" Your first assignment in this class is to pick two character traits that describe you and write an 1,000 word paper explaining why these traits resonate with you. This is a gauge to see your writing skills and your personality. You have one week to finish these, they are due on my desk before class on the fourteenth. Please begin." Professor Roberts explained- this was her personal growth class, she liked it so far, but this was only the first day. 

Cat began to type- 

The two character traits I resonate most with are bravery and kindness. I was raised in an abusive household by an alcoholic mother and an absent father. I grew up with two older brothers and two younger sisters. I was singled out and I took the brunt of the violence and the insults. I don't say this to make you pity me, or to receive accolades, but I feel that this information is necessary in order for you to understand why I chose these character traits. 

I consider myself brave for surviving that environment and thriving in spite of it. I woke up ever morning in that hellhole and I fought the same demons that I had fallen asleep to, I had no other choice. I couldn't give up, my sisters needed me. My brothers were gone, one moved away while the other almost drank himself to death because he couldn't handle the pain of our family. I became a mother to my sisters, when ours was too drunk or bothered with other people to take care of us. I learned to cook, clean, and do everything else our mother should have been doing just to keep the house going. There were days that I dreaded going home, but I went anyway- I kept putting one foot in front of the other. I kept my younger sisters safe, even if that meant I ended up with a black-eye or two. I always thought that it was better me than them- that is one form of bravery, the other is learning to love yourself after an abusive relationship. 

I still struggle with self-esteem daily. I question if I deserve what happened to me  or if I deserve love because growing up I was always told that the only thing I deserved was the abuse that I received. I didn't deserve it, no one does. No one asks to be abused and there is no justifiable reason for abusers to act this way. I am brave for loving myself, even when it felt like no one else did. I am brave for doing something with my life, for not giving up and ending my life, because there were times that I wanted to.  I am brave for recovering from abuse. I am brave for being the opposite of what my parents were, for breaking the cycle of abuse. I know that no matter what- as an adult I am responsible for my own actions, I didn't have a great childhood, but I'm an adult now and being responsible is brave. Being able to admit what happened to me is brave. Saying "I was abused"is brave, I was silent for too long. 

The other character trait I resonate most with is kindness and I admit that sometimes it doesn't come naturally to me, sometimes I want to be mean, especially to the people who hurt me. I also want to be mean to those who treat others this way. I consciously decided when I was eleven that I was going to be kind, I was going to help others. Sometimes, my first urge when something happens is to yell and scream and blame everyone else for my problems, because that is what I observed growing up. That is what my stepmother does. I learned to wait, sometimes for a second, other times for a few minutes and then I react. I don't want to add anymore negativity to the world, there is already enough of it. I feel better for ignoring the urges to be passive agressive and cruel. I ignore the urges to be destructive. I think that kindness is even more important because it is my conscious choice, not a gut reaction. 

I mentioned that being loved is a challenge for me, while loving is also a challenge. Sometimes I feel that I am incapable of loving anyone, especially myself. I've learned that I can opt out of situations that will make me stressed or be around people who don't respect me.