Shiloh Valerie

"I feel so lost without you, Shy... I miss you" sabi niya, at ang mga salitang iyon ay tumama sa aking mga pandinig na parang isang himig na matagal nang nawala.

I waited for a few seconds before responding, trying to conceal my true feelings.

"Don't talk nonsense, Ma'am" I said coldly, but my voice lacked the strength to hide the mixture of longing.

Masaya ako na makita siya, ngunit nararamdaman kong mas lumalalim ang labis na emosyon sa loob ko.

It was painful because I knew we weren't meant for each other. She has a boyfriend- i mean fiancé, and I was suffering in her presence, in a world where I shouldn't belong.

I looked at Miss Zen, and that's when I noticed a peculiar gleam in her eyes. I felt that she was hiding things she couldn't express. But what were those things?

She came closer to me, taking my hand and placing it on her chest. I swallowed hard in surprise and tried to pull away, but her grip tightened even more.

Doon ko naramdaman ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ni Miss Zen, na tila bang sumasabay sa ritmo ng aking sariling puso.

"Do you feel it? You're the only one who can make my heart beat this fast" Miss Zen said as the doubts between us seemed to vanish.

Sa mga salitang iyon, na realize ko na may mga bagay na hindi masasabi sa simpleng pagsasalita.

"You don't know how I long for you every time I don't talk to you. It's like my heart's beating slows down, almost to a stop" she continued.

With each word she uttered, the meaning of those moments deepened, the moments when I was with her and the moments when I wasn't.

"I.." hindi ko alam sasabihin ko sa kanya, gulong gulo na ako. Tinanggal ko kamay ko sa kanyang dibdib "Umalis ka na lang Ma'am, parating na si Ate" i said coldly

Looking at her, parang may gusto pa syang sabihin, kita ko rin sa mga mata nya ang luha na gusto nang bumagsak pero pinipigilan nya ito. "Yeah.. i should probably go, im sorry for-"

"Oh bakit kayo nasa labas?" Tumingin kami sa nag salita at nakita ko si Ate, may bitbit na mga grocery "Okay lang ba kayo?"

Napa tingin ako kay Miss Zen at ibinalik ko tingin ko kay ate "Paalis na rin si Ma'am, kakalabas lang namin" Pag sinungaling ko.

Kita ko sa expression ni Ate na parang nag dadalawang isip sya kung maniniwala ba sya or hindi pero tumango na lang ito.

Biglang na nag paalam si Miss Zen at dali dali ito umalis, kaya kami naiwan ni Ate. "Shiloh" tumingin ako sa kanya, sandali bakit kinakabahan ako "Usap nga tayo, sabihin mo yung totoo, dito ka sa labas matutulog tamo" Ay talaga naman

•••

Tinignan ko ang aking wristwatch. "Tagal naman ni Bianca" buntong-hininga ko.

"Should we wait inside instead? Let's go straight to the classroom" Maeve suggested, which I immediately agreed with.

"Oo nga, baka naglalandian pa sina Ma'am Freya at Bianca" sabi ni Ciara, habang kami ni Maeve ay tumingin sa kanya. "What? Baka lang naman..."

Tumayo kami ni Maeve at naglakad papasok sa School, iniwan si Ciara sa likod. "HOY, TANGINA NYO NAMAN, SANDALI!" sigaw ni Ciara.

Nang makapasok kami, bigla kaming naharang ni Heather. "Hey, I know you," aniya. "You're the girl with the cheap earphones, right? My gosh." Kasama niya ang dalawang kaibigan na tila nang-aasar pa.

Ngunit bago pa ako makapagsalita, sumagot na si Ciara ng buong tapang. "Hoy hoy hoy ano naman kung naka earphone sya? Mind your own business, mag makeup ka na nga lang tutal ayun lang naman alam mo sa buhay"

Hindi naman nagpatalo si Heather "Inggit ka lang kasi hindi mo kayang ma-achieve ang ganda ko" sagot niya, habang itinuturo ang kanyang flawless na mukha.

Ha? Ganda? Saan banda?

Hindi napigilang sumali sa usapan si Maeve. "Anong magagawa ng ganda mo kung wala ka namang alam?" sabi niya nang may pagkaasar. "Hindi lang naman sa makeup umiikot ang mundo, hindi ba?"

Heather's temper flared even more. "And who the fuck are you?" she asked, clearly angered by my friend's words.

"Maeve Salazar" sagot ni Maeve, na hindi nagpapatinag. "Both your parents work at my parents' company, Kaya umayos ka"

Nang marinig ito ni Heather, bigla siyang naging tahimik, at sa kanyang mukha'y makikitang may takot. Hindi na siya sumagot, at sa halip ay tinitigan lang si Maeve.

Before long, Maeve left, and Ciara and I followed, leaving behind the tension that hung in the air.

Pagkatapos ng insidente, tinanong ni Ciara si Maeve habang naglalakad kami "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa amin tungkol sa kumpanya ng magulang mo?"

Sumagot si Maeve ng simpleng "Hindi naman kayo nagtatanong" na ikinatawa ko.

"Ay putcha ka naman.." napakamot na lang ng ulo si Cia

Maya-maya pa, nakarating na kami sa aming classroom at umupo. Hindi nagtagal, dumating si Bianca at umupo sa tabi ko.

Bigla itong nagsalita "Kailangan ko ng tulong nyo bukas para sa event na magaganap sa Friday" sabi nya sa amin

"Ayoko nga" Pang aasar ni Ciara

Tumingin si Bianca sa kanya "Wala ako pake sayo, wala ka namang maitutulong. Sila lang dalawa kailangan ko, hindi ka kasali"

"Aba putangina ka-" Narinig namin isinara yung pinto ng classroom kaya napunta atensyon namin sa nag lalakad sa harapan.

I unexpectedly locked eyes with Miss Zen, and she seemed rather sad. I couldn't help but wonder if something had happened between her and her fiancé or if it had something to do with me.

I avoided her gaze, and that's when she spoke. "Moretti, announce the event for Friday to them" she said.

Bianca stood up from her seat and walked to the front of the classroom, right in front of Miss Zen, to explain the details of the upcoming event.

"Hello, everyone! Good morning!" Bianca greeted with a smile. "As part of North Central High's 70th-anniversary celebration, we have some special activities lined up for this Friday."

She began by explaining the main event. "First off, we'll have booths set up on Friday, and our section will be participating. Class officers will discuss what kind of booth we'll be running."

"Secondly," Bianca continued, "we'll have a competition called 'Rumble on the School Grounds.' Here, teachers and students will face off."

At this point, the students in the room suddenly became noisy. Miss Zen looked at the class and politely requested that they quiet down.

"And finally, there will be a concert, and our school band has prepared something special. Kaya pwede rin kayo magsama ng outsider, Kapatid nyo, Kaibigan nyo na taga ibang school, tsaka Jowa nyo"

Nang masabi ni Bianca ang huli hindi napigilan ni Ciara na magbigay ng komento. "Ay bawal po magdala ng jowa, hindi papapasukin" reklamo ni Ciara, na nagdulot ng malakas na tawanan sa buong klase.

Nagkumpulan ang mga mata sa kanya, at isang lalaki ang nagbigay ng sagot. "Inggit ka lang eh wala ka kasi non" pabiro nitong sinabi.

Nabigla si Ciara sa pagkakasabi ng lalaki, at agad nyang sinagot "AY WOW BAKIT MERON KA RIN BA? WALA, NIREJECT KITA EH" Nag-uumapaw na tawanan na naman ang klase. Gago talaga tong babaeng to..

Sinita sila ni Miss Zen, "Okay class quiet down. Since alam nyo na yung magaganap sa Friday, be ready we'll have a test today." The students were suddenly dismayed by Miss Zen's announcement, but some still couldn't contain their laughter.

Lumipas ang oras, at sa wakas, tumunog na ang bell na nagpapahayag ng pagtatapos ng klase. Agad na ako nag-ayos ng gamit at naglakad palabas ng classroom, kasama ang aking mga kaibigan.

Pero bigla ako pinigilan ni Miss Zen "Villegas can i talk to you?"

I halted and sighed, letting my friends go ahead to their next subject.

Approaching Miss Zen, I simply looked at her, waiting for her words.

The surroundings were silent, but in that moment, Miss Zen decided to express her feelings.

"Shiloh, can you come to my office after your last class?" Miss Zen continued, with a hint of pleading in her eyes.

"Is this still about us, Miss Zen?" I cautiously asked, my voice filled with uncertainty. "Kasi kung oo, hindi na ako pupunta"

"Please... just come see me after your last subject" she pleaded.

Despite my hesitation, I could feel the longing in Miss Zen's voice, so I reluctantly agreed, "Fine." I turned away from her and walked out.

"I'll wait for you!" I heard her shout from behind, but I didn't look back and just continued walking.

As I walked down the hallway, I noticed Miss Annallé. Ang tamlay nya, para siyang malungkot, kaya't tinawag ko siya, "Ma'am!"

She looked at me, and though she smiled faintly, I could sense the sadness in her voice. "Good Morning, Shiloh" she greeted me, her tone carrying an unusual heaviness.

I wondered if she's okay, but I smiled back and asked "Ma'am, okay ka lang?" Yet her only response was a simple smile, and she continued walking with a lowered head.

Hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala para kay Ma'am ngayon ko lang yan nakitang malungkot eh, ngunit inisip ko na lang na baka siya ay nasa masamang mood. Kinausap ko ang sarili ko na huwag nang dibdibin ang mga bagay na hindi ko naman talaga alam ang dahilan.

Napagdesisyunan kong itapon muna ang mga iniisip tungkol kay Ma'am Annallé, at inilakad na lang ang mga hakbang patungo sa susunod na klase.

Nang makarating ako sa classroom hinanap ng mga mata ko si Ciara, at nang matagpuan ko sya tumabi ako sa kanya. Naglalaro sya pero kinalabit ko siya "May chika ako"

"Ano nanaman yan?" Tugon nya pero nasa kanyang Phone pa rin ang kanyang atensyon

"Nakita ko si Ma'am Annallé kanina," ani ko. "Parang kakagaling lang sa iyak. Ngayon ko lang nakita yun malungkot" Biglang napatigil si Ciara sa paglalaro

Agad nya itinabi ang phone at itong tumingin sa akin. "Nasaan sya?" Seryoso nyang tanong

"Hindi ko rin alam.. kita ko lang sya sa hallway kanina" Wala akong maisagot na eksakto, pero malinaw na nangangamba si Ciara. She suddenly rushed to gather her belongings, showing no signs of stopping or slowing down.

Kinalabit ko ulit siya, tila ba sinusubukan ko siyang pigilan "Uy gago ka ba ano ginagawa mo? wag mo ako iwan uy" pero patuloy pa rin sya na nagmadali sa pag-alis ng classroom.

Ciara stood up, showing no interest in anyone around and leaving those who wondered why she was in such a hurry. She bumped into our next teacher but still left. "Tangina naman.. yung dalawa hindi ko kaklase, yung isa iniwan ako tanginang buhay to" bulong ko sa sarili ko

•••

Lumabas na ako ng classroom para puntahan si Miss Zen. Habang naglalakad, nag-vibrate ang aking phone, at napansin kong si Miss Zen ang tumatawag.

Pero, sa ingay at kaguluhan sa paligid, naisip kong hindi magiging matagumpay ang aming pag-uusap sa phone. Kaya't pinatay ko na lamang ang tawag at nagtungo nang mabilisan sa opisina ni Miss Zen.

I was about to take the last step towards her office door when it suddenly swung open with great force, startling me. I couldn't prevent myself from falling to the ground.

As I fell, I clutched my head in pain. Pero biglang may lumapit sa akin, isang lalaki, at marahang nagsalita "Oh gosh, i'm sorry. Are you okay?"

Tumingin ako sa nag salita, nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking puso. Bakit siya andito?

"Hey hon, what's going on?" Suddenly, a woman appeared from the door. "Shy..." Miss Zen whispered softly.

I got up slowly, turned around, and walked away swiftly, with tears slowly falling down my cheeks.

Hindi ko namalayan na malapit na pala akong makarating sa labas ng school nang may bigla ako nabangga.

"S-sorry po" pasensiyang sabi ko, at agad kong pinunasan ang aking mga luha. Hindi ko nakita kung sino ang nasagi ko dahil nakatungo lang ako.

I was about to leave, but then the person held onto me. "Hey, what happened?" I heard a familiar voice, and I looked up, and there I saw a familiar face.

Nang makilala ko siya, bigla akong naglupasay sa kanya at yumakap nang mahigpit. "Hindi ko na kaya... ang sakit" I said, unable to stop my tears from flowing.

"Hey... everything will be okay," she said, slowly breaking the hug and she looked at me "Come with me" dagdag nya

"Saan po tayo pupunta?" I asked. She cupped my cheeks to wipe away my tears.

"Do you trust me?" She asked me. I nodded in response, a sign that I truly trusted her.

Miss Montez took my hand, and she pulled me towards her car