twenty seven- faith

song for this chapter: “mess is mine” by Vance Joy

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Zayn could feel a heaviness in his chest as he woke up; Iris bundled up in his arms, still asleep. They were covered in a pile of blankets to keep the cold away, and he knew that as soon as they threw away the blankets there would be no turning back. He had a bad feeling that when he got back, something would keep him from her.

She always looked beautiful, even when she wasn’t meaning to be. Even now when her lips were down turned and her lips were dry and cracked and her hair was a right mess, she looked beautiful. But maybe that wasn’t why she looked so beautiful to Zayn. He knew, as a fact, a certainty, that Iris was beautiful. Every part of her, every atom of her, was beautiful.

And he really couldn’t put this into words, because no word yet encompassed the amount of beauty that he was referring to when he looked at Iris. No one would ever figure it out, Zayn realised, because this realisation was beyond mortal understanding, that withstood the tests of time. He shivered as he thought that in a thousand years another person would be making this same discovery, this same wordless realisation.

It scared him a little, to feel so strongly for her. But he felt something changing inside of him, almost like the dust had finally settled and he could see. He could see that Iris was the only person in this world, in this lifetime, in all lifetimes, that would make him feel this way. The gravity of it all made him panic for a second, but he only had to look back down at Iris to be grounded again.

He brushed his lips against her forehead, and as soon as he touched her with his lips, this belief solidified within him, brining the sweetest smile to his face. Iris stirred and slowly awoke, blinking slowly up at him. Once she managed to keep her eyes open for more than a few seconds, she smiled at him. 

“Good morning.” Iris whispered, placing a hand on his chest.

Without much thinking, Zayn refrained from replying and instead leant down and kissed her, placing his hand on her cheek, holding her there. A hot feeling arose throughout his whole body, every part of him tingling, every atom screaming for joy.

Zayn pulled away, keeping his hand resting on her cheek, thumb brushing across her cheek. “Morning.” He said softly.

Iris was blushing, her eyes bright. She eyed his lips, before her eyes flickered back to his. “I love you, just in case this was not made clear.”

Zayn laughed. “I love you too, more than you can know.” He murmured, kissing her nose.

“I don’t want you to leave, even though it sounds so horribly selfish.” Iris sighed, snuggling into his chest.

Zayn sighed too, running a hand through her hair. “I’d stay here for the rest of my life if I could, my love.”

The hand that Iris had placed on his chest moved to his hand, and she entangled their fingers. “Let us not get up.” She whispered.

“I can agree with that.” Zayn said, holding her a little tighter, a content smile on his face.

There was silent for a moment, and Zayn felt the moment they shared would always stay with him, a few minutes of quiet, of love, of happiness. The weird feeling from before flowed through him again.

“Oh Zayn, I have to get up and make Liam breakfast!”

Zayn watched amusedly as she threw the blankets off, hurrying to brush her hair. “Will I be getting some or will all of it be for Liam?”

Iris rolled her eyes at him, and then opened her drawers, grabbing a top and a pair of pants. “Liam’s a guest, and he is new here as well, so it is my role to be a good host.” Iris said complacently. “Now turn around, I need to get changed.”

Zayn turned around, but a part of him wondered what she looked like, nothing but the golden light of early morning clothing her. He didn’t turn though, knowing that he would never violate her privacy like that for his own primitive needs.

After a while he felt arms wrap around him, and relaxed, grinning. “We should go down.” Iris murmured, slowly brushing her lips against the side of his neck, making goosebumps appear on his arms.

“But being here with you is nice.” Zayn grumbled, turning and attempting to snare her in his embrace, but she avoided him, laughing.

“I am going to leave without you.” Iris said in a sing-song voice, slowly making her way to the door.

Zayn scrambled to his feet, making Iris laugh joyfully. He smiled sheepishly as he threw on his t-shirt from yesterday, and then grabbed Iris’ hand, before the pair made their way downstairs. They checked the kitchen and found Liam sitting there, looking down at the table with a small little smile on his face.

He looked up when they came in, and his smile widened. “Morning you two.” He said, giving Zayn a sly smile.

“Good morning Liam, did you sleep well?” Iris asked, going over and giving him a quick hug, much to Liam and Zayn’s surprise.

“I did, yeah, thanks Iris.” Liam said, beaming up at her, his eyes crinkled slightly.

“I’ll make you boys breakfast, you can sit down, Zayn.” Iris said, squeezing Zayn’s hand before letting go and leaving the kitchen, he assumed to go get some bread.

Liam was smirking now, his arms crossed. “So, did anything... happen?” Liam asked, giving him the biggest wink.

Zayn rolled his eyes. “You and your filthy mind, Liam.” He sighed, shaking his head. “And no, nothing happened, since that’s a thing too, you know, just sleeping together without sex.”

“Oh don’t be such a sour puss!” Liam said laughing. “You know I like to tease you about, well, everything.”

Zayn scoffed. “You got that right.”

Liam chuckled, and then sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I was talking to Niall, about what we would do.” Liam said quietly.

Zayn stiffened, when he remembered the deal that he had made with Perrie. “What did he say?” He said hesitantly.

“Niall told me what you guys were planning to do, and at first I was angry. I was so angry with you, that you would make this decision without me, that you would jeopardise Perrie just to make sure I was out of the spotlight.” He said, not looking at Zayn, making him worry just a little at what he would say next.

“I was mad.” Liam whispered, looking up at Zayn. “But I couldn’t be mad, not when I heard what 

management had told you, what they had the nerve to suggest. I told Niall what I told you, that I wasn’t sure what I wanted with this band...”

Iris had walked back in, but she just cut up the bread, and Zayn motioned for Liam to continue. He took in a deep breath and smoothed back his hair. “I told Niall that when we’re gone, when we were visiting Iris, to get the boys together and figure a way out of this contract.”

Zayn looked at him in shock, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry, this wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.” He mumbled weakly, feeling ashamed.

“Don’t apologise, it’s given me the strength to finally realise what we need, to get us out of this mess.” He replied, smiling. “I refuse to see us suffering anymore, I refuse to be controlled like this.”

Iris placed the bread in front of them, along with a bit of butter. She grabbed Zayn’s hand, giving him the reassurance that everything was going to be fine, even if it didn’t feel like it. Maybe, just maybe, there was some hope, some future where he didn’t cringe and wish that he didn’t exist.

“I agree with you, we gotta do this.” Zayn said quietly. “Do you reckon the fans will hate us?”

Liam sighed. “Of course they will, but I know they’ll still love us, and they’ll wait, I know it.”

They breakfasted in silence, and Iris didn’t let go of Zayn’s hand the whole time. He couldn’t help but thinking about what he would do after they ended it all, how he would use his time. Beyond anything, he wanted to take Iris with him and spend as much time with her as he could, but maybe that wasn’t practical.

How long would it be before they came back together as a group, if ever? He loved music, he loved singing and performing with those four other idiots, and he was slightly scared to let such a large part of himself go. But he remembered how unhappy Louis was, and he suspected that Niall and Harry hid their own unhappiness well.

Zayn and Liam decided to leave straight after breakfast, with the hope that Zayn would come back in a day or two. He could barely stand to let her go, and there were tears in his eyes as they drove back down the hill, back to the other half of his reality.

The drive back to London was mostly silent, and Zayn called Harry, telling him that they were going to go over to his place to discuss what was going to happen. Harry sounded so light hearted on the phone, and there was a small hope in Zayn, that maybe something had gone right.

Liam parked outside of Harry’s apartment and they headed up, careful not to be spotted by any paparazzi. Louis and Niall were also there, and Zayn gave them all hugs, feeling deeply thankful for them being his friends.

“We told management we wanted out yesterday afternoon,” Louis started, getting straight to business. “And at first they threw a hissy fit, telling us that we were legally bound to stay with them.”

“We told them that we wouldn’t perform, no matter what privileges they took away from us, no matter what legal action they took.” Harry said quietly, a small smile on his face.

There was silence for a moment and Zayn looked at them expectantly. “Spit it out, what did they say?” He said, and he already knew by the grin on Niall’s face what the outcome was.

“We’re free, we’re finally free.” Louis said, and Zayn felt tears come to his eyes.

“Mission accomplished, boys.” Liam said, and they all laughed, though Zayn was sure that they all had tears in their eyes.

“Group hug, you idiots!” Harry yelled, and Zayn couldn’t help the tears and laughter, feeling some form of a new beginning in his chest, even though it was technically the end.

“We have to make a promise, though.” Niall said, his cheeks red from both crying and laughing. “We gotta get back together, I’m not giving up on One Direction just yet.”

Louis scrunched up his face. “Sorry Niall, that’ll be a no from me.”

“Bastard!” Niall yelled, and the two of them playfully tackled, until Niall ended up falling on top of him, which induced quite a few choice swear words from Louis.

“I promise.” Zayn said, and the room fell silent again.

“Promise.” Harry said gravely.

“Promise.” Liam said, with a truly happy smile on his face.

“I promise.” Louis and Niall said at the same time, causing them to frown at each other.

“You asshole, get your own promise.” Louis said, shoving Niall off of him.

Niall just cackled, making Zayn roll his eyes, unable to believe that he had been in a band with these boys for nearly four years now. He was sad, but the happiness of seeing how content the other boys looked immediately overrode it.

“I’m writing a Twitlonger to tell the fans.” Liam said, grabbing his phone out. “Then we should take a last selfie, that sounds kind of fitting.”

“What are you gonna do now, Zayn?” Niall asked, coming over to sit next to Zayn on the couch, as the boys had made themselves comfortable in Harry’s apartment, with Harry organising drinks in the kitchen.

Zayn shrugged, and smiled at all the possibilities before him. “Well I want to get Iris to her father, firstly.” He thought about it for a moment, his smile turning into a grin. “And I wanna show her the world.”

“A whole new world!” Niall sung loudly, standing up with a flourish. “A new fantastic point of view-”

“No one to tell us no or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming.” Zayn sung, his face hurting from how much he was smiling. 

There was the sound of clatter from the kitchen. “How dare you sing Disney without me, wait for me!” Harry  yelled, running back into the living room. “A whole new world!” He sung-screamed, making Niall burst into hysterics on the floor, and Louis to throw a pillow at him.

“A dazzling place I never knew,” Harry continued, spinning in circles, looking like a five year old trapped in a man’s body. “But when I’m way up here, it’s crystal clear, that now I’m in a whole new world with you!” Harry was pointing at Niall, who was still laughing.

“You oaf.” Niall said, giggling, trying to stop his laughter, and Zayn watched on in amusement.

“I’m the prettiest oaf in the land.” Harry said, flicking his curly hair over his shoulder, doing a rather horrible pirouette.

“You’re a fucking loony, you know that right?” Louis said, sending Niall into another bout of hysteria. Liam was smiling as he continued to tap away at his phone.

Harry pouted, and sat down next to Zayn, slinging his arm around his shoulders. “You’ll be my Aladdin, won’t you, Zayn?”

“As long as you make me food, then of course.” Zayn said, and Harry slapped him on the arm.

Zayn spent another hour with the boys, discussing what they would do, and watching the fans respond to Liam’s Twitlonger, sometimes laughing and sometimes cringing at the replies. One Direction was soon trending worldwide, and they figured it would be a while before things calmed down. Liam made them take a group selfie, in which Zayn was sure they were all laughing and probably looked like lunatics.

They had decided to take six months off, and then come back together and see what they wanted to do, and slowly bring One Direction back together. They all had enough money to live comfortably for a long time now, and there was talk of travelling.

But Zayn knew where he needed to go now, and asked to borrow Liam’s car. Liam handed him the keys, giving him a knowing smile, one that was wise beyond his age. God, how Zayn hoped that Liam could maybe find some true happiness, because everyone knew that he deserved it.

The drive was peaceful, and was not filled with anxiety or worry. Zayn knew that he would have to address the issue of his future sooner or later, but for now, he was content, and the afternoon sun on his skin was all he needed.

Soon he was off the freeway and Zayn was back where he felt a part of him belonged; he was in the hills, where life started and ended, where nature held the power and human’s could only stand back in awe of the life that they were surrounded with, where Zayn’s mind would always wander back to, even in his happiest moment he would think of the hills, of what they held for him.

He felt that he was so close now, so close to something almost magical, that when he got out of that car and ran to Iris, it would be the start, the drawing open of the curtains of his life. Zayn shivered and gripped the steering wheel tighter, feeling as if he were in a state of complete and utter euphoria, and every tree he passed meant he was one step closer to Iris, to his new life that he didn’t know that he had wanted, but now desperately needed. 

He felt it all, and he kept Iris’ face in his mind, when he had held her, when he had kissed her, he thought of the love he felt for her, and he thought of the way she lived, breathed, existed, and he smiled, he truly smiled.

Zayn pressed down on the accelerator a little more, and knew that it was finally time to go home. 

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oh dear my friends, here I am about to cry because somehow, we have made it to the end.

I wanted firstly to let you know that this story has been the absolute best to write. I couldn't have done it without all of your positive support, and I can't believe that there are so many of you reading and commenting, it really is so surreal to me. I loved writing this, I loved Iris and Zayn and Liam and their story, even though my heart broke for them multiple times.

I know that many of you wanted me to write more, but when I was writing this chapter, I realised it didn't need more, not in my mind anyway. I hope you can see that Zayn is happy, and that this is really only the beginning of the story of his life, as I see his leaving of One Direction as a new start.

before I forget, I specifically want to thank Chloe for being my editor for the whole story, and for listening to me as I tried to figure out the direction for this story, and also for fangirling with me over how cute Zayn and Iris were. Without you, my dear pal, this would never have finished, and I'm sure that "in the hills" would not have survived without you.

and also a massive thank you to Rainy, I remember the day when I found out you had voted for "in the hills", and your continual support always warms my heart, and your writing also inspires me to keep on going, even when I feel like giving up. thank you also to @dissolve and @stwhyles for being super awesome and also supporting me, thank you, thank you.

don't be too sad my loves, I will now be starting my Harry fic "words", so go check it out, that'll be my main project xx

So much love to all of you,

Sara xx