"You're what I can't live without."
-Plumb, Don't Deserve You.

**
On winter’s first snowfall, Elena received a letter from Kieran. Her fingers trembled as she took it from the messenger, her legs wobbly as she ambled to her dressing table. Her anxiety was heightened, leaving her mind blank to any possibilities that could be contained within the parchment.

She opened it up, and instantly took notice of the red smudges on some parts of the paper, which could only be dried blood. His handwriting, usually so neat in its cursive, was messy this time. Some letters were crooked, some sentences falling out of line – as though he had written it with tremors in his hand.

Elena,

I hurt you deeply, I know.

My emotional baggage got the best of me, to the point where it drove me insane. I still am.

Aside from my mental state, every other part of me has been left in immense regret for what I have done to you. I can only apologise so much each day that passes, hoping against hope that each of my sorries reaches you, heart by heart.

I do not deserve your forgiveness and neither do I have a right to ask you this, but please do not forsake me, Elena.

She did not know where the tears came from, but they blossomed from her eyes like a blooming rose bud in spring.

You are the only thing that is keeping my mind from completely falling apart, keeping me stable. For without you, I am merely a shell missing a heart, mind and soul.

You are my heart, my happiness and my peace. And I’d be damned if I am unable to leave this field of death to return to you.

I want to see you, and I want to touch you more than I crave the warmth of fire in the snow.

I will keep fighting even though it diminishes my humanity, and I will not stop until there is no one else left to block me from coming back to you.

But I can only return if you accept me, Elena.

Her tear drops wetted the parchment.

I do not deserve your affection yet I hunger for it the same way I thirst for the blood of my worst enemy.

Tell me you will have me, my beloved. It is the only response I need to persevere in this retched nightmare, and to keep my heart beating.

Do one thing for me, please? Perform at the winter festival, as the Winter Fairy. You must shine; as you always have, as you always will.

Yours forever and beyond,
Kieran H.

Elena was weeping openly by the end of the letter. She held the parchment close to her chest and sobbed, not fully understanding why. The only thing she was sure of was that she wanted him back. She needed him as much as he needed her at the moment.

So without wasting time, she picked fresh parchment and stationery from her drawer and began to write. She could not stop the tears as she wrote down her feelings to him, wiping her face every now and then.

She did not care that the messenger could see how puffy and red her eyes were, or how runny her nose was from crying as she handed him the letter. She only wanted him to hand her response to Kieran as soon as possible.

Their destiny depended on it.

*********

Debra was beyond furious. She had just found out about the ongoing battle against the nation of Galvan and confronted her father about it. The confrontation was vicious, and left her with a more fiery temper than before.

She stomped out of the throne room before the conversation was over, her mind made up even though she and the king had failed to reach an understanding.

In her bed-chamber, she had just finished fastening her breastplate when the king marched in. His grey eyes darkened when she saw her in the silver armor.

“What are you doing?” he demanded.

Debra rolled her eyes. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m preparing for battle.”

“You are not going anywhere,” he growled.

“You expect me to sit here while my brother’s out there fighting what could be the biggest battle of his life!” Debra exclaimed incredulously.

“He is the Crown Prince and this is his responsibility!”

“He is my little brother and he is my responsibility!” Debra shot back.

“Don’t be ridiculous. As future king, he must fight whatever battles come his way and this one is no exception. He must face them and must emerge victorious. He is not worthy of my crown if he does not prove himself!”

Debra widened her eyes, absolutely appalled by her father’s words. She tossed her head back and let out a harsh wry laugh.

“So that’s it? If he’s victorious, he is ‘Crown worthy’ and if he dies, he’s just another failure? Where’s the part where he’s also your son, your Majesty?” her voice rang with distaste.

“He is not just some weapon or experiment of yours. You might not consider him your son, but I know he is my brother. He is strong, intelligent and actually cares for the people in this kingdom. He will rule Rievelt one day and he can only do that if he is alive. And I-” the armor clanged as she banged her chest. “I will do whatever it takes to preserve his life.”

She glared at her father, who was practically trembling with anger. She picked up her shield and brushed past him, but he gripped her wrist.

“You shall not leave this castle, Debra,” he snarled. “Not you too.”

“I shall!” She wrung her wrist free and turned to glare at him once more.

“I am not telling you as your father, I am ordering you as your king!”

“We both know I’ve never been one to follow orders. Royal or whatever,” Debra quipped. “Oh, and your Majesty? The way you show affection really stinks. You need to try harder.”

She turned on her heel and stalked out of the bed-chamber, her red cloak swaying behind her.

**

Her shield now strapped to her back, Debra marched into the courtyard and dished out orders to a servant to bring her horse. The snow was soft as it fell, and the servants had already done their part in clearing the path towards the gates. The sun was nowhere to be seen, but she knew it was evening time.

As she waited, Debra spotted a stout man rushing into the courtyard. He wore a thick heavy jacket and woolen gloves, a satchel across his body. She guessed he was a messenger, owing to the way he served out letters and took some from the people, stuffing them into his satchel.

The arrival of her horse took her attention away from the messenger for a brief moment, and when she looked back, she saw a piece of folded up parchment lying against the cobalt stones. The messenger was already rushing off to the gates.

“Hey!” Debra called, but it seemed he had not heard her. She jogged towards the parchment and picked it up to analyse it.

It was addressed to General Kieran Hammedatha, and sealed with the Rivera crest. Unease mixed with jealousy swirled within her belly, and after brief deliberation, she broke the seal and opened the parchment.

Her eyes skimmed the words of the letter, and her grip on it tightened as she digested the meaning behind the words. She looked up as the jealousy within her edged towards anger.

She crumpled up the parchment.

Kieran didn’t need the other woman. What he needed was assistance on the battlefield. He needed her, not Elena.

Debra threw aside the fact that he had not written to her once, and marched to her horse.

**********

Three days to the winter festival, Elena paid a visit to Hammedatha manor and sat with Lady Alyssa in the sitting room for tea. Aside from the hot tea, Elena had her white and grey fur coat for warmth while Alyssa, whose long sleeved green kurta and black leggings seemed to be enough for her.

“You must be resistant to cold,” Elena noted, her hands cupping her teacup to gather warmth from it.

Lady Alyssa smiled at her comment. “Not all the time. The house is warm enough for me. For now, anyway.”

After a small silence, Elena focused her gaze on the beads at the ends of Lady Alyssa’s cornrows to avoid direct eye contact as she asked, “How do you do it?”

“Keep myself warm?”

“No.” Elena shook her head. “Handle yourself so well without them. Your children are at the battle field, yet you are so calm and collected.”

“I expected we would have this talk sooner or later.”

Elena’s surprised blue eyes met Lady Alyssa’s dark brown ones.

“I’m going to tell you a bit of my story, Elena. Do you mind?”

Elena shook her head no. She was always in the mood for stories.

“I need not mention how different you and I are,” Lady Alyssa started. “I was born and raised to be a warrior. Zefirians have that kind of blood in their veins, men and women alike. We women were not raised to have and care for families, or assume the role of mother of a household; have a husband, birth children with that same man and build a home. On the contrary, we can have a child with whomever we want, as long as we raise that child the way a Zefirian should be raised.”

Elena placed her teacup down, all her attention on the story.

“I was the one who chose to marry, and to have a family in a single home. Xerthes’ mother approved of me quickly, owing to my warrior bloodline. She said it would be easier to raise Hammedatha children that way, but also warned me it would be difficult at the same time.” A wry smile crossed Lady Alyssa’s lips. “I did not know what she meant until I actually became a mother. Turns out, my Zefirian blood was not as firm as I thought when it came to my children.

“Many times I had to sacrifice my love, my care, my attention all for the sake of helping them grow. And in all those times, Kieran filled in for me.”

She smiled fondly, and Elena found herself smiling too.

“To be honest, Elena, when Kieran picked you to be his wife, I was worried.”

Elena’s smile faltered.

“From my experience, I had considered myself to be weak for having such care and worry for my children. I looked at you and thought, ‘This child whose heart is so full of compassion; the burden of the Hammedatha name will surely weigh her down.’ That is what I thought,” Lady Alyssa continued. “I did my fair share in hunting for Kieran’s bride, and I had always pictured Princess Debra as the right choice. Her mother was Zefirian, you know.”

Elena nodded. “I know.”

“Princess Debra is such raw Zefirian blood. A free spirit who would have little to no difficulty in continuing our methods of living,” Lady Alyssa said. “I never did suggest her name among the brides proposed. Do you wish to know why?”

Elena nodded gingerly.

“Because deep down, I wanted a change in how we do things,” Alyssa replied. “Xerthes only wanted an heir – the next General. I wanted a mother who would actually care for her children and be with them at the times when they needed her most.

“Those thoughts and wishes scared me, Elena. You have so much care to give, it overflows. And it makes you fragile and weak – at least that’s what I thought.”

Lady Alyssa’s eyes twinkled as she smiled, like she’d remembered something wondrous. “But then Joshua told me how he found you in Demir House; that you were holding a dagger you had used to cut down your captors. He told me the look in your eyes was fierce – tigress like.”

Elena blushed at the memory and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I was shocked.” Alyssa chuckled. “I did not think you were capable of something like that.”

Elena blushed a deeper red. “Actually, I was only able to do that because of Kieran. He was-” She paused, rethinking. “He is my courage.”

Alyssa regarded her for a while, and Elena felt shy under her scrutinizing gaze. She had never admitted it to anyone else, and now she’d told his mother.

“This is why I have no doubts anymore, Elena,” said Lady Alyssa. “Even if it gets hard in the future, you will not fall weak because you have him, the same way he has you.

“You asked me how I keep it together while my family is away.” She picked up her teacup and took a sip before placing it back on the saucer. “It is not because I don’t care for them, but rather because I believe in them. It’s an entirely wonderful feeling when our dear ones have faith in us. It gives us strength we never knew we had, and makes us better versions of ourselves.”

“Just like Kieran and me.”

Alyssa nodded. “Exactly. I have been watching these kids since childhood. I saw how hard they trained, how their skills improved by the day, how impressive they’ve been in battle – both the big ones and the small ones. They’ve grown into excellent warriors, even my little Aira. I believe in their abilities, and in their resolve, so I have faith that they will come back to me.

“Your case is different because you have not had the same amount of experience with them that I have had. But you needn’t worry about Kieran. Yes, this battle is an especially tough one for him, but he will get through it as long as he has you. You will save him, the same way he saved you in your battle.”

Lady Alyssa’s words filled Elena with hope. She did have faith in him; and she had made it known in her letter to him.

Elena smiled as her heart filled with warmth.

“Lady Alyssa?”

“Mm?”

She shook her head. “No, never mind.”

“What is it, dear?” Her question was sweet, but her tone was a command.

“Uh, well, it’s just that-” Elena scratched her eyebrow nervously. “I was about to ask if you could come see my performance at the winter festival, but then I remembered you have to look after Aaron.”

Lady Alyssa nodded and gave her a small smile. “We’ll just see what happens.”

A/N:

It is a marathon, so here comes the next chapter…

Hit the ⭐⭐⭐!