Requested by : Stray_Cheeseu
Caregiver : TBZ
Little : Jacob

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Thrill Ride era just ended for TBZ and it become the cutest era I guess? After experimenting with various concept, this era managed to gain new fans as well make the group shine out.

But I'll not say that they are happy after Kingdom end to be honest, because one of them literally having difficult time to adjust with new surrounding.

I mean can you be happy after all hate comments and stress you need to handle while you're in a survival show?  And that person is Bae Jacob.

As a person who isn't good enough to express what he feel, Jacob always find it is easy to suppress everything he feel. But just like another human, he finally reach his limit.

Known as an Angel of the group, Jacob always become the healer of the group. He will always smile and never say no to anyone who needs his help.

And he will never speak for himself, no matter how bad someone criticize him. He will just nod his head and fix his mistake, as if it is a mistake. It is never a mistake!

Jacob is sitting on his bed while watching his performance from Kingdom and Thrill Ride era, it's obviously different era but people will always compare it.

"Seriously?  He's one of the vocalist in the group?  He's not even the same level with Hyunjae or Haknyeon? His agency pick a wrong person to debut."

"Wait!  Someone told me that he's injured during the Red Wedding Dress stage but I don't see where is his injury?"

"Are you serious that he did his best for Thrill Ride era?  He looks playing around and never take it serious.. "

"Angel of TBZ?  No, instead of an Angel he's more to a Loser.. "

Those words will always haunt him for the rest of his life, he carry his real name on the stage and the fact that people used that name to criticize him make it hurt more than anything.

Jacob just stare at his laptop and he laugh at himself, "Why did I live this kind of life? I always wonder what is the purpose for me to stay alive to be honest?  I want to go home.."

The chaotic situation outside didn't bother him at all, instead he just shut himself down. He don't want to do this any longer. 

He cries, hiding his broken heart from others and only let the pillow and darkness know his dark side. He misses everything about himself back then.

Meanwhile at the dining table, all of them ready for their dinner. "Eung? Where is Jacob Hyung??"

The youngest ask the olders, but no answer receive and he walks to Jacob's room. He knocks on the door, and open it after no answer is given. 

"Jacob Hyung? Hyung ahh?"

Eric stare at the bed and he realize that Jacob has fall asleep, "Goodnight Hyung.."

He can sense something is off with Jacob but he just doesn't know how to make the older guy admit, "Do you really being yourself Jacob Hyung?"

"Where is he?", Hyunjae ask the youngest. 

"He fall asleep.. Looks like he is very tired, and no worries. I'll wake up early in the morning to prepare for breakfast.."

With the words by Eric, all of them starts digging on their food without knowing Jacob is throwing up in the toilet. He vomits the only sandwich he ate in the evening, the weak body of him lay down on the cold floor. 

Asking for another strength to walk into his bed, he can't be found dying like this. 

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Jacob welcomed the morning with a expressionless face, "Even the sun hates me I guess? I barely sleep two hours ago, now I need to see it again? Why can't night become longer than day?"

He stand up and walks to the bathroom, he wash his face and head to the kitchen for a glass of water. "Eoh Jacob Hyung.. Good morning! Wanna have some waffle? Or maybe overnight oat with mix peanuts and honey?"

"Thanks for that, but I already eat a bread before..", Jacob smile to Changmin. 

"Bread? Where did you get that? As far as I know, you didn't like to keep foods in your room."

"Ahh.. It's from yesterday's schedule, I took an extra bread to eat in the backstage.. Do we have another schedule today?"

"Not for group schedule, only Younghoon have a schedule today.. For an advertisement. Why do you ask?"

"Nothing.. Don't bother me today...", Jacob walks away with a bottle of plain water after saying that.

That words literally leave Changmin and Chanhee dumbfounded! Since when Jacob love to be alone? 

"What's wrong with him to be honest? This is not usual Jacob Hyung, he is different now. Even after our schedule end, he just different. I feel like he is distant from all of us, trying to do different things from what he always do.."

Changmin nods his head over Chanhee's word, he is not lying tho. They literally don't have any pillow talk session after Kingdom end since they need to focus on their comeback. 

"I'm suggesting to talk about this issue with Sangyeon Hyung later.. Or much better all of us except for Jacob Hyung."

"Okay.. I'll tell them Sunwoo, and mind if I ask your help to prepare ingredients for lunch later?"

Sunwoo chuckles, "No worries! I can do it! Just named the dish, and I'll prepare it.." 

They do all their activities but the house seems empty, even Kevin and Haknyeon keep rolling on the floor.

"Can someone tell me what should we do right now?  I'm bored!  😤", Kevin yells echoed in the living room.

"Ugh please! Nevermind.", Haknyeon plays his phone again.

Sangyeon clear his throat, trying to get their attention. "Can we have a talk?  I mean now, not later.. Something is happening and I don't like it.."

The rest of them finally look up to the leader, "You notice it too Hyung?"

"I am Juyeon ahh.. I just don't know how to speak with you guys, we just crumble apart after our comeback ended.."

Kevin scoff, "We're crumbling yet we're afraid to speak with each other.. But I notice one thing about Jacob Hyung.."

"What is it Kevin?", Hyunjae ask the younger guy.

"He likes to watch his own fancam until he fall asleep, and the scary part is when he read all the hates comment. Did you notice something different with him?"

"He's losing weight right Kevin Hyung?"

Kevin nods to Eric's answer, "Losing weight drastically isn't a good deal for future."

"He lose weight for this comeback..  There's nothing wrong with that?", Younghoon added to it.

Oh!  Younghoon's schedule is collided with other artist, so his turn will be tomorrow.

"Dumbass at it finest.. 😤", Chanhee roll his eyes.

"Do you ever across in your mind that what he did is literally self harm?  Self harm didn't indicate only cuts on your wrist or overdose. It can come in various way and for Jacob, he starve himself and didn't sleep at night. "

Sangyeon startle over the fact, "What are you talking about Chanhee ahh?"

"Bae Jacob! We're losing him slowly!"

Changmin scoff, "Seriously Hyung?  Being the oldest sometime doesn't make you the most brilliant.. Come on, you gotta talk with Jacob since he will only listen to you.."

Out of blue, a scream can be heard across the room!  It comes from Jacob's room.

All of them run to the room, and Younghoon fall on the floor as he found out Jacob is lying down on the cold floor with vomit stain.

"Hyung!  Jacob Hyung!"

Sunwoo and Eric startle, they don't know what to do neither who to call. And in the chaos, one person become their saviour.

Kevin call a doctor, and Haknyeon helps Younghoon strip off the outfit from Jacob.

"How did you become like this Hyung ahh?", Hyunjae stare at Jacob. Feel like he's falling into the darkest pit right now.

He stare at Jacob's face, the face is shrunken way too much, it's like a doll right now. Not the same Jacob.

20 minutes later the doctor arrived and he check Jacob's condition, from the way he sigh, TBZ knows something is wrong.

"When is the last time he eat a fixed meal?  I mean a real well nutritional meal?"

"I don't know to be honest.. He just keep himself shut from us, maybe he stress about something or just don't wanna talk about it."

The doctor sigh and look at Sangyeon,  "His body need the nutrition, starving yourself didn't do any good to you. He's under a great stress and I can see it."

"He is to be honest.. All of us as well, but we just can find the way to cope with it..", Juyeon said.

"I know but please take care of him. Don't let him develop the anorexia symptom neither bad mental health. Self harm didn't only mean cut yourself or overdose. I'll give him an IV drip, but please pledge him to eat.."

"Anorexia?  What do you mean?", Hyunjae in disbelief.

"It happens, and you still can prevent it. Find the reason why he starts torturing himself first, only then you can fix it."

The doctor pat their back, like wishing them to do their best for Jacob.

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Few hours passed by since the doctor's visit, and Jacob is sleeping well right now. The IV drip also done, and Eric is watching him right now.

"I wish you can talk to us about your problem Hyung. What's wrong with you to be honest?"

The classical music rhythm in the room make Jacob sleep longer before he wake up out of bolt.

The boy drop cold sweats and look around, like looking for something no one can see.

"Hey.. What are you looking for Jacob Hyung? I'm here.."

Jacob stare at Eric and lost his words, Chanhee step in to invite Eric for his dinner.

"You're awake Hyung!  Thanks God!"

But no reaction from Jacob, the boy looks confused and afraid. Chanhee hug him and pat his head, "I'm here if you need me.. All of us, what's wrong with you Hyung?"

"I'm afraid.. Someone always left a hate comment for me, since Kingdom until now.. I hate it but I don't how to protect myself.. And it feel like I become a burden to you guys.."

"A burden?  What are you talking about Hyung?  You're not, instead you're an angel for us.."

Jacob looks up, and Chanhee notice the eyes in tears, "You can cry if you want.."

"Nuh wied to "m.. "M hate it..😢😢"

The younger guys shock when they listen to the babbles, "No, we're not lying to you.. We're telling the truth little guy.. Have you ever heard that someone nice like you is a reincarnation of an angel that fall to earth?"

"Nuh.. "M nice? 🥺🥺"

"Yes you're baby.. You're nice to people around you, and they love you to the moon and back. You can ignore the haters, because we'll always be here with you.."

Jacob can't stop himself from sobbing and end up crying in Chanhee's warm hug.

Chanhee kiss his head, "I love you little Joonyoung.. Why are you afraid coming out?  We will always welcome you baby.."

Chanhee wipe the little's tears stain and tied his hair into an apple hairstyle. His cute face after crying make Chanhee giggles. "You wanna eat? I'm sure Eric already tell the members about you.."

Joonyoungie nods his head and make a grabby hand, "I can't carry you like a koala, but you can ride on my back.."

Joonyoungie nods his head and Chanhee walks out from the room with him, the baby kinda excited to see his other older brother.

"Hai Joonyoungie..", Sangyeon ruffles his head and kiss his forehead.

"You wanna eat by yourself or want me to feed you?"

"Chu do it..", Joonyoungie answers to the question making Sangyeong chuckles.

"I will.. But pumpkin, can I ask you a question?"

"Eung!  🥺"

"Why did Big Jacob starve himself?"

"Because peopwe said he ish big and nuh handsome wike chu.. He nuh wike his face and body, that's why he stawve.. Peopwe awso said that, he shouwd weave the gwoup.. 💔"

"WHAT?!! ", Younghoon and Kevin said it at the same time.

"No baby!  Listen to me..", Juyeon covers the little's ear making the baby curious about it.

"The voice that said negative things about you and Big Jacob should never stay in your mind. You're a baby, and a baby will always be a baby. In real life, being older doesn't make you wiser than the younger one. And being younger doesn't mean we can't take the older. You also need to take a break and catch a breathe."

Joonyoungie curve his lips, ready for another tears but Haknyeon kiss his eyelids, "Those beautiful eyes didn't deserve to cry about something sad. The eyes only should cry about something that make you happy.. You're a blessing to us Joonyoungie.."

Joonyoungie hold his tears, and his puffy cheek as well as his red nose make him cuter. Sunwoo take this chance to make a video call to Hyunjoon.

Hyunjoon pick up the call and he laugh when he sees Joonyoungie.

"How time flies huh?  I miss you guys a lot to be honest."

" You can come here later tho..", Eric said that.

"If only it's gonna be easy like that.. I've read the text that Hyunjae Hyung send me.. Told to Joonyoungie that, we shouldn't live to fulfill someone's expectations. It just gonna kill us at the end.."

"I will.. Don't worry about it , we just having dinner right now.. Seeing Jacob Hyung like this, make me realize that even if you try to make yourself perfect, someone will always make it shatter to pieces."

"It is.. Learn how to love yourself first, only by that you can love others.. Oh yes, I send few packages for Joonyoungie, hope he likes it!"

With that words, their last conversation ended like that. Leaving Joonyoungie in confusions, "Nothing to worry baby.. We can do this together !", Changmin yell to Joonyoungie.

Sangyeon watch his kids plays with little Joonyoungie, and he realized that he needs to protect them,  "I'll do anything to protect you.. I can kill him if I had too..."

Little Joonyoungie looks happier and didn't stress about the comments and the rest of them.

"I'll protect you guys no matter what..", Sangyeon catch their pictures with members and wish that it will say together.. ❤️

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