"Mommm..." Emma whines, standing in the doorway, her arms crossed.

"Yes, Emma." Olivia says with a sigh, exhausted by the little girls constant pestering. She looks up at her daughter and sees a familiar scowl on her face.

"I asked when Elliot's gonna be back." She says, irritated with her mother's non answer.

"Honey, I told you I don't know." Olivia says, beginning to grow frustrated with her daughter, who's been asking the same question over and over again for the last two days, "Please let me finish this."

She rolls her eyes. "He said three days. That was like.. forever ago."

"I don't know that a week and half counts as forever, Em." Olivia says with a smirk. Her earlier frustration dissipates as she reminds herself that if she misses Elliot, of course Emma does. This is the longest stretch of time they've gone without seeing each other since they met and it's disrupted their routine. He's missing from soccer practice and her games, he's not here to help with homework, or to read with her before bed, and his chair is empty at dinner. Of course she wants to know when he'll back.

She stares at her mom, her arms still crossed, refusing to leave the bedroom. Olivia stares back, an eyebrow arched, amused that she's not backing down. Emma's stubbornness has always rivaled her own, something she seems to have inherited from both parents. "Baby, I'm sure he'll call as soon as he's done working." Olivia says finally.

Emma gives her a pouty look, still standing in the doorway, arms crossed as if she thinks her refusal to leave will elicit a more satisfying response. "You miss him?" Olivia asks, trying not to give her too much attention, knowing that Emma has recently entered the preteen stage of being too cool for her own emotions.

Emma rolls her eyes, "No. He's just more fun than you."

"Oh, ouch." Olivia says with a playful laugh. Emma tries not to smile but Olivia can see the corners of her mouth turning up ever so slightly.

"I just.. like it when he's around." She says with a shrug, "That's all."

Olivia does her best not to react because she knows all too well that any overt display of emotions will be met with a fake vomit noise and Emma won't share any more with her. "Me too, Honey." She says softly.

Emma stands quietly, looking down at her feet and Olivia waits patiently for whatever's coming. She turns her attention back to the work in front of her, knowing she has to let Emma get there in her own time. She is so much her and Elliot that it's infuriating. "You didn't break up or anything did you?" She asks quietly.

"No, no, honey of course not." Olivia says, looking up from the case file in her hand to see Emma with tears in her eyes. "Come here, sweetie."

Emma walks into her room and Olivia pulls her onto the bed, as close to in her lap as her daughter will let her. She wraps both arms around her tightly and kisses the side of her face before she rests her chin on the top of her head, fighting the urge to rock her like a small child. "Elliot will be back as soon as he's done working, love." She whispers, "I know you miss him, I miss him too."

Olivia holds onto her daughter as tight as she will let her... All of the things she's been worried about, all of the things she and Elliot need to to figure out seem so small as she holds Emma. They will get figured out. They have to. She's given her a daughter a family and she can't take that away.

Emma's quiet for a minute. "I like him better than Brian." She says, "And Ed. I didn't mind so much when Ed wasn't here anymore. But I don't want Elliot to go anywhere."

It both warms Olivia's heart to know that Emma feels connected to her father, and hurts her because she knows this undercover operation will not be the last. She hates to think that Emma will grow up like her siblings, constantly missing her dad and wondering when he'll come home.

"Kinda like when Uncle Rafa was here a lot." She says quietly, "But different."

Olivia smiles softly "Elliot's not going anywhere." Olivia says quietly, squeezing her just a bit.

"You don't know that." Emma says adamantly.

"I do, Honey." Olivia says, stroking her hair, "Elliot's not going anywhere."

"He left you before." Emma says.

That one hits Olivia square in the chest. She wants to badly to argue with her, she hates that she's not wrong. And it's her biggest fear that when Emma finds out Elliot is her father that that fear will live in the back of Emma's mind the way it does her own.

"That was different, Em. Something really bad happened to him, it didn't make sense for him to be here anymore." Olivia says, trying to choose her words carefully, "He had a wife then, and a lot of other things going on."

"What if something bad happens to him again?" She presses.

"Then we'll deal with it together." Olivia says, "A lot has changed in the last twelve years, Honey."

"But what if you break up?" She asks.

Olivia forces herself to take a deep breath. "If we break up.. He's still my best friend, Em. He'll still be around." She says softly.

She recognizes the fear in her daughters eyes and it breaks her heart. There's hardly been a revolving door of men in Emma's life because Olivia's always been careful, but she knows that the way Brian left hurt Emma even if she'll never admit it. She didn't take to Bryan in the way that he had wanted. She was standoffish and didn't want to share her mother and he tried, he made all sorts of promises, and just when she was starting to warm to him, he left. That made Olivia angrier than anything he had ever said to her, and so it was years before she brought anyone else around. But the damage was done and Emma refused to see Ed as a permanent fixture, although she had been right about that one.

"You know before I met your Aunt Amanda, Uncle Sunny, and Uncle Rafa, I didn't have any family." She says gently, as her daughter listens to her intently, "Elliot was my family. From the moment I met him, he took care of me. No one looked out for me the way he did. If we ever broke up, he just wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. But he'll always be our family, Honey."

Emma's quiet for a moment as she sits in her mother's lap. "Do you think he'd still come to my soccer games?" She asks curiously.

Olivia laughs. "Yes, I think he'd still come to your soccer games. But you're killing me with the breakup talk, Love. Elliot and I are fine. He'll be back as soon as he's done working."

Emma nods and Olivia kisses the top of her head before she retreats back to her own room, finally satisfied with Olivia's answers.

Olivia knows she shouldn't be shocked that Emma is so attached to him already. It may have only been a handful of months but she's let Elliot into more of her life, more of their life, than she ever has anyone. Parts of it have been intentional. She really has been trying to give Emma and Elliot the space to get to know each other. But other parts of it have been less so. They've fallen into old patterns, the intimacy they built over a decade of partnership making it nearly impossible to hold space between them.

And as much as she doesn't want to admit it to herself, she can't seem to be without him anymore. She's been trying to come up with an adequate way to describe the way having him home makes her feel. She feels.. warm again. For the first time in over a decade she's warm. That's not say she's been sitting around miserable and shivering for twelve years, she's known such great joy and so much love has come into her life. But the second she felt his eyes on her, she was warm again. Which is just as terrifying as it is comforting.

Her fear is not for Emma, she knows Elliot will always be in her life. It's for herself. The thought of losing Elliot again, but him still being there, always in her peripheral, is unbearable. Even at her best with Ed and Brian, she never saw much past the next couple of months. It was nice to have company, even nice not to fall asleep by herself every now and then. But she never imagined it lasting. She never pictured herself as Bryan or Ed's wife. And she never imagined sharing Emma with them in anything more than a superficial way.

She used to be so okay with the idea of ending up alone. Especially after she had Emma. She knew she would always be happy if all she had was her daughter.

But she's had a pit in her stomach since Elliot left for his undercover assignment. They hadn't resolved the argument they'd been having and Elliot's absence left her with far too much time to sit and think. Every doubt she's ever had about their relationship has surfaced sometime in the last week. One of her biggest fears has always been that eventually the novelty will wear off. She thought about this often as they continued their affair. She feared that eventually, it wouldn't be special anymore, the secret would no longer feel fun and that Elliot would realize that she wasn't special, she was just the thing he couldn't have. She wonders now if twelve years of yearning and absence made him idealize her and their relationship and she's constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And new fears are rearing their heads as well. Ever since their conversation in the park, Olivia can't stop thinking about this mystery woman... Who is Tia? And why hadn't Elliot mentioned her in any of the conversations they had had about his time in Rome? He had told her about the women he had seen post divorce in Rome.. He promised her there had only been three. Two nurses and a one of Eli's teachers... No mention of an Olivia look alike at Interpol... He had admitted to her his embarrassment about Eli's teachers, so why leave out the Interpol agent? Unless he has something to hide.

She loves him so much that she doesn't know what to do with herself when he's gone. But does he feel the same way? Are they barreling towards heartbreak again? If the only relationship she's ever envisioned lasting ends, what does that mean for her? For her future?

Olivia can hear Dr. Lindstroms voice in her head, telling her not to worry about things that haven't happened yet and she forces herself to take a deep breath. She also knows that he would scold her for burying herself in her work instead of dealing with the things she's trying so desperately to avoid. But there's only so much she can handle right now and work feels like the perfect distraction.

Things have picked up pace in the last couple weeks and it's taken her a bit of time to adjust to what busy looks like as a unit chief in the FBI as opposed to Captain of SVU. She's realized how much faith she had in her team at SVU, she trained them all and she knew their weak points. With her unit now everything is different. Her agents are twice as educated but they lack all of the practical experience her squad has and it exhausts her. They're paralyzed by decision making so everything falls on her shoulders.

As she sits in her bed pouring over case files she wonders if taking this job was in fact the right choice for her. But, she supposes that thought isn't a particularly helpful one if she's going to figure out what's going on in their case, so she pushes it out of her head. By the time she wraps up work for the night it's almost one AM and she's so exhausted, the best she can manage is stripping off her work clothes and pushing the files to the floor before she crawls in bed.

Olivia starts to drift off to sleep but wakes up to the sound of a door shutting. She listens for a second and falls back into her pillow, sure Emma's just gotten up to go back to the bathroom.

Her bedroom door creaks open and she looks up, and she has to blink away sleep to make sure she's not dreaming as Elliot walks through the door.

"I know, I know, I didn't call." He whispers, "But I wrapped my case and the only thing I wanted to do was kiss you." He sits on the edge of her bed and she sits up to kiss him. He puts one hand on the back of her head, holding her closer to him. He pulls away just a little bit and he smiles. "I missed you so damn much." He whispers, "I'm so sorry I was gone so long."

Olivia smiles sleepily, "I'm just glad you're back." Elliot kisses her forehead and she allows herself to relax into his touch, eyes closed as he holds her quietly. Hit touch is tender and soft and his hand warms her cheeks, bringing a soft and apologetic smile to her face as she looks at him.
"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"Sorry?" Elliot asks in a whisper.

"For the way we left things." She says quietly, biting her lip, "For the way I handled everything... You were right, we can't do that anymore."

Elliot cracks a soft smile. " S'okay, Liv..." He whispers, "I wasn't holding it against you." She looks up at him inquisitively and he tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. He knows that look, she's been anxious about this since the second he left, stewing in her own worst fears. "You're sharing your kid for the first time in her life, just 'cuz I'm her dad doesn't make it easy..." He says kindly, "Old habits die hard.. I get it. We just gotta work on it is all." He brushes away the tear at the corner of her eyes and kisses her gently. "You can go back to sleep, I need a shower."

"Or we could take a shower." She offers, biting her lip.

Elliot grins. "God I missed you." He says, taking her hand and practically pulling her out of bed. They step into the steamy shower together Olivia smile as Elliot pulls her tight against his body, kissing down her neck. "I don't know how we went so long without seeing each other... Ten days and I felt like I was losing my mind." He says quietly.

"So what are you waiting for?" She teases, her heartbeat picking up as he backs her up against the wall of the shower.

By the time they get out the water is running cold.

The two fall into bed, exhausted and wrapped up in each other's arms for the first time in days. Their eyes close just as Noah begins to cry. Olivia groans and Elliot cracks a smile, stopping her as she starts to get tup. "I got it, you can go to sleep." He says, pushing himself out of bed. Olivia looks at him, an eyebrow raised as he pulls a robe over his arms. "I got it, Liv." He says reassuringly, "I'll be back in a couple minutes."

Olivia lays back in bed, her eyes fixed on the little light bar on the baby monitor as it lights up with Noah's cries. His cries turn into soft whimpers as the door opens and Elliot picks him up with a a little grunt. "Hey, little guy..." Elliot whispers, "What's the matter? Oh you just need a new diaper, huh?" Olivia wipes away a tear as she listens to Elliot whisper to her son, overwhelmed with emotion by the tenderness in his voice as he cares for the little boy. "Alright, little dude, let's get you that pacifier and go back to sleep, yeah?" He whispers.

Elliot comes back a few moments later and climbs back into bed, surprised to see Olivia fully awake and looking at him as if she's going to cry. He reaches out for her, intentionally not pulling her into his arms like he wants to in case the tearful look is one of anger, instead leaving the choice up her. He's relieved when she scoots in closer to him.

"What is it, Liv?" He asks quietly.

"I--nothing. Nothing." Olivia whispers, cuddling closer to him.

She rests her head on his chest and he takes it as an invitation to wrap his arms tightly around her.

"I love you." She whispers, a tear rolling down her face.

"I love you too." He says quickly, unsure of whether or not now is the moment to push. It's late and they're both exhausted but it pains him to see her like this and to not know why. He knows she wasn't kind to herself in his absence, constantly worrying about a fight that he knew was just a bump in the road.

Olivia listens to Elliot's heartbeat and his breathing evens out as he relaxes underneath her, but she knows he's still awake. He traces the curves of her back with his fingertips, something he knows calms her down when she's stressed. "Liv, you gotta stop..." Elliot says in a breathy whisper.

"Stop what?" She says, refusing to look up him as he talks to her.

"You've got that look on your face.. What are you thinking about?" He asks.

She hates that he knows her so well sometimes. Well, really only in moments like this when it would be easier to lie to him, when she doesn't particularly want to be vulnerable. "Nothing, I'm fine." She says, doing her best to make herself sound light and sleepy as she stretches and arm over his chest, bringing them just a little bit closer to each other.

"Have I ever told you I hate it when you lie to me?" He says quietly.

Olivia forces herself to take a deep breath as she sits up slightly, propping herself up on his chest, her head resting in her hands as she looks at him. He gives her a gentle smile as he tucks a wild piece of hair behind her ear, waiting for her to say something. As she looks at the peaceful look on his face she has to remind herself to breathe. He's here because he wants to be and he's not mad at her. Things are not the same as they were all those years ago, she's not going to wake up to him slipping out from under her, leaving her cold as he sneaks home.

"What is it, Olivia?" He asks softly, watching the gears turning in her head as she looks at him silently.

She toys with the idea of lying to him again, putting the conversation to bed until she has some time to think but as she looks into his eyes in this moment, she thinks of the love he pours into their daughter, and the tenderness with which he speaks to her son, and the complete and total look of patience and peace on his face as he waits for her to talk to him and she doesn't want to lie to him. Lying is what she would have done with Brian or Ed, because it didn't matter if they understood her. How can she hope that this relationship lasts them a lifetime if she's unwilling to tell him how she feels?

It's been so many years, she's forgotten what it means to be known this well. To be seen in the way that Elliot sees her.

"I'm worried about us..." She whispers, finally.

"Tell me why..." He says gently, "Because I'm not."

Olivia looks up from her hands and into his eyes and she sees that the sleep has come and gone from them, and he's looking at her curiously, waiting for her answer.

"Come on, El... It's not like things have ever been smooth, or uncomplicated." She says, still cautious and trying to find the right words to express to him what she wants to say.

Elliot forces himself to take a deep breath. He knows that he has more than earned a bit of caution from her but he hates this. They've never spoken to each other like this before and they're not about to start now. "Stop dancing around it, Liv, what is it?"

She looks at him, shocked by the firmness of his tone. "I feel safe. I feel safe with you, and I sleep better next to you."

He looks at her, shocked. He wasn't sure what he was expecting but it wasn't that.

"I feel safe, Elliot, the same way I did all those years ago. I felt safe and I felt like you loved me back in the same all consuming way I loved you and then you left and it felt like the world had collapsed underneath me and I forgot how to breathe. And I won't survive that again." She keeps going, her voice catching as tears come to her eyes, "I'm worried... That you're going to realize that I don't live up to your fantasy of me, we're gonna settle into a life that I love, that our daughter loves, and the novelty is going to wear off and you're gonna want something or someone else."

He looks at her and he's dumbfounded. How could she possibly think that? "God, Liv, I don't even know where to start with that." He says honestly.

They're both silent and his heart breaks as he watches tears roll down her cheeks. He can't believe she lives with fears like this. He feels like he's failed at everything. Does he not tell her he loves her enough? Has he never expressed to her that she's the best thing in his world? He brushes her tears away with a gentle touch. "Honey... It's never been about novelty or a fantasy..." He sighs, "And it was never about wanting something I couldn't have."

A tear falls down her cheeks as his words wash over her. "I got see your heart and your passion before I knew anything else about you. I fell in love with you, because it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen..." He whispers, "We just had terrible timing, Liv. And I know that none of what we did was ever fair to you... The affair, it put you in a terrible position. I was a coward, okay? I shouldn't have done that to you."

More tears fall down Olivia's face as she takes in everything he's said to her. It brings her so much comfort that he heard everything she hadn't had the courage to say to him.

"I never had to have a fantasy about you, Liv, I could never come up with anything as good as the real thing..." He says, stroking her cheek lovingly, "There's nothing that's ever going to change that, okay? All those things you worry about becoming too much, they never have been and they never will be... I loved you before I knew them, and I loved you even more after. I haven't looked at another woman the way I look at you since we met... No one has ever compared, even when we hadn't seen each other in a decade."

"What about Rome?" She asks quietly, unsettled by his claim that he hasn't looked at anyone else since they met. If Kathy hadn't mentioned Tia she might have believed him, but now it feels like he's overcompensating for something.

"What about it?" He asks, confused.

"Why did you lie about Rome?" She asks seriously.

"Liv..." He says, still deeply confused.

"Who's Tia?" She asks, growing irritated with him as he pretends not to know what she's talking about.

"Tia?" He repeats.

"Yes, Elliot, Tia, who is she?" Olivia asks, "And why didn't you tell me about her?"

"Tia was a colleague of mine in Rome. She worked for Interpol." He says, confused, "I didn't tell you about her because there's nothing to tell. How did you even find out about her?"

Olivia's quiet. She hadn't told Elliot that she met with Kathy. Elliot watches her for a second and then it dawns on him. Kathy told her. He sighs. "You talked to Kathy." He says, not needing any confirmation from her.

"If there's nothing to tell then why did she feel the need to mention it?" Olivia asks.

"Because she never believed me, Liv." He says tiredly, growing angry that his ex-wife seems to have planted doubt in Olivia's head when she was already struggling enough. "Kathy and I separated and I accepted an undercover op with Interpol and I left. I left Eli with Kathy and I couldn't tell her where I was or who I was with. She walked into a coffee shop and saw Tia and I together and she lost it. Nothing I ever said made her believe that I wasn't sleeping with Tia."

"You weren't? Sleeping with Tia? Olivia presses.

"No, Olivia, I wasn't." Elliot says frustrated.

Olivia eyes him and she knows he's keeping something from her. She stares at him until he talks. "She reminded me of you, Liv, is that what you want me to say?" He says beginning to get frustrated,
"Kathy and I weren't together and I was looking for anything to distract me from the fact that my family fell apart, so I took a job. And Tia, she wasn't anything but a reminder of what I missed more than anything in the world. I didn't sleep with her because she wasn't you, okay?"

Olivia feels bad for having pushed him, but she's satisfied with his answer, having looked him in the eyes while he said it.

"Okay." She says quietly, nodding her head.

Elliot's quiet for a second as he watches her. She twisted herself up into knots while he was away, all of her fears becoming real while he wasn't there to talk her down. In all of her their conversations he's known that the damage he did to their relationship very well may be there for the rest of their lives but he seems to have lost sight of that as they've settled into a life together. He wraps his arms tightly around her, pulling her up towards him, just close enough so he can kiss her forehead. He broke the trust that existed between them in the worst way possible and Olivia's brave enough to let him in and share the fear that exists because of him and that will never be lost on him. He owes her all the patience and reassurance in the world. "I have always loved you in a way that consumes my every thought." He whispers against her skin, "And I'll spend the rest of my life proving that to you in whatever way you need me to."

Olivia's eyes well up as she nods her head against his chest.

"I love you, Olivia." He whispers, "I'd give my life for you, to protect you, to make you happy, to make you feel loved in the way you deserve. I was a coward, and it kills me that you were the one who paid for that. I'm so sorry, my love..."

"I love you." She whispers, nuzzling her face into his chest. She feels him kiss the top of her head and starts to drift of to sleep, his smell and his warmth comforting, and his grip on her body enough to convince her he means what he said. And tonight, that is enough for her.