⚠️ panic attack

IF KIYOOMI HAD TO DESCRIBE YOU USING ONE word, he'd choose the word 'perfect'. But specifically what did he find so utterly perfect about you? First, let's dive into the different definitions for this term. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, 'perfect' can be defined as completely correct or accurate. Hmm, maybe not this one.

Having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc. Quite honestly, he's well aware that not everyone is going to carry all the attributes that would meet his high expectations, but he's matured enough to simply accept every person in his life for the way they are. Take his rather chaotic best friend as an example, AKA Miya Atsumu. Although Kiyoomi isn't too keen of his rowdy behavior from time to time, he's come to understand that that's just who Atsumu is as an individual—it's apart of his disposition and it defines the kind of person he is. Because God forbid, one day the blond unexpectedly loses this trait that others seem to be fond of. But perhaps this isn't the right definition either.

Having no mistakes or flaws. Ah, yes, that's the one. See, if someone were to ask you if you were perfect, you'd immediately disagree. But if someone asked Kiyoomi, he'd most definitely, a hundred percent say that you were perfect. Why wouldn't you be? Even though you could go into descriptive detail on every insecurity about yourself, like the permanent scars etched onto your skin from your childhood, they're all perfect in his eyes. A bystander could easily see how smitten he truly is over you—it's as clear as the sky after nothing but dark gray clouds loomed over the city of Tokyo.

Beautiful, compassionate, patient, supportive, caring—he could fill infinite pages at this point. Just how much more perfect could you get from this moment on?

Kiyoomi observed you under the blanket of stars scattered in the heavens as you contently reached your arm out, letting your ivory-knitted mitten attract the tiniest of snowflakes. One thing's for sure, he'd never get tired of watching you literally do anything. From admiring you fold the clean sheets straight out of the dryer to cherishing the moments of your sleeping figure in his comfy bed.

Currently, the two of you were on the outdoor ice skating rink along with families, friends, and couples that wished to create everlasting memories on this winsome night such as yourself. Beforehand, Kiyoomi took you to see the display of Christmas lights as planned, of course. And although he wouldn't dream of seeing that smile painted on your visage disappear, he couldn't bear the numbing feeling in his finger tips any longer. "Not to kill the mood, but is it alright if we cut this short? My hands are really cold," he rubbed his hands together, generating heat.

"Told you, you should've brought your mittens," you scolded, removing yours. "Here, use mine."

"Then your hands will get cold. Plus, it's too small."
"Quit complaining, just use it for now."

Prior to slipping on the mittens, you cupped his hands together, blowing on his palms to warm it up. "Better?" you softly smiled, holding his bigger hands in yours. As you heard a satisfied hum from his lips, he enveloped his arms around you with a grateful heart. Taking his hand in yours, you continued to pull and guide him, circling the rink once more.

Whilst you were standing in line with Kiyoomi to return your ice skates, you took notice of a pregnant lady's husband, or who you assumed to be her spouse, helping her take off her skates. "That reminds me, could we stop by the store after getting the hot cocoa?" you faced the wing spiker as he placed the skates on the counter. "For?"

"To get a pregnancy test," you casually replied, grabbing onto his forearm as you started walking to the parking lot. He instantly stopped in his tracks, forcing you to come to a halt as well, "Pregnancy test? Are you pregnant?"

"Not sure, but my period's late, so," you shrugged, watching him go through a whirlwind of emotions in just three short seconds. "No need to panic, Kiyoomi. I'm almost certain we're not pregnant, but just to be safe, we should check."

"Who said anything about panicking? Just confused since you're on birth control, that's all," he led you towards his car, averting his gaze elsewhere. "Hello, do you not remember that birth control's not a hundred percent effective?"

At a little cafè joint, you got two orders of hot cocoa whilst Kiyoomi quickly excused himself to the restroom. "Here's your card back, um," the barista glanced at your name on the plastic card, "Y/N—oh, you have a pretty name. Tell you what though, how's about I throw in a free blueberry muffin in exchange for your number?"

The barista flirtatiously smirked, not even trying to hide the way his eyes undressed you in his sinful thoughts. "Oh, uh—"

What should you say? Should you lie and say that you have a boyfriend? Or should you just give it, and block his number later? As you thought of the different choices to choose from, you heard a heavy sigh come from the back of you. Not realizing you were holding up the other customers behind you, you were about to apologize until their insufferable stares caused you to become stiff.

Without warning, an intense wave of fear coursed through your body, slowly starting to eat you up bit by bit. The crazy pounding of your heart as if it's going to burst any second, the sudden loss of not being able to breathe properly—you felt like you were surely going to die right in front of these infuriated strangers. "So?"

As you were about to respond, an arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. Looking up, you saw your saving grace come to your rescue as his cold glare burned a hole straight through the barista's skull. "Is there something wrong?"

Kiyoomi sensed something fishy from the way the guy eyed you from head to toe—a look he's seen numerous of times from other men who would even dare to glance at you. The barista swallowed hard, seeing how superior Kiyoomi's physique is compared to himself—and how he would get knocked out cold from just one punch to the face. "No, there's no problem here," he shakily cleared his throat, "Sorry."

Guiding you to the side, he cupped your cheeks as he made you focus your gaze solely on him. "Are you okay?" he whispered in a hush tone, feeling you slightly tremble. "Want to wait in the car?"

With a short nod, he handed you his car keys, planting a reassuring kiss on your forehead. Once he obtained the hot cocoa, he stepped inside the driver's seat subsequently to you unlocking the doors. Setting the hot beverages in the cup holder, he scanned your all-too-familiar fretted mien. Since that night at the carnival, he's learned very well that you were going through one of your panic attack ordeals. "I'm here," he gently spoke, slowly pulling your frame into his. "I'm here, baby."

Really, you were so grateful for Kiyoomi's patience and understanding whenever you'd undergo an attack—just his presence alone steadies your heart rate with ease. Like planned, he picked up a box of home pregnancy tests on your way home.

As you removed your thick layer of coats, you went over to Mochi's kennel, disturbing his peaceful slumber. "Did you miss mommy, Mochi? Give a kiss here to daddy," you lifted up the puppy, letting its wet nose brush against Kiyoomi's cheek. "Go take the test."

"Daddy's a meanie, huh?" you teased, kissing the top of Mochi's snout before placing him back. "Daddy just wants to see if mommy is pregnant or not," he sarcastically played along, seeing that you were feeling much better now.

Grabbing the box of tests from his hand, he followed you to the bathroom until you eyed him uncomfortably. "If you're gonna stand by the door, it's gonna make me nervous. Go wait in the living room."

"Geez, you act as if you haven't peed in front of me before," he rolled his eyes. "Just lemme know when you're finished."

Kiyoomi released a heavy sigh as he sat himself on the couch, the edginess causing his heart beat to quicken. If you are carrying his baby, is he even ready to be a father? Ready for the mountains of dirty diapers? Ready for the sleepless nights? For crying out loud, he's never even had the experience of taking care of a child considering he's the youngest out of his siblings. What more if it's his actual kid?

He got pulled from his trance when the sound of your voice entered his ears, "Kiyoomi, I'm scared."

"Why're you scared? Did you pee on the stick yet?" he walked up to the bathroom, resting the palm of his hand at the top of the door. "Uh, yeah, I'm looking at the results."

"What?" he turned the doorknob only for it to remain locked, "Open the door."

Growing impatient of you taking your sweet time to let him in, he pounded his fist harder on the door. "Can you stop banging the door? It's stressing me out," you took a brief pause, "and stress isn't good for the baby."

Kiyoomi's eyes widened as he continuously twisted the handle and began to kick the door, close to breaking it down. "I swear if you don't open this door—"

"Quit it, give me a moment." He sighed in frustration, "Then can you at least send me a picture of it?"

Immediately hearing your personal text tone from his phone, he hurriedly clicked on the image you sent.

LIL'  TWINKIE
7:11 PM

"Are you serious? Show me the real one right now, it's not funny," he raised his voice, finally seeing you emerge from the bathroom. "Where's the test?"

Taking the capped stick from your fingers, his eyes fixated on the one line—negative. "Huh? It's negative. Why'd you say stress isn't good for the baby?"

"I'm the baby." Kiyoomi displayed a stoic expression, beginning to walk away from you. Chuckling to yourself, you caught up to him, "Hey, I did tell you you had nothing to worry about."

The ringing of his cellphone went off, putting an end to your conversation as he read the contact name shown on the screen. "Kat?" you arched your brow, peeking over his shoulder. "My sister."

"Ah, I'm gonna take Mochi for a walk at the dog park then," you tilted your chin up as he softly pecked your lips. "Be careful."

𖦹𖦹𖦹

Entering back into the building, you went to check on Kiyoomi, wondering if he's still talking to his sister. At the small dog park near the condominium complex, you met a fellow Shiba Inu owner, striking up a conversation about the proper care, diet, and exercise you should consider for Mochi. Putting the puppy on his bed, you knocked on the ravenette's door, opening it to see him laying on his side with his back turned to you. "Koomi, you sleeping? I lost track of time earlier, sorry."

"No," he sternly responded, not bothering to meet your eyes. Climbing onto the bed, you laid behind him, wrapping your arm around his waist. "Everything okay, my love? What'd you and your sister talk about?" you gently caressed his broad chest, inhaling his pleasant scent.

"It's not exactly your business, is it? Can you go? Leave me alone," he snapped, voice laced with annoyance. Unsure why he's giving you an attitude out of nowhere, you simply brushed it off. "Hey, what's wrong?" you frowned, leaning your chin on his shoulder as you tried to catch a peek at his face.

"Nothing, just leave." Not wanting to pester him any further, you exhaled in defeat, giving him space since he usually tends to open up to you later. "Alright. I'll be here for you when you're ready to talk about it, okay?" you softly planted a kiss on the back of his head before exiting his room.

For the sake of passing time, you brought Mochi to your room to keep you a bit of company as well as sending Atsumu photos of the puppy snuggled up against you for warmth because he insisted that you keep him updated. Though it's mainly an excuse to get to talk to you more often.

A while later, you heard noises from the kitchen, obviously being Kiyoomi, you decided to check what he's up to—and see if he's cooled off by now. Waltzing in, he stood in front of the stove as you realized he's cooking ramen. "Need some help?"

He met your eyes for a millisecond, then continued pouring the rest of the ingredients in the pot. "No."

Approaching him from behind, you snaked your arms around his abdomen, "Are you still mad? Want to talk about it now?" He put the chopsticks down, grabbing your wrists as he pried you off of his body. And yet again, he responded with a firm, "No."

"Okay, what's your problem? 'Cause you're really starting to get on my nerves. Is it me?" you placed a hand on your chest, "Did—Did I do something? If I did, please just talk to me. Otherwise if you continue to ignore me, then—"

"Not everything's about you," he interrupted, still refusing to have a proper conversation with you.

"Oh." Just four simple words stung you deep within your tender heart. To refrain yourself from possibly worsening the situation, you chewed on your bottom lip until the metallic taste of your blood made you stop. "I see," is all you managed to say before silently going back to your room, leaving him be.

What would be the right term for how you were feeling at this moment? Confused? Distressed? Angry? All of the fucking above because what the hell is going on?

Everything between you two was perfectly fine from the point of taking the pregnancy test and him receiving a call from his sister. Could Kat possibly be the reason he's lashing out on you? Or could he actually be upset with you for messing around about being pregnant? It couldn't be the latter since he knew when to take a joke, therefore, it has to be the former. But what could he and his sister have talked about to tick him off in a span of twenty minutes?

After hearing his bedroom door close, indicating that he's not in the kitchen anymore, you quietly snuck out to see that he left you a bowl of ramen. Though honestly, you didn't even have the appetite to eat anything tonight. Something is definitely off, and you wished he could just tell you what's bothering him or why's he so wrathful towards you. But perhaps tomorrow he'll hopefully be in a better mood, and giving him some space for now might just be what he needs.

And in doing so, for the first time in a while,
you didn't sleep with Kiyoomi by your side.

—not edited