"Up on the roof with a school girl crush" ----- King of My Heart, Taylor Swift

*/written in second person POV

*/kinda sad I'm sorry :/

There was nothing more therapeutic than hanging out alone up on the roof, laying under the stars, sipping intoxicating drinks from bottles or cans to numb yourself, reminiscing about the past, clueless about the future. It was your secret spot, a hideaway to run away from responsibilities, a place to uncover your true self. Three months of dating a celebrity was a commitment you were not prepared for. The mental stress, the public eyes, the paparazzi's flashing light - it was a journey to the underworld, but with the love of your life so everything was sugar-coated until you had had enough of the invasion of privacy. You swore to yourself that it was the best decision to leave your ex. It was better for her career, for her reputation, and better for your mind, your heart. Even though in your mind you understood this was what should be done, you still could not walk out of the darkness, the emptiness, the loneliness without her. You hated that she had inserted a beating heart into your chest and now it ached because she took half of it away again. Your thoughts automatically floated to the best three months of your life whenever you closed your eyes. You were afraid to fall asleep because she would enter your dream. You did not want to admit it, but it did hurt.

A single droplet of tear rolled down your cheeks as you watched the star blinked at you, mind wandered to the memories she created with you for the thousandth time today. You wiped it off roughly with your hands. You thought you could get over her muse and found someone new, someone that was in your league but turned out, she had tattooed herself in your mind. A long sigh escaped your mouth. Though you promised yourself to not be such a depressive idiot after a breakup, you broke it hours after you initiated the breakup.

Out of the blue, you heard footsteps approaching. It was strange because you were on the roof of an abandoned building. Nobody knew this place except you and your ex-girlfriend. You gathered yourself up and became more alert to the surroundings as you were afraid that the intruder was a criminal. You turned around with your fists clenched, ready for hand-to-hand combat.

The face you saw after turning around was a bolt from the blue. The tight fists relax themselves after sensing there was no danger around. All of the sudden, words could not be formed from your mouth as the flawless face appeared in your view again. How many times you had denied that you missed that face you used to see every day in your life, and how many times you had failed. That face crumbled the walls around your castle, leaving you vulnerable and helpless. That was the face you called home, but now it was the face you called pain.

"Scarlett? What are you doing here?" You asked the person who was as shocked as you were when she saw you here after putting together the debris of your mind.

"I- I- Never mind. Did I interrupt you? I think I should go now," she replied nervously. She turned around and walked swiftly towards the staircase. You could sense that she was acting weird, and you reckoned that this would be the last chance that you two could be together.

"Hey! Scar!" You shouted her name, hoping she would stop. And yes, she did. So you continued, "stay."

She was hesitating. She needed a little help to make up her mind, so you ran towards her and grabbed her hand. You dragged her to where you were sitting. You remembered how mesmerized she was by the scenery from the rooftop when you first brought her here, and the rest was history. She sat down at her usual spot as you took a bottle of beer from the floor and opened the cap with another cap - a handy trick you learned from her.

"Here you go. Your favorite," you winked at her while handing the bottle to her.

"Thanks," she whispered as she took the bottle and began to chug on it. You sat down on the floor with your knees tucked into your chest and looked at her drinking the beer in huge gulps. Both of you burst into laughter as you caught each other peeking at one another. It was not a loud laugh, but hearty enough to make you feel warm. Awkward silence was what came next, and it made both of you extremely uncomfortable. You two used to have so much to talk about, but now none of you knew how to initiate a conversation with each other's existence in the same environment. Telling her how much you miss her? No, that was the worst way. Asking her how her life had been? Maybe, but her life was written all over the papers. Gladly, you remembered she had not answered the first question you asked just now.

"Why are you here?" You asked again, finger-crossed that she would not avoid the question and tell the truth.

"Me? Uhmm... I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders while playing the bottle on her lap, "I just... Something made me want to come here today. I miss this place. The serenity it gives, the otherworldly feeling it provides, the memory it possesses."

The memory it possesses. You couldn't agree more with her statement. This secret spot was magical. Being lighten up solely by the streetlights, located at the outskirt of town means it provides the best spot in town for stargazing, even though there were only a few stars that are willing to come out and meet us, but it was better than downtown, and of course, the things you guys had done here - dancing to a different genre of tunes, singing to your favorite songs wholeheartedly, kissing under the witness of the stars, making promises that you could not keep.

A spontaneous idea sprung to mind. You pulled your phone out of your pockets and shuffled your playlists on high volume. The first song that came on was an upbeat pop song, perfect for a cheerful start. She was puzzled until you put your phone away and stood up with your hands extended to her and asked, "Hey, let's dance like we used to."

She reluctantly accepted your invitation after a few persuasions. You pulled her up from the chair and brought her to the middle of the rooftop. You were not a talented dancer, in fact, you were clumsy and really had no idea how to dance properly, but you couldn't care less as long as you were dancing with her. You were not afraid of making a fool of yourself in front of her because you knew she would not judge your move. She chuckled as you uncoordinatedly moved your body according to the rhythm and joined in. Being both musical and athletic made her a good dancer. She did not even have to try in order to look elegant and professionals.

"You're still the worst dancer I've ever seen," she poked fun at you.

"Yeah but so what?" You replied while jiving awkwardly to the music. She rolled her eyes with a childlike smile. Your heart melted as you saw her smile illuminated her face, the smile that could beam up your whole world, the smile that you missed the most those days.

After a few fast tempo songs that made both of you have a blast together, a slow ballad came on. She took your hands into hers, which startled you at first. Both of you sway to the melody slowly and sensually. Your eyes stared into her pensive ones. You could not help but wonder what she was thinking at the moment. As an actress, she was hard to read. She was skilled in hiding her emotions or faking them. But her musingly expression told me that she was thinking of something that I did not dare to ask and I would not want to know either since she was here, dancing freely with me. She was not as happy as before. On the upside, you knew you wanted to get lost in those hazel green eyes that resembled the hue of spring, speaking the soul of nature, reminding you of the warm and wet fresh grass under my feet in an open field. They were exquisite, compared to your dull and ubiquitous brown. After all, it was nice to feel the warmth of her hands in yours again.

Time went by and both of you flowed with the music for quite some time. Everything was fine and went the way you wanted until she stepped closer. Your heart skipped a beat as she was only a few inches away from your body. She had never been so close to you after both of you had cut the tie. Her hands let go of yours and slipped around your waist tightly like this was the first hug she had in ten years. Her eyes were closed, preventing her tears from escaping her eyes but to no avail. You were perplexed, but you surely did not reject her affection. That was the feeling you craved forever since you left her, which was also your biggest regret. You held her in your arms, stroking her back to comfort her. A small patch of your shirt was drenched by her uncontrollable tears, but you did not care. Your head laid on top of hers so that you could catch every scent that she was giving off. She was wearing the perfume you gifted her that gave off a clear shot of citrus and fruity fragrance with a hint of floral in the end. You pushed her head closer into your chest, trying to protect her from the cruelness of the world, and apologize for your decision. Little did she know that you were fighting back your tears too upon seeing her exposing her weakness and vulnerability in front of you.

Despite the song ending and an upbeat song coming on, both of you would not let go of each other. It was not the best choice to go back to her, but the eyes, the smile, the closeness, the feelings, they were so inebriating, you could not give up on them. You wanted to mend things up, but there was something that was blocking your way. Loving her was like stepping into quicksand - you would only sink in deeper if you fought bluntly with the force of attraction. But you had not learned any survival skills in the wild, so you were fighting a losing battle with your desire. The more you wanted to escape her muse, the stronger the force was pulling you. However, it would never be a win-win situation if you give in. One or both parties would definitely lose something they cherished.

"I miss you," she murmured. Three words, eight letters, but why did it feel like an arrow had pierced into your heart? Those words were like a 'mute' button. Seconds after hearing them, you felt something was blocking your throat and fogging your mind. You could not spit out any words, or even could think of any words to say. You wanted to confess your feelings too so your only choice left was to show it with your body language. Your arms clutched her body tighter, bringing her closer to your heart, a simple way to tell her that you missed her too and heal your aching heart.

Coincidentally, the song switched to a romantic sentimental slow song, a song that both of you loved so much that you guys would duet with each other whenever someone brought up the lyrics. The song held a lot of sweet memories that you two created, causing your heart to hurt every time this song came on. Normally, you would skip the song, but this was not a normal time. This song would be a great way to end things or repair everything that was broken between you two. You let it play as you hugged the person you loved the most in the whole world, taking mental notes of everything you feel, sense, think, so you could preserve this memory till the end of your life and maybe bring it to the next.

Your most favorite part of the song was coming up. You were anxious about what you would feel when that part was playing in the background. Just then, she tilted her head up and looked at you with her glittering thoughtful eyes. You knew what her heart and your heart wanted, so you leaned in closer to touch her lips with yours. She pecked your lips once, twice, before fully giving in. At that moment, the world ceased to exist. Her lips brushed against yours while your body was pressing against hers. You could taste the bite of alcohol on her lips and feel the heat of the breath both of you shared. Her lips were soft, silky, and pillowy, just like usual. She parted her lips slightly to let your tongue slip inside. Your tongue went gently, carefully, but she did not like it. After being separated and being put together again, she would not capitulate to such gentleness. She wanted you like her life depends on you. Her fingers carded through your hair as she inhaled heavy breaths and pulled you down closer to her. You wanted to peek at her, get a better look at the face you longed for, and admire it secretly. But her lips on yours were bewitching your eyelids to stick together. It was then you realized that you could never get enough of her in your life.

As the music ended, you set free of her lips but both of your bodies were still against each other. She nudged your nose with hers and pressed her forehead gently against yours. None of you could say anything by that time but neither of you cared. Sometimes, silence speaks more and louder than words could ever do. Under the starry night, there were two lovers who were once split up hanging on each other, confessing their feelings in a nonverbal way, enjoying each other's company in silence.