Third person pov

Touya wished he was in a bar. With Takashi, of course. He could have lost his cute little husband due to his idiotic deeds, so you better believe he wasn't taking anymore chances. Wherever Takashi was, he'd do his best to follow and behave. Even if that place was in inside of UA, which he'd just attacked. He'd barely managed to rein his flames in enough not to kill the brats trying to save their friend. Their friend, who he helped kidnap. 

Fucking hell, he was so done for.

Nezu led them to his office. Eraserhead trailed firmly behind, his quirk never faltering. Touya wasn't surprised. What did shock him was the fact that they were allowed on campus. Especially after the shit he pulled. He'd burned down half a forest, stolen a kid, almost killed some others, including his little brother, and the clone he didn't know he had apparently went at Eraserhead at some point. He'd only learned that later, from Takashi.

Nezu and Takashi both had similar smiles, which was disturbing considering one of them was a super genius and the principal of the top hero school, and a rodent, dog, bear of some kind. Touya really wasn't sure. He didn't think Nezu was too terribly sure either. It didn't really matter. Both him and Takashi were moderately terrifying, and he didn't know how to feel about that. Did he just accept it? Fighting seemed futile with his soulmate involved.

"Aizawa, you can let down your quirk for now." Nezu said as Takashi and Touya plopped down in the chairs he had set out in his office for visitors. Touya immediately scooted his closer to Takashi's. He couldn't help but scowl when Nezu's smile seemed to widen at his actions. Why wouldn't he want to be closer to Takashi? They were married... and soulmates... since when did he care about other people's opinions?

Maybe since he'd done some illegal shit that went against the moral code of every half-decent person on the planet...

"You have such a nice office." Takashi openly awed, turning to Touya brightly and offering his hand. Bashfully, Touya took it. Was he really that transparent when it came to what he wanted? It could just be that Takashi knew him well enough to sense what he wanted. That actually sounded really, really cute. Not that he'd ever admit that out loud. While being on the verge of arrest.

"Thank you; I do try to keep it orderly." Nezu settled in his chair, tilting his head thoughtfully. "This is a rather unique situation we're in, isn't it? I'm assuming you want to avoid Touya serving jail time, for which I can't blame you. However, if I remember correctly, he was also a student here. That makes us at fault too, unfortunately."

"Oh trust me," Takashi's smile sent a shiver down Touya's spine, "this was all him."

"No, no. It's our job to help our students and know when something is wrong. Touya's turn to villainy-" Nezu didn't even get to finish his sentence before the two soulmates before him burst out laughing. Yes, actual laughter Touya's was more of a reserved snicker as he tilted his head downwards and brought a hand up to cover his mouth, while Takashi's was full and unrestrained. Full of clear amusement. Nezu looked a little stunned. Nobody could really blame him.

"Okay, listen." Touya snorted a little, shaking his head. Oh, god. This really wasn't the time for laughter, but really? "I'm sorry I played a part in kidnapping one of your brats and almost killed some of his little friends, but... my turn to villainy?" 

Takashi's laughter died down a little. Aizawa looked marginally calmer than before, if not a little confused and lost. "Touya isn't a villain. This absolute cutie has a fear of spiders and takes pictures of every dog he sees. He was offered a lot of money for a job he didn't have the details of until the last second, and then got shoved through a portal where he was forced by his villainous companions to set a forest on fire."

It was true. They would have killed him had he not complied, and he was in no position to showing his soft side. That most definitely would have gotten him murdered on the spot. He'd met some pretty big criminals while on that dumbass job, and other rising ones who were batshit insane and could probably smell both fear and weakness. Touya had been on the verge of pissing his pants the entire time. He'd been terrified!

"I... see. So he's not a criminal?" Nezu's brow furrowed, his mind reeling. He thought Touya had maybe been friends with someone and somehow gotten in on this mission, but it sounded like he'd gotten wrapped up in something he didn't mean to be a part of to begin with. Which was better, actually. They didn't need to reform someone who wasn't a stone-cold, homicidal, law-breaking maniac.

"Jobs are hard to come buy. I deliver and pick up packages. I don't know what's in them." Touya said the last part pointedly. Takashi gave a thumbs up as though to confirm this, or maybe he was simply trying to encourage his soulmate. "This was described as a high-stakes retrieval, issued by a group called The League of Villains."

"He doesn't watch the news, so I doubt he realized they were legit when he signed up." Takashi chirped. Touya looked reasonably flustered by this. 

"Hell no I didn't!" Touya scoffed, leaning back in his seat in a put out manner. He felt a little more relaxed. This wasn't going... too bad. The police weren't here yet. This was okay. Takashi was happy and holding his hand, and maybe the manhunt thing would die off or... something. If he was lucky. He had no idea what Nezu was planning, but if they could get him on their side...

"Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what happened." Nezu said, folding his paws on his desk. Takashi turned to him expectantly. Touya had already told him everything, although begrudgingly. Takashi would have kicked the details out of him if he'd dared say no. He'd still been absolutely pissed at the time, so...

"Okay, okay." Touya shifted in his seat, taking a deep breath. He could do this. All he had to do was recount the events, and it would all work out just fine. Right? Right. Totally. "So I've got a flashy quirk. Shit's powerful, and people pay big bucks for that. They want their package in good hands. People know who Dabi is, you know?" He started. Aizawa piped up from behind them.

"Where does that name come from?" He asked, his voice cold as ice. Right, so maybe he hadn't lightened up as much as Touya had hoped. That was fine! He hadn't snapped Touya's neck yet, and that had to be progress. 

"The cat I had when I was younger!" Takashi chirped. Nezu almost dropped his cup of tea.

"Right, anyway. Some asshole pulls be into an alley, right? Gives me an address and says some group calling themselves The League of Villains is going to pay big bucks for a retrieval job. The name didn't really bother me; I've heard it all at this point. I'm also pretty damn used to getting pulled aside and given a new assignment. It's not like there's an office that can assign me." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He probably should have tried doing some form of research on the group name before hopping on it. Or at least told Takashi, so he could bat him over the head and call him an idiot.

"Why not get an office job, or complete your education?" Nezu cocked his head. That was another thing that had been bothering him. Takashi clearly didn't like law-breaking, so why did he let Touya continue?

Takashi's eyes went red in an instant, and he smiled pleasantly. Far too pleasantly. Nezu was intrigued. "He's trying to keep the watchful eyes of his abusive, asshole, dumpster-fire of a sperm donor from falling upon him. I've been telling him for years to let that fucking piece of-"

"Whoa there, babe. Calm down." Touya said nervously, eyeing the principal. Nezu looked very curious, but Touya looked away. A clear sign that he wasn't going to elaborate. "That's a whole... that's a whole other shit show."

Takashi squeezed his hand, taking a few deep breaths as his eyes faded back to green. He was decent at keeping a hold on his quirk, Nezu noted in a pleased manner. Aizawa was concerned. Takashi had very clearly been referring to Endeavor. He'd called him abusive, and well... that scar his half-and-half student's face... he was suddenly beginning to wonder if it had really come from a simple training accident. Seeing as Shoto was resistant to fire and frost, not easily burned. And it was on his left side, the most fire proof part of him.

"Anyway, I go to this bar to check shit out. More cash, more socks." Touya stopped himself for a second, suddenly looking embarrassed and a little stunned. Nezu hid his smile with his cup of tea. Touya cleared his throat again, and Takashi looked pleased. "Right, well imagine my fucking surprise when the door to the place swings open and some lizard fuck pulls me in."

"What was his name? Twister?" Takashi wondered aloud.

"Spinner, I think. The guy dragged me into a conversation about that hero-killer dude, Stain. The one my dear old Dad apparently helped take out. I had no idea what the fuck was happening, so I went with it." Touya grimaced. "And then you know what happens? You know what fucking happens?"

"What?" Aizawa asked blandly. Touya twists around to face him, pointing.

"A portal opens underneath this Spinner guy and I. And then we're in the woods! We go from a bar to a forest. There was no warning either." Touya looked disgruntled by this, gesturing with his hand as he turned back to the principal. Nezu blinked. Okay, wow. So he really hadn't been planning on going. He had seriously just got swept up. 

"I get asked my name and quirk, so I tell them because that hand shithead who doesn't know what chapstick is looked ready to turn my face to ash. Yeah, his fucking quirk disintegrates things." Touya was getting a little too into his retelling, but he was frustrated! He'd gotten mixed up in a pile of shit because he was an idiot. He should have ran away instead of going along. He never should have taken such a job. Just... god, he was so pissed at himself.

"They know, dear. They know." Takashi assured Touya as the redhead plopped further back into his seat, not realizing he'd begun to scoot closer and closer to the edge of it. Aizawa seemed more amused than not now, though still very clearly skeptical. Nezu was watching them closely.

"Please, keep going." Nezu urged with a smile. Touya took a deep breath.

"They tell me to set the forest on fire, which is obviously dangerous as hell. I say something about that being arson, to which that hand fucker starts to turn this tree to dust. Then it clicks. That USJ shit, with Shoto. I don't think I've ever lit anything on fire so fast in my entire life." Touya shrugged. Takashi sighed heavily, bringing a hand up to massage his temple.

"Why didn't you set him on fire?" Takashi checked. Touya looked affronted.

"That gas kid looked like he wanted to eat me." Touya defended. Takashi raised an eyebrow. "I couldn't get both in my shot, honey!"

"Mustard?" Aizawa questioned, sounding even more amused when he realized that this guy wasn't shit. Dabi was literally just some dumbass who'd gotten sucked through a portal and intimidated into causing a catastrophic forest fire.

"He had a gas mask on." Touya said, as though that explained things. Aizawa didn't look as angry anymore, and that was a plus in both Takashi and Touya's book. "Anyway, some other guy shows up. Next thing I know there's a copy of me running off into the flaming woods, off to do fuck knows what. And I'm shoved into another portal with some magician dude and told to grab a kid."

"And you saw Shoto." Takashi added. Touya blinked. 

"Hell yeah I did. Did you know how tall he's gotten?" Touya suddenly looked distracted as he turned to his soulmate. "He didn't look that tall on TV, during the sports festival. But damn that kid is going to beat me height wise one day soon. He was so small last time-"

"Touya, honey." Takashi smiled and cocked his head towards the amused principal. Nervously and in a distracted manner, Touya flushed, clearing his throat again. He wiped his sweaty palm on his pants, his other squeezing Takashi's hand. Right, this was going fine. No S.W.A.T. team had burst through the door and gunned him down just yet. Touya felt like he should be getting bonus points for not dying.

"Right, right. Anyway, my quirk isn't something I train with. Someone bothers me, I shoot fire in their general direction. It's not hard. So imagine my fucking surprise when some little shits start attacking me." Touya looked annoyed. Aizawa twitched, and Takashi's head tilted ever so slightly in distaste, though he didn't get angered again. "I had to not only prevent them from slitting my damn throat, but I had to try not to burn their faces off too. I don't think I got any. Then Shoto showed up, and a marble almost hit me in the eye. Then I see a fucking helicopter with a camera."

"He panicked and ran away because he knew I'd be mad." Takashi said pleasantly. Touya didn't even look embarrassed.

"I thought he was going to snap my neck." He admitted. "And I'm glad he didn't. Those villain shitheads kept me a while longer. All Might showed up, so I didn't have to spring that kid. Glad too, because that dust asshole was guarding the keys... I bolted as soon as I could."

"I would never kill you, Touya! I love you too much! Just... maybe maim you. A little, but not a lot. Don't worry." Takashi wasn't reassuring, and Nezu seemed to love this. He looked absolutely delighted. Touya sighed heavily. What had his life become? Takashi brightened, "So do you have something to say?"

Touya winced. Okay, yeah, he needed to at least do this. "Yeah, yeah. I guess I really am sorry I... helped kidnap the blonde one, and I'm sorry I almost killed a shit ton of others. I'd never kill my brother though, so you can sure as shit believe I'm not lying when I say I was trying to reel it in." He sat up a little straighter at this, grimacing. Nezu reached under his desk and pulled out a recorder, clicking a button.

Wait just a fucking second-

The small red light flicked off. Takashi didn't even bat an eye. Meanwhile, Touya was left to stare blankly as his mind struggled to process. This whole thing had been recorded? That curse-filled recollection was his statement?! Oh my god, everyone was going to hear the socks comment and know the truth. He secretly loved buying Takashi clothes. Touya could never pull off the colors, and liked black on himself better. But his adorable little soulmate... he wanted to cringe at himself.

"I'll be calling Detective Tsukauchi now. I have a few... ideas as to what we could do for you." Nezu grinned. "After all, Takashi has a teaching background. You said you never finished high school, isn't that right, Touya?"

The redhead paled all over again.