AN: I suggest you listen to Hold Me Tight while reading this chapter. It'll make this whole thing way better trust me ;)

Warning: Mildly mature themes coming up ahead.
This is a Namjoon and Y/N interaction.

Thwock. Thwock. Thwock.

Your knives hit the side of the wall over and over again, creating a dent in one area of it.

You groaned in frustration , flicking the knives across the room even stronger now.

Convincing Yoongi was taking forever. The man was nice enough to his brothers that he allowed them to stay in his house for a couple of days, but trying to talk to him about the plan was impossible.

Each time you tried to bring it up the man got up immediately from what he was doing and just retreated into his room, mumbling profanities under his breath.

"We'll just have to wait it out.. Yoongi will eventually talk, we just have to be patient," Hoseok had assured you, but you had caught the flicker of doubt that had flashed across the man's eyes.

So here you were now, 3 days after your initial interaction with Yoongi, bored, angry and getting more and more hopeless about your situation.

You had to get Yoongi to agree, you just had to. Time was running short and you knew you had to send a message back to JYP soon about your whereabouts.

Please, don't let JYP find out that I'm allied with BTS, they're my only hope. You prayed.

On top of all of that, your nightmares had come back, ever since you had the first one a while ago. It had been a long time since you had been tormented from your sleep, but this time not even your pendant protected you from your haunted memories.

Your fatigue obviously showed to the rest of the members as both Jimin and Namjoon had asked if you were ok on a constant basis whenever they saw you.

You smiled a bit at the thought of Namjoon trying his best to help you, complimenting and training with you whenever you looked as if you were half dead.

He helped a lot, but it still wasn't enough.

You let out a cry of frustration once more as you threw a larger dagger against the wall, accidentally giving yourself a small cut on your palm.

"Shit," You cursed out, hissing in pain a bit but quickly sucking on the wound to stop it from bleeding.

"You okay?" A voice made you jump and you turned around, to see Namjoon once more silently there.

"Namjoon, you really need to stop scaring me like that," You chuckled a bit and Namjoon let out a soft smile.

"No, you just need to pay attention more often. You're an assassin, Y/N, carelessness means death," The man warned and you rolled your eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Namjoon let out a knowing smile and he shook his head before walking over to the dozens of knives you had flung into a wall. He yanked one out, looking at the dents you had made.

"You have a strong throwing arm, Y/N. But I'm pretty sure Yoongi won't appreciate you killing the wall of the guest room like this," He joked and your expression darkened.

"Ah, who gives a shit about what Yoongi wants."

"Um.. you? We need him for the mission." Namjoon said slowly back and you huffed.

"Damn it Namjoon, why are you such a smart ass."

The leader laughed at that and he took all the knives you had thrown, handing them back to you with a dimpled grin. "Ah, but I'm a smart ass that you like," He said teasingly.

You had to give in to that.

"True..." You muttered under your breath and Namjoon winked.

A silence overcame the two of you as you stared at your reflection in the metal of the weapons, tiredness overcoming you again. Namjoon waited patiently, understanding that you needed this quiet without even talking about it.

If any other member had come in and talked to you, you wouldn't have shown weakness at all. If anything, you would've told them to go away at once and leave you alone.
Namjoon was different. He understood you in a silent way, without the two of you needing to speak and make an agreement.

The leader's heart fluttered a bit each time he saw you, and now that you were so sullen and non energetic like you always were, he was worried.Overly worried. Sure, as a leader his responsibility to was to worry and care for the other members, but this was a different type of worry.

A worry that stemmed off of his feelings. Feelings for you, that he was sort of afraid of.

He looked at you now, hesitantly before he spoke.
"You ok?" He repeated again and met your turbulent eyes.

"Yeah." Namjoon raised his eyebrow at the visible lie and you sighed in defeat. "No."

His eyes caught the pendant that you started to clench in your fist, the rusted metal shining a bit from the light. He brought out his hand slowly, his eyes asking for permission to touch it and you nodded, letting him take the item in his hands.

His finger skimmed over the moon symbol etched into the metal, smooth and polished.
"Where did you get this?" He asked, admiring how beautiful the object was in its simplicity.

"My parents. JYP gave me this after they.." You stopped and Namjoon's eyes softened. "They?" He said softly.

You gulped, staring at the floor.
"After they k-killed them. Right in front of me. The pendant is the only thing I remember about them now." Your voice cracked a bit and Namjoon turned to you, his eyes scanning your face gently.

He leaned in, slowly, tucking away some of your hair which had fallen in front of your face to behind your ear. Joon's breath tickled you a bit and you shivered, the man's eyes lingering on your lips.

You met his eyes shyly and he gave a soft smile, hanging the pendant around your neck, his touch gentle.

He moved away, but instead shifted so that he was sitting beside you, his leg pressed against yours. The man took your hand into his, enveloping it in his body warmth.

"How long as it been since you've seen them?" He whispered and you let out a pained chuckle.

"A long, long, time. Now, I only see them in my nightmares."

Namjoon's eyes shown with understanding and he grasped your hand tightly in a silence assurance. "Is that what's been bothering you lately? Why you've been looking so tired?"

He took your silence as a yes and you let out a strained whimper, grief racking off of you. You shivered again, even though it wasn't cold and your mouth opened in an attempt to joke about something but to no avail.

Instead, you sobbed a bit as the cold metal that hung around your neck sunk into your skin, the constant reminder that your parents were indeed gone, that you would never be able to have a happy memory with them again.
"N-Namjoon, I'm sorry, I just, this whole thing with Yoongi not agreeing, this whole stupid plan and me dragging you guys into this, it's selfish and hopeless and now about us, I'm so confused about my feelings, how I fucking like you and I don't understand anyth-"

The man shushed you and he lifted you up, setting your body into his lap. He hugged you from behind, your back pressed against his chest and his head resting in the crook of your neck. You let him, melting into his touch, crying silently, small convulsions wracking your body every now and then as you grieved.

Namjoon just held you tightly, mumbling soft words in your ear an in effort to comfort you.
"It's okay, Y/N, it's okay," He repeated, shutting his eyes as your cries reached his ears. His heart wrenched with pain at your pain, his own grievances present with you at that moment.

Eventually, your crying had reduced to small whimpers every now and then, the man who was hugging you the sole refuge of comfort you had in that moment. Namjoon turned you around so that you were sort of straddling his lap, bringing you to his chest and his chin resting over your head.

When you finally looked up at the man, you were shocked to find that he was crying as well. Your thumb brushed his cheek, wiping away a single tear that had rolled down.
"You shouldn't like me, Y/N... I'm a monster.." He whispered almost inaudibly, eyelashes fluttering, vision watery.

"I killed my dad, Y/N, I killed him so quickly like how I would do with any other victim. It was a stupid mistake, I let BIGHIT get to my head, I let them take over. And it was all because I was so stupid. I've killed so many people, I've ENJOYED killing some people, and I can't, I couldn't resist the urge when I saw me dad. You shouldn't like me, Y/N, you don't deserve to like someone like me, I'm just a monster. So no, you're not selfish about dragging us into this, you're not, don't say you are. Because you don't deserve to have someone like me having feelings for you, a killing monster."

You retreated into a shocked silence at Joon's confession.
This man, in front of you, had killed beyond compare, just like you. This man, not caring about his own welfare over the rest of BTS, decides to sacrifice himself to the company so that his brothers won't get hurt, the evidence of that being the hundreds of lashes sitting on his back. This man, had confessed something so personal to him that he had only told BTS about it.

You didn't have any time to register this completely through your head, though, when Namjoon leaned in suddenly, and kissed you.

His plump lips against yours, caressing them out of desperation.
Namjoon didn't know what came across him, but he kissed you. He didn't know why, but he kissed you. He had just contradicted his previous statement, but he still kissed you. He thought that you would flinch away from him, be afraid of him, the monster that he thought he was. He kissed you desperately, yearning for acceptance, even though he was sure you would reject him.

But you didn't. You kissed him back, eyes shut, heart traveling through your body at the mere touch. Electric sparks everywhere, making the two of you breathless.
As soon as Namjoon realized that you had accepted him, he kissed you even more passionately, nipping at your bottom lip and causing you to gasp at the feeling. His tongue swept over the sting at once, soothing, begging for entrance to your mouth, the frustration in the man evident by his actions. He needed this, he needed you.

You fought for dominance in the kiss for a few seconds before submitting with a whimper, opening your lips slightly and Namjoon growled. His tongue fought yours, exploring the cavern of your mouth, the intensity of this fight making you moan slightly. That mere sound caused Namjoon to go insane.

His lips trailed from your mouth to the side of your face, all the way to your jawline, and you let him. You shivered at the way his lips worked his magic on you expertly, and your breath hitched as you leaned back, giving Namjoon more access to your neck.
He sucked on one spot harshly, causing you to moan loudly, his hands running down your sides and gripping your hips, dealing pressure accordingly to the pressure of his kisses.
Your hands ran through his hair, head thrown back as Namjoon suddenly grinded his hips up against yours, heat traveling to your core at how dirty his actions were. The heat from the man's lower body rubbing against you in a way that felt so good.

And then Namjoon stopped, kissing you back on the lips once last time before pulling away, his forehead leaning on yours. His chest heaved, as so did yours, both of you panting. Part of you wanted him to continue, but you both knew now wasn't the time for that.
You both knew, that it wasn't right for either of you to act out of desperation.

Namjoon stared at you, the way your eyes glazed over in lust as you gazed back at him, swimming with a small hint of adoration as you looked at him. Your lips were swollen and his eyes traveled down to your neck, to the mark he had made upon you just a few minutes ago. Your eyes followed his gaze and you blushed.
"They look good on you." Namjoon said lowly with satisfaction and your cheeks heated up at once. "Namjoon!" You slapped the man playfully on his chest at his dirty words and he grinned.

The man smiled contently, now pecking kisses all across your face as a reward. Your giggles were beautiful to his ears and he hugged you tight, tears happily running down his face.

"Does this mean you accept me now?" Namjoon asked between kisses, causing you to roll your eyes and laugh sarcastically.

"I don't care, Namjoon, because you're a good man. Now stop calling yourself a monster my dude, because I like you and that says something. So yes, smart ass, I accept you."

Namjoon laughed.

**
Yoongi watched from the doorway in amusement as he saw Namjoon shyly set you down on the floor, giving you a loving grin that Yoongi had never seen him give anyone before.

Hoseok punched Yoongi on the arm happily, a huge smile on his face.
"See, hyung? Look at how happy Namjoon is."

Jin popped up from behind Hoseok as well, his eyes flashing.

"I TOLD YOU! It was my intuition, I KNEW Namjoon liked her! I SHIP IT," He whispered excitedly, fanboying insanely over the two of you.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and he shoved Hobi away slightly, gesturing for the other two men to go away.
"Aish, go away. I get it, I was wrong."

Jin and Hoseok gave each other a triumphant look and they walked down the hallway silently, leaving Yoongi to continue watching the two of you alone.

Yoongi had watched the way you genuinely gave everything to Namjoon, and how Namjoon told you the most personal secrets that Yoongi himself had not known. He watched the way you blamed yourself for dragging BTS into your plan, causing a little seed of guilt to plant itself in Yoongi's mind.

"Y/N might not be as bad as I thought she was," Yoongi mumbled to himself, musing over the feisty nature you had shown him a few days before.

I might just listen to her, Yoongi mused to himself.

I just might.

~~
phew that was an awkward chapter to write. Was it good? lol I'm on a writing spree at the moment, sorry this chapter is a bit long.