CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

JASMINE

—

"I can't believe you didn't bring Juno," was the first thing that Tariq said when Dmitri got to his house after work.

Rolling his eyes, Dmitri let himself into Tariq's house, removing his shoes beside the door because when they were at work, Tariq had repeatedly told him that he wouldn't let him in if he didn't remove his shoes before entering.

Frankly, Dmitri didn't trust anyone who didn't remove their shoes when they entered the house.

The worst kinds of people, however, were the ones who entered their fucking bedrooms with their shoes on. That shit was fucking nasty.

"Juno never leaves Eden's side when she's got cramps, I couldn't do anything about it," he defended, taking in the house that he had only been to once.

Well, twice if he counted the day that he and Tariq had gone to meet his parents for dinner.

That felt like so fucking long ago, but like it was yesterday, all at the same time, when in reality, it had been a little over two months. Not long ago, but definitely not yesterday either.

"Guess I'll just have to infiltrate your house when you least expect it. Just to hang out with your cat. Imagine that," Tariq huffed out, taking a bottle of water out of the fridge and tossing it in Dmitri's direction, letting out the most dramatic groan when he didn't catch it.

"The fuck did you throw it for?" Dmitri muttered as he bent down to pick it up, his legs aching from work and from standing behind a counter for that long.

Work was genuinely exhausting sometimes, but it was especially exhausting today because he didn't take any breaks for himself, didn't go back home to check on Juno, didn't even disappear into the back room to have his regular meltdowns over how stressed he was.

The back room of the coffee shop had literally seen him at his worst, it was almost funny.

He could only imagine how exhausting it was for Tariq to spend the entire day on his feet, completely focused, on high alert all the time so as to not fuck up someone's tattoo and permanently ruin their skin.

"Are you not tired at all?" Dmitri asked, crashing down on the couch, waiting for Tariq to do the same.

But he just got a shrug from him as he took a seat on the ground instead, looking up at Dmitri as he said, "Used to it. I'm always tired, I always have a headache, I always have a sore throat. Don't you love that?"

Dmitri couldn't help but frown at that. "I hate that for you."

A small laugh escaped Tariq's mouth and he shook his head, resting his back against the same couch that Dmitri was lying down on, such that when he tilted his head back a little, it was resting on Dmitri's leg.

Fuck.

"Shut up, it's not that bad." Closing his eyes, Tariq sighed, his head only sinking further into Dmitri's thigh. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fu— "Your leg is so fucking comfortable and for what?"

There was no way that Dmitri would get out of that evening alive, and he meant that in the best way possible.

I want to kiss you, was what he wanted to say, what he wished he could say, but instead, all he got out was a laugh and a small, "Fuck off."

"It's a compliment, bitch."

Laughing, Dmitri glanced down, only to find Tariq's head still in his lap, eyes still closed, fuck, he had the longest eyelashes. The prettiest eyelashes.

While he was staring at Tariq's still face like the fucking creep that he was, he noticed a slight twitch of his nose, and then another twitch.

Then, before he knew it, Tariq was moving his head from Dmitri's lap and sneezing into his elbow, exactly three times.

His sneezes were always so fucking loud, and not just that, they were so far from subtle, it was almost comical. Especially when they used to write exams together and he would disrupt the entire class with his loud ass sneezes.

"The fuck kind of cologne did you use?" he muttered once he was done, sniffing and placing his head back on Dmitri's thigh. Better.

"Eden put my clothes with her jasmine smelling detergent shit, but—" Only after the words left his mouth did he realise his mistake. "Shit. You have that fragrance allergy shit, right? Do you?"

Tariq hummed, but he didn't seem to be too affected by it, just closing his eyes again and saying, "If this gives me a headache, I will literally commit a murder and flee the scene."

"Dramatic," Dmitri lamented, acutely aware of how close to his everything Tariq's head was, and how nice his eyelids were, and how much he wanted to kiss them. "If this gives you a headache, I'll help you get rid of it."

"By getting rid of yourself?"

"Been there, failed at that."

Instantly, Tariq's eyes snapped open and he turned his head around to face Dmitri, the alarm in his eyes never more obvious than it was right at that moment.

"I didn't mean— no, that's not—" Tariq sputtered out. "No. Not what I meant. Please don't get rid of yourself, that's—"

Interrupting him with a fit of laughs, ones that Dmitri had been trying to hold in as soon as he started with his rambling, he shook his head, patting Tariq's face once as he continued to laugh.

"Poor you," he said through his laughs. "I'm kidding. I mean, technically, it's the truth, but I'm not getting rid of myself any time soon. Well, any time. Hopefully."

"You're such a fucking dick," Tariq muttered. Wait, put your head back on my lap. "I literally can't stand you."

Dmitri snorted. Did I just pat his fucking face? "Funny how you said that exact same thing to me when we first saw each other at The Blackbird," he mused.

God, he couldn't have been more thankful for how things had turned out since that day. Not him losing his job, that was something that he was choosing to permanently be bitter about, but everything else.

How well things had turned out with Tariq was something that genuinely brought him joy every time he thought about it.

Then again, the reason it brought him joy was probably because he had a giant crush on him, something that didn't bring him joy, because there was no hope for that.

Having a crush— that was what he was calling it to keep his sanity intact, even though he knew that it was much more than a crush— on Tariq was, to put it simply, useless. There was no point to it, so all he had to do was get rid of it.

"Funny how I still can't stand you," Tariq quipped.

"Fuck off, you love me."

If there was any way, literally any way to take back the words that had just slipped out of his mouth, he would have.

Because as soon as he said them, Tariq's shoulders visibly tensed, his entire posture just stiffening for a second, maybe two, before he relaxed his body.

Still, even though he loosened his shoulders, he didn't put his head back on Dmitri's thigh. He just got up from his position on the ground and made his way down over to the kitchen, taking a carton out of the fridge and putting it in the microwave.

As his food was warming up, he turned around to face Dmitri again, opening his mouth to say something before closing it again.

Please don't say anything about what I just said. Fuck, I'm so stupid.

Deciding that he should just break the awkward silence and save himself from any further potential embarrassment, Dmitri began, "So—"

"Do you wanna eat dinner here?"

Huh? "Why?"

Tariq laughed, like Dmitri hadn't just used the word that he rarely ever used around anyone other than Eden and Juno. Like that was something that exes just said to each other.

"Because it's past eight, I'm fucking starving, and I don't want to eat dinner alone" Tariq deadpanned. "Also, wouldn't it be like— rude to eat dinner and just make you watch me? That's ridiculous."

Guess we're just moving past it then.

Dmitri laughed, the panic that had filled his system momentarily easing. "When have we ever given a fuck about what was rude and what wasn't?"

"I swear to fucking god, you're so—" Tariq muttered under his breath as he took the food out of the microwave. I'm so hungry. "Do you want to eat dinner with me or not?"

If it were anyone else, or even if it weren't anyone else and it was Tariq on any other day, Dmitri would have said yes to eating dinner with him.

It was just that it was today, and today was not a good day for them to be eating dinner together, because today, his thoughts consisted of I want to kiss him and nothing else.

Regardless, he said, "Yeah, sure. I'll eat dinner with you."

The smile on Tariq's face when he said that was worth it.

Worth the definite regret, the potential panic, even the possible distancing that Dmitri knew he would do after they finished dinner.

Anything was worth seeing Tariq smile.

Fuck. Fucking fuck. "So," Dmitri started again, pulling a chair out of the dining table and sitting down. "What're we eating?"

Tariq snorted, bringing two plates of noodles to the table, placing one down in front of him, and the other one next to him.

Tariq, if you know what's good for you, you won't sit down next to me.

Of course, Tariq sat next to him, on his left so that their hands wouldn't constantly clash into each other. Shooting him a small smile, one that Dmitri didn't understand the reason for, he just said, "You smell so fucking annoying, you don't understand."

As soon as he spoke, Dmitri's focus shifted from his plate of food in front of him to Tariq. "My bad."

"Yeah, your bad," Tariq mumbled, sniffing again. Oh.

"Is the jasmine genuinely bad? Like, is it giving you a headache?"

The last thing that Dmitri wanted to do was cause Tariq more pain.

"Not too bad, don't worry," Tariq assured as he shovelled food into his mouth, he always ate faster when he didn't want to talk or when he was uncomfortable. Maybe in this situation, it was both.

So, Dmitri just pushed his chair out and stood up, leaving his half-finished plate on the table and saying, "Do you have something I can change into?"

"So that you can make that one smell of your fucking jasmine shit, too?" Tariq asked through a full mouth. Well.

"So that you can sit next to me without sniffing every other minute, stupid." Ignoring the roll of Tariq's eyes, Dmitri just continued, "I promise, I won't steal your t-shirts."

If Tariq was surprised by that, he didn't show it. He didn't say anything, just nodded, going upstairs into his room and rummaging through his cupboard, before finding a plain black t-shirt for him to wear.

"I sleep in this, so it's a lot bigger than my other ones," he explained, holding the t-shirt out for Dmitri to take it out of his hands. Am I supposed to just change in front of him? "It should fit you. I think."

All of this was... a lot. It was a lot.

Wearing Tariq's clothes, clothes that he slept in. Eating dinner with Tariq. Changing in front of Tariq, it looked like.

"If you're uncomfortable about changing around me, I can leave the room," Tariq offered up, eyes moving from his face to his torso— to his torso?— to the door. "Just change quickly? So that we can eat our food without me constantly sneezing?"

Laughing, Dmitri shook his head. "I'm not uncomfortable around you. It's just that—" He paused, taking a look at Tariq. "My body isn't the same body that you remember. Like, clearly, I've gained weight 'n everything. My body isn't the same."

Tariq just stared at him. For a solid thirty seconds. And it would have been intimidating if Dmitri wasn't so used to Tariq's blank stares that never failed to scare everyone else.

Finally, another ten seconds later, he said, "I don't know if you remember, but I've seen you shirtless, Dmitri. During your— okay, never mind, you won't remember this because it took place during an episode."

Mouth forming into a silent 'ah', Dmitri nodded, quickly changing into Tariq's clothes, praying, praying that he wouldn't make a fucking clown of himself in the process.

Because holy fuck, he was in Tariq's clothes and they smelled exactly like him, like his detergent, like warmth, like safety.

Like everything good. Everything that Dmitri needed.

Stop. Stop, I need to stop.

"Definitely don't remember this, low-key glad I don't remember this," Dmitri chirped. "Okay, now you can eat without sneezing or complaining about how terrible I smell."

The material of Tariq's t-shirt brushing against his body was so fucking terrifying, but also so unbelievably well-known to him, because this was what they always did.

Wearing each other's clothes was something that they did every time when they were dating. Tariq more than Dmitri because he had always been smaller, but Dmitri still managed to steal his jackets and wear them to school.

"You look so uncomfortable," Tariq voiced as he made his way back downstairs, continuing to eat his probably room temperature noodles. "You can chill. It's just my clothes, Dmitri. Nothing else."

The words Not that easy almost left his mouth, but he caught himself just in time. Instead, he said, "Is this not... weird? For you? Seeing me in your clothes?"

Tariq laughed. "Weird? I wouldn't call it that," he stated. "Maybe... Different? I mean— we're so used to fighting each other, though it's been a while since we did that, that everything we do, even if it's as friends, seems weird. I think."

Rationally, Dmitri knew that Tariq was just talking. That he was just saying things.

Still, his mind could only focus on two words.

As friends. As friends. As friends.

There was no hope for him and his pathetic more-than-a-crush. Confirmed.

"Yeah," Dmitri whispered, voice involuntarily hoarse. Clearing his throat, he tried again. "Yeah. It's not weird."

Raising a single eyebrow, Tariq's lips pulled upward into a smile. "If you say it like that, how am I supposed to believe you?"

What the fuck is going on?

For the first time, Dmitri decided to vocalise his thoughts. "I literally don't know what's happening right now."

What he did know was that he wanted to kiss Tariq. So, so badly.

Smile turning into a laugh, Tariq shook his head, taking Dmitri's empty plate from the table and getting up to wash it. Didn't even realise that I'd finished eating.

"It's okay. You sleepy or something?" Tariq asked from deep into the open kitchen as he placed the plates into the dishwasher. "You can stay over if you're tired. You got cursed out at work today, right?"

It was a little scary how Tariq knew that that had happened, when he intended on keeping it a secret for as long as possible.

"Yeah," Dmitri muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Don't know how the fuck you know that, but yeah. I accidentally messed up their order because I didn't sleep well last night. Don't know why, just couldn't. But yeah, I got fucked over for it by this random white lady. My first time getting yelled at during work! Mark the day."

"Mark the day. Straight out of a Shakespeare play," Tariq joked, making his way back to the dining room and downing two pills with water. "Anyway. You can stay the night if you want. We can just crash now, actually. If you're tired. I'm low-key tired, too, your stupid fucking jasmine shit—"

"It's literally Eden's."

"— Gave me a headache, and now I'm sleepy," Tariq finished.

It would be the worst idea if Dmitri actually ended up staying the night.

However, Eden had said that Trinh was coming over to stay the night. Maybe she wanted to spend some time with them. Maybe this wouldn't be the worst idea.

"I'm gonna go to bed," Tariq announced, snapping Dmitri out of his overthinking. "Are you coming? Upstairs?"

No. Say no. "I..." he trailed off, glancing at Tariq, really looking at him. What was the worst that could happen? "I could."

At that, Tariq smiled. The happiest smile that Dmitri had seen him smile in a while.

"Cool," Tariq breathed out, turning around and going upstairs, Dmitri trailing behind him. And once they were in his room, the first thing that Tariq did was remove his t-shirt and throw it into the laundry basket, yelling out a small, "Buckets!" when it landed inside.

He's so cute. He's never been cute before.

"Uh—" Pausing, Dmitri took in Tariq's room. The clean floors. The small plant beside the window. The one bed in his room. "What do we—"

"We've slept in the same bed before, Dmitri," Tariq laughed out, getting into bed and patting the space beside him. "Even if you aren't going to sleep here, just like— rest for a bit."

Dmitri didn't even have it in himself to say no.

So, he just laid down in the bed, Tariq's hand instantly wrapping around his body, he was always a cuddler, and pulling him closer until their bodies were practically merging into each other.

Until their lips were dangerously close to each other's.

And then they weren't, when Tariq just closed his eyes, almost wincing as he turned away to face the ceiling.

"Sorry. Sorry," Tariq mumbled under his breath. "I'd love to do this again sometime though. Love hanging out with you."

Then, he smiled softly, and went to sleep.

But it was safe to say that after that, Dmitri didn't sleep for the rest of the night.

—

+3021

AN: i didn't put in a note last time omg so! how has everyone been !! how has ur day been? has ur winter break started? lmk !!

anyway. this book is gonna end so mfing quick i'm scared😋

i hope everyone has a good day/evening/night 💞 thank u for reading!!💓