The cold wind kept crushing into the trace of tears that I couldn't avoid from running down my face all the way here.

The fog only let the small wave and the rain melt in a way that simply melt with the emotion I was feeling inside. An eternal conflict, a mess up storm and a beautiful blast of sound waves. I knew since I have left the hospital that I would have to come here to feel better. I knew that if I needed to find just a small piece of inner peace I would have to be standing in this sand and feel the cold water of the Atlantic Ocean on my feet even if this was in the middle of the winter.

I also hope that somehow, I would hear her footstep behind me, that she would come stand next to me and that we would talk about what had happened. How come I was that blind?

I throw a rock that I have picked up on my way to the beach the harder that I could and look at it making is way on the sky before disappearing in the sea. How could have been so blind all those years?

I let myself sat down on the sand looking at the horizon and reflect if I should call someone to come pick me up or make my way back on my own. Been here just made me sadder that I would let myself believe. I should have realized something wasn't right with my life, instead I decided to hurt many people around me.

''I should have known you would come here and come blaming yourself somehow.''

I turn my head instantly from where I heard the voice talk. Approximately 5 feet of me Amy was standing there looking at the sea, complete not surprise by this meeting. For the first time since that last time, I had seen her, her hair was pulled in a high ponytail and she was in a small white dress. Who would wear a dress in the middle of winter? I could see that her skin was very clear, and it was something that reminded me of porcelain.

''I know that you are a hallucination now Amy... We don't have to play pretend.''

She dares to give me a small look from the corner of her eyes and I could see sadness, funny how I was all imagining this now. ''Wow Kyle, you finally decided to look inside of your memories and dig? Did you find all the answers you wanted, a death girlfriend and three other friends also which explain everything?''

Her tone sounded practically angry, nothing like I have noticed before.

''I didn't say that.'' What kind of hallucination that I have? This is completely strange.

I look at her for a moment, trying to see if I could make sense of what was going on and how I was doing this to myself. The dress was even moving slowly with the wind and I could see that she still had the scar from the accident on her leg, those who each time I look at made me sick. ''Why are you here Amy, I thought the last time you came to me you say it was the last.''

''It seems like you still needed guidance.''

''What that suppose to mean?'' I say to her, when she still continues to look forward and not look at me.

''You are looking for answers at the wrong place this whole time Kyle, you are running in circles for everything and it's keeping both of us at the same place. stuck.'' She says playing with the edge of her dress around her finger slowly. ''I know it doesn't make sense right now, but you need to face it, I died it's over. Move on.''

Her word hit me like a train running a thousand miles per hours, the sound of her voice piercing my heart. I wasn't expecting this conversation to go towards this, well I wasn't expecting to have a conversation with my... my. My death girlfriend right now.

''No'' I won't, I won't... it's too hard, I am alone, and I let you down.

''Say it. Say out loud what you have been keeping inside all those years.'' She sat next to me her gaze still sad looking away from me and I can't put my mind that this whole situation is completely crazy. I have a discussion with my death ex-girlfriend hallucination. ''I think you need to face your emotion that you buried to deep Kyle.''

''You sound like Julia.''

She let out a small pure laugh. ''I always love Julia, she is very good.''

I took a deep breath not knowing where to start with everything, I don't even know if this will do me good since I am basically talking to myself. I look at the horizon too, searching for a source of comfort somewhere.

''I am tired to hearing myself saying sorry, I am. The problem is that I was a coward. I ran away from you, from my life from everything. That moment a woke up and a saw the face of Mick something broke inside me and I lost myself and I became someone I don't very like.'' I let out a breath feeling a small relived that I finally say this out lout.

''Go on.''

I turn my head toward her, she wasn't moving. The only could see was a single tear running down her cheek and I am not sure if I was imagining it or if this was something else.

''I just drank after this and with the medication and everything and the PTSD, I don't know someday I couldn't really tell if what I was remembering was the truth. I think I made up a story in my mind to heal my wound. Through the years it just stays, and it amplifies I think because I was feeling lonely, and I was feeling guilty. I just don't know why I saw you for the first time after six years specifically.''

''I know.'' Her hands were on each side of her body and she was playing with the sand and looking at the ground. ''I told you Kyle, you aren't looking at this the right way. ''

''What that supposed to mean? What way am I supposed to look at it?''

She looks right in my eyes and I could see the storm of her perfect blue eyes and the way her gaze feel looking at me like the very first time I saw her at high school all those years ago. Yet, I knew something was not like it use to be, because she was dead, and my heart was becoming to belong to someone else.

''Someday, you will be a happy man and you will understand. I saw it.'' She says reaching for my cheek with her hand. For an instant I could have said I felt the warmth emanating from her hand, but it couldn't be. ''Trust me Kyle, you will find happiness when you let go.''

I blink.

I look at her a moment trying to proceed everything that was going on, when I heard a car stopping behind us at the entrance of the beach. I didn't want to look back, I didn't want to break the last string I could feel dangling between us. It's like I was hanging on to the thought that if I would start to feel better, I would never see her again.

My mind was going in million of places while I started to breathe heavily, and I could feel my heart racing faster. I was putting too much thought into this, I was overthinking this moment and I was breaking. Worst part I was alone.

''Stop caring too much about everything and just start living your life, would you?'' She says putting her hand on my heart, my eyes lock on the contact of her hand on my shirt. ''Your friend is here to pick you up, you better hurry before he started running like a lunatic on this beach.'' She smiles genuinely at me.

I don't know what made it stop, the warmth feeling on my shirt or the feeling of her smiling at me again.

''Alright...'' I said trying to sound more serious and a little bit steady on my feet. ''I will make a deal with you. I will go and live my life and be better and all only if I can see you again one last time when I am really better.''

I heard a car door closed behind me and I look in my back to find Eric looking strangely at me both arm cross on his chest. He looks at me and nob in my direction, but his gaze was strangely not looking my way. I made him a sign that I was coming in one minute and he turn around to sit in the car.

How the hell did he find me.

I turn back to Amy still looking at me.

''So?'' I say trying to sound less desperate than I was. ''Do we have a deal?''

She hesitates a minute and look back at the wave crushing on the beach, then she turns to look at me and said '' At one condition Kingston, after this you let me go.''

-----------------------------------------------

''How's the ''I see dead people'' treating you?'' Eric finally said breaking the awkward 30 minutes silence treatment he has been pulling on me since I have entered the car.

''What?''

''Nothing'' he said completely dismissing my question and changing the radio station for the fifth time even if I know he is trying to find something for me. Has for now apart for people talking and music that Isaac would have sung until my ear bleeds, he didn't find anything.

I look outside again, it's already bad that somehow, he manages to drive all the way here by himself to drive my ass back to our apartment that I don't really want to have to look at him right now. I have had enough judgment for one day with everything and I need to figure out a way to start my deal.

Maybe I should start by amending myself with all the mess I have left behind when I decided that it could be a good idea to destroy the last piece of sanity I had left. Yeah, maybe I should start by making myself better, than making amends to other, sound better this way.

''What are you thinking about in your head?'' Eric said on my side pulling me away from my thinking.

''I'm currently asking myself how you found me?'' I lied. ''Oh, and by the way... maybe you can start by telling me whose car you stole?'' Because last time I check, Eric didn't have a car.

He laughs.

I forgot how it was to just have simple moments like this, honest moment. Moment where my head doesn't start to make everything harder. I forgot to live.

''You know Kyle, you just never ask if I had a car.''

''What? Impossible. Don't you remember I found you in the street?'' I say finally looking back at him and I was probably looking shock because Eric couldn't stop laughing at me. ''What?''

''That doesn't mean I don't have a car, you stupid ass. Wow Isaac said you were blind I just didn't think you were that blind man.'' He casually said looking at the road smiling. ''You really need to open your eyes more often around you mister.''

''I am not blind please.'' I am not?

I am just really busy being a jerk stuck in his head all the time.

''So, honestly, I'm supposed to drag your ass back at the apartment, but I think you have something to do before doing that, don't you think?''

I look at him trying to figure out what it was trying to say, but I wasn't sure where all this conversation was going honestly, I was lost since I sat in his car. Until it hit me.

''No. no no no. Definitely not.'' I reply making hand gesture like a baby. ''Are you crazy? You probably are.''

''I am not but thank you for your concern. Anyway, I already have decided and since I am the drive you can't really say not to me you know.''

''Eric we are not going to see Halley.''

Saying her name hurt more than I remember, it shouldn't be like this, but it is because I made it that way. I made it worse because she found me in a bar half-drunk dead with Isaac and I can barely imagine all the think she is thinking about me right now. All are pretty much horrible.

''We are not, you are.''

''I. am.not.'' I can't face her after what I put her through.

She probably wants to change state and maybe change name, so we never saw each other again. Ok I might be a little bit overthinking this right now and making a big deal over this. Like always, what can you expect more from me, I am not Kyle Kingston for nothing.

''I will park in front of the hospital, you go in, you talk, and you come back. I will be waiting for you.''

''Wait a damn minute... you expect me to go in and talk to her while she works? Are you crazy.'' He must be at this point because this is the worst plan I have ever heard in my life.

''She is on her lunch break right now, we kind of keep in touch with each other since we are kind of a group friend. You know.'' Yeah, don't remind me that too much. Now that this blow up in my face, I don't know where I stand with neither one of you. ''So, go in and talk to her. But Kyle for the love of God don't make excuse for yourself for once in your life. Just accept your problem.''

''Eric you should try to work with Julia.'' I say half-joking, somehow this conversation was something I might have needed. Not because I was in a need to receive a preparation talk, no. more because I needed someone to tell me the truth and not someone that is dead. ''You're good you know.''

''I know, you just didn't see it before. I am full of wisdom and full of problems. But that is for another time!'' he said before stopping the car promptly. ''Now can you get your ass out of my car and say sorry to your lady so our group can go back on his feet.''

''She is not my lady.''

''You keep telling yourself young man.'' He replies rolling his eyes.

Dear God, he was spending to much time with Isaac, I would need to separate the two of them before they became evil twin, and I couldn't get rid of neither one of them.

I started walking slowly to the hospital doors, funny how I flee from this place this morning and now the sun settling down for the night I was coming back but not for the same reason. I catch a glimpse of my face in the glass window of the door, I style look awful from the supposedly fight I had.

I made my way through the hospital without anyway suspecting anything, which kind of scare me that not any personal medical tries to stop me while I made my way to the little garden where I knew she was always taking her lunch break. She told me that remind her that time we dance in the mall under the tree.

I push open the door without making any noise and make my way where she was sitting. I small bench was placed under a big tree in an inner court in the middle of the hospital. Probably their way to make a peaceful place for anyone that needed it. Her eyes were looking down at her sandwich on her laps, but I could feel that something wasn't right.

She wasn't like she was normally. Her playful and joyful self. She was sad.

I made another step.

Something might have made a noise because her body shivers and she really slowly turn my way and completely froze.

''Hi!'' I whisper to her.

My home.

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Hello again!

How have I miss you guys !

hope you loved that chapter like I had when i wrote it :)

Anyway, we are on a new road now, we are just starting to get the grip of it.

With love,

-M