song: Stacy by Quinn xcii

He had seen her before around the school, he dreamed of her every night and yet he never believed she would ever be his — he never believed she could ever belong to anyone or anything. He was sure of it even though he never understood why.

She wasn't much of a talker but was the talk of the school. Every gossip ever invented would always be about her and yet she never seemed to care, never trying to tell her truth, never caring for the others lies — she was the one that gave the coach a handjob, she was the one selling drugs at prom, she was the one that had sex with half of the football team, she was the one that got detention for smoking weed on school... and yet she was none of it, or no one could prove at least.

She would never wear anything crazy, nothing to catch the eye however it was impossible not to look at her — hair always cascading along her face and down her back, sometimes curly and sometimes straight; beautiful hazel eyes that could see into your soul or not see you at all; skin that looked like porcelain; always gorgeous without even trying, she was a masterpiece painted with a rare ink and a brush made only to create that beauty, no one could paint another thing such as her.

She always intrigued him, to say the least. She was so much of a walking mystery and he always loved to figure things out, even though he never imagined himself being able to take a glimpse from up close of who she really was — until he received a note during English, it said: meet me in the bleachers after lunch.

There wasn't any name but he assumed it was from one of his friends, so after lunch there was him, going to the bleachers, despite the fact he didn't want to skip class — everyone was back in class so at first, he didn't see anyone until he walked around it and she caught his eyes.

There she was, Kaycee Rice in flash and beauty. She had her back to the bleachers, smoking weed as if she could never be caught — she looked at him and smiled, and he thought that if he died right there he would happily meet the devil for the sins that crossed his mind just by looking at that smile, he would burn in hell for desiring her so much in just a second, and it would be worth it.

She blew some smoke in the air and called him using her fingers. He looked around, confused as to who she was calling — it can't be me, she can't be calling me, he thought even though no one else was around.

"Me?" He asked, from far away still. She nodded as he slowed walked to her.

"Try normal speed, sweetie... no need to be afraid, I'll only bite if you ask me." She said with a smirk on her lips, and man, how much he would love for her to bite.

"You... you sent me this?" He asked once they were close, pulling the note out of his pocket.

She nodded and he looked confused. "Why?"

"Many things could answer that question, Sean." She took a deep breath — he was surprised she knew his name.

"Can you enlighten me with some?" Maybe he shouldn't be asking questions, perhaps he should just enjoy that the girl he had not so innocent dreams of every night was finally talking to him — but he was too confused still.

"Well, the way your hair looks today, for example, I like the curls." She said, touching his hair with fingers from the same hand she held her joint.

"Or the way you roll up your sleeve on pe." Her eyes found him and she got closer. "Or how you look so confident about answering a problem in class."

The proximity made Sean's mouth weather for her lips, and he thought she would back away but she got closer and closer and closer until their lips were touching, and then she kissed him out of nowhere and just because — thinking he was dreaming, he kissed her right back.

She tasted like pineapple and smoke, and it was oddly good — without ever losing the joint, with her free fingers she held the back of his neck, playing a bit with his hair. It was a slow, steady and to leave him wanting more kind of kiss.

"Meet me here, every day at lunch..." She whispered, dragging his lips between her teeth before letting go. "And don't tell anyone."

And so he did, from June 3th to every day after that he met her under the bleachers or any other place she would want. And they would kiss and touch, and do so many other things no one ever got to know — she asked him not to say a word so he kept to himself all the little secrets they created, like killing lunch to have sex in his old car, getting high together under the bleachers by smoking her weed or kissing until they felt like burning inside their clothes while hiding in some random bathroom in school.

Or all the secrets she didn't share but he kept anyway, like how sometimes he would hear her cry coming from the bathroom after they had sex, how sometimes she would smoke weed and not a single smile would cripple her lips, how her father was never home and her mother never left the bedroom, or how all of her bathroom cabinets were filled with pills — she never asked for him to keep those a secret, and yet he never said a word, not even to her.

When summer break came he thought it was the end of it — she would be over with school and he would have another year to keep up, she would wave him goodbye and never call again, and just like so it would be the last time he would ever see or hear from Kaycee Rice.

And so it was, on the last day of school she waved him a goodbye from across the hallway and disappeared — and he regretted never telling her all the things he noticed and how much he loved her taste, how he could touch her skin all day long without getting tired, or how he wanted to make her laugh every hour of every day.

He regretted never telling her all the things he felt for her, and how much he wanted for them to be us. And he thought he wasted his chance until on a random Friday at 3:05 in the afternoon she called — 'my parents left last night for Palm Springs' she said, 'i got the whole house empty for us'.

Sean didn't think, when his sister said she needed the car he simply ran as fast as he could until he was in front of her house, planning on telling her all the things he had been keeping a secret.

When she opened the door he didn't get a chance to say a word before her lips were smashing his as she pulled him inside, she felt desperate — opening his eyes for a glimpse of her he noticed the stain of mascara left on her skin, it was faint but it was still there, the path of a tear.

"Hey, hey, hey, kayc..." He said, leaving the kiss and taking a good look at her — she averted her eyes from him and he made the mistake of running his finger against the stain on her skin. "What happened?"

Even though he asked softly, the look she gave him appeared as if he had just insulted her. "Oh don't, don't look at me with those puppy eyes of yours."

She walked to the living room and he walked right after. "I'm just worried, that's all."

"Sweetie, you aren't here to worry about me." She said in a sarcastic and yet sweet way — something only Kaycee Rice was able to do, and somehow he loved.

"And why I'm here again?" He asked, sounding a bit mad. "Honestly Kaycee, just tell me why I'm here because I'm starting to get pretty confused... fuck, I'm confused since day one."

"This is starting to sound too much like we are arguing, and that I know for sure it's not why you are here." She tried changing the atmosphere by walking to him, pressing him against the wall and her body against his — and she almost had success as he almost let himself go away on her touch.

"No, Kayc..." He held her by the arms, softly, getting some space between them. "It's been more than two months of you calling me sweetie and taking me to your room, more than two months of you touching me as if you need me and worse, letting me touch you as if you want me... I want mo-"

"Don't do that." She pleaded, getting closer again as her fingers fixed his fridge — something she would do a lot. "I know we've been getting close but we can't get closer, so don't ask for more Sean. You wouldn't want more if knew what 'more' is."

She sighed. "You'll get it when you're older."

He scoffed. "Don't throw that older bullshit on me, again, you are months older than me, not even a whole year."

"Sean-"

"And I might not know for sure what 'more' is but I do see you, Kayc." He said, placing a curl behind her ear. "I see that you aren't what everyone says you are or what you try to show the world, I see you are so much more than you believe and how much you try to escape this reality, and I see why. I see you trying to burn the world away from you, I see the real you, and believe me, Kaycee, what I see it's beautiful."

She sighed as he kept going: "The Kaycee you are with me, the real you, my Kaycee... it's beautiful, and you don't have to push me away just to hide it."

He finished without ever losing sight of her beautiful eyes, that know we're fighting the urge of crying — the tears were sad but she didn't want to break in front of him, so she didn't.

And he could tell no one had ever looked at her like that, and he could tell she was scared and confused and yet strong— she sighed as a tear escaped her eyes.

"The speech was great until the very end, sweetie... I don't belong to anyone, Sean and I don't intend to, you might have seen me but I've seen what belonging to someone can do to you, my mother belonged to my father as he belonged to several others, now she never leaves her room without antidepressants pills, we keep the sharp objects away and he never touches her if it isn't in a public event to keep the appearances." She took a deep breath.

"Sweetie, I can only give you, what I can give you and when I want to give it to you." She said and he wanted to make her understand how much he wanted to be there for her — she understood though.

"You can call me Kayc, you can call me love, you can call me baby, and all of the above." She said, caressing his face before brushing their lips together. "You can call me anything or anything you want, just don't call me yours."

"Kayc-"

"Just tell me you understand, Sean, because I really don't want to have to be over you just yet..." Her eyes were sad but a spark of fire held the smirk on her lips — the devil, she was the devil, he thought to himself, hot but sad, completely alone within herself as she tried to pretend the fire she held wasn't just her sadness burning.

"Now I do." He said before kissing her.

And now he really did so.

Kaycee was water once but she gave it all to feed the absence of her father and the oblivion of her mother, she gave it all until all it took was a small breeze to put her dry and sad soul on fire — and somehow things became easier that way. He understood now that he could never put her fire down because it wasn't his place, she has chosen to set herself on fire so no one would drain her again.

He wanted to be over her, he wanted for her to be over him so he could just walk out of the door and pretend they never happened. But he couldn't — so if flames were the only thing she could give him, then he would take it, then he would burn with her without ever telling their brand new secret: he was, without a doubt, hers.

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