Misery Loves Company

By: theinkslingerr

Track 45: Lay Your Cards Down

I didn't know much about cards, but wasn't the general rule of thumb never to let your opponent see your hand— unless it was part of some twisted strategy?

Rocco and I weren't opponents, but the idea of letting him in completely terrified me, because I didn't know what his cards were.

Well, maybe I knew one or two.

He'd told me he liked me and he'd told me he wanted to see me after Misery Loves Company was over.

Two things that should've inspired confidence had triggered a flurry of unanswered questions and what-ifs. Did wanting to "see me" after the show mean catching up and canoodling in the Range Rover between tour dates? Or was it the classic "I like you, but not enough to give you a title" situation most people found themselves in?

Rocco couldn't possibly want what our generation feared...

Right?

The dreaded L word— but not the one you have in mind.

Labels.

My thoughts sent me into a tailspin, and I was actually more anxious by the time Sienna and I were leaving Ji-Hyun's apartment. Eli noticed.

"Hey," he said.

I turned to see him still holding open the front door while Ji-Hyun went into her room to admire her new vanity for the fiftieth time.

"Yeah?"

Sienna looked between us and volunteered to wait in the car even though she knew everything at this point. When the sounds of her footsteps on the staircase faded away, Eli fixed me with those meaningful brown eyes of his and continued. "When will you and Rocco quit dancing?"

Both of my eyebrows rose as I inched closer. "Uh...when our guilty feet have got no rhythm?" Cue the sax. "I don't know, Eli. What're you talking about?"

"You're pulling and pushing each other away."

I faltered. It was something I already knew, but hearing someone else point it out put it under a glaring spotlight.

Rocco and I were different, but also the same. That's why sometimes it felt like every step forward was followed by two steps back. I wanted to get closer to him, but by hiding that Enid was blackmailing me with a photo of us, I was pushing him away. And he seemed to be doing the same thing with his past.

I looked down, my attempt at humor fading. I was frustrated with everything and everyone, myself included.

"I don't know what to do," I said for the millionth time. "How do I stop pushing when it's all I've ever done?"

Eli put a hand on my shoulder and I glanced up at him. "Don't think about it and just lay your cards down, Misery."

A small smile graced his face, and I tried my best to return it, but failed. To my surprise, his hand slid up and tugged lightly on one of my braids. I couldn't help but smile then. It reminded me of something a big brother might do.

~~~

In a tragic turn of events, Hazardous Materials guitarist Niccolo Segreti was found dead in his apartment early this Tuesday morning.

The discovery was made by Segreti's father, and paramedics arrived on the scene shortly. The twenty-seven-year old guitarist was then rushed to Thomas Jefferson University hospital where he was pronounced dead.

With the release of Hazardous Material's third studio album, this comes as a shock to many in the music industry and fans alike.

Segreti's cause of death has been ruled a drug overdose. He is survived by both parents. No statement has been made by family or the remaining members of the band.

I put down my phone, head reeling from the old article. I'd read articles about Niccolo's death before, but this time it felt personal. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten that Soren had been the one to find him! If there was an upside to the terrible disease he battled, it had to be erasing the memory of finding his own son dead. And then there was Rocco. Where had he been on that awful day? Hopefully somewhere far away with Giuliana or Eli and Dom.

"Still bums me out even though it happened a long time ago," Sage commented gravely.

We were sitting in the coffee shop where we first met nursing caffeinated drinks while the little boy she took care of played on his iPad. Yesterday I'd come here after school, still in a daze over everything that had happened on Tuesday and Wednesday, and ran into her. We'd shrieked and hugged, scaring everyone in line and almost causing the barista to spill scalding hot coffee on herself. Sage couldn't stay and chat, but we finally exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out.

So, here I was at a coffee shop on a Friday afternoon, getting to know the girl who'd rescued me from an angry mob.

"It sucks whenever music loses someone good." I sighed. I didn't like Niccolo as a father and I didn't know what to make of him as a person, but the fact that he was deeply talented was undeniable.

Rocco had that same talent flowing through his veins, but we were in a weird place right now. I'd texted him after leaving Ji-Hyun's, eager to "lay my cards down," but his responses had been stilted and vague. I'd tried again yesterday with similar results.

My arm's fine.

No, Ackerman isn't mad (Lie. Definitely a lie).

It's not your fault.

His responses drove me crazy, but at least he wasn't ignoring me because I'd discovered his secret. Not like I'd done to him when I'd felt vulnerable.

Man, he was way more mature than me.

"Speaking of bad news for music, can you believe the BV show in Philly needs to be rescheduled? I was looking forward to hearing 'Safety in Numbers' live, but now I'm gonna have to settle for just hearing it on MLC. No offense." Sage sighed and stole a bit of Nic without the K's muffin.

"None taken. But yeah...can't believe it either," I agreed nervously.

She hesitated. "There've been pics going around, you know..."

I immediately clenched up. Had Enid finally uploaded the pic of me and Rocco sucking face? Sienna and I had been checking social media obsessively for the past two days, but nothing had popped up and I hadn't seen Enid at school. She was officially underground and I was glad, because it gave me time to come up with a plan. But taking in Sage's curious expression, I feared I might be too late.

"What happened to Rocco's arm?"

I heaved a sigh of relief and masked it by taking another sip of my coffee. "Um...don't know. I think he...fell or something?"

Yeah, I'd spilled my guts to Sienna, and Sage gave me the same kind of nurturing, trusting vibe, but I couldn't tell her Rocco was in a sling, because his grandfather whacked him with a golf club meant for me.

I could've definitely come up with something better than falling though, because she looked like she didn't believe me. "Really? He fell and—"

"Mommy?"

I turned in the direction of the soft, childish voice. It was Nic without the K, and his iPad appeared to be dead. I glanced back at an exasperated Sage. "Mommy?" I mouthed.

"We spend so much time together, he occasionally slips up. It hurts his real mom's feelings when it happens in front of her, but there's not much I can do aside from correcting him." She took the dead iPad and replaced it with her phone, which had plenty of juice. "Sadly, he isn't the first kid this has happened with."

I watched Nic launch an app and start clicking and dragging things around. He was adorable and so well behaved with brown hair and huge brown eyes framed by the darkest lashes. "How long have you been a nanny?"

"Coming up on three years. I've baby sat my whole life, and it just sort of morphed into nannying," Sage answered with a smile. "Nic's parents were friends with a family I nannied for until the dad decided to work from home and take care of the baby. They referred me."

"That's awesome. I like kids, but they honestly scare me."

"Instead of the politically correct answer about every child being a perfect snowflake, I'll tell you the truth. There are some real duds out there— and some budding psychopaths— but..." she ruffled Nic's hair. "Some are gems."

I smiled, a little bit sad.

I wondered which category my mom would put me in.

Probably 'dud' since I'd managed to avoid talking to her for the past two days. This was one of the few times I was grateful for her crazy schedule and unreliable co-workers.

Like I told Rocco, I'd talk to her, but it had to be at the right time. Right after a Living Single episode was a good time. Or when she had some Grade A ham in front of her.

"Misery? Earth to Misery."

Sage snapped me out of my rambling thoughts with a hand in front of my face. "Where do your mental excursions take you, woman?"

I giggled sheepishly. "Nowhere good. Sorry. What were you saying?"

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "I was saying I didn't want to talk about kids when we could be talking about your red-hot love life."

A thread of lackluster texts between Rocco and I was currently taking up space on my phone. "Red-hot love life? He barely wants to talk to me," I mumbled.

"Did you and Dom have a fight?" Sage gasped, leaning forward.

Oh. Right. Operation: Cinderella and all that.

I tried to regroup, but couldn't move past the subject of Rocco in my head. "Not really, but...he's the first guy I've ever liked this much, so..."

"So it's tough. I understand."

"You do?"

Sage nodded, tucking a strand of her blond bob behind her ear. "First boyfriends are always tough. Everything's so new, it's hard to know how to act. It can be very intense."

"He's very intense," I grumbled. "Dom, I mean. I'm not used to sharing parts of myself with people, but he's kind of the same way, so it's tripping me up."

She gazed at me for a moment, a look of amusement on her face. "Really? Dom's never struck me as the type to hold back."

My cheeks burned. Yeah, that would be Rocco.

"But you'd know better than me," Sage teased.

I needed to shift the focus away from myself. "What was your first relationship like?"

Her dark eyes softened and she turned to stare out the window. "It was kind of...perfect. But I wrecked it, because I didn't believe in us."

I stepped outside then around the side of the coffee shop. I zipped up my jacket and adjusted my scarf. It was already dark, but I could see my breath curling around me in delicate wisps.

I'd had a great time with Sage— especially since she'd unknowingly strengthened my conviction to come clean to Rocco.

More than ever I was determined to tell him about Enid's blackmail and anything else he wanted to know. I was going to show him that if there was an "us," I believed in it and would fight for it.

I was going to lay my cards down.

So far, texting hadn't been successful, so I'd have to try something else. I'd have to catch him off guard by doing something he wouldn't expect...

Like showing up at his apartment.

With a decisive nod, I walked away from the coffee shop as I looked up at the night sky. It was a bit late to make the trip all the way to New York, but tomorrow was Saturday. I'd have plenty of time to—

"Excuse me," a familiar voice interjected.

I'd walked right into someone, because I was too busy planning my ambush on Rocco. When I got my bearings straight, I realized that someone was Enid.

A chill ran up my spine as I stared into her bewildered, gaunt face. Coming to this coffee shop was such a habit I sometimes forgot it was near Enid's neighborhood. Of course there was a high probability I'd run into her here. But I thought she'd gone underground...

"Don't know why I was surprised you'd tell your mom so she could tell mine. When things get tough, you always find a way to relinquish control, so you don't have to be the bearer of bad news," Enid said by way of greeting.

"That's not what happened." Why was I wasting my breath? She wouldn't believe me anyway. "It was an accident. I thought she was asleep!"

"Doesn't matter! I told you what would happen if my mom found out about me."

I crossed my arms. The stress of living in limbo while a million different things were going on boiling over. "Why haven't you posted the picture then?!"

My voice rang out across the parking lot, momentarily silencing her. Apparently, it still surprised Enid when I stood up to her or got fed up. I would've loved to live in that space forever, but it changed with her next words.

"Thanks to you, my mom watches me like a hawk. For the past forty-eight hours, every time I've opened the fridge or used the bathroom, she's been right there with a magnifying glass. She wouldn't even let me go to school! And I caught her looking up therapy and support groups! There's no way she'll want to move out now. Because according to her, family can get you through anything."

"Paula's not completely wrong about that," I argued. "You're bulimic, Enid. Whether you think that's a big deal or not. All she wants to do is help you. Do you think it'd be easier to get through alone or with people who care?"

"So you think she should stay with my dad?" Enid snapped.

"No! But it doesn't mean you get to hide stuff like this just because you're scared she'll stay with him for your sake."

"Oh, so you've told Rocco about the pic then?"

I froze and she laughed, moving even closer so I could see the triumph in her eyes. "You're such a hypocrite. You're criticizing me for hiding stuff to protect my mom when you're doing the same thing with Rocco."

I was breathing quickly, each breath feeling like icy shards in my lungs. I wanted to deny it, but hadn't that been what I was doing with Rocco? Hiding Enid's blackmail in order to protect his feelings? His peace of mind?

Enid's smirk deepened. "Yup. That's what I thought." She reached up to tighten the scarf I was wearing and it struck me that she'd bought it for me two years ago. "But don't worry, the pic'll go up soon. Timing is everything, right?"

My ears prickled and my eyes itched. Telltale signs that I was about to cry. "If Paula knows, there's no way she'll let you."

"See, here's the funny thing. It's one thing for my mom to believe I'd hurt myself, but quite another for her to believe I'd hurt you. We're sisters," Enid crooned with false sweetness.

Cold tears trickled down my face, anger warring with helplessness as I stared at the girl who'd been my best friend for almost half my life. "I hate you," I whispered, voice raw.

An emotion I couldn't unravel flitted across her face. "I'm fine with that. And you can run to my mom if you want, but she'll be skeptical without any proof. I hid the pic before showing her my camera roll, so it was pretty easy to convince her your mom was mistaken about some of the things she accused me of."

"What about after you upload it? She's going to know you were lying to her face and it's going to break her heart."

"I'll just tell her I did it because I was tired and stressed out over school and the show. I'll work the bulimia angle and tell her I wasn't myself. Because how could I even think of hurting you and lying to her if I was OK?"

My eyes widened. My lips curled in disgust as waves of fear and nausea washed over me. This was far beyond any kind of manipulation I'd seen from her so far. It was— "Messed up. That's messed up, Enid. Paula doesn't deserve these mind games on top of the ones she gets from Edwardo. Neither do the boys! If you upload that pic, there could be some serious consequences. I've realized their label isn't trashy or gimmicky. They don't like scandals, and Blue Vendetta's had enough of them. Have you forgotten that's why they're doing MLC in the first place? Pretty soon it won't be about their music— just who they're hooking up with."

"Who cares about the music when there are more interesting things going on?" Enid shrugged then brushed past me roughly. It dislodged something that landed on the ground with a sharp clink.

We looked down.

It was her iPhone. It must've fallen out of her pocket or something.

We looked back up at each other, hardly believing my opportunity and her error. For once, I had an instance of good timing. A happy fluke instead of a disastrous one. I didn't question it. I didn't have time to dwell on the turn of events. I lunged at the phone, but Enid did too, resulting in a scrappy tug-of-war; my blunt nails verses her talons.

"Let go!" she demanded. One hand gripped the phone while the other gouged out chunks of skin from my hands. Her trendy fake nails were filed into sharp points and mine were none-existent. I winced against the stinging pain, choosing not to hurl insults in order to focus on wrestling the phone away from her.

I knew her passcode (hopefully she hadn't changed it). If I could just get the phone away from her for a few seconds, maybe I could find the pic and erase it from both the camera roll and the cloud. Simply smashing the phone wouldn't work, and for a second I understood why adults hated technology.

I dug both feet firmly into the ground, squatted, then twisted it out of her hands. She shrieked like I'd injured her and came after me while I tried to punch in her passcode. My hands shook and the tips of my fingers were sweaty. If I could just do this then it would all be over. Paula wouldn't have to find out her daughter was kind of a psycho, and there'd be no blackmail to tell Rocco about.

0...3...0...

I managed to punch in the first three numbers as I feinted and spun out of Enid's clutches. I did all this while trying to reconcile the fact that her passcode for everything was our birth months. March and June. 0306.

My fingers hovered over the 6, but now my palms were also damp, so the phone began to slip out of my hands. I gasped, fumbling to catch it and get that last digit in. The momentary distraction allowed Enid to get close, and she snatched the phone away before shoving me. I lost my balance and hit the asphalt hard, head narrowly missing the curb. Tiny rocks embedded themselves in my hands and rolled into my jacket and sneakers. When the world righted itself, I looked up at Enid, chest heaving, anxiously awaiting her next move.

Would she keep screaming at me? Kick me while I was down?

Her eyes were wild and I saw her consider it before checking her phone. After she realized it was still locked, she glanced at me and snarled, "If you ever try that again, I'm going to do more than just push you!"

"Don't do this." I struggled to sit up. "You'd be hurting a lot of people, not just me."

She slid the phone into her crossbody bag, zipped it, and patted it fondly. "The boys'll get over it. You can help each other cope since you're such good friends now. As for my mom, she'll be fine. At the end of the day, I'm her flesh and blood, and you're just someone she felt sorry for."

~~~

Author's notes: Enid's completely off the rails, guys! But are we really surprised?

NaNoWriMo's next month, and I'm going to try and participate! Who's done it before? Got any tips for a first timer? I'm nervous about the commitment, but excited.

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