THE JOURNEY OF ZAMA DLALA

CHAPTER TWO

As per promise. We are anxiously waiting at the reception to be attended to. I’ve been biting my nails like there’s no tomorrow. I look at my hands and I notice that the biting has also affected the flesh. I’m bleeding a bit. I want to continue biting my nails, but I will be facing consequences.

“I’m hungry.” Luisa complains. She’s grumpy, and it’s understandable we’ve been for some time now. We’ve been here since morning, and it’s not even funny no more. An hour is way past and I left my mother with her friend. I know she doesn’t mind looking after her, but the woman has some chores to do.

“This is just ridiculous.” I say standing up. I need fresh air before I lose it.

“Uyaphi?” Mother Luisa.

“I need to breathe.” I walk out of the hospital to stand outside. The outside alone is suffocating. I need to be home. Mother is on medication.

“Zama. Why are you standing outside? Did they not allow you in?” Mncedisi asks. I sigh out of relief seeing him.

“We were told to wait for family. We have been waiting for about an hour now.”

“We got a call this morning saying we are needed urgently.” He says, and I feel my heart skip a beat.

“I hope it’s good news.” I say.

“I hope so too.”

We see Mncedisi’s mother walking slowly towards us. She looks drained, like she never slept. I may not know the pain she is feeling, but I know how it feels to hold your last breath for your loved one. She walks past us and we follow. She sits quietly on the benches, and you can tell she wants to cry, or she has been crying. We are just sitting there, nobody is saying a word to anyone. I bring my finger to my mouth but stop. Can’t be biting my finger nails. My fingertips have cuts already, but the silence is freaking me about. Finally! The doctor remembered us. Mncedisi had to go to the reception to tell them that they are here.

“You are still here?” The doctor looks at me, then looks at Luisa.

“We wanted to see her before we leave.” She takes a deep breath and writes something on the file, then gives it to some nurse who was walking past. Instructions of the file being left at the laboratory.

“Doctor. How is my daughter?” I’m failing to even look at her. Mncedisi has his mother right under his arm. She is broken. Her voice is barely out.

“I’m afraid I don’t have good news.” She says making Luisa to gasp in shock then utter the unthinkable.

“Is she dead?”

“What! No, no.”

“Then what it is doctor?” Her mother asks.

“Sizakele suffered seizures later yesterday after surgery. We tried sedating her, keeping her in control, but her brain had shut down…

“Uthini kimi dokotela?” I can imagine the pain the mother is going thorough.

“She suffered a closed head injury. This occurred when an outside force subjected. We believe that she landed painfully with the back of her head penetrating the skull. And caused a lot of brain swelling.” This just keeps getting worse.

“What now? Will it ever, you know, unwell.? Trust Luisa to make up her dictionary.

“Neurological exam. And keep close eyes on her.” Doctor.

Everyone keeps quiet. It’s like everyone has stopped breathing.

“What does Nulogical mean?” Mncedisi should have kept quiet. Not me trying not to laugh.

“This means we will have to evaluate her thinking, motor function movements, sensory and eye movements.”

“Uzaba right?”

“She will in due course. But it will take time. The brain does not fully mend itself the way a cut or other injury does in the body. Recovery and return to function the brain damage depends on the cause of the injury and the person’s symptoms.”

“Which means she might not recover anytime soon? Is that what you are telling us?” I ask.

“Just pray for her. Please don’t overwhelm her. Try not to say anything that would upset her. You may go see her.”

Her swollen face with a bandage around her head. Her eyes are closed yet also swollen. She has a cast on her leg and arm. This is bad. Will she be able to walk again? That picture of her laying there comes back. I can’t see her like this. I know she would have wanted me to be with her, right by her side. That’s how clingy she is. I take time looking at her, but my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces.

“I can’t do this.” I whisper.

“It’s okay. It will get better in time.” I’m grateful that Mncedisi understands. I need a moment to myself and gather all my emotions.

I run out of her ward to be outside. I feel useless, and I feel like I’m failing her. I will come back for her.

Maybe then my senses will be In check.

In a taxi on my way home, still trying to register what has been said. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s her leg and arm that was affected. How did her brain suffer again? Doctor did explain, but still doesn't make any sense to me. I lean my head against the window and look at the trees.

My phone vibrates from my pocket. It must be MaNzama. I know she is probably complaining that I left my mother with her for so long. I so feel guilty right now. I look at the screen and to my surprise it's father.

“Baba.” I answer. I can hear machine from the background he must be most likely still at work and wants to check up on my mother. I love how he takes care of his wife. Talk about true meaning of when death do us apart. I live to witness.

“How is your mother doing? Has she eaten the soft porridge?” He asks. He knows that his wife cannot stomach anything.

“She ate three spoons. Of which was enough compared to other days. And no, she did not throw up.”

“That’s good news. Listen, I want you to pack something of clothing for the week I will be going down to Eshowe.”

“Why?”

“Will talk about this when I get home.” He says before he drops the phone.

Okay, I wonder what is the sudden reason for him to go home.

I thank MaNzama for taking good care of my mother. The sink looks clean too. This woman deserves a bells honestly.

She wanted to do her crops today, but she can’t now the sun is out, and apparently you can’t be in the garden midday. Old theories though.

“Dad said I should pack some of his clothes, he will be going home for a week.” I tell my mother sitting beside her. I am just exhausted. I see sadness in her eyes. She probably thinks that my father is leaving her. I quickly soften her up.

“He said he will explain. We will follow.” The follow part has been made all up. I don’t want her thinking too hard.

“I’m going to take a bath. I smell like a hospital.” Of which is true. I just want to soak my body in a bathtub full of cold water. In that way, it will just soothe every ounce of my body. That’s where I feel the sense of belonging. It almost feels as if I was put in this body to connect with the ocean. I’ve always felt this pull that feels different from anything else. It’s not a new discovery. It’s something I’ve been enjoying ever since I was a kid. Just as I grew up, I was able to identify and comprehend this. It brings me immense joy, that I wish I could explain using words. Early morning, or late at night, water makes me happy. Though, I have figured out, that evenings are when I enjoy being in the water the most. Water brings me calmness. I get into the bathtub and sink my body in. Immediately, everything connects. I lean backwards and close my eyes. I take a deep breath and slid underwater. The relaxation brings me closer to myself. I’m in a wholly different world, so much self-aware, so much aware of my surroundings, feeling every wave that touches my body, water droplets on my eyelashes, cheeks, and lips. The different smells of water in a river, lake, or sea. The temperature of the water felt on my face, versus my arms, versus my feet, I feel every bit of it. The sound of water is meditative. I listen to every bit of it. Then I shift my focus to the surrounding sounds. Sound of leaves, birds, water splash, and people around me. It’s like all my senses are awakened and more active when in water. It is a magical feeling that I hope I always continue to experience.

“Zama.”

I turn around and find a woman wearing all white looking at me with so much admiration.

“Where am I?” I ask, scanning my surroundings. It’s just peaceful with the sounds of the birds chipping. And the waves of the sea.

“You are so grown.” She says and comes towards. She scans her eyes around and the shifts her focus to me.

“It’s called the Place Of Piece. Your legacy, we always have the same conversation almost every time.” She smiles. You know, that proud smile on someone’s face. A parents face.

“My legacy?” I ask. She laughs.

“When the time is right, you will know. You know growing up I struggled in terms of accepting my gift. Until I came to the realization that every bad ordeal happening in my life was on purpose.” She chucks. This woman has her hands on her back, walking barefoot and wearing all white. The white wrapping around her head is neatly done.

“I want to live here.”

She laughs again. Her laugh is something I’d love to hear every day.

“Be careful for what you wish for. The mouth is a compelling tool. Dear child, you still have to face obstacles for you to accept who you are. We all went through that phase.”

“What obstacles?”

“Marriage is one of them.”

I look at her confused.

“I think I’ve said too much.” She stops and turns to look at me.

“Your father is hurting my eardrums. Go back child.” She smiles and takes a different direction.

“Zama!” I’m now hearing a male voice. A voice that sounds like my father. The more my name is being called, the more I’m being pulled back.

Not wanting to come out of the water wishing to stay for as long as I can. I back float to regain my energy. I open my eyes and the face of MaNzama is hovering over me. My father has a worried look on his face.

“What happened?” If I remember correctly, I was about to take a bath.

“Where are you trying to kill yourself?”

MaNzama is spitting on my face. I am still fully clothed. I stand up and step out of the bathtub and stand there dripping wet.

“This generation of today will kill us young. Talk if you have problems! Dying is not an option!” She walks out of the bathroom, still mumbling to herself.

I stare at my father…

“Reconnecting? That’s how you call it?” He asks.

“Yes.” My voice is low but loud enough for him to hear.

“What happened?”

“I wanted to take a bath and the next thing…” I keep quite. I don’t know what happened. It always happens. I thought it stopped because I’ve grown.

“As always, you don’t remember.”

He walks past me.

“I will be leaving in the morning.” He walks out of the bathroom, leaving me confused. Now I need to change.

Trying to recap the English paper, and I am completely blank. It’s like my mind is frozen at its peak. I’ve been biting this pen since the hours of the morning. My father left much too early this morning. Apparently, his mother suffered a minor stroke. So it’s only me and my mother. MaNzama will be here this morning to take care of my mother while I go to school. Will just have to prepare myself for the day. I take my texts books and shove them in my bag. This was just a waste of time. I slept late, woke up early, but still nothing is registering in my mind.

“Mxm!” I am furious and disappointed in myself more than anything. Nothing much to do around the house either way. I decide to cook soft porridge for my mother. While that settles on the stove, I will be preparing for her water to bathe.

“Mama.” I carefully yank the blankets off her. Gently touching her shoulder she turns her head to the side.

“Good morning.” I say.

She lazily smiles. The most heart-breaking part, is to look at her private part.

I don’t know wherether it’s progress or what. Her diaper is not wet. I feel my heart beating with joy.

“Let me grab the bucket so you could pee.” I don’t know where the sudden excitement comes from. I would rather not get my hopes up only to be disappointed.

After a few struggles, I did finally manage to make her pee in the bucket. She was also putting force to stand up. I’m so proud of the little change.

“I need to call dad and share the good news with him.” I know he would be happy. He loves it when his wife makes progress, and this is far the most gigantic progress in months! I will him later. He is probably driving.

She’s eaten, bathed and smells nice too. I will be locking their bedroom. MaNzama may be a very close friend to my mum, but I just don’t trust no-one. Heck, I don’t even trust myself.

“Go before you become late.”

She pushes me out of the house. I just wanted to know if my mother is okay before I leave. I laugh.

“Just wanted to make sure she doesn’t need anything before I leave.”

“I am here. And if she needs anything, I will take care of it.”

“Okay. I’m gone.”

I'm honestly speaking, don’t know what happened. I just zoned out in the middle of the exams. Everyone is happy. Some congratulating themselves. For me? I don’t know. In fact, I failed. I sear something just clouded my mind. These dreadlocks are annoying me. This is the time I wish I would reap them off.

I’m flying out of the school premises. I don’t want Luisa catching up with me. I walk as fast as I can. Making sure that everyone is left behind. I decide to catch a taxi to the hospital. Maybe seeing my friend, my mind will function again. Today is kind of busy. Looks like everyone is sick. I walk straight to where she is being kept. Government hospitals are way too narrow, making the hallway scary. With the lights flickering, it makes it even scarier. I scan my eyes around hoping to find her but nothing. Was she not supposed to be here? I’m seeing numerous beds, but I can’t spot her.

“You did not suppose to be this side.” One of the nurses says.

“I’m sorry. I’m looking for my friend.” I say.

“Did she give birth?” The nurse asks.

“Birth?”

“Yes. This section is for maternity only. You should have asked for directions at the reception.”

“Right! Thank you.” I scurry out and take a deep breath. Almost saw the unthinkable.

“You came alone today.” She says approaching me. I let a relief relaxation seeing someone who looks familiar.

“I came straight here after writing my exams. Erm, I’m lost.”

She smiles.

“Just go straight down and take right.”

Great just great. I took left instead of right. Now I have to re-walk this passage for the third time!

Okay. The room strange. I greet the security guard by the door and walk in.

There are two beds here and they are both occupied. Am I at the right place?

I’m about to walk out when a faint voice calls behind.

“Zama.” I pause. I know that voice. I turn around. How can I see when these people have bandages on their faces?

“Yewena.” It’s her. She can see me. I smile, making my way to her.

“Ntombazana.” I grab the chair and sit down. I can see the smile there.

“Are you good?” I ask.

“Yes.” Her voice is a bit scratchy. I want to touch her, but I feel like I’ll be hurting her. So I just blab my way out, not wanting this moment to be awkward. I’m actually Luisa for a moment, and I’m glad I was able to put a smile on her face. With some gasps here and there. My friend loves gossip even in her deathbed. I will be seeing her again tomorrow. I am confident that my friend will recover. She will come out stronger than this. That I know for sure. I wish I could spend a few more minutes with her, but the visiting hours are over. I look at her sleeping peacefully.

“Speedy recovery mngani.” I say then out. I will bring her balloons, I know she will appreciate them and hopefully read her a story too.