There's no weight to her, Steve thought to himself, sitting alone in a darkened nursery with a bundled Maggie in his hands. There were no excuses anymore, with no tubes to disturb now, and nothing for him to worry about making worse; nothing would ever be worse than this. He wouldn't have been able to make the decision that Tony had made for him, even being her own father who should have been there to protect her and should have been the one to do it. He had failed her from the start, and in the end it was no different. He hadn't even held her until now, and she had never known that he had always been at her side. Tony had been more of a father to her than he was, and the idea broke him beyond the point where he had thought to be his limit.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispered to her, bringing her up to his chest. She smelled of a fresh, warm blanket and baby powder, making the experience so much more painful to him. But it was what he deserved, he fully believed, to have his mind play the cruel joke of thinking that she was still alive in his hands, when in reality, he had lost the chance to have that moment forever. He had lost that chance all because he was too scared; he who could take on the most dangerous threat without the bat of an eye, was scared of something so tiny and so beautiful and it made him sick to his stomach. It made him ashamed of himself, and he didn't know how he would bring himself to face you after this.

~~~

"Sweetheart? (Y/N)?" Tony called out to you softly, sitting in the chair next to your bed, though unsure if he should attempt to touch you or not. "Honey, talk to me." He reached out and his tremulous hand hovered just above yours, but he wouldn't make the connection; or rather, maybe he couldn't. In his mind flowed the relentless sounds of his own voice, echoing within him at a crushing decibel, telling the doctors to stop over and over and over until he thought that it would be what finally drove him mad. With how he was feeling right now, a bit of insanity would be welcome compared to this.

You had been staring blankly ahead for hours, days, or maybe years for all you had known; time was at a standstill and the world around you had been muted against the thoughts barraging your mind, and none of them were anything good. Your senses were filled with the memories of blaring alarms and a flurry of faceless voices surrounding you, asking you to step away from your daughter until you were forced back. The sounds filling your thoughts were deafening and though you had some awareness that Tony was next to you, up until now he had remained silent despite not knowing that you wouldn't have heard him anyway. "Where is he?" you finally mumbled, making Tony sit up just a bit straighter at the sound of your voice finally awakening.

"He's in the nursery."

"I need Steve."

"Right," he stood quickly, "I'll get him. Just hang on-" he stopped abruptly, responding with wide eyes when you grabbed his arm to hold him back. "What's wrong?"

"Don't leave me alone, Dad. I can't trust myself to be alone."

"Okay, okay, I'm staying right here," he reassured readily, taking his seat again, but this time he kept a tight grip on your hand; he tried to draw your gaze to him, but you continued to stare ahead and at nothing. "I'll stay here as long as you need me, don't worry." He raised his free arm, his phone in hand, tapping out a quick message for someone else to get Steve for you. "I've got Bucky going to get him. He should be here soon."

"Tell him to bring her here."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"No," you answered, so quietly that your voice was nearly silent, "but how much worse can this get?"

~~~

"Holy shit, Sam, I have no idea what to do right now," Wade sighed, leaning back in the waiting room chair with his eyes tightly closed. "I want to go talk to her, but I feel like I have no business in there. This is...this is unbelievable." He shifted in his chair uncomfortably, finally tipping forward to rest his forehead on the table with a loud thud against the wood. After a few minutes of silence, a quiet whimper escaped his throat, but it didn't escape Sam's hearing.

"Wade, are you...crying?"

"I do have feelings, ya know?"

"I didn't mean to say that you didn't, it's just unexpected."

"For you and me both," Wade sighed, sitting back with a wipe of his sleeve over his eyes. When the tears were cleared away just enough for him to see, he looked from one side of the room to the other, leaning into the hallway just slightly but enough to look end to end. "Do you know where they are?"

"Um, yeah, I think Steve's in the nursery saying..." Sam stopped, shaking his head in continued disbelief with a pained clearing of his throat, "saying goodbye. (Y/N)'s in her room with Tony."

Wade simply nodded and returned his stare to the table top and to his hands, wringing the color from them until they ached. He couldn't fight the need to see you, almost like being thrown into some sort of withdrawal, and now all he could think about was how he would make that happen. "Sam, I don't usually do this, and you can say no, but I'm gonna need to ask a favor."

"I know," Sam nodded, "I've already got a plan."

~~~

The sound of Bucky entering the room didn't faze Steve at all, every ounce of focus being given to memorizing each detail of his daughter's face before he could never see it again. His friend moved slowly and quietly to reach his side, taking a seat a few feet away, but close enough so that he could see her too. No one on the team had been given the chance to see Maggie after everything had happened, and at Steve's urging, none of them would; if the man sitting to his right wasn't his best friend, he would have told him to leave without compassion or patience.

"Hey, man," Bucky began softly, "you okay if I'm here?"

"Doesn't matter."

"I can go..."

"I said it doesn't matter. Stay or go, Buck. I don't care."

Bucky sighed furrowed his brow as he watched Steve struggling to hold it together, recognizing the subtlest nuances in his expression that were giving away the inner turmoil that he was trying to control. He had no idea what to say; this was uncharted territory for every one of them, wrought with fear at saying or doing the wrong thing and making a terrible situation even worse. Between you, Steve, and Tony, the team was walking on eggshells just to keep each of you from falling over your own private ledges. "(Y/N)'s asking for you."

"She doesn't know what she's saying. I'm the last person that she should want to see."

"Steve, you're the only person that she wants to see, and you know that you need to be with her too. You can't do this alone. Neither of you can."

"I don't want to do it alone," Steve hissed under his breath, "and God knows that I don't want her to either, but I can't imagine the hatred she's feeling for me right now. If it's anything like what I'm putting on myself, then we're done."

"She's asking for you, Steve-"

"Did you know that I never held her, Buck?" he continued, pushing forward through his friend's argument. "I was too scared to hold my own daughter, and now she's not here to know how much I loved her, and how much I wanted to hold her. She'll never know that, and I'll never forgive myself for not being the dad that she needed. The one that she deserved."

"Hey, she knew, Steve," Bucky fought back, "don't do that to yourself. This was a terrible thing, and no way did any of you deserve this, but you have to stop with that blame or its going to destroy you. You still have a wife and three kids who love you and who need you, don't forget that."

"They'd be better off without me."

"Then why the hell is she asking for you right now? Hmm?" Bucky asked angrily now, standing to tower over Steve. "Steve Rogers don't you dare ever say something like that again, do you hear me? That family needs you to step up, and be the man that they know you are. Yes, grieve, but do it together. Please, come with me to see her."

Steve finally looked up at Bucky, and what his friend saw caught his breath and made him stumble a few steps back. The bright blue of his eyes that he was used to seeing had turned a dull grey, and the whites were a burning red from unrelenting tears. The pain that they carried was striking, a desolation pooled in the dark pupils behind the hazy cover of fatigue that muted them. The skin around them was reddened and puffy, adding years to Steve's youthful appearance, leaving Bucky to acutely feel the burden and pain that he was carrying with him.

"Tell her that I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm not done here yet."

~~~

Sam had successfully drawn out Tony from your room, but it wasn't without struggle, having to use your other three children as bait to get him to leave your side. Once the coast was clear, he waved Wade inside and closed the door solidly behind him, reluctantly standing guard in case your dad decided to make an early return.

"(Y/N)?" Wade began almost too softly, his body pressed to the door as if he feared to move. "Is it okay...can I...if you don't want me to...I can go..."

"No," you interrupted quietly but eagerly, "Wade, please, stay here."

"You sure?" When he saw your lower lip begin to tremble in that telltale way, and when your breaths became uneven and forced, he hurried across the room and to your side, climbing up onto the bed and wrapping his arms tightly around you so that you could finally let go. "Oh, baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered against your hair, feeling his own eyes begin to sting with tears again, "I wish I could make it better. I wish that I knew what to do."

"Tell me..." you mumbled between sobs, "tell me why my husband doesn't want to be here with me. Can you do that?"

"He's having a hard time too, (Y/N), that's all. His head's not right. Do you want me to go look for him?"

"No," you sniffled, pushing back and away from his hold, "Bucky already tried. He said that he couldn't see me, and that he wasn't done telling her goodbye. He's been with her for hours."

"Sam told me that Steve kept talking to himself about not holding her...or something...said that he sounded a little off his rocker, and he's really worried about the guy. But you know what," Wade stopped, pulling you back to him when your eyes filled with anxiety, "let us worry about that. Let us worry about you, too, alright? It might not seem like it right now, but you're gonna be okay. You have this pretty great team of people around you that love you guys, so just let them. If I'm lucky, they might even let me help."

"But I thought that Avengers were yucky," you chided, but there was no trace of humor in your tone.

"That they are, baby, that they are. But some things are worth the trouble of a few extra showers to get the righteousness off of me. That stuff really sticks to my suit, did you know that?"

"You're one of the best people I know, Wilson. Maybe some of that righteousness is your own."

"You're lucky that there's no way to be mad at you right now," he groaned, "because that's disgusting."

He sat quietly with you after that, just enjoying the moment alone but also struggling to think of anything that he could do to help you. Wade knew that it was impossible to make you feel better right now, but when you were able to accept it, and when you could start to see the glimmer of hope on the other side of this all, he vowed to be there to put the smile that he loved back on your face. Deep down, he really did hope that Steve would beat him to it and be the man that he and everyone else looked up to, but right now his confidence in the Captain was wavering, and it scared him almost as much as it did you.

~~~

"Someone tell me this isn't what I think it is."

"Dad...fix it."

"Then you need to stop."

Tony bolted up in his bed, a flood of cold sweat running down his face and a shake in his body so violent that it woke Pepper from her deep sleep at his side. She gently grabbed his arm to bring him back into the moment, but he yanked away from her touch, panting and rocking back and forth when his mind wouldn't release him from the replaying of his own personal hell.

"Tony, wake up," she urged, "you're okay. You're at home. You're having a nightmare."

"I told them to stop," he choked out through a dry mouth, his throat stinging as he sucked in even drier air from the dark room around him, "I told them to let her die."

Pepper held steady, realizing that he wasn't dreaming anymore, and that the fear and pain in him now was what he was truly feeling, and not a cruel joke from his subconscious as it usually was. "Honey, don't blame yourself. There wasn't anything that they could've done. There was nothing that you could've done."

"I could've kept my mouth shut," he snapped, "and I could've let them keep trying. I killed her, Pepper. I killed my sweet little girl, and she trusted me. She trusted me to keep her safe."

"Tony, please, don't do this. Don't do this to yourself."

He pushed against her hand when she tried to reach out to him again, slapping it away with a look of disgust that she would even want to make contact with him after what he had done. He couldn't believe that anyone would want to be close to a monster like him, and all he could do now was to let her see it for herself, as he knew she would anyway. Tony stood and threw a t-shirt over his head, taking no care to realize that it wasn't even his. She watched helplessly as he moved towards the door, not looking back at her before leaving her sight.

"I need a drink. Just go back to sleep."