**May Be Triggering, Includes Self Harm**

Michelle's POV

My eyes shot open, my heart was pounding as if it was going to beat right out of my little chest. Sweat covered my body. I was violently shaking... I grabbed my phone and squinted at the time. 3:04 AM was what it brightly said. Then reality hit me like a bus... I was having a nightmare. My first one since I had left my home. Sobs racked through my fragile frame. I grabbed a pillow and held it to my face, covering my mouth so that Jacquie wouldn't hear my heart wrenching sobs. Within a few seconds the pink pillow was as wet as an ocean. I needed a release, and I needed one now. Right now...

I crept over to my bathroom, walking on my toes with each light step that I took. I had to be especially careful not to wake Jacquie up. I grasped the door knob, quietly twisting it open and headed into my bathroom. I knew exactly what I was looking for. There it was, perfectly perched on the edge of my white bath tub. I headed over to my pink razor with of course the metallic blade in it. I headed over to it as if I was in a trance. My fingers quickly snatched it. I destructively threw it onto the hard, tile floor, cracking the pink handle. I reached for the blade. I picked up and held it up to the light. Beautiful, glimmering and shiny. Before I could process anything, I realized I had blindly made several slashes on my wrist. I reached under my sink for a wash cloth, black of course. I immediately wrapped it around my wrist. Then I grabbed some gauze and plastered it with a bandage onto my skin. I reached for my sweatshirt sleeve and pulled it down. 

**beep beep**

That was my 9:00 Am alarm to wake me up for the day. The sun violently peeked through my curtain. I guess after last nights events I fell back to sleep. Last night was still a crazy blur to me...

I walked into my bathroom saying,

"Good Morning!" to Jacquie.

I began to run the crystal, clear water while the hot steam filled the room. I stripped off my clothes and hopped into the tub. The hot water hit my wrist. My cuts really stung from last night. Then, everything came flooding back to me in a huge wave, the nightmare, going into the bathroom, slashing my wrist... I pulled myself out of my thoughts about last night and continued to wash my hair.

"Ready to go down Jacquie?!" I anxiously asked her.

"Yes! Let's go! I'm so excited to work with Christina again!" Jacquie instantly replied.

We walked out the door as I checked my phone and logged onto instagram, posting a picture of me and Jacquie from last night. Jacquie and I continued towards the elevator. 

I pushed open the door of the Team Xtina lounge and Christina was already sitting in there on the couch waiting for us. Jacquie and I went over and hugged her. I was FANGIRLING like crazy, but just in my head. I couldn't let Christina know I was really crazy! I thought as I giggled to myself. 

Once everyone else had shown up, Christina began to read out the pairings...

"Matt and James."

"Jacquie and...

I looked at Jacquie nervously.

"Anthony!" 

Jacquie shot me a quick smile.

"Michelle and Olivia..." 

Christina continued on to read each match...

"That's it!" Christina smiled.

"First into rehersal is Michelle!' Christina said as she looked towards me.

I was so excited to work with Christina. But really nervous! I can't embarrass myself in front of a freakin legend! Thoughts flooded my mind as I walked into the studio.

"Hi! How are you?!" Christina asked me.

"I'm good! You?" I replied.

"Great" She smiled.

"So I have chosen Girl On Fire by Alicia Keys for you! I think that song will really fit your voice!" Christina told me.

"Okay! I love that song!" I informed her.

Christina handed me a sheet with all of the lyrics and we got right into it...

"She's just a girl and she's on fire..." I began to sing into the microphone.

"Great! It's really good!" Christina said. 

"But don't be afraid to really belt out the chorus." She let me know.

"Okay." I said a little nervously.

"Maybe do it like this... This girl is onnnn fireeee" Christina began to belt into her red microphone.

"Wow! Okay, yeah." I agreed.

"CHRISTINA AGUILERA JUST SANG IN FRONT OF ME!" was they only thought rushing through my mind.

We continued to take the song apart and work on smaller segments for a while.

"So let's do it full out?" Christina asked me.

"Yeah. No problem!" I agreed with her.

"She's just a girl and she's on fire.." 

....

I reached the chorus and started to belt it, just as Christina had demonstrated for me to do.

I was getting really into the song! It felt as if I could pretty much escape my life and feel the music. I belted,

"This girl is on fire.." As I raised my hand into the air.

I was hitting the last few lyrics of the song,

"She's just a girl and she's on fire... ohhh" I softly sang.

"That was amazing!" Christina exclaimed.

"Thanks!" I said.

"Michelle, come over here for a minute." Christina said to me, gesturing for me to come over to her.

I anxiously walked towards her.

"Sit down.." Christina said, pulling out a chair.

I didn't think much of it and sat down right next to her. She held my hand. Thankfully, it wasn't the one with the cuts on my wrist.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush here..." Christina started to say.

Christina locked her blue beautiful eyes into mine, took a deep breath and said,

"I know that you self harm..." 

"What! No I don't! How??" I was at a loss of words, glancing down at my wrist.

Then it hit me, my sweater must have came up when I was singing...

Tears filled my brown eyes, making my vision blurry as Christina pulled me into a warm hug.

-----------

Authors Note-

Sorry for not updating on friday!

So the secret is out! Christina knows that Michelle self harms! What will happen next? Take your guesses below! 

Next update- Later this week!

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