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Chapter Thirty: I'm more Clueless Than A Kardashian Without A Camera Crew

Breathless and shaking all over I turn around so that I'm on my back. My trembling hands reach for the phone as I do what I've done in well, not similar situations but close enough. In five seconds flat I'm in a conference call with Beth and Megan.

"Will you guys first please tell me whether my brother or my boyfriend's best friend is within hearing distance?"

"No." They answer simultaneously and I sigh in relief, my head making a thudding sound as it comes into contact with the pillow and I breathe through my nose.

"So we have a code red situation." I tell them and am immediately bombarded with questions from both of them.

"But you're with Cole right? He was going to surprise you and he told us...are you okay?"

"Do you want me to bring out my steel toed boots and kick him? But I should warn you, then you won't get to have those genetic lottery winning blonde haired, green eyed babies Megan's been fantasizing about."

"What?" I half shriek and Megan groans at the other end.  

"I just said that if Cole and you ever had kids they'd be the cutest things ever! And I get dibs on being the godmother because Beth's going to be their aunt anyway."

"Hey!" Beth shouts in protest and I can almost see her pale skin becoming tinged with a deep shade of red. If I weren't seconds away from a certified panic attack I'd find this conversation very confusing.

"Guys would you listen to me! Did you forget what I just said about code red?"

"Right, so what's going on? Did you and Mr. Godsend have a lover's spat?" Beth asks wryly.

"No...uh," how the heck did I even consider doing it when I can't even talk about the subject with my best friends. This is how pathetic I am and Cole expects me to...I'm going to die. I know it, I'll die right here in this very bedroom and I'm about to tell two people the most embarrassing cause of death that's ever been recorded.

"Tessa what's going on? You're scaring us." Megan's voice is soothing and calming, like she's dealing with a frightened little child. Well, I'm not exactly acting like an adult right now am I? I'm sure the mature thing to do would have been to sit down with Cole and discuss my feelings and then plan a route of action-or no action- but look at me. I'm hiding, cowering beneath the comforter and running to my pseudo mommies.

"I think I want to take the next step with Cole." My voice is barely above a whisper. My face is flaming red and I've basically buried my head between my knees as if expecting a physical blow in response to my words.

There's complete silence on both lines. You can almost hear the imaginary crickets chirping.

It's Beth who cuts the very palpable tension surrounding us and when she speaks, it's the last thing I could have ever expected.

"What the hell? You two haven't slept together yet?"

A scandalized gasp leaves my month the some minutes Megan starts shrieking at Beth for being too crude and insensitive. I can't breathe, I just can't. This is what hyperventilation feels like right? Oh My God. Oh my GOD. My lungs struggle to function, as hysterical laughter bursts from within me. Now I can't stop laughing. I laugh until tears start pouring out of my eyes as my best friends continue fighting on the other end.

"I can't believe that's what you guys thought!" I say once I manage to calm down and catch my breath. If Cole's heard anything alarming then he doesn't make it known. But then I think the day has reached its saturation point of embarrassing moments. It can only get better right?

Of course Tessa, of course it will. Believe that.

"Well what were we supposed to think? You guys are always glued to each other's side. You're alone all the time doing god knows what if you weren't even hooking up."

"Beth shut up, just please shut up." Megan groans and tries to make sure I don't have another panic attack.

"What she's trying to say is that you two just always seem so in love. We thought that it was only natural that..."

"That what?? We were...we were together, together? I can't believe you guys just assumed that!"

"What's so wrong about that Tessa? Come on, it's no big deal. You're eighteen and still hanging on to your virginity despite having the perfect boyfriend who's crazy in love with you. That's just...wrong." Beth snorts and I use a pillow to muffle my cries of frustration.

These two were supposed to be helping me. Telling me what to do, whether it's too soon and if I should wait some more. But this is going all wrong.

"It's okay if she wants to wait Beth. I personally think she should only do it if and when she's ready."

"But how will I know when I'm ready?" I half whisper, the words barely making any sound.

"You just will. Everything will feel right. I mean you'll still feel scared to death but in your heart you'll know that you can trust the person you're with to not hurt you. And you'll be in love with the person, obviously." Megan tells me with such surety in her voice that I begin to breathe easier.

Until.

"Wait a second does that mean you and Alex..." I leave the question incomplete, unable to wrap my mind around the idea that my sweet, naïve and slightly neurotic friend might have actually done the deed before me.

Plus her parents are like jail wardens. There is no way...

"There's no way Tessa. Have you met her parents? She couldn't have escaped their hold long enough even for a quickie in the backseat."

"Megan?"

"I'm right aren't I Megs?" Beth asks and I know we're both holding our breaths. She's quite, way too quite.

"Well," she stretches the word and I gasp, the same instant Beth exclaims her choice swear word of the month.

"WHAT?!?"

Please Cole, ignore me while I have a major heart attack.

"Come on guys, "She wines sounding terribly embarrassed, "I knew you'd react like this!"

"But you...how, when? I can't believe you didn't tell us!" My voice is coming out squeaky, like I'm high on helium and the urge to crawl under the covers and never come out is stronger than ever. Nothing is what is seems. Ex best friends have tragic, haunting pasts, boyfriends think about you naked and current best friends lose their virginities without letting you know about it.

It's a cruel, cruel world.

"I still can't believe you and Alex did it before Colessa." 

"What? Colessa? Did you just couple name us Beth?"

"Sure, everyone does it. You two are so sickeningly perfect together, it totally warrants a couple name. Personally I like Colessa but there's a variety out there for you to choose from."

"Okay then, that's just creepy. And off topic. Megan! When did this happen? And...how was it?"

She contemplates her answer for a while, my heart racing like crazy as I wait for her to make up her mind. Beth has already told us about her less than great experience. She was 16 and had just been about to move to our town. Her then boyfriend, a rock star wannabe with a beat up old truck had told her he loved her and coerced her into sleeping with him. She said she did it out of curiosity and that it had been pretty lackluster.

So it's quite obvious that Megan's answer matters hugely.

"Well it was a little awkward and a little painful but that part's totally biological and had to happen right? But Alex was really sweet and he took great care of me. In the end, I did feel great and more, well more in love with him if that makes sense? I think it brought us even closer and we connected on a whole new level."

"That's what she said."

"Beth!" We both exclaim at the same time before all three of us burst out laughing.

"I swear I did not mean for it to come out like that," Megan is laughing her crazy hyena laugh where she occasionally snorts. I join in feeling a lot lighter and relieved. So it's awkward for everyone right? Good, that's good. It's a relief but does that mean that I'm going to go ahead with it?

"But Tessa listen, you'll know if you're not ready. I mean if you're still thinking about it as much as you are then maybe you and call should talk about it. It soundly horribly awkward but in the end it's better to just be clear about these things. You don't want to give the other person the wrong impression or hurt their feelings."

"When did you become such an expert on sex?" Beth sounds slightly dazed and I feel the same way too. This is Megan. Our Megan. The nerd, the one with dictator like parents who probably expect her to become a nun. It's weird, hilarious but weird.

But I'm happy for her, glad that she has someone like Alex. Knowing from Nicole and Beth that some guys take a girl's virginity for granted it's good to know that guys like Alex still exist.

"Who's a sex expert?"

The blood drains from my face.

"Is that my brother?" I ask in a barely there voice.

"Wait, is that my sister? Are you talking to my sister about sex?" Travis shrieks.

"I gotta go guys. Bye, love you and if one of you wants to kill me then just donate my music to a worthy cause."

Beth hangs up.

"Tessa?"

"Did that just happen Megan? Did that really just happen?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh God."

"I know."

"I think I'm going to go drown myself in the ocean now. Bye Megs, talk to you later."

"But Tessa, no wait..."

I end the call and decide that once I go back I will do a research project on how it is possible even if not statistically proven to die of utter humiliation.

When I finally decide to come out of my room, I've simmered down a bit. Of course I turned my phone off expecting Travis to start bombarding me with calls and text messages which threaten Cole bodily harm. The fates hate me today, which is why it is possible that Travis may have contacted Cole. If he has then Cole doesn't show it. I find him in the living room, watching a movie on the huge flat screen. Well, I'd use the term 'watching' loosely. He's mostly just staring at the wall in front of him while Reese Witherspoon continues being Legally Blonde.

Cole would never watch Legally Blonde. Ever.

This is definitely a state of emergency.

I take a seat next to him tentatively and you can feel the tension rolling off of the both of us. I'm as aware of his every move, every blink and facial expression as he is of mine. We're weird like that, so attuned to each other that I could tell you his exact movements blind folded.

"Hey." I whisper softly, placing my hand between the both of us.

It's a peace offering, a way to break this awful tension.

"Hey." His voice is throaty, his eyes downcast but his hand still meets mine in the middle as he interlinks our fingers.

"Did you talk to your dad?"

What? Why would I...Oh, right. I told him I was going to go talk to my dad.

"Yeah I did."

"Good."

Great, not this again.

Time to take this in my own hands then.

"Cole listen, about what happened earlier..." I take a deep, calming breath which really doesn't serve its purpose but oh well.

"I think we should talk about it right? That's what people, who are in relationships do, they talk about things. We should talk too. What happened before...let's not allow it to make things awkward between us. I'm not mad at you for what you said, I get it." Before saying the last part, I squeeze my eyes shut and tighten my grip on Cole's hand, "In fact I've been thing about it too."

I hear his quick inhale of breath. His fingers hold mine in a death grip and I felt a shudder pass through his body. But then maybe it's my own shivering that I'm passing off as his. But then I can't regret being honest with him. He needs to know that he's not the only one having these urges. That I'm on the same page as him but he also needs to know that I want to wait.

"But I don't think I'm ready, not yet. It's me and all the messed up things in my life. I need some time to clear it all up. I just...now's not a good time. I'm sorry if you expected..."

"Tessie," Cole groans and places his hand behind my neck pulling me to him. He begins kissing me furiously. So furiously and passionately that I forget everything I'd been rambling about. But that's all he does, he kisses me. Our hands are folded between us and it's like he's telling me he loves me for the first time all over again, this time with his lips.

I moan against his mouth and feel him smile. My hands itch to run them through his hair but he's restricting them. Finally when we pull apart, panting for breath, he places one last kiss on my forehead and my heart turns into a bloody gooey mess.

"I love you," He breathes, pulling me close to his chest. "And I'm a lucky bastard that you love me back even when I monumentally fuck up."

I'm a bit sensitive to his second last choice of word right now, but oh well whose asking.

"You didn't. I told you I understand its okay." I mutter into his chest.

"Yeah right. I made you feel like you had to...God I keep finding new ways to mess things up with you. At this rate we might not even it till prom." He groans and I laugh.

"Don't knock yourself down too much. I'm sure we'll manage."

He snorts, "Don't sound too confident."

I lie content in his arms, just inhaling his scent and enjoying the quiet. This is good, this is perfect.

"Hey Tessie?"

"Yeah?"

"You know I can wait as long as you want right? In fact if you want to live a life of celibacy I'd totally be..."

"Oh My God! Would you shut up please?" I whine, ducking my face into his neck. There's a flush creeping up my neck and I can feel Cole's body reverberating with laughter. Now the jerkwad is just enjoying himself.

"I'm just giving you your option, that's all."

"How about you just forget I ever said something, okay? "

"But then I wouldn't be me and you wouldn't be you. Does that make sense?

"Strangely so." I muse

"And Cole?"

"If you ever go through my underwear drawer again, I'm going to be listening to 90's boy bands. A lot. So much so that you'll find yourself becoming a Nick Carter fan boy. Just saying."

He shudders, "Touché."

By the next hour we settle into a comfortable rhythm, all awkwardness forgotten. We eat the re-heated dinner and watch some television. It's a beautiful cool night so Cole grabs me by the arm and onto the beach. Walking close to the shoreline, with the ocean spanning an endless area has me being all kinds of emotional. I know, I know its so cliché but the immensity of the moment cannot be ignored.

"Nicole and I had a talk today."

He's surprised. I don't look at him but I can feel the stiffness of his body and how he suddenly comes to a standstill. He's checking for battle scars, eyes washing over me from head to toe. I let him have his scrutiny since he's only doing it because he loves me.

"It's not what you think. We didn't have a WWE smack down, we just talked. A lot. Well she talked and I listened."

Sitting down on the sand, I pat the space next to me and Cole follows suit. I curl into his side and tell him all about it. When it comes to the part where I tell him that Nicole's in love with him, he seems genuinely shocked.

Such a boy.

"Look I thought that she always hit on me because it was some messed up way of showing you up. She got Jay and she rubbed it in your face. When we got closer, I thought she wanted to try the same thing."

He rubs his palm over a slightly scruffy jaw. It's a different look for him since he's always clean shaven but I find it quite appealing. He looks...older but the same? If that makes sense? It just adds to the list of things I love about him. The list is never ending though so I could be borderline obsessed.

"Do you remember the incident? The one where you found her in the boys' bathroom?"

He sighs and nods hesitantly, "I wanted to tell you, I did. But..."

"It wasn't any of my business Cole. I didn't have any right to know. It was Nicole's secret to share not yours. I understand."

"I just helped her out a bit and looked out for her a while. It was pretty easy since she was always around you. But then she seemed fine and there weren't any obvious bruises so I..." He chokes before getting the last words out, "I forgot."

"You feel guilty." It's not really a question. This is Cole we're talking about. If anyone knows how he likes to be the rescuer then it's me. He rescued me but that doesn't mean I'm the only one. Does that make me jealous, yeah sure but everyone needs someone like him at some point in their lives. And if it's the actual thing then what more could you possibly want?

"That might explain why I tolerated some of the crap she did. It was obvious to everyone but you that she didn't treat you like you should treat a best friend. She was...she was all darkness Tessie and you were always light. But I thought that you knew her secrets and that's why you stayed. But when I left and things got bad, the guilt stopped being so important once I came back."

We're both quiet for a while. I let his words sink in. Nothing is what is seems to be, there's a history and a story behind everything. How come I've never managed to realize this is rather astounding. Have I always been this clueless?

Taking a look at the boy sitting next to me, who tells me he's been in love with me since the day we first met answers the question.

I'm more clueless than a Kardashian without a camera crew.

"So are we done with the heavy talking for the night?" Cole jokes and I lean further into him.

"Only if you tell me you have what I want for dessert. If you don't, then we have a problem."

"Why Tessie, are you trying to take advantage of me? I have the right to say no if I'm not in the mood." He finishes with a flourish and I slap my hand over his mouth, my face burning.

"What is wrong with you? Is your brain like wired to turn everything I say into something that sounds completely wrong and..."

"Sexual?" His voice is muffled beneath my fingers but I can feel his lips curling up into an arrogant smirk.

"You're evil." I glower, narrowing my eyes at him and pulling away with a huff. Crossing my arms over my chest, I twist my body away from him and stare right ahead.

Childish, yes but the man is totally enjoying my embarrassment right now! Let's make fun of the blonde virgin. I'm sure one of those is as rare as Komodo dragon with a unicorn's body.

Not.

"I think you meant sexy," He coos in my ear, successfully trapping me in his arms so that his chest presses against my back.

"Unlike your other legions of fan girls I do not spend my days thinking about how hot you are Stone." I huff. It's a lie. It is such a lie but maybe since he can't see my face he can't tell.

He twirls a strand of my hair between us fingers and a shiver passes through my body at the lack of space between us. We're pressed together from the waist up and I'm sitting between his legs. His breath fans my ears, "That's too bad because I do. I think about you a lot. I miss you when you're not with me. I want to hear your voice first thing in the morning and the last thing before I go to sleep. I want to be where you are Tessie, always."

I sigh involuntarily, my body relaxing into his. My defenses disappear when he starts talking like this. Every pretence that I carry, acting like he doesn't matter as much as he actually does to me just...the act vanishes. And then I'm just a girl who's hopelessly in love with her boyfriend.

"Wow."

He chuckles, as he kisses my cheek, "I'm so glad you're here with me now. This is as great as life gets."

"Mmm-hmm" my eyes shut as sleep pulls me in. It's been a long day and exhaustion is setting in, especially when I'm so comfortable in Cole's arms.

"Before I take you to bed," He says in a gravelly voice that has me jolting out of slumber and twisting my body towards him with wide, wide eyes. "Literally speaking babe. I'll just carry you to bed, that's it." He stifles a laugh as I elbow him. "Tell me, why is Travis blowing my phone up?

I bite my lip. Uh oh. He might possibly break up with me after this.

He might not even be alive after we get home.

"About that..." I let my hair falls across my face so that he can't see me, "You might want to consider hiring a bodyguard. It's nothing serious," I add quickly, "But there might have been a little accident while you were cooking."

"Tessie..." He says slowly, sweeping the hair away and turning me fully to face him, "What's going on?"

So I tell him.

Well obviously I omit the more embarrassing parts of the conversation I had with my best friends and tell him the crux of the matter.

But however I spin it, it sounds bad.

He looks rather pale by the end of my spiel.

"Huh,"

"Listen, I know it sounds bad but trust me, I'll talk to Travis. He'll understand that nothing happened and ..."

"He's going to castrate me. Or he'll try at least. I could probably put up a fight. Things would get early. Oh man, my dad's going to kick my ass. I can't go to jail again or be responsible for someone else ending up in jail. I can't end up in the emergency room either. Cassandra said if I come in after a brawl she'll tell the authorities I'm some deranged kid with mommy issues from Wyoming."

I laugh. I laugh hysterically until I tears start pouring from my eyes. Clutching my stomach I fall backwards into the sand and attempt to catch my breath. My sides ache from exertion but for the love of me I cannot stop laughing.

"Go ahead. Laugh. You're not the one taking possibly what could be my last breaths."

I snort,"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic?"

"The guy thinks I took his little sister's virginity AFTER I promised him I would keep my hands to myself and you'll return exactly the same as you left."

My mouth hangs open as I gawk at him. "When the heck were you two discussing my...when did you talk about this?" I nearly shriek.

"Can we forget about that and focus on the bigger picture Tessie. I mean I might possibly be six feet under soon, do you really want to be mad at me?"

"I don't believe you. Oh god. I'm going to kill you both, that's it. Problem solved. I'll kill you both with my bare hands."

"Damn you O'Connell's really need some anger management classes. How about I give you a card to my shrink?"

With that I lunge at him.

And no, not even remotely in a sexual manner.

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THERE'S GOING TO BE A HARRY POTTER SPIN OFF MOVIE? WHAT?!?! Best birthday present ever!!!!

Hyperventilation aside...

Hi guys! :D

So, I apologize if you were in fact waiting for some bone jumping but come on! I took nineteen chapters to make them kiss for the first time :P You might have to wait a little, sorry if you're disappointed!

Also thank you so, SO much for all your birthday wishes. My birthday was on Friday the 13 BHAHAHAAHHAA. Isn't that hilarious? I like to think I'm special for the universe to be so nice to me.

Not.

Anyways, I'll try my best to reply to all your birthday messages individually. You guys are so amazing! I was completely overwhelmed <3

P.S If you want to give me a birthday present, just leave a comment on my story or vote. I'd love that as much as molten chocolate lava cake <3 ____ <3

HMM, what else? Well I absolutely loathe my Psychology class. I want it to die a very, very painful death. Urgh horrible!

It seems like I'm running out of stuff to ramble about so I'll just tell you what book to read right? Yeyy, okay!

You should read EVERYTHING (like everything she's ever written) by Jessica Sorensen. She's such a phenomenal New Adult author and a complete inspiration. I loved her Callie and Kayden series, Ella and Micha series and the newest series called Breaking Nova. They are sooooo well written with a lot of emotional depth and great, strongly built romances. Go read her books, please!

Goodreads: Blair Holden (send a small message mentioning you're from Wattpad if you send a request :) )

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