Chapter 86:

I was sitting in my hospital bed, waiting for the day I get discharged. Ryuuji hasn't been talking to me, he would just leave my clothes or food then leave. I can't blame him, I choose this path, and yet I keep looking back to wanting friends and feelings.

Ryuuji was sitting beside me, peeling an apple for me, but still, he wasn't talking to me. I decided to be one to make the first move. Ryuuji is important to me so I don't want to lose him either, he's the only one keeping me sane in this dark path I chose.

"I'm sorry," I told Ryuuji, "I was wrong, I just wanted to know if I'm doing the right thing,"

"Why not ask me?" He said as he handed me the plate of sliced apples,

"Because I know you'll say yes, you have to say yes because you chose to stick by me," I told him, "I know you have your regrets with this, and I've been feeling guilty about it ever since, I took you away from possible happiness because I can't live with Mikey,"

"Remember when we first met?" He started off, "My mother was dying and we were in severe debt, and your family was nice enough to help us out"

"Right, how is your mother?" I asked Ryuuji and I met because Mitsuya introduced him to me, Mitsuya knows that my parents' company would sometimes help out people who are in a pinch.

"After she got better and was cleared of her debt, she abandoned me and my 2 older sisters," He told me, my eyes grew wide, I was in shock. I didn't know about it and he never told me about it, "My two sisters went and have their own families now, I was left alone, You, Mitsuya, and Toman was all I had,"

"Mitsuya knew about this?" I asked,

"I asked him to not tell you," He told me, "That's why I'd follow you no matter what and no matter where, I owe you a lot, even though I got abandoned I'm happy my family is living a good life now,"

"Ryuuji," I started off.

"I owe my life to you and your family, and I want to stay with you until you finish your goal, the future you told me is nice and all but I don't really care about it," He said, "I don't have plans for my future I'm just living for right now, and right now is helping you save Sano Manjiro,"

I couldn't help but tear up at his words, he's so loyal!

"I'm not mad you went to meet up Mikey or this Wakasa Imaushi," Ryuuji started off, "I'm upset that you didn't even fight back!"

"I didn't want to fight back because getting beating up by them is my punishment for all these months I've been deceiving and hurting people, for all the crimes I've done, I acknowledge I can't decide my own punishment, but I need the wakeup call," I told him,

"So what's your plan?" He asked,

"The plan stays the same, we wait," I told them, "Just continue to block out Kanto Manji Gang from the public eye, they can't rise without the spotlight"

"Roger!" He said, "Now you rest, you can get discharged tomorrow but you're still on bed rest"

...

I had a clear goal in mind, I wanted to save Mikey, but as time passes that goal seems to fade. Every emotion I felt seems to be gone, I've gotten so sucked into the darkness that I don't even know what I am here for.

Am I still doing this for Mikey?

Do I still love Mikey?

Why did I ruin my life for this?

I miss my parents.

I miss my friends.

I miss Draken, Mitsuya, Takemichi, Chifuyu, and the rest.

I've been questioning every decision I made up until now. Toman had a bright future of leading the delinquents' scene, Can't we move forward with Toman still around? Kisaki was gone, who would corrupt Toman? Mikey? All he needed was guidance and good people around him, but we weren't enough.

I should have let him go and lived my life without him.

I was walking down the streets of Shibuya, since Dollars always wear a mask when we move our personal identities are not really known to the public, only within the delinquent community, because of that we can still move around freely within the city and live normal lives.

As I was walking downtown, I noticed a new bike shop just opened up. They have a babu inside!!! I haven't seen one in years!

"I have never seen this place before," I told myself, but then again I haven't been to the main streets of Shibuya in months. I only come here to visit Shinichiro and talked to Wakasa, but that's over now.

"Excuse me," I said as I entered the shop, I looked around and it kind of reminded me of when I used to work in Shinichiro's shop, I couldn't help but smile a little remembering how fun that was.

"Welcome," I heard a familiar voice say coming out of the back room.

It was Draken. He hasn't changed at all.

Draken works here?! Shit, I have to leave.

But, I haven't seen Draken in almost 2 years. Actually, when I left Mikey, I never got a chance to say goodbye to any of them. I couldn't help but feel sad seeing him, I wanted to break down and cry. 

I want to go back.

"Akaza?!" Draken muttered in shock, I was dumbfounded.

"Excuse me?" I asked in complete shock, how did he know?!

I'm panicking, I'm so dead. My years of planning and hard work were foiled by this unexpected encounter with Ryuuguji Ken.

"I'm sorry, you kind of reminded me of a friend of mine, she died two years ago
 He said sadly, "So what can I help you with?"

"I was looking for new rims for my bike," I told him still in shock,

"Oh, cool, what bike?" He asked as he headed to the counter to check the catalog.

"A Ducati streetfighter," I blurted out, then I realize what I just said. FUCK.

"Funny, my friend I was telling you about also has a streetfighter," Draken said letting out a small chuckle, "You kind of reminded me of her, she was always in bandages, always getting herself into trouble, I'm sorry, I'm not saying you look like a girl or anything," He said laughing

"No, it's okay, I get that a lot, it's because of my height," I told him, he laughed again. I missed that laugh.

"We have these in stock," Draken said showing me the catalog,

"Do you have them in red?" I asked,

"I can order you, but it would take at least 3 hours," He told me, 

"I'm fine with that," I told him, I then paid him in cash and filled out the receipt.

"Ishikawa Haru, you're not from here?" He asked me, 

"I'm from Meguro" I lied again, all I keep doing is lie. "Do you mind if I wait here? I don't have anywhere else to go"

"Sure, why what's up?" Draken asked, offering me a glass of iced tea. "Are you in a gang?"

"No," I lied

"Are your parents hurting you?"

"I don't have parents" I don't know if that's a lie.

"Me too," He said trying to comfort me, "Are you being bullied?"

"Probably," I said, he sat beside me and patted me in the head, I felt like I was about to cry but I tried my best to hold it in. This was the first in 2 years I've actually felt sincere and gentle human contact,

"Cheer up, bud," Draken told me, "You're welcome to hang out here anytime!"

I miss this, I want to go home.