Thanks to SincerelyShayla for making me this refulgent banner to your right ==>

Chapter Forty-One: Avalanche

“Will you stay with me?” I asked Uranus as he parked in front of my house. I was scared to be alone at the mercy of my terrifying thoughts. Kurt’s car wasn’t here, so he’s probably at a friend’s and my dad wasn’t getting home from work for another hour or so.

Uranus glanced at Sam, who had fallen asleep on the way back.

“He can sleep in my room,” I offered quickly, dreading the possible oncoming solitude.

Uranus agreed hesitantly. So while he was carefully getting his snoring brother out of the car, I was bounding up the steps of the porch so I could open the door for Uranus.

I was in the middle of unlocking my door when I noticed an envelope that had been placed in the middle of our ‘welcome’ mat. Bending down to pick up the envelope, I recognized Liam’s slightly sloppy handwriting from all the notes he had written me for prom.

Written in his scrawl was ‘For Rena’. My stomach lurched at the thought of Liam. Why did he write me a letter? He obviously didn’t want to tell me anything. And who put it here if he was in Miami? 

“He’s heavy,” I heard Uranus complain from behind me.

I shoved the envelope into my hoodie jacket and opened the door for him.

“Second door on your right,” I told him as he made his way up the stairs with his brother in his arms.

“Thanks,” he muttered as he headed for my room.

I leaned against the doorway as Uranus placed Sam in my unmade bed and tucked him in. My heart would have swelled at the adorable sight if it weren’t already occupied by sinking feeling that came from the expected grief of reading the letter.

“Okay, spill,” Uranus ordered me once he was sure Sam was comfortable and he had walked out of my room.

“I don’t have any beverages on me that I could spill,” I joked, attempting to avoid this conversation. “Do you want some water?” I asked, starting to make my way downstairs.

“You know what I mean,” he replied, not amused by my clever diversionary tactics.

“Do you want water or not?”

“Stop trying to avoid the subject, Rena.”

“I invited you here so you could keep me from my problems, not make me talk about them,” I snapped at him while pouring myself a glass of water.

I felt Uranus’s gaze on me as I drank from the cup. “Fine, I’ll have some water,” he said calmly, abandoning his nosiness for a moment.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I was being a jerk. I was lucky enough he actually stayed and that he cared about my well being, but apparently, I appreciate nothing when I’m stressed out.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized as I got out another glass for Uranus. “I just don’t want to talk about it,” I explained, filling up the glass with water.

“I just don’t like seeing you this way,” Uranus said, giving me a concerned look as I handed him the glass of water.

 I forced a smile on my face. “Trust me. I’m pretty sure all I need is to be distracted.” To emphasize my point, mostly for myself, I took off my hoodie with the letter still in my pocket and placed it the counter. I needed a bit of time to prepare myself for the turmoil of confusion that letter was going to bring me.  

Uranus took a gulp of his water and stared at me thoughtfully. Before I even knew what was happening, the asshole took his cup and dumped the remaining water on my head.

I couldn’t even yell at him for a few seconds because I was just that enraged.

“What the hell is your problem?” I asked him, loud enough to show that I was angry, but quiet enough so that Sam wouldn’t wake up.

Uranus was actually laughing at me at this point.

All right, you sadistic asshole, two can play at this game.

I made my way to put my cup into the sink, yanking Uranus’s (not like that) empty cup from his grasp too. Uranus’s laughter had subsided and now he was looking at me curiously.

“Rena?” he said my name gently, as if he thought I was going to slap him. “I’m sorry. I thought—I—you said to…”

While he struggled to justify his actions, I stomped off, trying to lure him into going into the backyard with me.

“Geez, it was just water I don’t get why you’re this—”

I could barely keep the mischievous smile off of my face as I stepped outside and made a mad dash for the hose. I turned the valve so the water would come out and then held the nozzle of the hose, waiting for Uranus around the corner.

Uranus eventually did. His mutterings about how women were too sensitive were cut short when I squeezed the nozzle of the hose, blasting him with water.

“Hey, you might want to dry off, Uranus,” I said smugly when I finally stopped spraying him with water.

Uranus did not look amused at all. He was scowling as droplets of water continued to cascade from his drenched hair. I could hear the water inside his shoes squish as he walked towards me.

“You get it? Dry off Uranus?” I nervously explained my joke as he continued to approach me menacingly. I clung onto the nozzle of the hose tightly, afraid of what the asshole would do if he gained possession of this. “No!” I yelped as Uranus tried to yank the hose from me. “Uranus is trying to take the hose! Uranus is trying to take the hose!” I yelled, hoping that dirty implication would be enough for Uranus to release the hose in embarrassment.

However, it did no such thing. It just made him even more motivated to take the hose from me. What I didn’t realize was that the asshole was just trying to rotate the nozzle in my hand and as a result of both us squeezing the thing, water blasted straight into my face.

Now it was Uranus’s turn to laugh at my pain, so naturally, I sprayed him again. And soon we were both fighting over the hose.

“Where is it?” Uranus asked when he realized that neither of us was holding the hose.

I laughed when I saw that we were just fighting over nothing but a patch of grass.

“I don’t know. You’re the one that tackled me over here.”

Okay, he didn’t tackle me. I tripped because of all the mud that was caused by the excessive amount of water that was in the grass and he followed me because he thought I had the hose. It just wounded my pride less to say that he tackled me.

I sat up and inspected myself. I was covered in mud.

“The only thing that tackled you was your lack of coordination,” Uranus denied and sat up as well.

He was worse off than I was. He had mud all over his face and hair along with the rest of his body, which might have from when I stuck my foot out and tripped him.

“You have some mud on your face,” I said deviously, pointing to his cheek.

“Where?” he asked and began rubbing his face with his hand, which wasn’t a very smart idea considering his hand was caked in mud as well.

“Here, I’ll get it,” I said before scooping up a bunch of mud in my hand and splatting it onto his face. “What an improvement!”

Uranus wiped off the mud. Instead of the glare I expected, Uranus held a scheming smile on his face. I knew what was coming, but before I could run away, he said, “Rena, your hair’s looking a bit dull today. Let me help you with that,” and dropped a bunch of mud onto my head.

“You asshole!” I shouted with anger present in my voice, but I was laughing at the situation. We were two young adults having a mud-flinging war. Even though I realized how immature this was, I wasn’t going to lose.

I was about to do what Uranus just did to me, but before I could, Uranus grabbed my wrist. Already unbalanced from trying to reach the top of Uranus’s head, the sudden opposition to my movement caused me to topple over on top of Uranus.

My breath caught in my throat as I stared into Uranus’s dark blue eyes. My heart was going into overdrive at the close proximity.

“Rena,” Uranus said softly, bringing my attention back to the predicament we were in.

I immediately got off of him, feeling stupid. He knows that I liked him and I knew he was still pining after Holly, so why did I still feel this way after so long. And the thing with Liam…I was still so confused.

“Rena?” Uranus said my name again, sounding worried.

I picked up the hose again, which was really far off from where Uranus and I had thought it was. I turned around, making sure a smile was on my face, and sprayed him with water again.

“What?” I asked innocently as Uranus’s glare returned. “I just thought you needed help getting all that matter off, Uranus.”

I drummed my fingers nervously on the table as I tried desperately to keep my attention off of the letter on the kitchen counter.  Curiosity was burning through me, but I really didn’t think I had enough strength to deal with its contents at the moment.

Why was Uranus taking so long?

I had sent him to the shower thirty minutes ago after yelling at him for getting mud all over my house and he still wasn’t back. I finished showering in the downstairs bathroom a while ago. Who says girls take longer than guys?

My attention wafted back to the letter. It was just sitting there on top of my hoodie, ready to be opened. Why was I even sitting here?

I got up slowly and I tried to leave the kitchen, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to read it now.

I snatched the letter from the counter and headed towards the living room. I took a deep breath as I sat down, looking at Liam’s handwriting.

‘For Rena’ was what was written on the backside of the envelope.

I slowly opened the envelope, not wanting to rip it. Surprisingly, there wasn’t just a letter in the envelope, but a photograph. I pulled it out first.

The corners of my mouth twitched upwards when I recognized the picture. It was the day Liam and I were forced to be in the play. The picture was of me kissing Liam’s cheek. I carefully placed it on the coffee table in front of me.

This is it. I thought to myself as I pulled out the folded up letter. My hands started to shake from the anticipation.

Dear Rena,

         It killed me to leave you at the airport, especially after the kiss. I know it was probably a very, as you would say, ‘asshole’ move, but I couldn’t help myself. I’ve been waiting to do that ever since winter formal and it was one of the best moments I’ve had so far.

       Anyways, I don’t have that much time left, so I guess I’ll tell you everything. I couldn’t do it in person. I know I couldn’t have handled seeing you hurt.

       When we first met, you asked me why I was pushing people away. It’s because I have a brain tumor. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt by my passing away because I was planning to refuse any sort of treatment. I know. You probably want to hit me for that. Back then, I thought that there was no point in fighting it because it’s what was meant to be. If I was destined to live a long life, why did I get a brain tumor? If that's what life was going to dish out to me, why fight it? I didn’t want my family to stop with their lives just because I was sick—I thought that if I had refused treatment, they would just forget about me and go on with their lives.

       But then I met you, Rena. When I found out about your fat suit, I was absolutely bewildered. Then I got to know you and your true, incredible self and I was even more confused. Why would anyone try to pretend to be this horrible person to put up with a bunch of crap from other people when they’re actually this caring, adorable, beautiful, and just plain awesome person? That was when my perspective of how life works shifted a bit. From you, I learned that life isn’t just meant to be coasted through, you have to challenge it. After all, life is just what you make of it. I still have no idea what your intentions are with your fat suit, but I know that it’s important to you and you’ll fight to the death to keep your secret.

         I started treatment because of you, but after the doctors found where the tumor was, they said that it was too dangerous to surgically remove it. I wasn’t too panicked yet, because there was still chemotherapy. We tried it, but it didn’t help. The doctors soon realized that for some reason, the chemo treatment was worsening my cancer. The tumor was growing. I was terrified at this point and started closing people off. That was when I started ignoring you, but when Kurt forced us to go bowling, I couldn’t stay away anymore.

       I was getting worse, which is why I started ditching school more. I had to make a decision soon. My cancer was spreading. Chemo wasn’t working. My only option was to go back to surgery. They told me I only had a 37% chance of living, so of course I tried prolonging the day as much as I could.

        That’s where I am now. I’m writing this as I’m waiting to go into surgery. I’m sorry for bullshitting some story about me going to Miami. I’m still here. I never left. I just didn’t want to tell you because I knew you would be worried, but you deserve to know the truth.

        37% isn’t really a high number, huh? I can’t apologize enough for my selfishness. I knew from the start that I didn’t really have a high chance of living, but I sucked you in anyways, even though I knew you had already lost so many people. But if I don’t make it, I just wanted you to know you were the reason that I’ve enjoyed my last few months living. I love almost everything about you—your selflessness, the way your eyes light up when you’re around children (don’t make a joke about that), your lame jokes/pun/comebacks, your effortless beauty, your ability to cheer people up, your infectious smile. It’s safe to say that I have a little more than a crush on you. Rena, I think I love you, which might be alarming considering the brief time we’ve known each other, but you’re the one that inspired me to start living again. I wish I had more time with you. I wish we could have just one more time lying in that field surrounded by candles, or holding hands with you in a soup pot, or rowboating. I wish I could have made it to our prom date.I wish I could have seen you smile one last time before I go in. I was lucky enough to get you in my life, let’s see if I’m lucky enough to continue that.

       Please, Rena. Please, please don’t cry. I watched as tears fell from your gorgeous eyes before and I would have preferred to be kicked in the stomach than go through that again. I’ll be fine. If I make it, it’ll be fine. If I don’t, at least I died knowing you.

 Love always,

Liam

I don’t know how many times I read the letter, but my eyes kept raking the page over and over again, making sure there wasn’t an ‘I’m Kidding!’ hidden somewhere. But everything made sense now—why his sister and mom had to keep reminding me he was ill, why he had such bad headaches, why he couldn’t drive, why he was pulled out of soccer. Now that I knew, I wish that I hadn’t.

Brain cancer.

The words rung through my head like an annoying alarm clock. My mind couldn’t process anything other than those two wretched words.

“I smell like freakin’ flowers,” Uranus complained as he came down the stairs in some of Kurt’s stuff that I let him borrow.

I didn’t find any humor in the fact that Uranus smelled like flowers at the moment. In fact, I wanted him to leave so I could curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out without someone telling me it’ll be okay.

As if Uranus had sensed my change in attitude, he plopped down next to me on the couch and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Liam—he—cancer,” I stumbled on my words. It was then that familiar salty tears started pouring out of my eyes.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore, like the ground had been taken away from under me. This feeling was all too familiar to me. It was the feeling of yet another person being extracted from my life.

Uranus realized I was in no shape to talk, so he took the letter from my hand. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t know how close he and Liam were, but he deserved to know anyways.

As he read, I felt his hand grasp mine and when he was finally done, he placed the letter onto the table and forced me into an embrace. I obliged and soon started sobbing into his shoulder.

Uranus stayed silent through out my sobbing and I appreciated it. I didn’t think any words could help me now anyways.

I don’t know how long I cried, but it felt like forever. I was crying because there was a high chance of me losing someone else—someone that had snaked inside my heart in only a short time. I was crying because I would miss him. I was crying because I would never hear a cheesy compliment or see his goofy smile ever again. I was crying because I would never see that adoring look in his eyes every time we were together. I cried because I never told him. I was so stupid! Why didn’t I just agree to go to prom with him? He would have never gotten into a fight and I could have had some more precious time with him.

I stayed in Uranus’s embrace with him rubbing soothing circles on the hand he was holding for a little longer. When I was sure I wouldn’t start sobbing again, I pulled away.

I was still breathing hard when I pulled away. “Do you know how my mom died?” I asked Uranus, my voice wavering a bit from the rawness of my throat.

“Serena, you don’t have to tell me,” Uranus told me with a worried expression.

I had to tell him, before it was too late for him too.

“She was killed,” I said, ignoring him. When I saw the pitying expression on his face, I had to look away. I settled for staring at the letter instead. I pictured the day in my head as I retold my mom’s death. “It was a normal day. My family and I were volunteering at a soup kitchen like we did every Sunday. My mom and I were serving food while Kurt and my dad were helping in the kitchen.

My mom and I were joking around and laughing with the people that getting food. Then this one guy comes up. I still remember him. His hair was chalk white like his beard. He was scrawny and his eyes—grey and crazed.

When my mom has trying to talk to him, he got offended and started to yell at her. He said that she thought she was a ‘saint’ by trying to help out ‘poor folks’ and then he made a big deal about her just trying to ‘get some points for heaven’.

My mom was trying to calm him down, but he wouldn’t. People tried to help, but he just pushed them all back, he just kept shouting and shouting at her. The next thing I know, he pulls out a knife and stabs her—stabbed her right through the heart.

I remember holding my mother as she bled out. She told me that she loved me and not to resent the bastard. He was that way for a reason. She told me she loved me again and told me to tell my dad and Kurt that she loved them too. And then she… she died,” I finished.

I didn’t look at Uranus, scared of his reaction. I had to go to a year's worth of therapy sessions because I was so traumitized.

“Rena,” he started, but I didn’t let him finish.

I couldn’t stop now. The words I was dying to tell were spilling out. Like an avalanche, one it started, I couldn’t stop it.  

“People compare themselves to each other all the time—it doesn’t matter how good or bad they are. We all hold ourselves to a certain standard. It’s natural. It makes people feel good to realize that they’re better than someone else and it makes someone feel horrible when someone else is so much better than they are—that’s why my mom was killed.

People always strive to be better, so if those people get better, who do the people who are ‘better’ compare themselves to? People, especially teenagers, need someone who’s just the worse of the worse for them to compare themselves to. It just makes them feel better. It gives them confidence.

You’re being called a slut? Well, at least you didn’t screw the PE teacher like Serena Davidson. You gained some weight? Well, at least you’ll never be as fat as Serena Davidson. You’re alone? At least you’re not Serena fucking Davidson. You feel like you’re a nerd? Pervert? Serena Davison sneaked into the guys’ bathroom. You’re not Serena Davidson! You’re a bitch? Well, Serena’s a bigger one. That’s why I do it. That’s why I wear my fat suit,” I admitted. I just wished I could have told Liam.

“Serena, that’s not the way to go about it,” Uranus told me, shocking me. “What you’re giving them isn’t what they need. You’re giving them a false sense of confidence. They need to learn that someone is always going to be better than them. The guy that killed your mom—he was fucked up, alright?”

I stayed silent even though I disagreed with him.

“You don’t realize that it’s more beneficial to just be yourself—your crazy, lame, kind of cool self. Holly, Sam, Liam, and me—we’re all lucky to have you in our lives and that’s something better than a false sense of ‘at least I’m better than you’.”

 He didn’t understand.

“Rena, look at me.”

“I don’t want to, you asshole,” I muttered.

“Rena.” Uranus took his hand, placed it under my chin, and forced me to look at him. He didn’t say anything. He just inspected my face for a moment. Oh god, I must look horrid. I wasn’t a pretty crier, so I’m sure my face was all blotchy and shit. “You’re you,” was all he said before he let go of me, got off of the couch and headed for the stairs.

What the heck?

You’re you… what the crap is that supposed to mean?

While I pondered what ‘you’re you’ was supposed to mean and fend off more depressing thoughts about Liam, Uranus came down a few minutes later with a sleepy Sam trailing behind him.

“Santa Clown, I had the weirdest dream!” Sam seemed like he regained full consciousness as he sprinted towards the couch.

“What was it, Sammy?”

“I dreamt that you and my brother were… eating each other’s faces,” he said, whispering the last part.

I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. “Um…” I said not sure how to respond to that.

“And then… and then I saw you both shrinking and then you both got eaten by a shark,” Sam continued. “So, don’t eat my brother’s face,” he warned me. “Or else a shark’s gonna get you.”

“Are you guys coming or what?” Uranus asked, sounding very far away.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To the hospital,” he said and that’s all it took for me to scrambled off the couch, towing Sam along with me.

:::x:::O:::x:::

Author's Note:

ALL IS REVEALED!!!! :ooooo Well, except for whether Liam survives or not >:| Is it just me or are my updates getting shorter?

OMG! The note! Brain cancer?! He LOVES her?

Rena and her fat suit?! Some of you called it from the very beginning haha.

HER MOTHER? OMG.

You're you? What the hell is that supposed to mean, Uranus?

Is Liam gonna live or die?!

Anyways, I have gotten some lovely one shots. YOU STILL HAVE TWO DAYS. Just post it and either send me a link or dedicate to me. To make sure you're entered please look for your submission in 'PFS Competition' under my library. If it's not there, it's not entered. I'll try to get an update in on that day so I can post the winner too, but I doubt I will be on time.

In other news, PFS is slowly coming to an end, which means my new story will be up. I already have the first chapter done, but I need names and I suck at names. So I need YOUR help. I was looking for a for old fashioned name for the main female character. Like Elizabeth but I don't want to use that name. I was thinking something like 'Adele' not like the singer but as in A-Del-leigh. And something like Alexander for the male character or Ezekiel. What do you guys think?

Oh! Speaking of Elizabeths, if you're into hot guitar guys and sort of socially awkward girls check out A Game of Hide and Seek by Dollarsanddimes. She has only a couple of chapters out, but I think it's awesome so far. It's about a sheltered girl that's thrown into a 'jungle' that is college and she has to find her social place.

Oh and another shout out to SincerelyShayla for that beautiful banner to your right.

They should make a section for longest author's note for the Watty Awards. Cuz mine are always really long.

author confession #4:  The part that took the longest to write was the hose scene. I couldn't figure out how to say 'I turned on the hose' correctly because you can't turn on a hose--it's not an electronic. And then everything just sounded dirty to me--hose, nozzle, Uranus.... it's not fun having a perverted mind.

Bye, my Wattpadians!