-Natalie's POV-

I sit at my kitchen island with my coffee, Ellie comes in yawning snapping me out of my thought.

"What's up with you?" She asks and I pick up my coffee taking a sip.

"What?"

"You look...gloomy."

"Nothing, I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Women problems?"

"Can you read my mind or what?"

"Maybe, tell your younger sister." She hops onto the counter.

"It's nothing." I stand up taking my coffee as i leave the kitchen.

I walk to my office shutting the door. I go over to my desk sitting down.

I'm mad. Mostly mad at myself, I snapped at Diana last night when in reality it should have been her aunt I snapped at. God I feel terrible. I usually don't but she kept apologising as if her shitty aunt was her fault.

A piece of me gets where her aunt was coming from, but I'm not a child fucker. I know being with Diana isn't the best..from others point of view. But I'm not forcing Diana into this relationship. I got her consent for everything we did and we continue to do, if she didn't feel comfortable with something I wouldn't do it.

The last thing I want to do is-do something with someone that they don't want to do. I've told Diana so many times that I wouldn't be mad if she didn't want to do something. She always agrees to me touching her, I'll even ask her during sex will I keep going.

I'm not with Diana because she's my student, I'm with her because I have feelings for her. Like I said to Tatum, I deserve to be happy and whether I like to admit or not. That girl makes me happy, she makes me nervous believe or not. She gives me butterflies which...I don't exactly like.

I don't care about people's opinion, once me and her are happy....fuck everyone else. I don't need anybody's approval. I'm happy with her, I just keep thinking about her going off to college. Am I making the right decision to call our relationship off once she leaves.

I didn't really sleep last night, having coffee at two am isn't the best idea. I'm already on my third coffee of the day, I've mostly been thinking about Diana apologising.

She probably feels like it's her fault, it's not and I didn't reassure her on that. Diana needs reassurance, she loves being reminded on stuff...like praise, she loves being reassured that she's doing good but in this case I didn't reassure her that it wasn't her fault. I didn't reassure her.

I groan as I hear the door, I leave it. Ellie can answer it.

I was just so angry last night, it wasn't an excuse either because again...it wasn't Diana's fault, I can tell all she wanted is for me to bond with her aunt. I tried, I really fucking did but I can only handle so much.

Her aunt just kept going, I got over the first few comments but even when I was alone with her aunt. She was giving me looks, I ask her how she was and she hummed. Be a bitch to me and I'll be twice the bitch back, that's how I am but I wasn't like that. I tried...I really fucking did try to play nice like I thought she would but she didn't, I tried to leave without making any comments but it slipped out.

I'm guessing Diana is mad at me, for snapping at her and her aunt. Her aunt deserved it though, I won't apologise for it. I stayed there for as long as I could and she kept going, it was mortifying.

✺ ✺ ✺

I check my phone for new messages again. I drop my phone on the counter grabbing the bottle of whiskey since the wine is gone. I grab a glass pouring some before I hear the front door open.

"Nuh uh! My vote is for Spain." I hear Maria being loud as usual, I lean back against the counter as Tatum walks in.

"Oh shit. What's happened?" Tatum asks me and I furrow my eyebrows crossing my arms.

"Nothing? Why?"

"You're drinking....and it's not even three, the blondie break up with you?" She asks and I roll my eyes putting the glass down.

"No she didn't, I called her aunt a bitch. She called me a child fucker so she deserved it."

"Where's Diana now?" Maria asks me.

"I don't know. I don't care."

"Rude."

"She's upset...that's why she's acting like she doesn't care." Tatum bumps Maria and I snort.

"I'm not upset by—"

"Some girl? Natalie, I know you too well. Just go apologise."

"I won't apologise for something that's not my fault." It is my fault.

"Well if you were fucking my niece who is your student I wouldn't be happy." Tatum says and I shake my head.

"Apologise."

"No. What are you two doing tonight?"

"Are you really that upset over her?" Tatum looks at me....with genuine concern.

"I'm not upset over her, I can fuck anyone I want to which I will."

"But you won't."

"Says who?"

"Your instincts, you like her too much."

"I agree, when you kissed me I thought you were gonna cry when you realised how much it was gonna hurt Diana." Maria hops onto the counter.

"You two kissed?!" Tatum asks and I pinch the bridge of my nose. Maybe her aunt did have the right to be angry, Diana is my student. I'm not dating her...I can sleep with anyone I want to.

✺   ✺   ✺

"That's really your colour." Karen tells me, some woman who's been flirting with me the last half an hour. Why the fuck am I sitting at the bar of a club with a woman named Karen. I hold up my glass to the bartender. He comes over taking my glass.

"Do you like what I'm wearing?" She asks and I lean onto the bar humming as I don't even look at her, I look around instead. My heads fucking spinning, I'm sweating in here.

"I got it from a friend, she's actually around. It's a little short though, do you like that?" She keeps talking and the man puts down my drink and I take it as I get up walking away. I am sick of Karen.

I walk a little to the side almost falling over, I sit back down at the table with Tatum and Maria. Tatum's making out with some girl. Maria's watching, as always.

"Just fuck her." I tell Maria and she looks to me.

"What?"

"I hate alcohol." I run my hands through my hair before a woman sits beside me reaching across me to the girl that's half on top of Tatum. She shouts something but I don't hear it, the girl panics and crawls on top of me trying to get out.

I cringe sitting back, Maria starts laughing as she takes a photo, the flash blinding me. I help the girl woman off of me. They both get up walking away quickly.

"Enjoying yourself?" I ask Tatum leaning my head back against the chair. She wipes her mouth shrugging.

"Thought you were going fucking someone?"

"I'm gonna fuck a man." I stand up too quickly and put my hand on the chair behind me so I don't fall.

"You need to go home." Tatum stands up taking my arm and I pull away from her.

"I don't need a woman."

"And you sure as hell don't need a man! You're a god damn lesbian Natalie. Stop getting fucked up over a small argument with a girl, grow up and apologise."

"No. I don't like apologising and I'm not a child fucker, I'm finding myself an old woman." I fix my dress walking back towards the bar, more like falling but I take a big sip from my drink in hand.

I walk over to a woman who looks a bit older than me, a brunette. Not my type but oh well. I sit down beside her, well more like fall but...

"Hello gorgeous." I say and she glances at me, doing a double take.

"Hello...what's your name?" She asks me.

"Natalie, you?" I smile at her.

"Riley." Basic name....but it's whatever.

"Can I buy you a drink?" I ask, she smiles at me before nodding. The bartender passes and I hold out my hand.

"Whatever she wants, it's on me." I say and he nods leaning over towards her to hear what she wants. He walks away and I sit on the stool towards her.

"Dress suits you." I lean on my knuckles and she chuckles, she looks down. And by down, I mean at my boobs.

"You look young."

"I'm older than you'd think." I respond.

"Really?"

"I'm buying you drinks, I haven't got asked for an ID. I'm in a club."

"Some people have their ways of getting into these places." She leans on her palm, her elbow on the bar.

"Are you accusing me of using my boobs to get in?"

"I said nothing about your boobs."

"Your eyes did."

"You're cute, I'll give you that." She continues smiling and I just look at her, I sigh grabbing my glass taking a long sip.

I keep looking at her and she looks back at me. She glances to my lips and I'm so drunk that's I would kiss a random person in a club but I'm also so drunk that I'm emotional, Diana is on my mind even though the alcohol is supposed to change that.

"Fuck, I can't." I say getting off the stool and stumbling back. She looks at me confused, I take money out of my purse putting it on the bar before walking towards the doors. I can't walk in a straight line, I hit into a couple of people.

I get outside.

This is Diana's fault, I promised her I wouldn't touch anyone now I can't. I can fuck who i want, I'm not dating her but god it feels like I'm doing something wrong.

I run my hands through my hair breathing a little heavy, I start walking down the street pulling out my phone. I scroll on my contacts, trying to stay on my feet and not fall over. I need to call an Uber or something...

I stop at her name.

I put the phone to my ear as it starts calling, I stop walking but my body leans to the side and I put my foot out to stop myself from falling.

"Hello?" I hear her voice, but she sounds much sweeter on the phone.

"Hi, darling." I lean against a wall because I'll end up falling over my own feet otherwise.

"Natalie?" She sounds happy to hear me.

"I tried to fuck someone." I lean my head back against the wall and I hear shifting over the phone.

"What? Why are you calling me?"

"I couldn't even touch her, I felt like I was betraying you. You've been on my mind all night."

"Where are you?"

"Fuck. I really want to touch you."

"Are you okay?" She asks me and I laugh shaking my head.

"Not in the slightest but....You make me really fucking happy, you know? I don't know what to do about you....I was...able to sleep with anyone before you...but god now. You don't even realise it when you look at me, if you asked me to do something terrible I would...I'd do anything for you, darling. I knew Olivia for years...but she's never had this affect on me.....I'm beginning to think that I love you, Diana." My voice drags as I don't even realise what I'm saying but I mean it...I shouldn't have said it.

"Baby....I...I love you, but you're drunk right now aren't you? Can you tell me where you are and I'll come get you?" She asks me.

"When you go to Yale.....I think we could make it work—I'll try...I want to try for you. Look at me.....being all sappy—I feel disgusting." I say laughing a little before hanging up, I drop my phone on the floor by accident, I rub my hands over my face. I pick my phone back up, turning it on again, I need to get an Uber.

My phone goes off, I try turn it back on and it's gone dead. I feel drops on my head, I look up and it's beginning to rain. Fuck me.

I quickly get up, I feel heavy. I've had too much to drink tonight trying to prove a point...I didn't even prove it. God, I am embarrassing.

The rain falls heavier and I'm only in a thin dress, Tatum's probably off fucking someone and Maria's probably away with the fairies. I cover my phone trying to get it to turn on. It doesn't. I lean to the side again, Jesus Christ.

I almost fall into a plant pot, I put my hand on the edge of it. I am freezing, I need to get someone to call me an Uber.

I look around holding up my hand trying to look for someone, just my fucking luck. Nobody's around, of course not it's fucking raining.

I am too drunk for this, I am soaked.

I stand under a tree...I'm beyond exhausted. I sit down on the floor.

I'll probably die on pneumonia during the night but it doesn't seem like I have a lot of options at the moment. I can't walk into a store dripping wet. I'd be able to think clear if I wasn't drunk.

I shiver, what is my life. I came out drinking my day away so I could fuck someone...to prove that I'm not sad over Diana, when I am. It's not her fault, it's her aunts and my owns. God, I can't be platonic with her when she goes to college. I'll make it work.

I love making her happy, god she appreciates everything I do for her. She makes me smile more than anyone's made me smile. I smile more in one day around her than I did through my marriage including my wedding day, of course there was a time I was happy with Olivia. I loved Olivia, but she's never made me this happy. Around Diana, I am just...I don't know....Her presence just makes my day.

"Natalie?" I hear her shouting, now I'm hearing things. Fuck what did I take. I pull at my dress that's stuck to me, I can't stop shivering.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" She bends down touching my leg, oh fuck....I put my hand on her cheek.

"No." I say and she takes my hand looking at me.

"Can you get in my car? You look cold." She squeezes my hand and I just stand up, she starts walking towards her car and I just follow. I'm so out of it, my head is spinning.

She opens her car door for me to get in. With my luck tonight, it's probably not Diana. I'm probably getting into some man's car.

✺ ✺ ✺

She brings me to her house, she runs me a shower and she gives me a hoodie and shorts. I am just tired. I feel tired and I feel guilty and even stupid.

I go out of her bedroom and she sits with Charlie on her bed, I'm guessing he's staying too.

"I can call a Uber." I tell her.

"You were sitting on the curb, in the rain. I don't think you can get home even with an Uber taking you there." Diana huffs and I cross my arms, I look to Charlie.

"I'm not usually like this."

"Oh honey, I know. We all have those days." He sits back and Diana smiles a little. I look down at the fluffy socks on my feet that she gave me.

"You can sleep in the guest bedroom, it's small and you'll have to be quiet. Lock the door when you go to sleep." She gets off the bed walking out of her bedroom and I follow, I nod at Charlie and he smiles.

I follow her into the small, white bedroom, by small I mean literally only the bed can fit. It's across the window and there's shelves behind the bed. That's it.

She lifts the blanket for me, I usually don't like this. I don't like being taken care of, I like being independent but I don't care when she's doing it.

"How did you find out where I was?" I sit onto the bed asking quietly and she shrugs fiddling with the blanket.

"I saw Maria's story on instagram, a girl on your lap. She tagged the location but on the phone I couldn't hear the music from a club. I guessed you were outside walking around." Diana whispers looking away from me.

"That wasn't what it looked like, I can promise you that. She got on top of me because she was trying to get out. She made out with Tatum." I try catch her eye but she just plays with the blanket.

"You should just go to sleep." She tells me dropping the blanket but I take her hand stopping her.

"Diana, I promise you, nothing happened with me and anyone tonight. I tried. I couldn't, I've been acting shitty since last night. That wasn't your fault and I made it out to be. So I'm...sorry." I tell and she stands in front of me looking down.

"Don't Diana me, darling me. I don't like it when you call me Diana." She mumbles and I move my hand to her waist and she stops me.

"You need sleep, I'll leave water and painkillers there tomorrow morning. Goodnight, Natalie." She slips her hand out of mine and I nod.

"Goodnight." I say and she turns off the light closing the door behind her as she leaves. I sigh laying back on the bed.

God I upset her and I feel terrible.

A/n

I hate this chapter, so I'm sorry but it's just something to post.

I hope everybody's week goes great! :)

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