A/N: song linked! This one is a good one(:

I wake up with a slight headache, and Harry's arm loosely wrapped around my shoulder. He's sleeping still, and I move carefully away from him, completing the normal routine I've developed over the past few weeks. I don't have pants on still, and I'm still wearing his sweatshirt, but I know I'll end up in his bed again so I'll return it then. I walk over to the nightstand and grab my phone, walking carefully away so I don't cause a scene.

    "Leaving so soon?" I hear a tired voice behind me as I walk to the door, and I stop, sighing. He's never caught me in the act of leaving before.

    "I've got a plane to catch." I lie. My plane flight isn't for a while, and my things are practically already packed.

    "So do I, you don't see me sneaking around do you?" He asks, sitting up, showing off his toned chest, and tattoos.

    "This is your room." I fight back, and find myself already annoyed, I didn't want to fight with him at all today, especially not this early in the morning.

    "Exactly, my room, the place you wanted to be last night. El, talk to me, don't go hole up in your room, and be alone right now, you need people." He fights back, and waves me back to him.

    "I don't need anyone actually." I cross my arms over my chest, trying to disprove his point.

    "El, you're going through a hard time, I understand that okay? I just want to be a friend to you at least." He pleads with me, and I shake my head.

    "We're not friends, and I'm not going through anything. That was yesterday, today is today, a new day, and now I can go back to feeling nothing, and not caring. That's what happens every year, now don't push me." I turn my back again and sigh once more, reaching for the door.

    "Hey El..." I pause, listening to him. "Did you ever think that maybe this still hurts as bad as it does every year because you don't talk about it, or think about it except on that day?" He speaks freely, and I take his words in, and think about the truth behind them, but know that it's not me. Feelings are not me, they make me uncomfortable.

I say nothing, and walk out the door, walking straight across the hall, and ignoring the chill on my legs due to the lack of pants. I open my door, and begin to close it but it's pulled back, and when I turn around I see Harry, still shirtless, walking through my door.

"What the-" I start, and he kisses me, taking me by complete surprise, melting into me in a feverish fashion. I drop everything in my hands, and keep them in the air, still shocked at this pass, and when I finally think about I almost back away, but I stop myself, because in this moment I don't care because he has that power over me.

He has the power to take my mind, and take whatever I'm thinking about, and throw it right out the door. So I kiss him, my door wide open, my lips moving with his. He pulls back, but stays in my presence, keeping his hands on my face, and his eyes locked on me. "Stay with me... I'm tired of seeing you leave in the morning. Just stay with me..." He talks in a low voice, and I lean forward, pecking his lips softly.

"Never gonna happen." I tell him, and he drops his hands in defeat.

"You can't even tell me you didn't feel that. There was a rush.. there was something. You can't tell me there wasn't something there, and I can't be the only one who wants to wake up feeling that." He fights back, and I shake my head.

"I felt no rush. I felt a distraction, it was a welcome distraction, but that's all it was, and that's all you are. Stop before you get yourself hurt." I turn around and pick my phone up, taking his hoodie off, and throwing it towards him. "Go pack your shit up, I've got things to do." I tell him, even though I'm lying. I've got nothing to do, and I did feel a rush, something I've never actually felt unless I was intoxicated, but here I am, sober as I'll ever be, feeling it right in the center of my chest.

"El..." He pleads, and for some reason it sounds different, it sounds.. "This is hopeless isn't it?" He asks, and finishes my thoughts for me.

"You're finally catching on." I reply in a tired voice because I am tired. These past few weeks have been exhausting with all the fighting, and back and forth, and I know this is my fault, it's my mental block against him, but I'm not going to let up, because I never have before.

"One day... one day-" He starts, but I finish his sentence.

"One day you'll realize there's no point in trying with me, because I'm not going to break. This isn't hopeless, I am hopeless. I don't do this Harry, we're sleeping together, that is all, and if you can't accept that then I'm sorry. You were just sleeping with Amber, and you didn't seem to have a problem with that?" I throw it in his face, purposely messing up her name again, and he glares at me.

"Her name is Audrey, and you know that, but I'm not talking about her, I'm talking about you, and us." He fights back, moving his hands between our bodies.

"There is no us." I point at him, situating the clothes I put on my body, and he looks me up and down.

"For now." He boasts, and I open my mouth to argue, but he turns on his heel, and moves away from me, and I decide against arguing. He can try, and I know he will, but he's going to continue to fail, because he's not smart enough to crack my code, I'm not even smart enough to figure myself out.

I shower quickly, and get myself ready for the next city, moving through the same motions of meeting Anthony, going to the airport, getting to the jet, and flying away off to another land. I remember my flight to New York when I was eighteen, it was the first time I had ever been on a plane and I was horrified, and now it feels like I'm not afraid of hardly anything, not even flights.

I've spent more time on planes in my life than I have talking to people it feels like. Now we're back in Germany, back to the colder weather, and I know my lack of immune system is going to catch up to me sooner or later from all this travel.

"So, did you and hot shot talk about what happened the other night?" Anthony asks as we pile into the car. We flew later on, so we're going straight to the venue.

"No." I lie, and look out the window.

"Eileen Mae do not lie to me." He points a finger at me.

"Stop calling me by my full name. The last thing I need is for Harry to hear that and poke fun at me for it, and yes we talked about it, and it's all worked out, Amber is not a problem." I shut the conversation down immediately.

"Her name is-" He starts, but I hold a hand up. 

"I know what her name is... It doesn't matter, what matters is that she won't be a problem anymore, and it's not anything for you to worry about." I finish, and he stays quiet the rest of the car ride. We pull up to the venue, and both Anthony and I hurry in, avoiding the cold. We walk side by side through the curving halls and when I open the door to the dressing room I expect everyone to be in there but it's only Jeffrey and Kate which shocks me.

I walk all the way in, Anthony following behind, and I set my things down, settling myself in normal fashion. We all sit and talk for a few minutes, and Harry walks in, but he's not alone, and I fight to keep my jaw from hitting the floor, and I hope smoke doesn't pour from my ears in this moment. You've got to be fucking kidding me. In walks Amber, and Harry looks right to me, a smug look in his eyes.

"You guys this is-" He starts but I interrupt, not exactly sure what came over me in the moment, but not regretting it either.

"Amber... yes we know her." I try to keep the venom out of my voice, but I know I've failed when I see a bitchy look from her.

"My name is-" She starts to correct me, her voice squeaking in my ears.

"I know what your name is." I give an over dramatic smile, and turn my eyes to Harry, giving the strongest glare I can. I sit in silence, and she ignores me, and my obvious discomfort, sitting next to Harry as Kate does his hair, but the awkward tension in the room is hard to miss. She's tried to keep quiet, trying not to let me hear her words, but I have, I've heard every single one.

"I don't understand why she's glaring at me. Does she like you or something?" She whispers to him, and I've had it at that point.

"No I don't like him, but that doesn't mean I haven't slept with him." I raise my voice, and Harry's eyes go wide in the mirror, along with Kate, who has completely stopped doing his hair so she can look right at me with her mouth dropped open in surprise. Sarah pits up her drink, choking on it, and sitting up right. Anthony is grinning wider than I ever thought possible.

"Excuse me?" She asks, turning her body to me, trying to be big, and angry towards me.

"You heard me. I slept with him.. Do you really need me to go into further detail?" I ask, feeling a tad bit jealous.Okay, more than a tad bit. He can't bring other girls around me, this is supposed to be a mutual thing, I sleep with him, he sleeps with me, that's it.

"Harry.." She turns to him, sounding upset. I know she's going to try and ask him if it's true and I stand up.

"Amber... you're probably young, about twenty I'm guessing?" I ask her, and she looks back to me, nodding. "That's what I thought. Let me tell you about a little secret I've learned... relationships, they're not exclusive in this world. You should have picked up on that when he called you up every few weeks to come to his hotel room, and that's all. You're pretty, but you've got to be smarter than that." I smile softly, feeling a little bad for her, and turn away from the situation grabbing my bag, and heading for the door.

"El I'm not even dressed." Harry speaks from his chair, and I don't move to turn around.

"Dress yourself." I bark, and walk out of the door, slamming it behind me. Fuck this. I feel embarrassed. An emotion I don't know well because I don't feel jealousy, I don't get embarrassed because I never have anything to feel this way about. I shouldn't feel this way because all that we have is a physical relationship, and nothing more, but for some reason the thought of him sleeping with someone else, especially her it makes me so mad I can hardly stand it.

I go back to the hotel room, not caring what he's wearing, and leave all of it to Anthony, hoping no one tries to see me tonight because I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone right now, even my best friend.  I throw my shit down, myself included, and I pull the covers over my head, and stare off, thinking to myself.

Why the fuck am I so mad? I roll over and scream into the pillow, and sit there in silence, feeling the vibration of my phone. I pick it up, and throw it from the bed, not caring where it lands.

We have had a day off, and I kept the anger but I hid it, and I hid myself, running off to the next city before everyone else so I could be alone, and by alone I mean away from Harry. I've treated him as if he were the plague.

According to Anthony he hasn't been with Amber, he's been hanging around him and Mitch and I told him I didn't care, because I don't, not anymore.We've been on this tour now for a little over a month, and it feels like an eternity.

Tonight will be my last night of peace before I have to continue on ignoring Harry but not by hiding in rooms, it will be straight to his face.Tonight is my last night to- I look right at the door of my hotel room as I hear the knock. I stand up and walk reluctantly to the door, knowing I look like a zombie right now. I open it, and right as soon as I see his curly hair I start to stare up at him, seeing his smirk grow as he stares down at me, taking in my appearance.

"Did you roll out of bed? Or a casket?" He jokes, and I continue to glare up at him, letting my arms hang, and my sleeves go past my fingertips, the sweatshirt I'm wearing hitting mid thigh.

"You're so funny." I sarcastically remark.

"Have you chilled out since the last time I saw you?" He crosses his arms now, and I thin my eyes at him.

"Fuck you." I mumble, and turn around, leaving the door open because I know if I didn't he would hold the door open and force me to talk.

"I'll take that as a no... I'm guessing you're ready to talk to me about it then?" He asks, following in just as I knew he would.

"We've established that I'm bad at talking. I'm good at work, and having no emotion at all." I tell him throwing myself back on the bed, and looking to the ceiling. I can see him staring at me, he has a soft smile on his lips, and he moves forward, copying me and laying on the bed, looking straight up to the ceiling.

"You're cute like this." He tells me, and I sigh.

"That was gross." I inform him, and clasp my hands together and rest them on my stomach.

"No argument? No gagging noises, or threatening me for complimenting you?" He laughs, and I sigh again.

"I'm tired, I don't feel like fighting you because there's no point." I admit, and turn on my side, looking at him.

"Why is there no point?"  He turns to me now.

"Because, there's nothing between us, and I shouldn't waste my time arguing with you, especially when you're fucking other people, which bothers me, and I don't know why." I groan and throw myself back on the bed, and he leans forward.

"Maybe it's because you liii-" He starts, and I cover his mouth with my hand.

"Don't say it, because it's not true, I don't care what my drunk self said, fuck drunk El. Sober El says shut up." I tell him with warning eyes, and slowly take my hand away.

"So are we talking in third person now?" He asks, and I give him the side eye.

"Could you stop making fun of me, and tell me why you're here?" I sit up, and cross my legs together.

"I'm here because you kind of blew up El, and you upset-" He starts but I interrupt him.

"Don't speak her name in this room, or in my presence. I don't really care that I upset her because she was dumb to think you were exclusive to her, she's nothing more than a groupie." I tell him, though he already knows my feelings.

"You say this, but you're upset about this not being exclusive." He motions between us. "And she's not a groupie." He tells me, and I roll my eyes.

"I don't care what she is, and there is no 'this' we aren't anything." I remind him, and he shakes his head.

"El, what in the world do you mean? How are you going to get mad at me twice now for being with someone else, and then when I ask you about it, you tell me there is nothing here between us, not even a friendship."  He sits up now too, looking straight at me.

"Because friends don't fuck. Not where I come from..." I cross my arms.

"So we're more than-" He speaks, and I shut him up again.

"No, and we never will be more than friends." I tell him, and he stands. "Where are you-" I start, and he turns around swiftly.

"We can talk again whenever you're ready to move past all of this. We can talk, we can figure it out whenever you're ready, but until then I'd like to just have some time to myself." He tells me, and it shuts me up, stopping my words, and I can't do anything but watch him leave. I told him at the beginning that I didn't do this, I don't do feelings, or relationships, and now he knows why so I guess he's just going to have to ignore me because I'm not giving into him.

We're in London now. It has been another four days of going to shows, getting Harry ready, and not speaking a word. We've both spent the time alone, he hasn't been with Amber, and I haven't been with anyone except Anthony, but I hardly got out of bed besides the shows.

Now we're here, and I hate admitting that I miss the sound of his annoying ass voice, and all the dumb banter we have back and forth, and I don't know how to feel about it. He's just one boy, and I'm just one girl, but he's different, and god knows I am too.

So we're here in London now, I'm at the venue, and when Harry walks in I look to him, him doing the same to me. Normally I ignore him, so when we make eye contact he tilts his head, and furrows his eyebrows, looking to me with a question. He mouths the words "Are you okay?" To me, and I shrug my shoulders.

"Get your ass in the chair, we've got a mop of hair to get through Harry." Kate pulls him down, and he looks to me through the mirror, mouthing his words again. "We'll talk." I nod to his words, and stand up.

"I made a special suit specifically for tonight and tomorrow so I'll go ahead and get it ready." I tell him over my shoulder.

"Ooh, a special suit, which one is it?" He asks, turning, and Kate turns his head once more to look right back to the mirror. I pull out the pink matador style suit, knowing he will be wearing an exact copy of this on the last night of the tour but in black. I walk behind Kate and hold up the suit in the mirror, and his eyes look amused and he nods his head. Anthony watches our entire exchange, the first exchange we've had in days and he already picked up on it.

I set the suit up, and walk from the room. I stand by one of the snack tables, and grab a water, hearing the chatter from the audience, saying hi to everyone who passes, and I see Anthony leave the room, and walk straight to me.

"What was that?" He asks, grabbing some chips, and leaning against the wall to look at me.

"I don't know, and I'm being honest. We fought, we haven't talked in four days, and now he wants to talk." I shrug my shoulders.

"Do you want to talk to him?" He asks, and I nod, without giving anymore information. "Oh my god." He straightens up and looks at me. I furrow my brows, staring back to him. "You miss you don't you? That's why you've been moping around, and you seem so down today. You miss him!" He points his finger in an amusing way, and I shake my head.

"No I-"

"Don't lie to me, we're not doing that anymore, tell me the truth right now." He steps even closer.

"I don't know if I'd call it missing him. I feel weird ignoring him though." I mumble, diverting my eyes.

"So the past four days you haven't been bored out of your mind? You miss him I know it!" He raises his voice, and I grab his arm.

"Okay fine, I miss his company. Would you keep your voice down?" I whisper yell at him, and he smirks. I see behind him as a man in a velvet pink suit approaches. I let Anthony go, and back away, watching Harry approach. He smiles at me, and Anthony.

"Hello again, El, I wanted to give you something." He moves his hand forward, and I open mine, accepting the thin piece of paper.

"Have a good show." Anthony chimes, as Harry walks off . "What is it?" He asks, leaning into me as I open the paper. It's an address scribbled onto the paper, and the words. "My address, we'll talk after the show." And I feel a strange tightness in my chest as I read the words. "Are you going to go?" He asks, and I fold the paper, slipping it into the back pocket of my jeans.

"It beats a hotel room. I'll keep you updated... maybe." I tell him, and walk past him. I walk to the side of the stage, and stand with Helene, and Jefrey, Anthony coming soon after, and I watch parts of his performance, seeing the way the shiny velvet suit glimmers with the lights.

I see the happiness he's got on that stage, and the pure energy that radiates off of him while he's performing. I don't ever want to be the reason for him to lose that energy, or that happiness, but I don't know what will happen when it comes to me. I never know what's going on in my own mind, and I don't even try to think about what's going on in my heart, but for some reason he always comes through, he is always there even when I'm being the same hard to get along with person that I am, and I still don't know why.

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Song: Comethru by Jeremy Zucker.

WE HIT 3K AND I AM SO HAPPY!! THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!(: