The night was long. It started with a lot of scenarios in Nora's head about what could have happened. She fell asleep at the end of the night, but it wasn't as good as before. The first night at home and still not being able to sleep properly, great situation. It was Sunday, meaning it was a rest day for everyone. The day started relaxed and slow; a brunch, catching up the news and do nothing. Nora did her exercises, Aubrey recovered from her night out, and dad and Victoria were just enjoying the day off.

There was just one question what kept bothering Nora, the one she could not get out of her mind: what happened to her after the track walk? She kept repeating the memory in her head, trying to find any clues. Nora had not said anything about it to her family, she wanted to keep it for herself until she got more evidence of that day.

It brought Nora on the idea to read her old notebooks, maybe there were some clues what she unconsciously wrote down, you never know. Nora was in her room again, standing in front of the cabinet. There were a lot of notebooks she had written in. She grabbed all of them, it was also an excellent excuse to filter them by dates. But she quickly realised she didn't have the strength to hold the fifteen notebooks. Seriously, it is not that heavy?! Nora groaned annoyed and walked to her bed with a few books, put them down, and walked back to get a few books, walked back to her bed and it went on for a couple of time.

Once all the notebooks were transferred on her bed, Nora crawled under the sheets and made herself comfortable by laying on her side. She remembered the orders of the notebooks, so she started at the first notebook. This notebook was a mess, Nora was trying stuff, and it was just the first-ever notebook; it was the same as the first pancake when you bake it, it somehow doesn't come out as the best. The following journals were boring, nothing special happened in it, but the writing became better. Nora mostly wrote about her days in karting and Formula 4, her mum in Switzerland and what kind of a pain in the arse Aubrey was.

But as soon Nora started to read the first notebook of 2017, the tea was spilt. Nora licked her lips and cleared her throat; she was really looking forward to reading this.

Alrighty, I just met my new team in the GP3 series (!!!); Jack, Nirei, Anthoine, George and I. Together we are racing for ART Grand Prix. Pretty cool, huh? They all seemed friendly and funny, but we will see what will happen in the future. They are all really competitive, but let's see if we can make fun this year.

Nora smirked, this all looked extremely sarcastic, and she knew she was. She continued flipping through pages.

MY GOODNESS, I will tell you, this year SUCKS. I'm in a team with one person who is working on my bloody nerves: George bloody Russell. I can't stand him anymore. Mister Perfect. No, I'm not jealous, he's just acting like he's perfect and the best and whatever he thinks he is. I will tell you: he is NOT. I have never disliked a person so much than him, never!!! We are only at the beginning, and I have to face him for another five months, and I have no idea how I will do that. Send. Help.

"Mister Perfect," Nora chuckled. "What a comedian, Nora." The notes were short, mostly about a race or training. Or about her team, especially about one person.

New day, new note, new complaining about one person. Do you ever get so annoyed at everything that you start to get pissed off at even little things like a spoon clicking against a bowl or sounds of people talking? No? You don't? Well, get yourself a person like George, and you will understand. Mister Perfect... Look, he's a good driver, and he works hard, but no. 'Maybe you should do this...', 'Maybe you should do that...'. Well maybe, George, you should shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Thanks in advance, Nora.

The hate was intense, bloody hell. Nora frowned at her own words, she couldn't believe she wrote this about George. To make things clear: George and Nora didn't start on good terms, they disliked each other and were working on each other's nerves. You could call them rivals, they were the perfect example of it. Anyway, let's go to a new notebook.

He is too busy getting attention from other girls. 'Oh, George...' All those fake voices won't get out of my head. The bad thing is, he enjoys all the attention from all the girls. Maybe even the worse thing is: he doesn't see how they are trying to use him for attention in the media and fame. You would say boys play with feelings and hearts, but those girls...my goodness, first-class world disaster. All those fake bitches around him. He deserves better.

A soft, careful smile curved on Nora's lips. It changed, her words started to change.

Liking someone, it's bloody exhausting. Sometimes I don't know if he has feelings or not. He sends me all of these mixed signals what is confusing the heck out of me. I am trying to figure them out, but I can't? I bloody hate liking someone. Once you're attached, it is like my whole life revolves around him.

It surprised Nora how deep this was, that she once was able to write this down. Rereading it made her impressed, she started to realise she was a good writer.

Maybe it was your laugh. Or your eyes. Or your smile. It could've been your voice. Or your hair. Or perhaps your personality. Whatever it was, you made me fall pretty damn hard.

This was the transition from writing down her mind to writing down her heart. Nora bit on the inside of her cheek and closed the notebook. It was the truth, and the truth didn't lie. She switched to the first notebook of 2018. There was a small note she was promoted to Formula 2 in the same team, but that was all on her career.

We flirt all the time and smile and laugh, but how am I supposed to know if this is real? I cannot control my feelings anymore, and it sucks so much. How do I act around you? Or what can I, or what can I not, say around you? It sucks to be around you, but I also love it to be around you, but I can't say the things I want you to hear. I'm trying so hard to act normal, but when I look at you...all I can seem to do is get mesmerised in your eyes.

That was still very accurate. Nora tightened her jaw and closed her eyes. It felt harsh to be confronted by the truth. She took a deep breath and started to read again.

People say that you fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. I never really understood them, because that is just bull crap. Correction: that was bull crap. I have discovered that all those people have been telling me the bloody truth, and it is frightening.

But next time Cupid, hit us both and not only me xx

Nora tossed the notebook away. It wasn't an investigation to clues anymore, but it changed to the road of love. The last notebook was laying on her lap, but she knew the evidence she was looking for, was not in that book. She left the notebook at home by accident, so it never went with her to Abu Dhabi. Just when she thought she had a breakthrough on her own investigation, she came back to zero clues. There was not much written in the notebook, only a few scratches about being promoted to Sauber in Formula One. But Nora's eyes fell on one note:

I wish I could explain how wonderful you are. How I could look in your beautiful eyes and never get tired of their beauty - and I never look in your eyes because that makes me blush and I will shut down like a robot, but when I look in them, I can't get enough of them. How your voice gives me butterflies. How seeing you walk into a room, or passing me, makes me smile. How much you mean to me. And how much I love you.

However...you have me at a loss with words. And even if I could find the words to tell you these things (which I can't because I am too pussy to talk to you, let alone tell you about how I feel. And I am way too shy to do that), it wouldn't come anywhere near to showing how much you mean to me.