Insecurities come from many places; some people have suffered from trauma, some have been cheated on previously, some have blemishes on their skin, or imperfections that they see before all else when they look in a mirror. For Leah, it was time. Time to think, time to look, time to study, and time to list the things that she didn't like about herself. I knew that my words had settled her in that moment, but it wasn't a permanent fix. When she caught a look at herself in the mirror next, or she saw a picture of herself in the paper, she would feel this way all over again.

Leah and I had developed a routine, we both did our equal share of housework, looking after the children together, and spending time together. However, Leah needed more than that. She needed to feel like her old self, feel like she had a reason to make an effort again. As her wife, it was my job to make that happen, my job to make her feel like I could be in love with her, in love with her forever.

Planning a first date with two children was difficult, there were a lot of things to organise. I spoke to Amanda, she wholeheartedly agreed to keep the kids overnight when she found out what I had planned. Leah wasn't so sure, her main concern being the kids.

"What about the kids?" Leah questioned.
"Your mum is having them, c'mon go!" I laughed.
"What kind of outfit?"
"Something for a date." I smiled back.
"Okay, I'll be super quick." Leah kissed me as she headed out the door, a smile plastered over her face.

When Leah returned she hid the bag from me, wanting her outfit to be a surprise. She had a glow about her, a glow that told me that she was starting to feel the butterflies that I felt too.

"I'll pick you up at 7pm, okay?" I smiled as I packed my clothes into a bag.
"Sounds good to me." Leah laughed as we organised our first date, as if we hadn't been married for years.

I travelled to a hotel, calling Amanda to check in on the kids before I began getting ready. The hotel manager had agreed that whilst I was out later they would do a 'honeymoon makeover' on the room, all part of my plan to remind Leah that our relationship hadn't lost it's spark. I began to pack my things together, travelling downstairs and out to the car that was waiting for me. As we travelled to collect Leah, my stomach was in knots but in a good way. This was a different type of first date; a first date where I knew the ending.

I pulled up outside the house that Leah and I shared, except tonight it was just her house. I walked to the front door, gently ringing the doorbell and stepping back to the bottom step. After a few seconds the door gently swung open, my eyes immediately finding hers as both our smiles grew. Leah was dressed in slim fitting suit, her hair gently falling around her face and a light layer of mascara bringing out the colour of her eyes more vividly than ever before.

"Wow. You look beautiful." I smiled as I struggled to refrain from kissing her.
"You look incredible, Alex." Leah smiled back.
"Ready?"
"Ready." Leah grinned as she followed me to the car, laughing as I held the door open.

The restaurant was just a few minutes away, we entered through the back to a private area to ensure tonight wasn't about anyone else but the two of us. Leah giggled as I held out her chair and poured her wine, her eyes looking at me with love and adoration. Leah's sparkle was back, my Leah was back.

Finally, for the first time in a very long time, Leah and I were able to talk about things that didn't involve house maintenance, homework, or cleaning. We spoke of music, football, fashion, and our life experiences before we had met. Leah's eyes sparkled as she talked about the latest runway trends and the concerts she had attended over the years.

After three hours of falling for each other all over again, I paid the bill, sent the text to Amanda to call the hotel and let them know we were on our way, and took Leah's hand as we walked back to the car. She looked confused as the driver drove in the opposite direction to our home, but trusted me that I knew what I was doing. We pulled up to the hotel, our hands still linked to each other as we walked inside and headed for the room that I hoped would be ready.

"Night then." I giggled as I left Leah to the hotel room door, still in the character of a first date.
"Alex?" Leah whispered as we stood by the door.
"Yeah?"
"I had a really good time with you tonight." She whispered as she leaned in to kiss me.

As our lips met, her left hand was still interlocked with my right, her right hand cupping my face as we both smiled into the kiss. My stomach filled with butterflies, my heart beating fast in my chest.

"Night cap?" Leah whispered without removing her lips from mine, gently laughing at herself for referencing Manchester.
"Night cap." I replied.

We reluctantly moved apart so I could open the door of the room, Leah gasped as she realised the room was decorated with balloons, rose petals, and candles. Leah's eyes immediately found the bath that had been filled, overlooking the city that had become our home. The hotel had connected my tablet to the speakers, the low sound of the playlist I had made for Leah filling the room. Leah's eyes filled slightly with tears, but this time they were happy tears. They were the tears of someone that needed this, needed to know how loved she truly was.

I led her into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her body between my legs. Leah slowly moved her face towards mine, gently putting my hair behind my ear as she brushed her lips against mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist, bringing her closer to me to kiss her in the way I had been thinking about since I saw her on the doorstep tonight. As the kiss intensified, I pushed her jacket to the floor, her hands going to the bottom of my top to pull it over my head. I slowly began to unbutton her shirt, kissing the skin above every button as I made my way to the bottom.

"Bath with me, Le." I whispered into her stomach.

As much as I wanted to rip her clothes off now, I knew we needed this. She needed to know that I wanted to look at her from the opposite ends of the bath, that I had my eyes on the features of her that she had fallen out of love with, and that seeing her tonight, in a different setting, changed nothing about my want to be intimate with her.

"Really?" Leah said, her body tensing slightly at the idea that tonight wouldn't be a lights off, under the blankets night.
"I want to admire you, Le. I want to be able to see all the parts of you that have been hidden by a blanket, or an oversized T-shirt recently." I continued kissing across her stomach as her shirt fell to the floor.
"They aren't the same as they used to be, Al." She spoke through a breath, goosebumps now appearing across the top of her stomach at the touch of my lips, tensing to hold it in.
"I want you, Le. Every part of you is perfect to me." I smiled up at her.
"C'mon then." She whispered as she pulled me towards the bath.

Leah and I continued to undress each other, the room filled with love and passion. She smiled as I climbed into the bath after her, pulling her body close to me as we both reached for the glasses of wine that the staff had left beside the bathtub for us.

"You know, the first night we went on a date I imagined my entire life with you as I sat across that table." Leah spoke.
"What did it look like?"
"The marriage, the perfect children, the cuddles, the kisses, but never this." Leah smiled at me, gently tickling my shoulder as she spoke.
"Never what?"
"I don't think anyone, no matter how much you believe in fairytales, could have imagined a life like this, Alex. The life you have given me. When things are tough, when the light in my heart goes out, you always find a way to switch it back on. You give me the love and support that people dream of, the type of commitment that people say couldn't possibly be given, the type of relationship that people look in on and say it can't be real. I have hated myself, I have felt disgusting, like I have shown you up by letting myself go. Yet here you are, picking a hotel for us that has a bathtub because you know that I'll know that you still enjoy looking at me. Everything you do is done with so much thought, so much consideration, and it's not for you, it's for me. From the moment we met, every single action you have made has been for me."
"Until the moment I take my last breath, everything I do will continue to be for you, Le. You have to remember that before the kids, before Milo, before the fame, it was you. It was you that believed in me, you saved from me the dark hole that I was in after my Mum. You say that I have given you this incredible life, you take no credit for it, but the truth is that we have given each other this life. The perseverance, the refusal to give up, the last minute journeys to spend time together, all of the things that at the time just felt right have led us to this moment. I want you to remember that, and when you forget it I want you to tell me; that way I can remind you. It's always been you, Le. The first person I ever loved, the last person I'll ever love, and the only person I'll ever love."

Leah climbed on top of me her legs steadying her at either side of my waist, taking my glass of wine and setting them both to the side, no trying to hide herself under the bubbles as she had done before this conversation. She knew that I thought she was the most beautiful person in the world. She placed her lips onto mine, her hands roaming through my hair. I wrapped my arms around her back before she broke the kiss momentarily and placed her hand on my wrist, moving my hand to her stomach.

"Here is fine." Leah smiled.
"Are you sure?" I questioned, Leah hadn't let me touch her stomach in months, always keeping her top on when we slept together.
"Yes, I've missed it." She said, closing her eyes as my fingertips gently explored her stomach.
"Me too, Le. Me too." I whispered back into her mouth.

— — — —

Leah and I laughed at the wrinkles on our bodies as we got dried, our bath together going on a lot longer than either of us had expected. I noticed how her eyes were now sparkling as she laughed, her smile showing true happiness. She sarcastically congratulated me on my improving organisational skills as she realised I had remembered to pack her some shorts and a jumper for bed, knowing she didn't know when she left the house that we wouldn't be returning tonight.

Just as I pulled my own hoodie over my head, I heard the intro to the next song on the playlist, I smiled as I remembered the night Leah and I had shared our first dance as a married couple. I breathed gently to control the butterflies in my stomach, popping my head through the neck of my top to smile at Leah, who was already making her way towards me through the candlelit room.

"Come here, Al." Leah whispered, using my hands to pull me gently to my feet.

As the song began to play Leah cuddled me into her, gently swaying our bodies from side to side. I felt her heart exploding out of her chest. She placed delicate kisses on the top of my head, tightening her grip with every word.

As the song came to an end, Leah recreated that night, just as we had done with other events throughout our relationship. She cupped my face, bringing her lips to brush against mine as she stared intently into my eyes.

I'm so glad we made it,
Look how far we've come my baby.

We sang the final two lines of the songs to each other before allowing our lips to touch once more.

"I love you, Le. All of you."
"I love you, more than you will ever know."

She's back. My Leah.