When the man of your wildest dreams, the man you have fallen for on the very first time you set your eyes on him, the man you likely want to marry, the man you desperately wanted to keep forever. . .liked you back.

Well, let's just say, it was the best 5 fucking years of my little perfect life anybody could ask for. Those years was a whole, entirely new level of pleasure and excitement.

I was merely a country girl back then, living on the far side of Saint Sinclaire and got her big break when I got the best news that I miraculously passed the entrance examination in August University. After I got the word, I packed my bags almost immediately and got the next ticket in Io City.

The journey getting to the big city was a blurry long one. My first thoughts were on how I couldn't contain my eager enthusiasm to meet new people and sightsee all of the tourist spots in the city, and I will not stop till I visited all of them. The last but not the least thought, daydreaming on the train, was to have my very first boyfriend so I could experience the dangerous game namely called 'love', infamous for making too many heartbreaks and some occasional cases are holding in too many huge debts, emotionally speaking than financially.

I also thought that college will be a walk in the park but, heck, was I totally wrong. It was an utter hellhole, in fact it was way more torturous than middle school or high school; surviving my first year there taking up the course of Major in Psychology was an introverted pain in the ass. It took me some time to adjust, up until my second year and got the hang of it when I met someone who I came to care about, and someone who had my back. They are just as crazy as I am when you got to know them.

Also, my friends, Ann and Katreena, are also the main reason I got the courage to approach him, the man that I have a major crush on since my eyes fall upon his gorgeous back. We were classmates in two of my minor subjects and I exclusively had the chance to talk to him only once in so little amount of time every day. I thought that this is it, this will finally be it. I decided that I would try my best to fall in love with the school's 'heartthrob', John Jacque.

In the back of my mind, I somewhat doubted that my feelings were mutual from both parties. Not to mention that I am not the only girl who was head over heels for him. Yes, he was just that godly handsome. And I wanted nothing more than to squish those annoying pests who they called themselves as fans of his. Well, who could blame them? He was the president of the school counsel, the school role model and a celebrity model that has the potential to become the future successor in Poise enterprises. Yes, he was that close to perfection. It was infuriating to think that we are truly different worlds from each other. There were far more beautiful women out there that are best suited for him.

The me back then was a nerd among nerds. So unfortunately, I gave up my feelings for him till the end of the semester of my third year in college.

The only things in my mind on the last summer of my course was about my studies, spending some quality time with my friends and stressing with my part-time job.

That summer was peaceful than it needed to be so I got bored pretty often. The library was like a ghost town, people hardly came to read or borrow some books. With a lot of time to kill, I spent them reading various books of the same genre, the romance kind. Being the hopeless romantic that I am has its own perks with my compensable imagination creates different scenarios in my head about my love life. Sometimes, I got scolded by my boss, the librarian, everytime I squeal like a total maniac in a place supposed for quiet thinking.

Then that was the time it unexpectedly started. What you ask? My love life, of course. He was actually the few of the people who hangs out in the library, the place where I work at. He was there the whole time watching me in the corner table besides the window where he had witnessed my embarrassing fangirling over some fictitious characters in novels with the cheesiest, most lovey dovey titles you could think of.

He made a total fool out of me, making jokes on how I am such a booknerd, but I didn't get offended at all; because, duh, who wouldn't be happy that their crush is the one initiating a conversation with you?

Turns out that, he has already noticed me since we were freshmans. I was incredibly couldn't believe what his words were next,

"This will come out a little weird. But would you like to go out with me sometimes?"

You could guess what happened next. Of course, I said yes, quite eagerly too. It was one of the best things that happened to me since I moved in to the city.

We started dating in the beginning of our senior years and I couldn't be more happier. At that time, I literally spoke too soon. There were unavoidably eyes that are filled with green of envy. At first, the bullying broke into a cat fight then it got worse when they planned an elaborate scheme to suspend me, by framing me for cheating in a major exam. It was those tough times that John came through. He steadfastly defended me and my suspension was thrown out in the window because of his support, backing me up.

Because of that, I had fallen in love with him more. On the night of the after-party on graduation day, I gave up my first time to him. I remembered that it felt like fireworks and a slight gratifying pain. And long story short, we spent another year together filled with lustful full moons and more lovely romantic afternoons. We were happy; really, really happy.

At the zenith of our relationship, it suddenly felt wrong. Questions began to roam around inside my head that begs the question, are we falling out of love with each other? I think the answer were obvious but I also remembered that I said it was worth it. But why? Where did it all go wrong?

In the brink of our 3rd year anniversary, we spent less time with each other when I demanded a marriage and he was quick to reject the idea that made me broke into ugly tears. He was under pressure at that time when he was bluntly told that he will no longer be the chosen successor of the CEO of Poise Enterprises. It changed him somehow, so he started to take out his frustrations out on me. I woke up in mornings with cuts and bruises; and me, well, I couldn't feel anymore, I couldn't convince myself anymore that I needed to get out of this relationship because I was still desperately clinging to him. My friends had enough watching me suffer, furiously demanding justice so he was apprehended for abuse and harassment or more for the matter.

I would be lying that it didn't hurt me, I would be lying that it didn't affect me at all. But it does, it really does. He was supposed to be my first love, my prince charming, my best friend but I don't see any of them anymore at the man he is now than the man he was before, the man that I was truly in love with. That man is gone now. . .he ceased to exist a long time ago.

. . .

Well, what the actual fuck?

I actually spent those 5 fucking years under an illusion, a hallucination, a made-up fantasy that I took the effort of underlyingly making it up.

Fuck, I was stupid.

I ended up tarnishing my reputation in the firm as the best psychologist in the area that I was supposedly determined to be. I threw my ambitions, my accomplishments, everything down under the drain. I was broke, right here under this chest of mine. Ann would yell into a fit, scolding me for acting so malevolently to my own self with a blade in my hand and Katreena was also there to stop me in every suicidal attempt.

They never left my side even though I admit that I am a lost cause. They are such good friends to stay with me even though I am lower than dirt acting towards them. They were always there with me. So I promised them that I will stop and get better. That promise though was somewhat an empty one. I actually build up the confidence so I could go to clubs and bars instead for the purpose of an outlet, letting out some steam if you will call it.

They shook their heads in disapproval but thought twice that it was better than suicide so they let me.

. . .

What?

Did you actually thought that this is some clichè love story?  Wake the fuck up! It doesn't exist. . .not in this world that we live in anyway.

Did you see that my dumb past self actually thought it was going well?  And now look what happened to me. . .I am heartbroken beyond belief.

The loud booming music is starting to rankle me so I left the club with a huff, not without grabbing a bottle of champagne first before slamming the exit door shut. I staggered to keep my balance straight and my thoughts are afloat again thinking that what if things had gone differently if I hadn't fallen in love with him. . .would everything change?

I held up my chin high, a sanctimonious sneer forming in my face as I eyed the bottle in my hand that would be put into good use to stop my negligible way of thinking in changing the past. The past cannot be changed, stupid me. Can't you get that through your thick skull of yours or am I just way too drunk?

Uh, whatever. More booze for me then.

"Be more considerate of your body, Vyera."

Who the fuck? Who's talking?!

"You don't need to feel threatened,I am just a growing entity of a soul inside of you. Nothing out of the ordinary, I assure you that this is perfectly normal all according to plan."

What the hell are you talking about?!

"My, you are rather foul-mouthed when drunk. I will make sure that you will wake up completely sober. You need some rest so till next time, Vyera. Goodnight."

You. . . don't have the right to tell me w-what to-o.. do..

And with that said, I was out like a light.