Warnings: child abuse, drug usage, and self harm.

Shigaraki strummed the guitar's strings lazily he was trying to learn how to play the instrument but he felt like he was making no progress. He'd been playing the same chord for a hour still not being able to get it right. He didn't know why he'd bought the guitar at that store on clearance. Shigaraki wasn't particularly interested in learning to play music. He preferred video games or what he could get for his limited budget. Shigaraki didn't exactly have a job he was only fourteen. It was hard to find people who hired kids at that age.

Somehow he'd used what little savings he'd had to buy an old acoustic guitar. The guitar was beaten up with multiple scratch marks in the wood the strings stuck up at the end. Shigaraki wasn't sure how they'd hadn't poked someone's eye out by now. The teen wasn't learning guitar because he particularly cared about playing music. He did it out of boredom there was nothing to do in a little town like the one he lived in. That was unless you weren't into rodeos and drinking at the bar on Sunday nights. Shigaraki was too young to drink besides he preferred apple juice.

The teen had looked up guides on YouTube on how to play the instrument but he couldn't watch them. He found the videos boring. The guide books were boring as well but he bought the thing might as well use it. After trying the chord a few more times Shigaraki let out an annoyed sigh it was going nowhere. He put the guitar back in its case then hide the case under his bed. If his dad found his guitar he'd smash it into a million pieces. It was one of the few possessions Shigaraki owned he might not be able to play it yet however it was still his.

That was an almost foreign word for Shigaraki very little in his life belonged to him. All he had was the clothes on his back, his guitar, an old Game Boy, those pills he took to get high when life became too much, a switchblade, and his sanity. Shigaraki didn't know how much longer the last one would last. Each day seemed to grow a little bit colder the sunrises shorter. His anger and sadness kept trying to swallow him like an endless void. He just wanted out from all of this. Mostly from himself while.

Shigaraki hated what he did but he couldn't find a way out. Shigaraki jumped when he heard the house's front door slam open loudly. The teen quickly pulled his sleeve back down he didn't want him to see his weakness not again. "Get down here boy!" A slurred voice shouted from down the stairs. Shigaraki froze in fear his father had gotten back from the bar earlier than normal. Cautiously he walked down the steps he hated his father but disobeying him lead to worse outcomes. A sharp pain was brought to Shugaraki's cheek as his father's large hand made contact. Dazed the teen stumbled backward he tripped over one of the stairs sending him falling onto his behind. The large hand reached out for Shigaraki's face in panic he raced back up the stairs into his room.

Shigaraki knew there would be trouble for what he did but he couldn't help it. The teen grabbed his switchblade from under his pillow. He pressed it to his skin the metal felt cool against his cool skin. Gritting his teeth Shigaraki pressed the blade into the skin in his arm he let out a relieved sigh when he same the red color of blood against his pale skin.

Touya sat on the edge of his bed he strummed the strings of his guitar with fury. He was playing some punk song he'd heard on the radio earlier that morning. He'd looked it up on the internet to learn how to play it. The song was filled with loud aggressive music, shouted words, and a fast-paced tempo everything he needed right now. The teen shouted the lyrics along with the band whose song he played from his phone. He was releasing his pain along with the band who wrote it. Touya felt like he wrote the song with how fast he learned to play it. The white-haired male sang from his heart the hurt he was enduring all his pain. The lyrics resonated with Touya he felt like he wasn't alone. Like he was there screaming his lungs out with the singers.

"Touya turn that dreadful music off!" A loud bang sounded on the teen's door followed by his father's shouting. Touya ignored it continuing by playing the bridge of the song. The pounding on his door came louder so Touya turned the band's song up louder and strummed the strings more aggressively. The doorknob rattled it was locked so his dad couldn't come in. Angry Enji Todoroki stormed off down the hall Touya grinned to himself as he heard the heavy footsteps retreating.

When the song ended Touya put his guitar back in its case. He'd practiced enough for the day he was sure he was getting the hang of it. Knowing his dad was coming back with the key to his room Touya wasn't scared. Not wanting to deal with his dad's anger the teen opened his nightstand. He grabbed the nonprescription medicine. Touya screwed off the top before dumping a hand full of pills into his hand. The teen put the lid back on returning the pill bottle to its place. He quickly swallowed the pills with the help of water. Touya lay down on his bed waiting for his dad to come back. He could already feel his emotions slipping a pleasant fog settled into the back of his mind. The fog continued to take over until his mind felt numb.

Hi, everyone I made this story to dedicate my love for punk music. The bands in the genre have helped me get through a lot of tough times. The one that particularly sticks out is Days N Daze they play folk-punk music which Shigaraki and his band play in this story. Some of this fanfiction was inspired by their songs I'll put one above a chapter if I took inspiration from that song.

Edit 2: I wrote this story during one of the darkest times in my life. I didn't realize quite how dark this was. So sorry for the trigger warnings not being in place until now.