Derek

Yelling at Stiles was the worst possible way Derek could have responded the day before, and he knew this the second the words came out of his mouth, but he was only human. His sister coming home from college meant he had to explain what had happened because apparently Laura had no idea. This, of course, opened more wounds that Derek didn't want reopened. He was already miserable having to relive what he had done, and when Stiles showed up saying all of those things about not forgiving him, Derek lost it. He didn't mean anything he said. He wasn't done trying. Not by a long shot. He wasn't, however, going to chase Stiles, because he knew him and he knew Stiles wanted to be left alone for a while after a fight. 

"Do you have everything?" Aiden asked, throwing his bag over his shoulder. "Wanna wait a little longer to see if he shows up?" 

Derek sighed, zipping up his backpack. "No, we were supposed to leave an hour ago. He's not coming," he mumbled. He couldn't blame Stiles for not wanting to talk to him, but he still had the slightest bit of hope. "Let's go, before Erica send a search party."

"If you say so," Aiden gave in, following Derek out to the car. They shoved their bags into the trunk and Derek slammed it shut as he heard tires in the drive way. Hopeful, he looked up. He was equally shocked and estatic to see Stiles' familiar blue jeep. "Hey, look who showed," Aiden said with a lopsided grin. "I'm gonna go call Lydia. Give you guys a minute."

"Thanks," Derek answered with a small smile. Aiden nodded once and then disappeared inside the house. Derek shoved his hands in his pockets as Stiles jumped out of the jeep and slowly made his way over to where Derek was standing. "I didn't think you'd come," he admitted, biting the inside of his cheek. He planned what he would say if Stiles did come, but those words were all escaping his head now.

Stiles bit his bottom lip, seeming a little nervous. He didn't hold eye contact very long. "I didn't think I would either, but here I am," he muttered, his voice a little shaky. "I left yesterday with zero intention of every talking to you again. I told myself that if you were done trying, then so was I. Moving on just didn't seem like something I could do, but I was willing to try after last night."

Derek felt his chest tighten at the thought of Stiles moving on. He didn't want this to be the end. "I'm not done," he said, but it came out as no more than a whisper. "Stiles, I didn't mean what I said. I have no good reason why I acted the way I did, but I didn't mean it, okay? Please don't say this is it. . ." 

Stiles stared at his feet as he rolled a rock under his foot. "I think it has to be," Stiles sighed, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes. "I think, if you'd ever been cheated on, you'd understand why I can't be with you anymore. I don't deserve a lot, but I sure as hell deserve more than this. I deserve to feel loved, and with you, I just feel betrayed. I feel like I can't trust you, let alone be in a relationship with you."

Derek knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help but feel angry. He tried to stop himself from showing it, but he couldn't. "I made a mistake, Stiles. I'm not the only one who has ever made a mistake."

"I didn't cheat on you," Stiles said through his teeth, finally making eye contact. If this was going to turn into a fight, Derek wanted to stop talking. He didn't want to leave while they weren't on speaking terms. "Nothing else to say?" Stiles provoked, making Derek's fists clench. "Come on, Derek. We haven't really fought. Not both of us, at least. It's either been me yelling and you apologizing, or you yelling and me crying. So let's fight, get it out of our systems. Tell me what you've wanted to tell me. Defend yourself. I know you want to."

Derek shook his head, sighing at him. "I don't want to fight. I have nothing to defend myself with. What I did was unexcusable," Derek answered, which only seemed to make Stiles' cheeks redder with anger. Derek felt like there was no way for him to win this one. Stiles was going to walk away hating him no matter what. "Damn it, Stiles! I'm trying my best here. I've not once brought up what happened before I left for college. I haven't brought up Danny. I've done nothing but apologize for my ONE mistake and let you continue hating me for it. I don't know what else you expect me to do." 

Stiles laughed coldly, turning away from him. "Yes, there it is. That's what you've been keeping bottled up," he accused, facing Derek again. "Please, enlighten me on how you cheating is my fault?" 

Derek rolled his eyes, trying to find a way to respond without ending his relationship. "I never said it was your fault, Stiles. Stop assuming I think that. I just-- have you ever considered that maybe I never got over what happened? The guy I loved since middle school finally noticed me, but it was all just a joke. Maybe I was insecure, is all." This path was very dangerous, and he desperately wanted to take it back, but now it was too late. 

"So sleeping with Ethan was because I made you feel insecure? My fault? Derek, if you weren't fucking over it, maybe you should have said something. That doesn't give you a fucking excuse. Situations like that, you talk to your signigicant other. You don't go out and fuck the first guy who is willing!" he screamed, his face turning red. He turned to leave when Derek didn't say anything, but Derek grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving. Stiles jerked his arm away, turning to face him again. "Don't fucking touch me. After you just blamed this all on me, you don't get to touch me."

Derek swallowed, his chest tight as he tried to stop himself from crying. He had been fine until this point. "You're right, I'm sorry," he whispered, dropping to his knees. He grabbed Stiles hand and he didn't pull away this time. "It's not your fault, baby. I don't know why I said that. I promised I wouldn't bring it up because that's in the past. We worked through it. It's no excuse. . . I'm so pathetic. I just-- for the life of me, I can't figure out why I did it. Stiles, I've never loved anyone like I love you, and I think that's why I can't figure it out. How could I hurt you? How could I--" he stopped, letting out the sob that was stucking his his throat as he wrapped his arms around Stiles. 

Stiles sighed, but after a while, he ran his fingers through Derek's hair, soothing him. "We should take a break," he said eventually. Derek shook his head furiously, but Stiles knelt down in front of him, grabbing his face to calm him down. He wiped the tears from Derek's cheeks and smiled, small but it was there. "Listen to me," he whispered, still cradeling Derek's face in his hands. "I think we need time apart. I need to sort out my feelings, because if I don't, I'll never be able to forgive you. And you-- Derek, you need to figure things out for yourself. If you love me so much, then why did you cheat? Figure it out, okay? I want to know too."

Derek was quiet for a minute, but he eventually gave in, nodding reluctantly as Stiles continued to wipe his tears away. "Hug?" he requested, to which Stiles hesitated, but gave in and wrapped his arms around Derek's neck. Derek hugged him back eagerly, taking in every bit of it he could, because for a while after this, he wouldn't be able to touch, or even talk to Stiles. 

"I should go," Stiles sighed, pulling away. He stood up and brushed the dirt off his pants before offering Derek a hand to help him up. "I'm glad we got the fighting out of the way. Now we can only move forward," Stiles said, making Derek smile. "I'll see you around, okay?"

Derek nodded, but his heart was aching. "Yeah," he mumbled. Stiles lingered a minute longer, then headed back to his Jeep without another word, or glance back. After a minute of standing there, collecting himself, and wiping his face, he went inside to find Aiden. He was sitting in the kitchen helping Derek's mom make cookies. "Uh, what's going on?"

Aiden grinning, licking the cookie dough off his finger. "Well your mom was in here all by herself, so I offered my company, and then she put me to work." 

Talia smiled fondly as she scooped the cookies onto a baking tray. "You say that like you don't get to lick the bowl," she teased, making Aiden laugh. Derek shook his head and sat down, resting his head on the table. Talia put the cookies in and then sat next to him, rubbing his back to comfort him. "I take it the talk with Stiles didn't go too well?"

Derek shrugged. "You heard us yelling, didn't you?" he accused. She didn't reply, but Derek could see it in her face, she felt sorry for him. "We're taking a break," he confessed. 

"Aw, honey, I'm sorry," she consoled him, running her fingers through his hair. "Does that mean you broke up?" 

Derek shrugged again, not really wanting to talk about it. Stiles hadn't said they were breaking up, but he knew how these things usually went. Stiles would gradually stop thinking about him, and eventually he'd forget about Derek all together. Their relationship would be anicent history. Stiles would move on with someone else, like Danny, or Jackson. 

"It's not permanent," Aiden supplied, since Derek wasn't in the mood for explaining. "Taking a break just means that they both need time to be alone so they can sort things out."

"Something like that," Derek grumbled. "Anyways, Aiden and I should get going."

"If you say so, honey," his mom answered, kissing his head before letting him stand up. "Call me every now and then, alright?" 

"I will, mama," he promised, kissing her cheek. "See you at Christmas. That'll probably be the next time I can afford to come home. I've been falling behind on my studying." His mom gave him a look and Derek smiled guiltily. "Love you!" he tried, which she smiled at. Aiden laughed as he hugged Talia goodbye and then they finally were able to leave. Not that Derek really wanted to leave Beacon hills, especially in this state, but he had no choice. 

+++

"You look rough," Erica said as soon as she walked into Derek's dorm. 

"Yeah, fuck off," he groaned, taking off his shoe to throw in her general direction. She dodged it easily with a laugh that was grating to Derek's ears. "How did you even know I was back?" he complained, throwing himself into his bed where he planned to stay for the next three and a half years of his college experience. 

Erica smiled, crawling into the bed with him. He thought about shoving her on the floor, but decided he'd wait until she said something too annoying to ignore. "Aiden told me. Said you might need a friend. Wanna talk about what happened?"

Derek sighed and turned away from her. "Not particularly. I want to be left alone, really."

Erica was silent for a moment, then she gasped, as if she had come up with a great idea. "Nope, no wallowing for you. Taking time apart isn't a breakup, so you don't get to treat it like it is. Let's go out to eat," she told him, not really giving a choice. "Come, come, before all of the good restaurants close and we end up having to go to that sketchy sushi place."

"Not in the mood to eat," Derek grumbled, shoving his pillow over his face. He was hoping that would do the trick and make her leave, but he wasn't stupid, so he was well aware he'd end up leaving with her anyways.

"Yeah, well too bad. You've got to quit moping all the time. Now put your shoes back on and let's go." She got out of bed and Derek had no choice but to listen, so he put his shoes on while Erica stared him down. "Good, now let's go."

"You're bossy," Derek said, which earned him a glare, but didn't get him out of going out. Erica grabbed his sleeve and dragged him out the door. They walked for a little while, passing up restaurant after restaurant because nothing sounded good to Derek. They finally settled on something, but only because Derek was sick and tired of walking around in the wind. "I'm not hungry," Derek stated, trying to sound convincing. He was hungry, but he didn't feel like eating. 

"Shut up," Erica replied with zero sympathy. "You're eating, even if I have to force it down your throat and give you mouth to mouth when you choke."

Derek laughed for the first time that day. "You're lips are going no where near my lips," he shot back, making Erica grin as they found their seats. 

She quickly put on her fake pouting face, sliding into the booth across from him. "But I wore my pretty lipstick!" she cried. Derek shook his head, but he was smiling. Leave to Erica to get him to smile after a shitty day like this one. "Alright, we're gonna order about a hundred wings and eat every single one of them," Erica declared after about a minute of staring at the menu. 

"Yeah, that's never gonna happen. We're two broke college kids," Derek chuckled, looking at his own menu. "How about we cut it down to fifty and then we can take the ones we don't eat to Boyd?" he countered, looking over his menu to see what Erica thought about his idea. She seemed to think about it for a minute before she caved. "Ooh, spicy garlic?"

"You really are going through a break-up, aren't you?" she teased, which should have made Derek upset, but she knew how to make awful things not so awful, so he laughed just a little bit. "Fine, but I want a lot of ranch and they better keep my drink filled to the brim at all times."

Derek rolled his eyes. "There's no other way," he agreed. 

They were talking when the waitor showed up, so neither of them noticed who it was until he spoke. "Welcome to Buffalo Wild Wings, my name is Aiden and I'll be your server tonight. Can I start you off with any app--" he began, but stopped when he saw who it was. "Derek," he blurted out. 

Derek raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you worked here," he answered, followed by, "and what the hell is wrong with you?"

"I was going to find you tomorrow, but while you're here, I just-- I have a theory," he shared, leaning down to get closer. Derek leaned in, gesturing for him to get on with it. "Well, I talked to this guy who had recently been through a breakup because he cheated on his boyfriend with my brother. He told me that he remembered waking up next to Ethan, but he doesn't remember a lot from the night before. He met Ethan and the bar, went to the bathroom, came back and tried to ignore Ethan, but ended up sleeping with him anyways."

Derek was getting angrier by the second, so he really hoped there was a point to this story. "Aiden, what the fuck are you trying to say?"

Aiden sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Derek. . . I think Ethan has been drugging guy's drinks at the bar."

Derek's head was spinning as he thought about it. Erica and Aiden were trying to talk to him, but he ignored them. Finally, he was able to talk. "There's a chance that he--" Derek couldn't even finish the sentence. It would make sense, if that was the case. Why he did it in the first place. Why the whole night was foggy. But it also could have just been that Derek was a shitty person who cheated on his boyfriend. "What if that's not true? I can't believe that, because if I do, then I'd be letting myself off the hook for what I did."

"Derek," Erica said sternly, making him look at her. "What is more probable? You cheating, or an asshole like Ethan putting something in your drink when you left to go to the bathroom?"

Derek knew she was right, but he still couldn't just forget about the fact that this still might be his fault. "If there's no proof. . ." he stammered, head spinning with this information. 

Aiden touched his arm reassuringly. "Derek, I will find proof, if it's the last thing I do. Ethan is a horrible person and he's not going to continue to get away with this. Don't worry."

Derek nodded, but he felt distant. With this information, how was he supposed to feel? He either cheated on his boyfriend, or somebody drugged and raped him and made him think he cheated on his boyfriend. He couldn't eat, not anymore. He wanted to go home. He wanted to be in his own bed, under the covers, asleep, or crying. He just wanted to leave. "I'm leaving," he said softly, barely above a whisper. He held back the tears as he stood, pushing past Aiden and ignoring Erica as she yelled at him to wait. He wanted to be alone. 

A/N: OMG ANOTHER UPDATE? What has gotten into me? Idk, but I'm loving it. Honestly, have no idea where this book is going so there's no telling when the hell it'll end lmao