Warnings: logan is overwhelmed, negative thinking, hints of logan and roman not doing fantastic at times, but like theyre working on it

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Logan was staring at his screen, had been for a long while now. His fingertips were resting on the keyboard, ready to press on the keys and write something that was useful.

Except nothing was coming to mind, and the more he looked at what he had already written the more all of it seemed useless and he knew it would be to the help of no one.

He should lift his hands from the keyboard and switch tabs to find some article which would offer him the information he needed to continue, but he felt frozen in place and as if he had no will to control his own body. The energy needed simply wasn't there, slowly seeping away and leaving him feeling ...hollow.

The quick tapping from Roman's laptop was not motivating at all, because Roman seemed to be doing so well, and meanwhile he couldn't even muster up the energy to change tabs, and his mind felt oddly blank. He couldn't focus on anything except his aching disappointment with himself.

Logan had been doing fine a few minutes ago, he had thought that he had come up with a whole bunch of useful points that would help the making of the next video, but he realized now that he hadn't actually gotten anywhere close to the goal he had envisioned for himself, which was far more disheartening than it had the right to be.

Changing tabs wouldn't fix this, no information he found would make any of his opinions have more of a worth. No one was going to care about the points he made, no matter how right he was. He knew that was in fact not true, not anymore, but he couldn't convince himself. All he was convinced of was that this was not good enough.

Something warm touched his hand and he jolted, eyes darting to his hand which was covered by another's. He looked up, up at Roman who had abandoned his spot on his bed and was now right by Logan's side.

"Maybe it's time for a break?" He wondered, fingers curling around Logan's hand and lifting it up, his thumb brushing the back of his hand comfortingly. Logan didn't know how Roman had known where his mind had gone, and it was embarrassing to be caught like this, embarrassing to be caught having feelings, as if it was something shameful to have someone realize he was feeling upset.

He knew that that was a very strange way to feel, but it was a very persistent idea in his mind, one he supposed he only had himself to blame for. But despite the embarrassment he was glad that Roman had caught it before he had spiraled worse, because that was something that tended to happen if he let himself become overwhelmed. There had been plenty of mental breakdowns, and eventually a lot of long conversations with the other sides where they all actually talked to each other.

It had helped. All of them had needed it and it had helped. They were all improving, and they were listening to Logan much more, and things were better. Good enough for Logan to feel safe enough to attempt this relationship with Roman.

Yes, things had improved, the full on breakdowns were lessening, but they weren't gone, and his mind had an ability to freeze him in place like this until he couldn't breathe properly and his hands were shaking and eyes stinging.

Logan was pretty sure that he had been invited to work in his boyfriend's room because of that very fact, which he did not mind. These small gestures of care made him feel much better than any of those huge displays of care and affection that Roman otherwise liked.

"Yes. That might be wise." He said, glancing at his screen and vehemently ignoring the painful and lingering twinge in his chest. Instead he let Roman pull him from the fancy desk and towards his huge bed where his laptop lay discarded.

"Good, you've been working for over two hours, anyway. Gotta be enough for today." Roman let go of his hand and crawled up on the bed, seating himself comfortably among his pillows, half lying down, and then reaching for Logan.

He smiled slightly and climbed onto the bed, then crawled right into Roman's arms and slumped against him, nuzzling his face into the crook of Roman's neck. He felt one of Roman's arms wrapping around him, and his fingertips lightly brushing against his lower back where his shirt had rode up. Logan sighed wearily, reaching a hand up to tangle his fingers in Roman's wonderfully soft hair.

"Are you alright?" Roman wondered, hand dipping beneath Logan's shirt and trailing shapes and patterns onto his skin.

His touch was warm and oddly soothing. Roman was good at that, being oddly soothing, that is.

"I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed, I think." Logan admitted after taking a moment to formulate himself.

"Yeah, I assumed. You were kind of just staring at your screen for the past ten minutes, and your expression didn't make it seem like you were pleased with what you saw." Roman said, a hint of worry in his voice that Logan hated being the cause of.

"Oh." He hadn't realized how long he had just been sitting there, staring at his screen as if his writing would just magically turn into something respectable if he loathed it enough. It never worked, but it was a habit that was difficult to get rid of. At least he was not alone, when describing it to his boyfriend Roman had told him that he understood exactly what Logan meant, and the two of them had found some comfort in turning to each other during moments like these.

"I hope your attempt at getting some work done went better than mine." Logan said. It had at least sounded like it.

"Eh, well, not really. Kind of gave up ages ago because I got a good idea for a Sherlock fanfiction. You wanna hear what I've written so far?" Roman said and the hand under Logan's shirt disappeared, presumably to reach for Roman's laptop. Logan shifted slightly to emerge from where he had been hiding his face.

"I'd enjoy that." He said with another sigh, a happier one, a content one, a sigh that didn't feel as terribly heavy as before. Listening to Roman reading his sappy fanfiction sounded like a pleasant way to take a pause from everything that was overwhelming him and making him feel that there was nothing he could do that was good enough. Much better than the other option which would likely involve talking about his feelings, and there was not really anything new to say on that topic, and right now a distraction felt like a much better solution.

Roman was surprisingly good at easing the heavy feeling of failure in him, maybe because it was so familiar to them both, he knew what he might need. Logan hoped he was better at soothing Roman than he was soothing himself. He suspected that he was, because it was a lot easier to think properly when he was not the one suffering.

He let his hand slip from Roman's hair, cupping his cheek and angling his head up to let his lips brush Roman's jaw. It made Roman smile, it always did, and Logan wrapped his arm around him, head resting on his chest as Roman began to read him his writing.

Things were getting better. Things were definitely getting better.

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Written: 2nd July 2022
Published: 3rd July 2022
Words: 1263

devastated about technoblade, he's my comfort youtuber. rest in peace technoblade, we'll never forget you