MARIAH WAS SCARED. She was rarely believed to be the fearful type, and whenever her friends needed a wing to hide under, hers was the most protective one. Kai often joked about how Mariah could win a bear if need be, and while she guessed she'd put up a good fight, she got afraid, too. She may have been less vocal about it, but she was no stranger to that gut-churning, thought-consuming void that seemed to suck all the positivity out of life and paint all the colors around her in grey, instead.

She worried that Edwards had gotten away for good, and that there was nothing she could do to find him again — to which Kai, Ella and Linda repeated that a break from the case could do her some good. No one could chase lead after lead without burning out, and while she knew it was true, Mariah didn't like to hear it.

What she liked even less was the new sinking feeling every time she shared a room with Ella. She wasn't stupid enough to pretend she didn't tense up whenever the Lopez pulled her into an enthusiastic hug, yet she certainly wasn't naive enough to believe in love at first sight — if anything, she had found the forensic scientist a nuisance, at first, but now she had begun to wonder if they were destined to only be a fan and her idol for the rest of her stay in L.A. Sure, Ella was tirelessly trying to become Mariah's friend, but that felt even harder now when her heart reacted with an involuntary leap every time the woman smiled at her.

It wasn't like she wanted a relationship right away. She just wanted to know whether or not Ella was even into women.

"It's normal to have concerns", Linda was reassuring while sitting across from Mariah at the diner she had recommended to the Rose. Apparently, they had the best grilled cheese in town and Mariah was never one to miss such a divine opportunity — so far, she was convinced, too, her silent munching beside the large window allowing Linda to share her thoughts on her current situation. "There's a lot going on in your life, but it doesn't mean all hope is lost", the Martin went on, her soothing voice hanging in the air like the warmth of a fireplace, successfully pulling all the tension away from Mariah's shoulders.

With a sigh, the detective finished her sandwich and glanced at the neon sign hanging from the window by their booth. "I know you're right", she grumbled before turning back to her unconventional therapist — one that she still paid, but just didn't want to meet in her office every week. "I just don't like feeling so helpless. This guy could be ruining lives and I'm sitting here, eating a sandwich", Mariah went on with a grimace, and at that, Linda chuckled softly.

"Well, you have to eat at some point", she reminded before resting one hand on her baby bump and leaning back in her seat. "I understand the need for control. But this man is not your responsibility alone, Mariah", Linda pointed out with the words that the Rose hadn't realized she needed to hear so desperately. She didn't say it out loud now, either, but the touched look in her eyes was quite enough for Linda to know she was doing her job right.

Reluctantly, Mariah caved in with a nod and then gestured at the quaint diner they were seated in. "Your tall-dark-and-handsome friend show you this place?" she questioned with a knowing smirk, one that immediately got Linda's cheeks to heat up — and yet, she ended up shaking her head.

"Amenadiel is very dear to me and we're doing this whole baby thing together, but there's nothing... like that anymore", Linda clarified before pursing her lips together in a careful smile, "it was someone else, though."

As inclined as Mariah was to let Linda elaborate, the ringing of her phone intervened and she had to swallow down any follow-up questions while picking up the call. The unfamiliar phone number made her eyebrows knit together, but it did very little to shake the stern tone she greeted the caller with.

"Hey, Mariah? Is this the right number?" A voice crackled through the speaker, one that sounded unfamiliar at first, but once the honeyed, soft tone dug in deep enough, Mariah was exhaling in recognition.

"Yeah. Izzy, right?" she took an educated guess while finishing her coffee in prolonged sips, her collected appearance hardly affected by the nervous chuckle that Izzy was responding with. Once she spoke up again, though, Mariah was officially... well, affected.

"The one and only. Wish I was calling to invite you out for drinks or something else fun, but look—I'm at work and we were called to Lux because there's a bomb inside. And so is Kai", Izzy breathed out, clearly on edge as she rambled out the blood-curdling words. "I thought you might want to—", she began again, but before she could finish, Mariah was already shoving her arms into her jacket and leaping out of her and Linda's shared booth.

"I'm on my way right now."

—————

A HOSTAGE SITUATION was nothing new to Mariah, but every time she stepped onto the crime scene, her limbs grew heavy and her breathing erratic. The litany of police cars and ambulances waiting outside, as well as the SWAT team, didn't exactly ease the building worry in her heart as she glanced around the front of the nightclub to look for anyone familiar. In return, she got confirmation that despite her spiraling within, she was still holding it together better than others.

"Come on, babe, you know how to do this. Breathe with me, Iz", Maze's determined voice caught Mariah's attention, and a mere second later, she was locating the leather-clad woman softly gripping her taller girlfriend's shoulders while staring into her eyes and showing her how to properly inhale and exhale.

With a sigh to mentally prepare herself, the Rose strode towards the two women caught in a half-embrace. "Hey. Who's in charge?" Mariah wondered out loud, her eyes glancing from a trembling Izzy to Maze who was almost as shaky, except with anger — none of it directed at her girlfriend, surely, but the entire situation at hand.

"Dan. I wouldn't count on him being much help, either. He's worried about Benji", Maze pointed out curtly before returning to Izzy, and after locating the aforementioned man from the crowd around them, Mariah nodded begrudgingly. She had zero interest in interacting with him, but whatever she could do to somehow get Kai and the rest out of the ticking timebomb that Lux had become, she would.

Before leaving, though, Mariah dug through the pocket of her leather jacket to find a small bottle of lavender oil she always kept with her for situations like these — Izzy's, to be more specific. After being friends with Kai for years, she had learned well what calmed him down at his worst moments, and with that thought pounding inside her head, she circled Mazikeen just enough to roll the Holt's sleeves up. She didn't want to shove the demon away and worsen Izzy's uncontrollable breathing in the process, but she made sure to weasel herself close enough to reveal Izzy's arms and sprinkle some of the lavender on her forearms.

"Breathe this in", she instructed simply enough after rubbing the oil into Izzy's skin with her cold fingers, "it'll help." With that, she was turning on her heel, hopeful that it would save the woman from the verge of a panic attack, but not curious enough to stick around for the aftermath. She had Maze, after all.

Clearing her throat, talented at keeping her true terror hidden, Mariah approached Dan with her arms folding over her chest. "Who's inside?" she asked quietly, scared to find out the answer, and concluding from the alert look she earned from the Espinoza, it was for good reason.

"Benji, uh, Chloe, Lucifer, Ella, Kai and—and Eve, I think. Lucifer's old girlfriend, that is. A bunch of civilians, too. And the bomber with the detonator", Dan rambled before running a hand through his hair and giving Mariah another glance. "Got any ideas? We're following protocol but I gotta tell you, I'm—I'm really not in a place to handle this", he admitted unhappily, his voice tainted with shame, and in that moment, Mariah's stern stare softened just a little.

Offering an understanding nod, Mariah sucked in a breath. "Protocol is good", she declared, unsure what else to say as she thought about Kai, and then Ella. She hadn't realized she had gone in, too. What if Mariah had gone along like she had proposed? Would she be more helpful in there or out here?

And above all, why did she feel so much more worried about the two of them than the rest of their friends?

————

MAZE AND DAN had headed out to chase a lead; the hostage-taker's ex-girlfriend, and in the meanwhile, Mariah was keeping an eye on the situation outside of Lux. From what she had heard, the situation wasn't going all too well inside the nightclub, but for now, everyone seemed to be alive, and it was keeping her going.

Izzy, too, had located newfound strength and joined Mariah with a silent, grateful look that didn't require any more as she leaned against the same patrol car as the Rose. It seemed she had gotten accustomed to Mariah by now, because she didn't attempt to start any conversation — and in return, the detective surprised her by speaking up first.

"Feelin' better?" she wondered while glancing at her nails, gnawed to bits out of worry. She rarely lost her cool in a way that anyone noticed, but the bleeding hangnails and worn soles of her shoes from all the pacing were an insight into the internal storm she tried to hide well. She was used to being the adult in the situation, sometimes out of necessity, sometimes out of sheer discomfort with losing control and unraveling in front of others.

Chuckling in a way that was anything but amused, Izzy offered half a nod in response. "I'm just worried about everyone. God knows — and literally, I mean — that Lucifer never knows how to keep his mouth shut. There was a gunshot earlier and I'll bet my head that had something to do with him. I love him, but man...", Izzy sighed, clearly torn by the stressful situation. Mariah couldn't blame her, but the concern she seemed to carry for Lucifer baffled her; almost as much as remembering her relationship with an alleged demon.

"You, uh... you seem...", Mariah began, unsure what the right word was as she considered Izzy's connection to both Lucifer and Maze, "chummy, I guess? I mean, you and Mazikeen... Sorry, but I have to ask, are you a satanist?" The awkward wording was proof enough why she rarely went out of her way to try and make friends, but when Izzy reacted with a soft laugh, she was relieved she hadn't crossed a line.

"A lesbian, actually, but it's a common mistake", the Holt winked before giving Mariah's shoulder a squeeze and stepping away to catch up with another officer. Her words left the Rose stunned, but she was unable to fight back a grin in the belief that for a potential Devil worshipper, Izzy sure wasn't all that bad.

Before Mariah could get sucked into her own thoughts, there was a hand on her arm, and the woman instinctively reacted with a cold glare and her fingers going to wring the strange grip away. Once she was met with Mateo's worried stare, though, her features softened and her hand landed on her cousin's with care and comfort. She wasn't sure how he had managed to sneak past the officers closing the area from civilians, but happy to see him after such a long day, Mariah accepted Mateo into her company with an inviting nod.

"I heard Curly Fry's in there", he frowned at the mention of his roommate, and with a quiet sigh, Mariah confirmed what he had feared. She wasn't going to bring up the gunshot, but she couldn't help but wonder if Izzy had been right — Lucifer did seem to have a big mouth on him, but so did Kai. If anyone had the potential to piss of an armed man, it was their friend, leaving Mariah no choice but to pray while gripping Mateo's hand.

What felt like an eternity but hardly scratched the surface of an hour passed before Maze and Dan returned to the crime scene with their gunman's girlfriend in tow. Mariah guessed their plan was to reason with the man with her help, and despite feeling sickeningly helpless only standing there, she had to admit it was a smart move. Love was ultimately everyone's greatest weakness, after all.

"SWAT is going in. The next few minutes are going to be the most crucial ones, apparently", Izzy announced gravely as she returned to Mariah and Mateo, the three of them huddling up by the patrol car while they watched the armed professionals group at the right entrance with the kind of weaponry that would surely ensure their access to the club.

Seconds ticked by and Mariah felt like she was going to throw up. Her previous wonder of whether it would be better in or out of Lux was shifted into certainty that she would have preferred being at the heart of the action any day. Standing out in the warm night with no clue what was going on inside, if everyone was even going to make it out alive... It was unbearable and her allies could see it written all over her face.

"It's going to be okay", Izzy insisted with a calming smile, and just as Mariah prepared to note that she couldn't know that for sure, the SWAT team blew up the side entrance of the club. The wall came down in rubble and smoke, and after the noise of the crash had faded into the air, the horrified screams from inside reached them next.

Prepared to get to work, Izzy and Mariah unholstered their weapons, but once the well-dressed civilians began seeping out of all entrances, they put the guns away and rushed to help everyone out. The medics at the scene didn't hesitate to get the traumatized party-goers from their hands, welcoming each of them into their care until there were only few left — including Kai, who was running out of the club with his colorful sneakers instantly catching Mariah's eye.

Heaving out a relieved cry, the Rose widened her arms enough for the flannel-clad man to collapse into her chest, both of them clinging into each other for dear life. He smelled like booze and smoke but he was warm and, concluding from the fatally tight hug he wrung Mariah into, free of injuries.

"I'm okay, I'm okay", he breathed out, as if reading Mariah's mind, his lips curling into a victorious smile as he pulled away enough to map her face and fully comprehend she was there. "You're so beautiful! And the fresh air is so nice! And there's my boy!" he was rejoicing, only exiting Mariah's arms to reunite with Mateo next.

Unable to hide a smile, Mariah watched the two men laugh and wrestle each other into a hug, her attention only torn away when Izzy was calling out Lucifer's name. Whipping her head around, Mariah found the man being wheeled out on a gurney, his suit ripped and bloodied — it seemed the Holt had been right to assume Lucifer had been involved with the gunshot. He was still in one piece, though, and it relieved Mariah on Izzy's behalf; though she had to admit, it was oddly comforting to see the man hurt. Whether he was actually the Devil or not, he was, at the very least, not invincible and that consoled her racing heart a little bit.

"It wasn't all bad! Getting to witness Miss Lopez and Eve share a kiss was quite wonderful, in fact", Lucifer promised Izzy who, along with Chloe, was following the man to the nearest ambulance. His words caught Mariah's focus, her heart skipping a beat at the confirmation she had been secretly seeking — so Ella did like women, then?

Before she could overthink it, the Lopez herself was skipping out of the club with her arms interlocked with a woman Mariah hadn't met before. It didn't take a genius to connect the dots, though, and supposing she was now staring into the doe eyes of the praised Eve, Mariah reviewed the duo approaching her with giddy smiles on their faces. Well, to be fair, Ella was giddy. Even more so than usual, if that was possible.

"She's a little high. But if you're Mariah, then she asked me to find you for her", Eve spoke up, a sheepish grin on her lips as she supported the singing forensic scientist until Mariah was meeting her halfway and sneaking her hands under Ella's arms. She wasn't sure where to even begin, but sure that she wouldn't get any reasonable answers as to why Ella was on drugs, she simply gave Eve a curt nod.

"Thanks", she chuckled quietly, and after making a lavish bow in response, Eve was prancing away without a care in the world. Confused, Mariah let her gaze trail behind her until Ella was bursting into laughter in her arms and she had to turn back to the Lopez with an intrigued frown. She was delighted to see that the woman had made it out alive, but the incomprehensible babbling and humming suggested they still had a long night ahead of them.

Nevertheless, as Mariah glanced around and saw Izzy and Maze sharing a relieved kiss, Benji and Dan catching up by the ambulance where Lucifer sat, and Kai and Chloe holding hands while recounting the events of the night to Mateo, she forced a weak smile. Just like that, the paralyzing fear in her slowly began to evaporate and a little piece of her regained the hope that in the end, everything would work out.

»»»

Author's note

Y'all this was so much fun to write!! Episode 5 is definitely my favorite from season 4 and it was interesting to write from "the outside." It would have been a lot more actiony inside the club but I figured this fit Mariah's current situation better!

Next chapter is going to pick up where this left off, so there's some wholesome Mariella (claiming this now omg) coming (': AND then some more bonding with the rest of the characters! But the plot is about to pick up soon, heheheee.

Also, that little hint-hint at a potential love interest for Linda was 100% deliberate, I'm still debating whether or not I'll make the fic but now there's an opening for me if I so decide!

Thank you so much for reading ❤️