked to say hi, but I'll see him afterwards," I answer with a smile. I settle Ophelia on my lap before covering her in a blanket. It really is cold. I offer Hannah my sweater and she takes it, thanking me profusely.

As soon as the music begins, I can't help but feel the butterflies erupt in my stomach. I haven't been to a game in over a year, and I have to admit that I missed the excitement it brings. There's nothing like standing in a crowd of people who are all passionate by the same thing. They start showing pictures of the players with their number and their stats. I don't have to wait long before seeing Ben's face pop up on the screen. I point to his face as I ask Ophelia if she recognizes him. The only answer I get is a giggle. I scream as loud as I can when they show some footage of him during trainings. I pull out my phone to record this moment to show it to him later. As quickly as he appeared, his face is replaced by another player's with far less teeth. After showing every player on each team, they all step on the ice under a sea of people screaming and clapping their hands. When I hear the announcer say Ben's name, I can't help but smile as I imagine how he must be feeling. After all those years of dreaming and waiting, it's finally time for him to make his debut in the NHL. Ophelia starts making funny faces because of the noise, so I pull out the earmuffs I ordered online. The screaming and loud sirens will only increase anyway.

I would never watch hockey on TV, but I could come to every game of the season and still feel giddy as I hear the national anthem being sung. Even if I don't know the American national anthem, I get up and place my hand on my heart like ten thousand people around me. Community. This is what it feels like right now. We are all united for the same thing. Islanders fan or Flyers fan, it doesn't matter right now. Americans, Canadians, Russians, Swedish, Germans, we are one for the two minutes it takes the signer to perform the national anthem. And she's good, better than any of the signers they hired in the lower levels. She brings goosebumps to my skin with each note. I could come to games just to hear her sing. All the players are on the ice, both teams facing each other as they take advantage of this quiet moment before the game starts.

Unfortunately, Ben starts the game on the bench. The coach wants to check out his new trios and since Ben isn't on the first one, he probably won't play much especially at first. The game is interesting, nonetheless. I try to make Ophelia follow, but her teddy bear proves to be more inviting than following an almost invisible puck. It's only halfway through the second period that Ben sets foot on the ice. I follow the number twenty as closely as possible. I know I don't know much about hockey, but, in my opinion, he's doing pretty good. He doesn't go where the puck is but where he thinks the puck is going to be. This is the first thing he thought me about hockey. We had stayed at the arena after his practice ended. He had asked me to bring my skates since there was a free skating hour after the hockey practice. There was only the two of us for about thirty minutes and that's when he started giving me a short hockey lesson.

"The most important thing is to be where the puck will be, not where the puck is. It keeps you from getting too tired too early in the game," he said as he slapped the puck into the net. I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about and I didn't understand a word, but I pretended it was the most interesting thing I had learned all day. We were just starting to see each other, I had to impress him.

Even though the Islanders lost 2-1, it was still a great game. For me at least. During the intermission between the second and third period, Ophelia fell asleep. The lady sitting in the row behind me tapped on my shoulder and asked who we were here to see play.

"Benjamin Johnson, number twenty," I answered.

"This your kid?" she asked pointing at Ophelia. I nodded. "She's beautiful. I have two sons. I always wanted a daughter, but my husband doesn't want a third child," she added, faking a frown.

"Does he play?" I asked her. It was her turn to nod.

"Yep. It's his second season here. Before we were in Nashville for a year, Florida before that, and North Carolina before that," she said, chuckling. I have to say that it scared me a little. Ben too could be drafted anywhere next season. Nothing says that he will still be with the Islanders.

"I'm Eleanor and this is my friend Hannah and my daughter Ophelia," I announced, extending my hand for the woman to take.

"What a pretty name. I'm jealous of your kid's name," she laughed. "I'm Tracy," she answered as we shook hands. "You meeting your boyfriend in the locker rooms later?" I ignored her boyfriend allusion and nodded. I only noticed her southern accent then. She probably met her husband when he was playing in Nashville. "Come with me. I'll show you all the secret spots."

And I did. After the game, Hannah and I followed Tracy to the changing rooms, but, with still no text from Ben, I was starting to wonder if he wanted to see me. 

Thank you for all the love you have been showing my books lately!! There's no words to express how much it means to me xx