"𝔜𝔬𝔲'𝔯𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔫𝔢. 𝓘 𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫, 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔢𝔫𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔰. 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝑦 𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔢 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔪𝔣𝔬𝔯𝔱 𝔪𝔢 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔦𝔯 𝔡𝔞𝔯𝑘 𝔴𝔞𝑦𝔰. 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝑦 𝔣𝔢𝔢𝔡 𝔬𝔣𝔣 𝔪𝑦 𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔫. 𝔗𝔥𝔢𝑦 𝔪𝔞𝑘𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔫𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔪𝑦 𝔱𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰. 𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔰 𝔠𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔢. 𝔚𝔢 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔩𝔬𝔳𝔢 𝑦𝔬𝔲! 𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔯𝔢 𝔤𝔬𝔫𝔢. 𝓘 𝔯𝔢𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢 𝔪𝑦𝔰𝔢𝔩𝔣 𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔞𝔯𝑘𝔫𝔢𝔰𝔰..." - 𝔉𝔯𝔬𝔪 "𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔖𝔥𝔞𝔡𝔬𝔴𝔰 𝓒𝔞𝔩𝔩" 𝔟𝑦 𝔏𝑦𝔫𝔷𝔦 𝔅𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔢𝔯 

"Astor!" I cried, turning around sharply.

I'd somehow forgotten just how beautiful he was. His eyes were wide and dark in the dim light, with a thin ring of purple iris. His skin was so pale it looked ghostly, unreal. His misty folds floated delicately, seeming to melt right into the darkness around him. His long, dark hair fluttered in the cool night breeze. His silvery lips looked so soft...

"Astor..."

"You just faced a Decision, did you not?" He sat down beside me. His wings stretched out behind him, like a cape. "Nyx, be honest with me: Are you afraid of me?"

I sighed. "I just... I... I thought you would suck out my soul!"

"I am so sorry," Astor moaned. "I should not have shown you a hunt! You were not ready. 'Tis so normal to me... I forget what it must have looked like to you."

"No, Astor, I needed to see. I needed to see who you really are."

"You know very little about me. You know very little about my society, my lifestyle, and why we live and act the way we do. I want to teach you, Nyx. I want to share my life with you. I thought that was obvious, but then again, I suppose I forgot how the Conscious mind works. I neglected to see things through your eyes, to understand that you cannot yet recognise my sincerity. I thought that I was making it so clear that I loved and trusted you by giving you my folds; I forgot that you would not understand that gesture."

"I was honored! I know how important your folds are to you."

My folds are a part of my soul, and the source of my power! To lose them would leave me very vulnerable." He held his folds tighter around his body as he spoke. "I do not trust anyone with my folds except my parents, and yet I trusted you. I literally handed you my power, my protection, my history, fears, desires and secrets! Any Shadow would recognise that as a gesture of perfect love and perfect trust, or foolishness. I thought that in giving you my folds, I was making it obvious that I trusted you and would not hurt you. Of course, it would not come across that way to a Conscious person. I should have known."

"Astor, your sister said that —"

Astor gritted his teeth. "My sister! She went to talk to you? Of course she would! She tried to convince you that I was going to hurt you!" He was suddenly frustrated, talking fast. "Jasmine rarely hunts! When she does, she just finds a sleeping Conscious person, sucks some of their Elixir, and leaves. That takes all the fun out of it!" He tossed his head and scoffed. "Shameful!" I started laughing. "So, she tried to warn you about me. Why does she care?"

"No, Astor, she just came by to see who I was. I asked her if she thought you would prey on me."

Astor paused, and then sighed. "Oh Nyx... Nyx, I am so sorry. Hunting is all I know how to do. I have never legitimately courted a girl before, let alone a Conscious one. Admittedly, I was hunting you, but without malicious intent. Seeing me hunt Karrine must have made everything worse. My sister is right. I am such an idiot. I suppose it is— perfectly understandable why you thought I would prey on you."

He looked so crestfallen, I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him I loved him as much as he loved me. But I still had questions. His world was so confusing. "There was one thing Jasmine did say— she said Shadows prey on Conscious people who have 'too strong a Shadow side.' Isn't my Shadow too strong?"

Astor gave another huge sigh. "No. What she meant... is difficult to explain simply." He sighed in exasperation. "It will take a long time to explain..."

"I've got time," I said.

Astor sighed again, and then began...

"The society of Conscious people will teach you to repress your anger, your wildness, your instincts... everything that is a part of the Shadow and therefore considered 'bad' by society. That is repression. You already knew that. The next phase of the Shadow Complex is projection. You recognise the things that you are ashamed of in other people, and hate them for it. Karrine hates you because you are 'different.' You probably remind her of her own Shadow, the presence of darkness in her perfect little world. You are also confident, and she is not. We prey upon hypocrites, Nyx. We hold up a mirror, and make them see themselves. At least, we are supposed to..."

So, that was why people were wary of me for dressing in black and thought I worshipped Satan. That was why my foster mother tried to "fix" me. That was why some people saw corruption everywhere, and never looked at their own behavior.

"There is also fear, Nyx. Projections are one thing, but it is the fear of one's own Shadow that is dangerous. I am not talking about irrational phobias, or even reasonable fears. I refer to deep fears in the very root of human existence. The fear of failure. The fear of powerlessness. The fear of death. These fears are so deep, most people do not even realize when they appear in their lives. Humans live in fear of themselves. When a Shadow brings attention to a person's fear, sometimes it is enough to make them see their own hypocrisy. Sometimes." He shuddered. "I would rather be a terrible person than a hypocrite."

"Wow, that's saying a lot."

"Truly, it is better to be evil and know that you are evil, than to think you are doing right. That breeds Dark Shadows. People believe that if you ignore Shadows, they will somehow go away. Shadows do not go away. Some people are so blinded by the light of their ideal, Shadowless self, they forget how to see in the dark. They have what we call Dark Shadows. The brighter the light, the darker the Shadow. The Dark Shadow fully takes over a person's life, making them do all sorts of terrible things. Do you know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?"

"Yes, of course. I'm really glad we don't need a potion to shift between Shadow and Conscious form. If we did, we'd probably have the same problem."

"That story really was the first of its kind. 'Twas written in Victorian England, when most people repressed their Shadows, so that is why Jekyll's Shadow was so Dark. Sometimes, Dark Shadows happen as an effect of trauma as well as repression and projection. I hate to say this, but many children end up there, after years of abuse and being with the wrong people..."

"I know. I've... I've kind of been in that state for a long time." I didn't meet his eyes. "Not a hypocrite, just angry all the time..."

"The ideal solution," said Astor quietly, "is to integrate the Shadow, to face the monster. It takes a lot of courage to accept the parts of yourself that you have repressed, and to make them part of you again. Facing your deepest fears is even harder. 'Tis dark back there, in the deep Unconscious. You will find it hard to see." He sighed. "If you have integrated your Shadow and looked your fears the eye, you have done what few human beings have ever dared to do. You have become truly whole."

I sighed too, taking in all that he had said. Then I asked, "So, what does this have to do with hunting again?"

"Oh. Oh, that." He laughed. "Preying on a Conscious person weakens their overpowered Shadow. It is a temporary fix, a way to just barely stop people from going overboard, to give them a second chance before it is too late. Karrine is a cruel person, so I weakened her cruelty, and her superficial idea of perfection. Your Shadow is not too strong in that way. You accepted your Shadow; you integrated it. That is what we want to happen. Why would I weaken your Shadow if it did not need weakening?"

I smiled. "So you wouldn't have preyed on me anyway!"

"Yes!"

"You prey on people to weaken their Shadows, and prevent them from becoming Dark Shadows."

"Yes. But, you see, even we Shadow people can become evil... Sometimes, in the worst cases, people stay in that state for such a long time that they will become beasts, themselves. That is total insanity. In that unfixable state, the Shadow will suddenly regress, becoming what we call a 'White Shadow'. It will stay, weak and powerless in the midst of the storm, like a child crying for help. A person's mental state does not become any worse than that." I didn't know what to say. "In our world, Dark Shadows are those of us who have fallen prey to evil magic, their own fears. Usually both. They are dangerous to Umbragard. My father is currently away on diplomatic business, but he has been keeping a close watch on them."

"I was wondering about your parents! What about your mother?"

"My mother is in the palace. She almost always is, but I never see her." Astor sighed. "If my father is attacked, and dies... he probably will not, the chance is very slim, but if he does..."

"That would make you so sad!"

Astor dropped his head and played with the grass. "It would, but 'twould also throw unbelievable responsibility on my shoulders. If my father dies for any reason at any point over the course of my life, my coronation will be days later."

"What?"

"If he dies, I become king."

"But you're only sixteen!"

"It does not matter. Many monarchs of ancient history, in places like Egypt, China, and Rome, became kings or emperors as children. If my father dies, I rule the kingdom. Of course, my mother would probably do much of the actual work for now, but I am old enough to not have a regent in my stead."

"Obviously you don't want your parents to die, but it sounds as though you don't want to rule either."

Astor suddenly sat up and stared at me with a frightened expression, like a deer in the headlights. "I do not! I mean— not yet." He sighed and looked away again. "I have been raised knowing that one day I shall rule, but I am not ready." He raised his arms. "I want to live a carefree, pleasant, voluptuous life for as long as possible!"

"I don't blame you," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"'Tis easier on me, though," he said, shrugging. "Umbragard has so few laws. There are no complicated politics, no conflicts with other lands. Ruling Umbragard is easy. But it still means responsibility, and I am not ready."

"Your parents won't die."

"I know. 'Tis unlikely." He sighed again.

There was a long pause.

"Astor," I finally said, "Why do you love me?"

He looked over at me in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"You have lots of Shadow girls of your class who would probably die to be your girlfriend, and I'm just a Conscious foster kid."

"Oh, Astor! I'm not really that kind. Well, maybe because I have friends now. I used to be angry, and... Well, I'd be labeled as violent and even unstable sometimes."

"I can be violent and unstable at times. You are not afraid of yourself, and that is what makes the difference! And Nyx, I— I really do like that you are a random Conscious foster kid! I— well... there are some hardships to being a prince."

"Like what?" I jumped to a conclusion and gasped. "Don't tell me your parents are going to marry you off to some princess you don't even know!"

Astor smiled weakly. "If I was a Conscious prince they would, but no. We are Shadows, and it does not matter to them who I marry. And there are not any other Shadow princesses in our area besides my sister, who is obviously out of the count. They would prefer if I married a noblewoman, but there are no silly rules like that in the Shadow world. I am not betrothed."

"So then why—"

"Nyx, just because we are Shadows does not mean all the rules of psychology are flipped. Projection still happens. We tend to notice our own negative qualities in others, like all people. I still have to put up an image before my kingdom. They have to like me, or I am in for a lot of trouble when I am king."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Really, Nyx? There are four threats to royalty: assassination, poisoning, public decapitation, and falling asleep for thousands of years at a time. Do I want my subjects to do any of those things to me? Shadow revolutions happen even faster than they do in the Conscious world, and are more effective. There was one that happened several centuries ago; that is how my bloodline came to the throne in the first place. Anyway, if I were to marry one of my own people, well... She would not know me." He paused. "You are not from my kingdom. You are just a girl. I can be myself around you. I like that. 'Tis refreshing." He sighed. "Love requires you to do two sets of Shadow work. I suppose that's why I showed you a hunt. I am a Shadow, a Nightchild. It is dark in my world, Nyx. You have to know who I am in the dark, before you can love me. Yet, you chose me anyway. With no logical reason to, you chose me. Prithee, fear me not!"

His voice rang with authenticity. I would love him, not his pretty face, not as a ticket to the Shadow world. I would learn to love him for who he was, no matter how dark. I would embrace my Shadow, and his. A load fell from me with that thought. "Astor, I'm not afraid of you. I love you." I meant it that time. No infatuation, no bewilderment.

Suddenly, Astor gasped. "NYX!"

"What?"

"Your eyes! You— you just shifted into Shadow form, by yourself, and your eyes..."

"I'm in Shadow form?" I looked down at myself. My hair had turned deep crimson, my skin paper white, and midnight blue folds had materialized around my body in place of my clothes.

When I looked up again, Astor was up on his knees, holding a mirror. I stared at my own face.

I almost didn't recognize myself due to the lightness of my skin and the darkness of my hair. I looked much prettier than I expected to. I guess I'd always been pretty, just neglected. Astor was right; my eyes had changed! They went from sea green to violet! They were the exact same radiant violet hue as Astor's! They weren't catlike, but still!

"My eyes are special," Astor whispered.

"Of course they are."

"I was the first one born in my family with violet eyes. Neither of my parents have violet eyes. My sister's are pale blue. My grandfather Erebus had black eyes. Other members of my family have had gold eyes, white eyes, red eyes, green eyes, even bicolored eyes, but no violet eyes. I have never met another person with violet eyes." He beamed. "Perchance we have been together for many lifetimes, Nyx."

I gazed at my own reflection for a moment longer, then I asked, "Astor... why did you just happen to have a hand mirror on you?"

Astor laughed. "So I can gaze at my own face whenever I please. Why else?"

"Astor!"

He laughed again, and he was suddenly the cute boy I'd spent so much time with, that liked books and swooned over elegant gothic furniture.

"Astor... I want so badly to live as a Shadow, but I'm still scared... I mean, I'm not scared of you, but..."

"Of course you are scared. Shadows are scary. The Otherworld is scary. You, like so many people, fear the unknown. How much research have you done on your Zodiac sign?"

"Some... I mean, I looked at the Shadow traits."

"Astrology goes way beyond sun signs, you know. I have heard that Jung used natal charts to learn about people's Shadows, but I do not know how to read them. Did you at least look at your sign's fears?"

"No..."

"Nyx, your fears as a Taurus are not having the luxuries you thrive on, the safety and security that you require, loving more than you are loved, and..."

"Yes! This whole time I thought you were deceiving me."

"I am not that cruel." He smiled weakly. "Nyx, you have been living in a world of fear! Come with me, come with me and be happy!"

"I want to! But—"

"...and as a Taurus, you also fear big, unexpected change. Facing the unknown. Changing your life will be more difficult for you than it is for most people..." He placed a hand on his heart and declared, "but methinks we agree that it shall be worth it."

"Yes, it shall be worth it." I laughed. "I wasn't so much afraid of you; I was afraid that you didn't love me." I paused. "I am ready for my life to change."

"You need not be afraid, Lovey."

I stared into Astor's perfect face, not realizing how close I was getting to it until our lips touched. I embraced him. It was the most incredible feeling. I wanted to sink into him, and I almost did, enveloped by arms and wings and folds, and the sweet scent of cinnamon and roses... He hummed with pleasure, and then tilted his head a bit to kiss me more deeply. Nothing existed but him.

Yes! YES! I would not be afraid anymore. I was going to follow Astor into his world.